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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 5:05:50 PM   
lizi


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I'm sure it's not, Lizi, but I can only speak from my own experience. Flakiness and assorted asshattery are certainly not gender-specific.


Exactly, and my personal experience is limited to the male gender as well. There are people in my past who have dropped out of contact, and one no show that I can think of. I read the journals though and these threads and it seems as though there is plenty of frustration with this type of thing. There is a couple in the poly forum right now with a no show. I just see it around...

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 5:06:22 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		Fast reply.

It always sucks, and it's always wrong. No mature person would tell you to grow up about it. At the same time, it's unfortunately very common for people to be insensitive flakes. We just have to try to let it roll off our backs.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 5:08:41 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Yes, and I do wonder at the source. I don't deal with the young people, it's like like I can say it's entitlement culture. People are less and less "real" to each other when it counts, in REAL LIFE, while ascribing all sorts of fantasies to their internet encounters.

If I were still studying anthropology, it would be a very interesting study.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 5:23:34 PM   
tj444


Posts: 7574
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline 		well,.. I dont look at things that way, in the past i have had that happen and really, i consider myself lucky that he outed himself as that kinda person and so i didnt end up wasting any more time on him.. its better to find that out sooner rather than later, imo..

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 5:38:24 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I checked on fetlife and see there's not an active BDSM community where you are in upstate New York. Is Albany too far for you? I really like the idea of dealing with the no show problem by agreeing to meet at a munch. If he shows, great; if not, you have something fun to do and can network.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 6:09:19 PM   
lizi


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Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I checked on fetlife and see there's not an active BDSM community where you are in upstate New York. Is Albany too far for you? I really like the idea of dealing with the no show problem by agreeing to meet at a munch. If he shows, great; if not, you have something fun to do and can network.


The OP has been to a munch, perhaps she could use that one? I remember the thread she started about getting out to a munch although I don't remember the exact location.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 6:33:42 PM   
ARIES83


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quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
Some have refused to meet because they want to talk and not listen to music. While I understand that, seeing how someone reacts to the music I love is a big part of what I want to know, so even then, I figure it just aint meant to be.


If I did this, I would never have sex...
My music is Tool, Tool, Tool and perfect circle.


-Aries

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 6:37:41 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		(Should I tell Aries that I'm a Tool fan?)

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 6:58:13 PM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		Tool rocks!

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 7:13:03 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Agreed, but damn their tickets are expensive.
I miss the days when I could see em at a shithole bar for 10 bucks. Those were the days.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 8:07:22 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		EEeeerrr...dear, they never had any notion of meeting you at all. It was just part of the charade. Men do this all of the time online, at bdsm and vanilla sites. Some men just like the fantasy of it in their heads but the moment they have to actually get out of the chair and turn off the porn on the computer they're scared shitless. This really doesn't have to do with them cheating...yeah, some will be like that but most will be because you're just their porn machine in their heads.

As for not just telling you it's over, it's just easier to walk on by and never having to see you again. I had a fuckbuddy once who just disappeared off the radar but it really wasn't a big deal at all to me. It's not like we had some kind of intimate relationship. It was just the guy when the bar closed and if one of us had not left with someone else, we would hookup for a night and make sure he's gone by 6am.

I'm the type who would just shrug her head and move on. No big deal at all.

ETA: When I met Master face to face, I agreed to meet him in Baltimore where he lives because at the time I needed a mini vacation so I came down, I wandered around Baltimore checking out the sites and then meeting him at coffee shop in the evening. So basically it was somewhere I wanted to go anyway and I needed just a few days away from work, child, etc....I figured if it didn't work out or he didn't show, it wasn't a big deal. I was exploring the area, love coffee so if he didn't show I was able to sit down and just enjoy a cup, with or without him.

So next time, why not have them meet while you're doing something fun around town. It doesn't have to be a munch or even a bar. It could just be somewhere you like to go or always wanted to go.



< Message edited by littlewonder -- 9/29/2012 8:15:41 PM >

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 8:12:28 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		You're a remarkable person, Littlewonder. And I mean that sincerely.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 8:17:32 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		lol. Thanks. With what I said and looking back at what I wrote, I'm thinking to myself "Yeah, I have been online for WWWWAAAAYYYY too long"

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 10:21:24 PM   
lkb0503


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/28/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone and I am still processing some stuff, I guess the most recent events of no shows and dropped calls brought up memories of the ended D/s 'relationship' I talked about in other posts. I know it being over is better for me. I'm better than I was a week ago, two weks ago. It's not like I still want to be in that 'relationship'. My frustration isn't about not moving on, but trying to understand why anyone in any kind of relationship, even casual can not have enough dignity and respect to tell the other party "it's over, It's not working out".

Killerangel, I'm sorry I know I over reacted to your reply. I appeciate those who reply and how brutally honest the replies are. At this point I realize the best thing I can do is get more involved in the local social events, munches where I live. Thanks everyone.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/29/2012 10:56:00 PM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

asshattery


Goes through his Sesame Street dictionary....


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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/30/2012 12:29:15 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

It seems as though women are also guilty of this, I'm not sure it's a gender thing.


Yeah, that's very true. I've been stood up twice in my life, and both times were women I met (well, you know, online-met) on here or Fet. (And I cammed with one and talked to the other on the phone, so I know they weren't secretly men or anything like that.)

Some people that're new to BDSM, are just kind of.... skittish, I guess. Scared of what they want. So they chicken out.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/30/2012 10:39:52 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		I guess I just don't and can't understand getting that emotionally invested in someone you've never met. I've had my share of no-shows... It's never bothered me when it's happened.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/30/2012 11:36:22 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		yup. Just smile and make the most of your evening or day. Nothing gained, nothing lost. Enjoy your cup of coffee, read a book, sit in the park, etc....ya know, it doesn't have to be a waste of your time. It can be a relaxing day by yourself. Just all depends on how you look at it I guess. There were times I was kinda glad they didn't show up. I was already more than happy spending time alone wrapped up in a good book or in a conversation with some stranger who I just struck up a conversation with at the place.



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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/30/2012 11:39:46 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I have alot of friends on vanilla and kink dating sites who had no shows. I never did, but I had "no follow ups" meaning someone I was talking to and set up a meeting with did not call to follow up (which is what I require or I will not meet you).

I never understand why people waste their own time by not showing up or waste other people's time, but hey, this is the internet world and you have to have no expectations in order to participate.

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RE: No Shows, "dropped calls" - 9/30/2012 11:40:47 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		That's why I have my ten minute rule. If they're late, and havent contacted me, I just go on with my day. Since the meeting place is somewhere I wanted to beanyway, easy peasy!

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