Is it possible to be too submissive? (Full Version)

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Neckbone -> Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 7:04:37 AM)

I'm not really talking about sexual practices because they're usually clearly defined on profiles (hard limits etc) but can a willingness to please a Domme in every other aspect of a relationship be a turn off, even if she believes it to be genuine?



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 7:27:38 AM)

I suppose it depends on the dominant. If they're looking for someone as a bedroom only submissive, and you defer in all things, that's a lack of compatibility and yes, probably a turn off. On the other hand if they are looking for complete submission, then that's perfect.

It also depends what you mean by 'willingness to please'. I would say that following orders and being mindful of her preferences is a good thing, but if you take it to the point that you're not willing to make any independent decisions at all, take any initiative etc... that could be tedious. In reality, micromanagement is a lot of work, so if you need everything to be laid out as instructions, or you refuse to suggest something for dinner because you feel she should pick, that could easily be perceived as lazy or clueless instead of submissive.



CougarRick -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 7:29:24 AM)

I've wondered this myself. I like the idea of serving all of a doms needs, but wondered if there was a point where that might get annoying in that I'm always underfoot. I'm guessing that like every other question asked here, there will be a range of answers.



LittleMsMary -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 7:41:04 AM)

Everyone is different of course, but to me, yes, it's possible.

Here's the thing, I'm not interested in owning another doormat. If someone has zero interests, passions, or opinions of their own I'm going to get very bored with them very quickly. Regardless of role kink wise, they are still a person and I need to be able to relate to them as such. That of course doesn't mean there wouldn't be a clear and defined power structure as far as decision making goes, but I still want them to be engaged in the process. Otherwise it starts to feel like you're just being lazy and wanting a free ride.

In short, as cool as robots are I don't want to date, or dominate, one.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 7:48:17 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

I've wondered this myself. I like the idea of serving all of a doms needs, but wondered if there was a point where that might get annoying in that I'm always underfoot. I'm guessing that like every other question asked here, there will be a range of answers.


OK I consider myself full-time submissive to my husband, and I definitely serve all of his needs. But I don't get 'underfoot'.

In reality, when you know each other well and have clear expectations, things tick over very smoothly with little input.

I get up and go to bed on his schedule. I run all his errands, do all his shopping, clean the house, cook meals every day with his tastes in mind. I see to his laundry, fetch him drinks etc. I keep to a diet and exercise regime. I balance the finances. And I can't remember the last time he had to give me a direct order outside of play. Because I know what's expected, I know his preferences, and I make it happen. I would venture that most people doing this 24/7 are somewhat similar.

I do ask permission for certain things, like buying things for myself, but for the most part dom/sub is just the way we are. It's not a burden for either of us. I make his life easier. If need be, I make decisions independently, but that doesn't mean I'm not submitting - I'm acting in accordance with his rules and wishes. It's not a case of following him round like a puppy and waiting by his feet for him to say 'start the laundry, refresh my drink, go for a walk, scrub the toilet, take a shower, brush your teeth, get ready for bed'



crazyml -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 8:22:53 AM)

Can we workshop this together?

Can you remember a time in your life when someone's willingness to help annoyed you?

Can you imagine a situation where a domme might find an excess of "willingness to please" a little bit irritating?

Now... if you're really interested in pleasing, what do you think you need to do in order to avoid irritating a domme?

Work with me...



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 8:32:26 AM)

~adores our Crazy~

There are so many cart-before-the-horse questions on the boards these days! Why all the overthinking? I presume that you (generic you) are looking for ONE woman to focus on. So, when you find someone, do what she tells you. That's pretty much what submission is all about, really. Obeying. If you've annoyed her, I am reasonably certain that she will let you know.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 8:42:13 AM)

I agree with 'do as she tells you' but I can sympathise with the overthinking. When you want something very much and you're waiting for it to happen, I can understand spending lots of time thinking about the what-ifs and turning the details over in your mind.

Better thinking about things like this in advance, than imagining a full-time porno movie and being surprised when other issues come up



LaTigresse -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 8:45:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarRick

I've wondered this myself. I like the idea of serving all of a doms needs, but wondered if there was a point where that might get annoying in that I'm always underfoot. I'm guessing that like every other question asked here, there will be a range of answers.



If a slave is serving all of my needs they sure as hell will not be 'always underfoot'.

As for the OP, of course it is possible for a random person to be 'too submissive'. If they are running hither and thither, submitting to everyone and everything, I would say they are 'too submissive'.

It is NOT possible for MY slave to be too submissive to ME. It is possible for them to not be submissive enough. In that case they would not remain my slave. In addition, if they are MY slave, they will not be submitting to others. To do so would again, make them, not my slave.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 8:49:40 AM)

Maybe it's a young person's thing, Athena. I certainly don't see people my age fretting over being good enough! Even when they should! [;)]



CougarRick -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 9:00:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
If a slave is serving all of my needs they sure as hell will not be 'always underfoot'.
It is NOT possible for MY slave to be too submissive to ME. It is possible for them to not be submissive enough. In that case they would not remain my slave. In addition, if they are MY slave, they will not be submitting to others. To do so would again, make them, not my slave.



Fair point. As a complete newbie, I can understand the OP's question though. Until I find myself in such a relationship, I won't know the boundaries and limits. Lack of experience does create self doubt.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 9:09:38 AM)

I hope I'm not coming off as judgmental of those who have doubts and questions... I am not saying that you're wrong to have them, just that you're misplacing your energy, and building needless anxiety.

But yanno...I'm one of those domly dom types. I have my moments of self-doubt (shoot, I have had entire years of self-doubt!) but I am used to jumping into the deep end and swimming. Or at least treading water really, really well.

Keep in mind that you are talking about a relationship with another person. That's a thing that the two of you create. Looking back, none of my relationships have looked alike. If I ever have another one, it's not going to look like any of the others, either. There will be the same underpinnings (Coffee with cream, dark chocolate, just fucking do what I tell you) but the whole picture is going to be new.

So, relax, people! We are here to have fun!



Alecta -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 10:58:33 AM)

Depends on what you mean by "submissive". Being unable to do ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING (eat, sleep, breath, write a letter) without explicit instructions is a pain in the ass and not submissive so much as stupid.

Sure, there are Dom/mes who enjoy that kind of thing, but I don't. I have never tolerated fools well, for one. For the other, I find that to be extremely lazy and irresponsible, and disrespectful, ilke you don't care at all about the job or the person asking you to do it. And if you don't care about it, why should I care about you?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 11:02:57 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

Depends on what you mean by "submissive". Being unable to do ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING (eat, sleep, breath, write a letter) without explicit instructions is a pain in the ass and not submissive so much as stupid.

Sure, there are Dom/mes who enjoy that kind of thing, but I don't. I have never tolerated fools well, for one. For the other, I find that to be extremely lazy and irresponsible, and disrespectful, ilke you don't care at all about the job or the person asking you to do it. And if you don't care about it, why should I care about you?



I don't see that sort of thing as "submissive" at all, I see it as non-functioning.



Neckbone -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 11:12:18 AM)

crazyml, You've missed the point, please re-read the question. Should you decide to comment further, please try to avoid being patronising.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 11:13:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Neckbone

crazyml, You've missed the point, please re-read the question. Should you decide to comment further, please try to avoid being patronising.



OH my goodness!! Thank you for inspiring a very stupid grin! Smiling releases endorphins yanno!



CougarRick -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 11:18:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Maybe it's a young person's thing, Athena. I certainly don't see people my age fretting over being good enough! Even when they should! [;)]



Well, it's just that we know that an older person has more experience and is probably used to being with people who have more experience. I know if I end up with an older dom, I will be nervous at first. I imagine that with experience (and hopefully some degree of patience on her part) I would get a feel for boundaries and requirements, but I can't see myself not feeling some nervousness.



CougarRick -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 11:21:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
I hope I'm not coming off as judgmental of those who have doubts and questions... I am not saying that you're wrong to have them, just that you're misplacing your energy, and building needless anxiety.
But yanno...I'm one of those domly dom types. I have my moments of self-doubt (shoot, I have had entire years of self-doubt!) but I am used to jumping into the deep end and swimming. Or at least treading water really, really well.
Keep in mind that you are talking about a relationship with another person. That's a thing that the two of you create. Looking back, none of my relationships have looked alike. If I ever have another one, it's not going to look like any of the others, either. There will be the same underpinnings (Coffee with cream, dark chocolate, just fucking do what I tell you) but the whole picture is going to be new.
So, relax, people! We are here to have fun!



As usual, I'm over analyzing things and you just drop in a refreshing bit of perspective.



CougarRick -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 11:25:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta
Depends on what you mean by "submissive". Being unable to do ANYTHING, and I mean ANYTHING (eat, sleep, breath, write a letter) without explicit instructions is a pain in the ass and not submissive so much as stupid.
Sure, there are Dom/mes who enjoy that kind of thing, but I don't. I have never tolerated fools well, for one. For the other, I find that to be extremely lazy and irresponsible, and disrespectful, ilke you don't care at all about the job or the person asking you to do it. And if you don't care about it, why should I care about you?



I think at first though, someone might be like that just out of nervousness. I imagine that anyone capable of learning can pick things up reasonably quick. It would depend then on the doms level of patience. In general some people are OK with mistakes if they see the person is putting in an effort and not making the same mistake twice, yet some people have a shorter fuze. As a newbie I would obviously be better of with the former.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is it possible to be too submissive? (10/2/2012 11:37:31 AM)

Age brings perspective, if nothing else! Or at least, it should. [;)]

I am a very introspective person, and as an insomniac, have lots of time to think. I have been trying really hard to remember what it was like for me, a solitary woman, to venture into the scene. When we had to write to each other from magazine ads, and talk on the phone. When having an EMAIL ADDRESS was a novelty. Before you were born and stuff.

Was I nervous? Not nearly as much as I should have been. But fearlessness has always been a hallmark of mine, or at least running full tilt into the face of fear. That's my personality, and to a degree my upbringing. Mostly I have just DONE stuff. Offered opinions, asked for or not. Gotten the job done. Somehow, I have this reputation of being trustworthy and things like that. Slander campaigns run right off me. (And you know you've arrived when you're important enough for a slander campaign [:D]) Honestly, TOTAL STRANGERS trust me. o.O

None of that means that I have all the answers, or any answers. I'm old, I'm smart, and I've done a lot of things getting here. You don't have to believe me, or agree with me, I'm just trying to make the path a little easier.

Hope this helps. [;)]



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