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First Contact - 10/2/2012 6:40:38 PM

msub1000

Posts: 38
Joined: 10/18/2007
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I find it funny when a dom is expecting the sub to approach her, doesnt that defeat the point of a sub? a dom should know what she's looking for, would want to go out there and get what she's looking for.

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 6:48:13 PM

LadyPact

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Faint heart never won fair lady.

I can promise you that Dominant women are more than occupied enough. I don't have to search for what I want. I'm damn near assured that someone who puts themselves out there will suit My purpose. Same thing with being a top. I don't hunt for play partners. They come to Me.

I don't have to "go out there and get it". For what it's worth, "it" shows up for Me just fine.

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:01:01 PM

msub1000

Posts: 38
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Fair enough, I understand that the scales are tipped in the dom's favor, But i feel like a sub by nature is shy and would have a hard time reaching out, other than the people who are just basically asking for kinky sex. why would you want to get with someone that is already laying down their expectations when your the one that wants to lay down the law. it seems like it defeats the purpose.

Its like a very hot girl and all these guys are just drooling over her, even tho alot of them are going to make sexual and crazy advances towards her she's the one that will eventually make her pick towards which attribute suit her best. but if she's just going to accept those perverts that make themselves available to her , she'll probably end up with the wrong guy

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:06:38 PM

Alecta

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Ah, but actually what the hot girl is going to do is to pick the one sensible guy who's talking to her in that throng and NOT making sexual and crazy advances rather than the shy seemingly disinterested guy sitting by himself in the corner.

As for wanting the sub to talk to the Dom, the thing is, Dom/me are confident and we know that if we can't find a sub who likes what we offer, there is always the option of getting a guy we really like and turning him sub :p We have a lot more options before looking at the unremarkable quiet guy in the corner who can't even look us in the eye.

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:08:14 PM

Killerangel

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Don't both partners know what they want? I don't understand the wisdom of anyone sitting back and waiting for fulfillment to drop into their laps. Seems like a cop out to me for anyone in any orientation to not actively pursue their desires.

I'll give you a reason why submissive men should pursue Dominant women though...if they don't they'll be waiting a heck of a long time to have any lifestyle Dominant women pay attention to them. There are very few Dominant women and lots of submissive men. Good reason for the guys to be proactive. Doesn't really matter what your principals are if they don't get you anywhere...

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:10:36 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I am a very aggressive pursuer. If the object of my interest is diffident, I move on.

It takes a great deal to interest me, most "submissive" males don't have those qualities, or at least hide them very well indeed.

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:17:21 PM

msub1000

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But even the princess had to eat a poison apple to get her prince charming to the rescue, my point is had the action hadn't been made on the girls behalf she would have never met mr. perfect. who would have never came to her rescue otherwise.

people who have expectations of the relationship should find the person that suits those criteria best, otherwise there's going to be a serious mismatch or interests and just cause failure and frustration (she wanted to meet mr. perfect hero so she "ate" a poison apple for him to come to her rescue.....if that makes sense, i can visualize it in my head....O.o)

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:33:37 PM

Killerangel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: msub1000

But even the princess had to eat a poison apple to get her prince charming to the rescue, my point is had the action hadn't been made on the girls behalf she would have never met mr. perfect. who would have never came to her rescue otherwise.

people who have expectations of the relationship should find the person that suits those criteria best, otherwise there's going to be a serious mismatch or interests and just cause failure and frustration (she wanted to meet mr. perfect hero so she "ate" a poison apple for him to come to her rescue.....if that makes sense, i can visualize it in my head....O.o)

The basics of two people meeting are either serendipitous or one of them is making an effort. You have to come to the other person's attention somehow. Now you can sit there in a corner unnoticed being shy, or you can raise your hand and introduce yourself. Which will work better?

You seem to keep protesting on small details. The truth is lifestyle Dominant women get hundreds of offers by mail or otherwise, by men and women weekly. It sounds like you shouldn't even try, and if you don't, do you have a chance in hell? I'd say not. Now you can spin that any way you like, but it looks pretty dismal. Dommes don't have to search, they get so much dropped into their lap. It's a fact that isn't going to change, and this fact is not working in favor for you to be a wallflower.

You can tell yourself fairytales about Prince Charming and argue points, or try to find what you seek in an active manner. Just my opinion and all that. You've been on here since 2007, how's waiting around for someone to notice you worked out? Has it been successful?

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:36:13 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Fairytales. Not real life, honest.

Speaking as a wallflower, you have to step up on your own behalf. Doms like proactive men, generally.

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:36:34 PM

msub1000

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Joined: 10/18/2007
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Fine, might be the wrong forum for Cute references to princesses and mr. charming, Point being, im very confused about how to approach someone, 90% of my attempts have left me feeling like such a loser, other than the fact that most of the profiles here are Prodommes, no offence but i dont believe thats the path of a relationship.

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:40:13 PM

msub1000

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I was pretty shocked to see that my profile was created since 2007, since this was my first post at the forums, it was the first time i noticed it. made me think about how long have i been interested and how long it took me to speak out..

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:40:49 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Oh, dear. How many threads on this topic have there been? Have you read the FAQ, that has some good links in it?

It's my opinion that the profile side of this place is a waste of time, but that's a reflection of geography and personal goals, perhaps.

How do you meet anyone? Go where they are. Join a vanilla site and drop the right search words. Go to a kink event. Join fetlife and post on your local area's groups.

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:47:06 PM

msub1000

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its so much deeper than that, Since 2007 iv had multiple Vanilla relationships, and tbh i still find alot of these 'turn ons' way outside my comfort zone, so not only is it difficult to meet people, but to understand yourself, and how it reflects on your life

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:53:47 PM

Killerangel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: msub1000

Fine, might be the wrong forum for Cute references to princesses and mr. charming, Point being, im very confused about how to approach someone, 90% of my attempts have left me feeling like such a loser, other than the fact that most of the profiles here are Prodommes, no offence but i dont believe thats the path of a relationship.

Well, ok. That's easier to work with than trying to convince the world at large that things should go the way you want them to because that's what you think.

You're in a tough position. It's got to be frustrating to be in the minority. Unfortunately it's one of those things that doesn't give you points for putting in a good effort. You have to try all over again with every new person and it'll never change. Accept the fact that you're going to have to work at this with a lot of good natured persistence. Man up to the task. Try not to take things personally or you should just hang it up now. Your experience is typical for men here, you aren't a loser at all.

Women like to be treated as women. They like funny, personable guys. They probably don't want to talk about anything intimate at first. Don't be like the last 50 guys who addressed them as Mistress and told them all about what they want to have done to them before then asking them private questions. Understand that you'll be ignored and maybe even shot down. A lot. It's just the way it is. No one says you have to accept a prodomme, only write the lifestyle ones if you like.

Try reading this. http://www.collarchat.com/m_1717756/mpage_1/tm.htm

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 7:54:24 PM

LadyHibiscus

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"Turn ons"...which are? Because kinky sex is an incredibly cheap commodity.

As to my life, I'm a professional woman with a business and aging parents, and I do not wave the flag of perversity everywhere I go. I am the same bitter harridan everywhere, but I don't think anyone suspects that my toybag weighs as much as a six year old child.

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 8:20:29 PM

Alecta

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Whereas I get a lot of those guys we used to hear about on the forums wondering if "the woman I met in the street today is sub" despite being a bitter harridan.

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 8:21:52 PM

LadyHibiscus

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Yes, those people who want everyone to be secretly kinky are a joy.

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 8:38:49 PM

Titaniya

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I think people should make an effort toward people they like/see potential with. I don't think it should be up to one side or the other based on gender or kink orientation.

That said, I'm extremely unlikely to contact submissive guys for a number of reasons (I'm not actively seeking relationships/I'm more into girls/I get enough attention from them as is/many don't meet my criteria), so if they want to be a part of my life, they're better off contacting me first.

Besides, I don't necessarily want my submissives to have passive personalities. Being submissive doesn't necessarily mean a person lacks confidence or is shy.

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 8:40:12 PM

Alecta

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I don't mind those who want everyone to be kinky... it's assuming their orientation from what they're doing in vanilla context that bothers me.
I'm smiling and helpful and kindly because it's my JOB not because it makes me HAPPY.

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RE: First Contact - 10/2/2012 8:43:03 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I'm just smiling and kind and helpful, I guess.

I used to think I was bad with the shy, but actually I'm brilliant.with the shy, it's the *passive* that make me cranky.

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