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Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 1:42:14 AM   
footfetishloser


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		Hi all, I'll keep this short. I've been married for a while now, and whilst I've always been into "foot fetish humiliation" well it's not somthing I've been able to tell my wife about. She knows I like women's feet and shoes, and doesn't mind, but she is still very submissive about it (Do you like this, is that nice... etc). What I'm wondering is how do I try and get her to become more domineering with it. I'm notlooking for a 24/7 thing, but it woud be nice to live out my (non-cuckold!) humiliatrix type fantasies with her, without the risk of her telling the world should we ever split. Complex situation, but surely there are loads of guys who've been in the same position, maybe even women who once were as"nieve" (for lack of a better word) about their partners fantasies. To be honest I've always seen it as something that wouldn't even work with a partner (hence being on this site) but, well I'm starting to warm to the idea. Help anyone?
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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 1:53:45 AM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline 		No idea, but I like your profile pic.

Why not just tell her?

Pam

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 1:57:37 AM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		Lead her to take control of the "sessions" by asking HER "do you like this, is this nice" etc before she asks you. Put your focus on her wants and her feelings when you're worshipping her feet. First teach her to develop wants in regard to the worship then encourage her to direct you and put her wants in there. At the moment it sounds like she's only doing it for your sake and doesn't really know how SHE feels about having her feet worshipped and doesn't realise that it can be about her liking it and not you.

It's not easy to explain wanting to be humiliated to a vanilla partner. Could you lead her to do those things without having to label it as humiliation? Usually it's the word itself that puts people off. Not knowing what you would find humiliating makes it difficult to make specific suggestions.

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 2:00:48 AM   
footfetishloser


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		Hey there thanks :) it is a very niceduck isn't it lol :)
To answer why not; There's the obvious risk of her being freaked out by some of the stuff I'm into, athough I say shes submissive, vanilla is probably a better word. Then like I say, should the worst ever happen we were to split then theres the added risk of her exposing myfantasies to my friends and family.
And as an aside, a lot of my fantasies involve being used as entertainment for more than one woman, how could anyone convice their wife that sharing is a good idea lol!?

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 2:06:27 AM   
Ninebelowzero


Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline 		Why didn't you tell your wife prior to marriage, seems a bit late in the game to me.

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 3:53:42 AM   
footfetishloser


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		Got married very young... thanks for the advice Alecta, any more along those lines would be appreciated.

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 4:30:47 AM   
Ninebelowzero


Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline 		Good luck hope it pans out for you.

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 5:02:42 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The fact that she's feeling her way into service topping you doesn't make her submissive.
Stop thinking that.

If you want her to be more dominant, then ask her to make more decisions. And don't whine about it if she tells you to do the dishes instead.

But it sounds like you want her to be your prodomme, fulfilling all your sexual fantasies while she gets nothing out of it, not even the money a professional would earn. What's in this for her?

I don't mean this to be accusatory or harsh, but blunt. Because this is what you're doing. It's natural to get caught up in wanting to try everything you've dreamed of and be selfish about it, but it isn't the right thing to do. Try reading up on sub frenzy.

Explain the positive things about humiliation to her if you want her to understand it. That being humiliated by your partner, and still loved, makes you much stronger in the outside world. Explain what is safe and what will cause harm.

Explain to her about dominance and submission, and let her decide what she feels okay doing and what she doesn't. Because tops are allowed hard limits too. And if humiliation is hers, accept that.

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 5:07:07 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Why don't you trust her? It seems odd to be so worried that she may theoretically leave you and tell people.

For me, marriage is about love and caring for each other. Part of that for me is trusting each other with our fantasies and trying things for each other. Explain what you want, be willing to return the favour with her fantasies. Take a risk and trust each other. If she tries it, ask what she likes, let her try things (don't dictate how it's 'supposed' to go) so she can find something she enjoys, and don't expect it all (or even most) of the time you have sex.

Now she may never get off on being dominant, but if what you're seeking is the occasional hour or two of her demanding you rub her feet and kiss them, that seems like something she might be able to accommodate if you're reasonable about it.

Also read this, from one of our long time members, there is some seriously good advice here:
http://www.akashaweb.com/updates/GoodGirlsFreePreview.html

And honestly, would it be the end of the world if people heard you were into feet? I couldn't care less if my friends or family members are into feet.

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Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 6:35:38 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		FR~

Just worship her feet and playfully ask her later for more assertive foot stompings. Being afraid of your wife knowing your sexual wants is about the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. If she's going to divorce you it will be over something more serious than the fact you like to wank with her feet. She is your WIFE, what did you do get married blind folded and without trust? If she loves you which I am betting she does if she's stayed married to you, she is the first and best person to talk to about your desires. Not some strangers on the internet.

.. and if you two divorce the worst thing she can say is 'he abused me' not 'he likes feet'. Perspective check.

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 6:42:27 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Also, if she is the type of malicious person who will spread rumours if you break up, what's to stop her making up ever weirder fetishes? May as well take the risk and get your jollies, right?

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Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 6:54:06 AM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		A STRONG vote for not telling her.

If you feel that telling her would lead to the kind of grief you describe, I trust your instinct.

I have a partner of great integrity. She would never seek to hurt me, and most certainly not by revealing a confidence.

Get your head out of your fetish and address this very large character issue.

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 9:04:10 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Yeah, what Salinedion said. Is it that you mistrust your wife, know her too well, or don't know her at all, that you would immediately think she would divorce you--ENTIRELY OVERTURN YOUR LIVES-- over some bedroom fun? Let alone carry on a smear campaign?

NOT EVERYONE IS KINKY. That means that they are not submissive, not dominant, NOT KINKY. Trying to "make" them that way is teaching a pig to sing. That's not to say that non-kinky people can't do kinky things from time to time, and even enjoy them. You cannot "learn" to be dominant unless you already have that in you. Humiliation play? A whole other world.

Your wife might want to entertain your fantasy sometimes, and good for her, but doing things that will make HER uncomfortable? Just don't. You married who you married.

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 9:34:28 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		LoL.

My ex husband loved feet!
WHat?
Oh yes he loved feet.

THROW HIM IN THE BRINK, that is horrible.

Thats all I got.

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 9:42:41 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I also find it strange that the OP married someone he is afraid of confiding his fantasies to. I hear this alot, that people have been married for 20 years and finally divorced because they were scared to share.

I shake my head because if you are going to marry someone, they should know what your proclivities are.

As far as the wife freaking out over the fantasies, just ask her, don't assume. As LadyHib said, you cannot make someone kinky, you cannot make them be into your fantasy, unless they want to.

Understand, that sometimes fantasies do not have to be lived out exactly as fantasized, why can't you just have her wear really hot shoes while you have sex and what goes on in your head, does not have to be communicated as a blow by blow script.

I mean, really, you should know some of the fantasies I have had while having sex with vanilla types; they had no clue what was going on and that was fine for me. I still enjoyed my fantasy without involving them. But again, I was not married to them.

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 9:44:24 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		It's very true that no one knows what goes on in our minds. Who knows if some past lover wasn't thinking of Sigourney Weaver!

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 9:45:54 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I don't know.......there are a lot of things Generic Dude and I don't share and we've been married 22 years. I predict we will remain married until one of us dies.

I think it all depends upon the people involved. Not everyone WANTS to know everything. I've actually known quite a few longterm married people that don't share every little thing.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 9:57:53 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I don't know.......there are a lot of things Generic Dude and I don't share and we've been married 22 years. I predict we will remain married until one of us dies.

I think it all depends upon the people involved. Not everyone WANTS to know everything. I've actually known quite a few longterm married people that don't share every little thing.



I can't fathom sharing every little thing either, LaT. But do you feel that there is some deep dark secret that you CAN'T share with him? I am a deeply private person, there are things my nearest and dearest don't know, but if I had to tell them, or wanted to, I could. Faith in the relationship and all.



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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 10:01:01 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I cannot think of anything I absolutely couldn't tell him. He might end up red faced, and bellowing loud enough to scare the neighbours. Hell, he might even run away, screaming in fear, revulsion or some other rather unpleasant-ish thing, but he'd likely return.....more white faced, and want to have a chat about it.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 10/3/2012 10:05:38 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I cannot think of anything I absolutely couldn't tell him. He might end up red faced, and bellowing loud enough to scare the neighbours. Hell, he might even run away, screaming in fear, revulsion or some other rather unpleasant-ish thing, but he'd likely return.....more white faced, and want to have a chat about it.



There, see! He wouldn't be telling everyone at the Farm & Fleet what a crazyass his wife is, would he?

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