LadyPact
Posts: 32566
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There's something kind of odd here. OP, is part of your humiliation kink having nice little thoughts of being humiliated to others? A few little thoughts of the fun of blackmail, maybe? Because, frankly, that's the only way I can imagine someone not trusting their spouse to that degree. Is there a divorce looming or some other reason that the person that YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH has lost their mind? Many people do during divorce, but that's different than the person you live with and love.
I'm really not trying to be harsh on you, but I really don't know why people do this. It seems to Me if a person is kinky, they need to know themselves well enough to know whether they can deal without having kink in their life when they marry a vanilla person. Now, because you misjudged the difference between need and want, you want to change your wife into somebody she isn't. It's classic bait and switch.
Then, on top of that, because she's not changing herself adequately to the degree to play this role that you want her to pretend to be, it's still not good enough. You want your fantasy, rather than the personality she has.
Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. Pretend you are the one who is being required to change. She doesn't want somebody who likes all of these kinks. She wants to be married to a vanilla guy who gives her the kind of sex that SHE wants in the bedroom and wants you to pretend that's who you are. Since it's now her who is selfish enough to want to change you, how do you think you feel when your attempts aren't good enough? No wonder she's second guessing herself and asking you during the kink scenes.
If you want her to get better at it, you have to be heavy on the positive reinforcement. When she's asking if what she is doing is ok, you tell her how overwhelmed you are with what a great job she is doing. (Let's not forget, she's doing it for YOU in the first place.) You tell her the same when you are NOT in your bedroom. On Wednesday, you tell her how hot last Saturday was and you THANK HER for doing it when it's not her thing and tell her how good she is at it. You build her confidence about it and the more you do that, the more she's going to be able to HAVE confidence.
In the meantime, you be grateful that you have a wife who is at least willing to give this stuff a shot. She's doing it to the best of her ability....... For you. That part should matter.
_____________________________
The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT
Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD
Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.
Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread
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RE: Telling a partner about humiliation - 
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