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RE: Cyber Doms - 10/20/2012 5:51:43 PM

RemoteUser

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You've made some emotionally charged comments in several directions about this fella. It's good to express your feelings but after you've vented them, where are they at? If you're going to meet R/T, you owe it to yourself to figure that out, and if he gets you he'll appreciate it.

Cheers.

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Post #: 21

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/20/2012 6:02:39 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
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LadyBlaze, you think he doesn't know how to videotape webcam and post on the net, but how do you know? The thing is you don't know.

NBMG

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Post #: 22

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/20/2012 6:08:36 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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Agreed. If you are stupid enough to believe that a photo or film out of your control is safe, then you will probably be a very sad woman some day.

as for cyber - for me its the difference between a picture of a penis and my imagination -and a real one in my pussy.
or watching a video of someone being caned, or being caned myself.

...... absolutely no contest.

(in reply to NiceButMeanGirl)

Post #: 23

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/20/2012 6:34:22 PM

ivone1

Posts: 111
Joined: 7/20/2004
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sorry to be a piss at.... or a devils advocate BUT ... your actually upset over something someone said online... wtf ... your not a young child that does not know the difference that what someone says in person is not the same as
they say online...

only they can be anyone... shit you could have been talking to a woman all this time... these supposed pictures he sent of himself could have come off another profile or anywhere on the net....

yeah i also met my Master online in 2000 and married in 2004 and still together... but as far as cybering its just an adult game.. there isnt no Master and slave relationship going on... its a game of Master and slave.... something you enjoyed playing online... just like dungeons and dragons.... a game...

why not join a local munch group and meet real people into whatever your into....

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 24

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/20/2012 6:37:41 PM

JanahX

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Joined: 8/21/2010
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Wow - youre almost 60 - and youre figuring out something my 20 year old daughter figured out like 2 years ago? What turnip truck did you just fall off of?

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Post #: 25

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/20/2012 6:46:18 PM

LadyBlaze433

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/23/2011
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Are you all a bunch of sharks or what? You smell blood in the water? *shrugs"

And a lot of you met your Masters online too. I smell blood AND hypocrisy.

I have close friends in my local bdsm community and attend munches.

Put on your reading glasses. I chat with him face to face on webcam now. And if he doesn't show his flight confirmation real soon, he's history. But if you want to keep attacking me, please yourselves.

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 26

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/20/2012 6:48:01 PM

JanahX

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Sorry - didnt realize how OLD this thread was. Have fun.

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Post #: 27

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/20/2012 6:49:24 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ivone1

sorry to be a piss at.... or a devils advocate BUT ... your actually upset over something someone said online... wtf ... your not a young child that does not know the difference that what someone says in person is not the same as
they say online...

only they can be anyone... shit you could have been talking to a woman all this time... here on the net[/color]....

yeah i also met my Master online in 2000 and married in 2004 and still together... but as far as cybering its just an adult game.. there isnt no Master and slave relationship going on... its a game of Master and slave.... something you enjoyed playing online... just like dungeons and dragons.... a game...

why not join a local munch group and meet real people into whatever your into....

She said they chat live every day. That's not something that can be faked...?

OP, he lied to you once, he may perhaps know more about computers than you think- just a thought. Bailing on you rather than owning up is troublesome, I'm not sure he wouldn't do it again. I'm curious though about the fact that he said he'd consider moving to your area but he's got kids? What is he going to do with them?

It sounds rather like he's promising things to keep you around. If you're fine with it then great. You seem to veer back and forth about being all in or on your way out. Just seems like there is a lot of drama whirling around things here at every single point, and not a lot of sensible thinking- just my impression from reading your posts. You claim to know a lot of things that he thinks, I'm not saying it's not true, but you could be perhaps invested in wanting to see things from your own perspective rather than the way they really are. I've known people like this and they will defend to the death their view of things, even if it's not the way it really is. Good luck with things.

(in reply to ivone1)

Post #: 28

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/20/2012 6:57:44 PM

Bimbofied

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/2/2012
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I am sorry you feel attacked but they are just giving you some sincere advice. I might be young but I have learned from the mistake of others who have experienced it and if you seek a real time relationship its best you quit the cyber D/s.

And oh, your dom knows how to record a webcam feed, even my 2 year old niece knows how to. If you think he is not recording you then wow you must be in denial. I just hope he keeps it for his personal use and dont upload it on the internet.

I have had a lot of Doms try to get me to do "tasks" on cam and I said NO, they get mad and stop contacting me but hey, its good ridiance to bad rubbish right? You seem like a nice lady just take their advice...

(in reply to LadyBlaze433)

Post #: 29

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/20/2012 7:12:33 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I was wondering the same thing about the kids. I mean, when I met Master in real life he knew I wouldn't move until my daughter graduated high school and went off to college.

He waited 5 years for me, with us traveling back and forth to see each other.

I think you have a ton of questions to ask him before you get any deeper into him.

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Post #: 30

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/21/2012 6:30:59 PM

LadyBlaze433

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Joined: 6/23/2011
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I'm not averse to getting sincere feedback but I'd appreciate some compassion and empathy - I don't respond well to rudeness.

To respond to some of the questions, his kids are 15 and 18 and their mother would move back into the family home to look after them. I was surprised to hear that too, but he says he's given them his time and attention for all these years, they are mature and quite independent, and it's his turn now to be happy and fulfilled.

I realize that there are still many questions to be answered, and I am asking them.

It may seem like I'm all over the map, but even though I care for him and I'm letting the feelings develop, I still am resolved that if he doesn't make a firm date very soon to come here in December, I'll have to make the conclusion that once again he's stringing me along. I want to believe that he's sincere, but at the same time I have to accept that possibility that he's not. I hope that makes sense.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 31

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/21/2012 7:28:01 PM

kalikshama

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Joined: 8/8/2010
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quote:

To respond to some of the questions, his kids are 15 and 18 and their mother would move back into the family home to look after them. I was surprised to hear that too, but he says he's given them his time and attention for all these years, they are mature and quite independent, and it's his turn now to be happy and fulfilled.

My gf abandoned her kids for a man and now the oldest is in jail for seven years.

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Post #: 32

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/21/2012 9:12:19 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBlaze433

To respond to some of the questions, his kids are 15 and 18 and their mother would move back into the family home to look after them. I was surprised to hear that too, but he says he's given them his time and attention for all these years, they are mature and quite independent, and it's his turn now to be happy and fulfilled.

Wow...that seems incredibly irresponsible and cruel to me. I can understand the 18 year old since he/she is an adult but the 15 year old? How can a parent just pick up and leave and not have a single bad feeling about it? If I had to do that for whatever reason, I would have been in tears and I would have felt guilty for the rest of my entire life. I just really don't get this at all, not one tiny bit.

My daughter moved out when she was 18 but it was because she wanted to, not that I forced her out. I would have never ever just picked up and left and said....you're on your own bud. That's incredibly selfish for a parent imo.

If a guy told me that, I would immediately tell him I'm no longer interested in him. I would think he was cold-hearted and had no love for his kids and if he felt that way towards his kids, how long till he would feel that way about me?

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Post #: 33

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/22/2012 4:35:30 AM

kalikshama

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RE: Cyber Doms - 10/22/2012 5:11:46 AM

PunisherNOLA

Posts: 50
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBlaze433

I'm not averse to getting sincere feedback but I'd appreciate some compassion and empathy - I don't respond well to rudeness.

To respond to some of the questions, his kids are 15 and 18 and their mother would move back into the family home to look after them. I was surprised to hear that too, but he says he's given them his time and attention for all these years, they are mature and quite independent, and it's his turn now to be happy and fulfilled.

I realize that there are still many questions to be answered, and I am asking them.

It may seem like I'm all over the map, but even though I care for him and I'm letting the feelings develop, I still am resolved that if he doesn't make a firm date very soon to come here in December, I'll have to make the conclusion that once again he's stringing me along. I want to believe that he's sincere, but at the same time I have to accept that possibility that he's not. I hope that makes sense.

I'm not sure what it is, but that mother moving back into the family home to watch after them just sounds off. Just from reading all you've had to say I would guess babies mama was never out of the picture.

Personally, I would put an embargo on the cam sessions until such a time as he will meet face to face. More than likely, doing so would prompt him to move on. Maybe i'm wrong, but somehow I don't think so.

< Message edited by PunisherNOLA -- 10/22/2012 5:12:25 AM >

(in reply to LadyBlaze433)

Post #: 35

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/22/2012 5:25:49 AM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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When I was dating, one of the biggest things for me to find out was how a man treated his loved ones- especially the kids. I was looking for how he might treat me, and how our views matched up on the subject of family. There were a couple of men that I stopped seeing because they simply didn't match my outlook on this subject.

I'd have to say that Mr. Online seems to be either giving you the line that you want to hear - that he'll move to be with you to keep things going for now, or he may be kind of a dick. Obviously it's hard to say what his motive is, but if I were you I'd be wary.

(in reply to LadyBlaze433)

Post #: 36

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/22/2012 7:32:28 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBlaze433

I'm not averse to getting sincere feedback but I'd appreciate some compassion and empathy - I don't respond well to rudeness.

To respond to some of the questions, his kids are 15 and 18 and their mother would move back into the family home to look after them. I was surprised to hear that too, but he says he's given them his time and attention for all these years, they are mature and quite independent, and it's his turn now to be happy and fulfilled.

I realize that there are still many questions to be answered, and I am asking them.

It may seem like I'm all over the map, but even though I care for him and I'm letting the feelings develop, I still am resolved that if he doesn't make a firm date very soon to come here in December, I'll have to make the conclusion that once again he's stringing me along. I want to believe that he's sincere, but at the same time I have to accept that possibility that he's not. I hope that makes sense.

OK OP I will give you some empathy. I met my Master online, we were thousands of miles away from each other. I totally understand how complicated long-distance relationships can get.

Honestly I'm still seeing huge red flags here. His promises and statements about how you've changed him, he didn't ever think he would feel like this, you're so much more to him than all the other subs... they sound like he's telling you what you want to hear. It sounds to me like you are desperate to believe him and you were just waiting for him to provide you with an explanation to latch onto.

When I met my husband there was none of this secrecy and messing about, which would make me suspicious from the beginning.

He lied to you about his age, covered it up with more lies (by sending the photos) and then had a dramatic tearful confession when he needed to stop you ditching him. Now everything is wonderful, but I'd bet this is a pattern that will happen again and again. Who hasn't seen this before? The cheat or the abuser who tearfully admits he was wrong and has learned so much and has changed... for a month or two.

If he's so committed to seeing you in person, why didn't he book flights then and there? Or why don't you go to see him, if it's hard for him to get away because of his children? It would be interesting to see his reaction if you said 'I've booked a flight and a hotel, I'll be in town on this date'.

I'd also be skeptical of him moving to you. Is their mother really just sitting round ready to move back and take over the responsibilities if he gets a new girlfriend? Custody decisions are not taken lightly - my guess would be if he has full time custody the mother either can't or doesn't want to look after them. It's not as simple as 'I'm moving on, have the kids back'.

Maybe it will all turn out wonderfully. But don't lose sight of reality here. So far you have cybered with a guy who lied to you, and later agreed to skype with you so you wouldn't ditch him. I'd say he has a lot of proving himself to do.

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Post #: 37

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/22/2012 7:41:00 AM

kalikshama

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Another very good post :)

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Post #: 38

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/22/2012 8:27:32 AM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBlaze433

It may seem like I'm all over the map, but even though I care for him and I'm letting the feelings develop, I still am resolved that if he doesn't make a firm date very soon to come here in December, I'll have to make the conclusion that once again he's stringing me along. I want to believe that he's sincere, but at the same time I have to accept that possibility that he's not. I hope that makes sense.

This is what I was driving at earlier. Your emotions do seem to be all over the map, and you're posting them publicly before you even give yourself enough time to sort them out. That will complicate things, as you have seen. I'm glad you're setting goals for yourself, those are very important. And as for whether I can relate...

I am in a LD relationship with my girl right now, and that's not always the easiest thing for either of us. We have spoken of future long-term arrangements, but since she has a masters degree to complete, it's nothing that will happen tomorrow. In fact, we discussed this last night, and I told her exactly how I feel (which was abridged and posted to my journal on the other side, but for the sake of convenience... "If I have to take you somewhere halfway around the world and build you a house with my own hands, I will - to live with the woman I love and that I need to be with.").

We have been together in person several times, and will continue to do so until we are together in a more permanent fashion. December will bring us together again and I look forward to that, even though we also talk through text, CMail, phone and Skype daily (yes, all of them). We have bumps - who doesn't? - and we work through them. I am reminded of a comment offered to me by littlewonder, who said on another thread:

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

ah yes...the fluffy romantic marriage for the first 6 months when all the bells and whistles and fireworks are going off. After that it's pick up your socks and put them in the hamper, don't forget to take out the garbage, is dinner ready yet? Did you pay the electric bill? etc.... lol

If you make it past the first 6 months then we'll see how fluffy romantic it is.

I didn't mind her comment at all, it made me chuckle and appreciate that she was kind enough to share her thoughts for my own well-being. She didn't have to, but she did. Now, my girl and I, we're at that point, and the romance is not only there, it grows. I hope you find the same thing, OP, and I'm glad you're tempering your hopes with a little common sense.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

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Post #: 39

RE: Cyber Doms - 10/22/2012 8:39:05 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBlaze433
Are you all a bunch of sharks or what? You smell blood in the water? *shrugs"

Yup. You've accidentally trodden on one of the sacred cows.

The bottom line here is that "online" simply refers to a medium of communication. The relationship has more to do with the people having it than the medium. If both you and he treat you like some cyber-toy then that's what you get. The various relationships I have formed "online" are generally much more significant than that because to me it's no different than a phone call. It's not a video game.

Insofar as you and this guy it's really not all that complicated. You have needs and desires. So does he. The relationship is either serving those or it is not. I myself would be a bit worried. Honestly when I'm interested in a woman it's pretty obvious. Even if life just kept throwing one thing after another at me and the trip kept getting postponed you would be intimately acquainted with my frustration at that because you'd be the recipient of substantial venting. Nor would I be at all hesitant to get on webcam... I'd be seeking to become more intimate as quickly as was reasonable and that includes visuals. You seem to be getting lots of "keep your distance" signals from him. Why?

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(in reply to LadyBlaze433)

Post #: 40

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