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RE: Cyber Doms - 10/22/2012 9:05:37 AM

NuevaVida

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Just some thoughts to share here...

If this all works out for you, then I'm glad for you. I am skeptical, however. Relationships that begin with lies and deceit are already starting on shaky ground.

I met the Mister online, and he's a single dad. There are a couple of things I was really impressed with, with him, from the start:

First, I stated from the beginning I would not be having sex again until I was in a committed relationship. He didn't flinch at it. There was no phone sex, no cyber sex, no sex of any kind. Until we met in person, which was two months after we began talking, I would not be obeying any orders, or opening myself up sexually to him. Again, he didn't balk. We had passionate kisses the first two dates, and the third "date" I spent the night at his house, as it was clear we were both already very into each other.

We also lived 2 1/2 hours away from each other, by car. However, it was in his plans to sell his home and move closer to his daughter and her mother (which would put him an hour closer to me, btw), as his daughter was entering high school and he strongly felt she needed her dad nearby. Go figure, he bought a home in her neighborhood, and now has half-time custody of her. I was so impressed with his priorities, and still am. And yes, we've had moments of hardship over the past 3 1/2 years, because of those priorities, but I wouldn't want them changed for the world - his daughter, now 17, NEEDS to be the priority. She's the kid here, despite being independent. She needs to know her Dad is there for her. Had he up and left her to be with me, especially after just a few months, I would not have as much respect for him as I do now. Something to think about.

As I told him then, She's the kid, we're the adults. She's relying on her parents to make wise and healthy decisions for her - she needs them to. So WE, as a couple, can certainly wait until she is an adult. Why disrupt a kids life just for our own desires? She doesn't deserve that, and I'm not that selfish. Maybe that's what made him respect me so much in return.

I'm not here to blast you, but to ask you to see the bigger picture. What does it say about his character, to lie to you until you demand truth, and to offer to leave his kid after just a few months of knowing you online? What does it say about yours, to agree to this? You are the most important judge here, so I hope you're truthful with yourself.

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RE: Cyber Doms - 10/22/2012 11:14:58 AM

DesFIP

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Mama isn't moving back in, she still lives there. They aren't divorced. Tell him you've booked a flight to his town and are happy to finally meet him in the privacy of his own home, meet his kids etc. And watch how fast he backtracks.

Besides if it were true, that he has no problem abandoning his kids for some woman he's never met, he's no prize.

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RE: Cyber Doms - 10/22/2012 11:20:24 AM

CatchButterfly

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OP, sorry that happened to you. I had a similar experience, although there was no webcam involved... Just my heart. I kept asking him when we were going to meet in person, and he always said he was too busy working. Then, he quit responding to me on chat or email, again saying he was swamped with work. Well, I decided to do a little snooping and it turns out he certainly had time to visit forums, and add new friends! But hey- all's well that ends well. So glad I didn't meet him in person or have a physical relationship, because I found the perfect Daddy, and he's REAL, and I didn't meet him online. He's s perfect gentleman, a total hottie, and dammit... I'm happy!

Beware of the cyber Doms. If they don't show you their face in RT dump em and DON'T do anything on cam!

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RE: Cyber Doms - 10/28/2012 4:32:31 PM

Toysinbabeland

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No face, no verification, no service.

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RE: Cyber Doms - 10/31/2012 5:59:17 PM

LadyBlaze433

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Thanks to those of you who took the time to share your experiences and give me some feedback without the bashing.

I've thought about the advice carefully. It might not be a bad idea to declare a moratorium on the cyber play until we meet. He says he's driving here late December or early January (it's 20 hours by car).

I still think he's genuine in his feelings and commitment - but I'd be lying if I didn't say I didn't have misgivings. It's within the realm of possibility that his wife still lives there although he chats with me on Skype voice and cam now.

I've always only dated men who are good fathers. I admire the way his life revolves around his sons but I do agree that it's bizarre he would leave them behind with the mother even though he says they avoid her and will never stay overnight with her - and when she left him 5 years ago she said she didn't want the kids. What makes him think she would want them now? Maybe because she would get the house back - I don't know. I admit it doesn't sound good. I still don't want to move away from my kids even though they've been grown and living on their own for some time now.

I know it sounds strange to all of you, but my heart is involved here and at this point I'm not sure what to do. If he had a flight confirmation I'd be reassured, but he says he's driving.

It WOULD be interesting to see what he says if I tell him I have a flight confirmed and hotel room booked. Maybe that's what I should do.

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RE: Cyber Doms - 10/31/2012 9:44:41 PM

theRose4U

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20 hour car trip? I smell more poo than a cattle truck with that one!! Its amazing how fast a car breaks down on a trip like that...when they never leave the driveway!!

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RE: Cyber Doms - 11/1/2012 3:42:07 AM

absolutchocolat

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sorry, but it sounds like this guy is taking you for a ride. if someone lies about something as insignificant as age and physical appearance, they will lie about anything.

on a similar post, i stated that when you meet someone online, a few months of knowing them or being collared to them is a drop in the bucket. what do you really know about someone in such a short period of time? please don't be naive. there's a ton of things a person can hide from you when you just talk on skype.

ask yourself some common sense questions: does he call you at the same time every day? do you know his full given name, home address, or home telephone number? do you know where he works? can you call him at work? if not, guess what...this relationship might be just an online fantasy for him.

you suggest telling him you've booked a hotel and flight. more likely than not, he'll have some excuse waiting for when you bring it up. the question is, how will you react if he doesn't give you the answer you want?

i hope i'm wrong, but the red flags are hard to ignore. in any case, best of luck to you.

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RE: Cyber Doms - 11/1/2012 5:57:35 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I know it sounds strange to all of you, but my heart is involved here and at this point I'm not sure what to do.

You might want to involve your head.

quote:

If he had a flight confirmation I'd be reassured, but he says he's driving.

It WOULD be interesting to see what he says if I tell him I have a flight confirmed and hotel room booked. Maybe that's what I should do.

Do it and keep us posted.

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RE: Cyber Doms - 11/1/2012 7:30:38 AM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyBlaze433

Thanks to those of you who took the time to share your experiences and give me some feedback without the bashing.

I've thought about the advice carefully. It might not be a bad idea to declare a moratorium on the cyber play until we meet. He says he's driving here late December or early January (it's 20 hours by car).

I still think he's genuine in his feelings and commitment - but I'd be lying if I didn't say I didn't have misgivings. It's within the realm of possibility that his wife still lives there although he chats with me on Skype voice and cam now.

I've always only dated men who are good fathers. I admire the way his life revolves around his sons but I do agree that it's bizarre he would leave them behind with the mother even though he says they avoid her and will never stay overnight with her - and when she left him 5 years ago she said she didn't want the kids. What makes him think she would want them now? Maybe because she would get the house back - I don't know. I admit it doesn't sound good. I still don't want to move away from my kids even though they've been grown and living on their own for some time now.

I know it sounds strange to all of you, but my heart is involved here and at this point I'm not sure what to do. If he had a flight confirmation I'd be reassured, but he says he's driving.

It WOULD be interesting to see what he says if I tell him I have a flight confirmed and hotel room booked. Maybe that's what I should do.

You say you've only ever dated good fathers, so obviously you feel that you know what one is. Is what he is proposing, chucking the kids out of his life and moving by you, being a good father in your eyes? If his children don't wish to stay at their mother's home now because they want to avoid HER, how do you feel about someone who will hand them over to her 24/7 without considering their wishes.....and he is proposing this for a woman he hardly knows yet. Doesn't it sound rather odd for a man who formerly impressed you as a good father to say he's done with being one, and his cares for his children are out the window at some arbitrary point in time? This arbitrary point isn't based on them and that they are grown or off to college or some other life landmark, it's based on his desires. Hmmm...seems rather out of character, right?

If he treats the loves of his lives that way, his kids, who is to say he won't treat you that way when your arbitrary expiration date comes up? Why wouldn't he say he's given you x amount of time, and it's his right to move on now to something new?

For the record, I'm not doubting that he's impressed you with his role as a parent, it's hard to fake that and be insincere. I am however, doubting his sincerity in being so head over heels for you that he'll just toss what he's been doing with them for this new chapter in his life. I'm not saying he doesn't care for you either, just that he seems to be telling you rather wild things in order to perhaps get what he wants now and also....he's lied to you in the past.

The 20 hour car trip too seems rather....convenient. I'll bet as others have, that the car is going to be used for more stalling and excuses on his part. To me though, the part where he's claiming he'll leave his kids behind for a woman he's not yet met is rather fantastic, and stone cold. If it were me I find it a complete turn off that he'd treat them that way after being their parent and primary caretaker as well.

< Message edited by lizi -- 11/1/2012 7:31:23 AM >

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