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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 8:29:13 AM

OsideGirl

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I view the commitment level of collaring to be on the same level as marriage, but I don't think they're same thing.

In my 20 years, I've been in three relationships (with dating in between). I've been with Master for 12.5, my ex for 6 years and my first for 1 year. With my first and my ex, I did not accept a collar because I felt that they did not have the same view of that collar as I did.

Since Master and I are married, it's kind of a moot point, but even if we weren't married, I'd still come out financially okay if it ended tomorrow. The only thing that would be slightly messy would be the house. I've worked very hard on my own business and have not buried my head when it comes to the finances.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 10/8/2012 8:56:09 AM >

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 8:48:34 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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Using FR:

I'm not a "collaring" person. I guess I've seen too much of it online, where velcro collars did not even have the commitment of going steady back in high school.

But then I'm not someone who needs ritual or legal license to remind me of how I feel about a person. There are those who feel a strong need to "seal" a committed relationship in some way, and for them I'm sure collaring serves a purpose, just as I am sure marriage serves a purpose for others.

Commitment wise I would view them the same, but that's me. Since a collar is a symbol of the relationship, by it's very nature it's *unique* to the relationship.

That marriage has a legal standing that collaring does not will not help you in the least if you've aligned yourself with a dick. Sure, you can get a good lawyer, and fight over your stuff. That doesn't help the emotional scars that inevitably occur from a long term relationship breakup.

Himself and I have been together longer than most people stay married. We have a life long commitment, and if we got married at this point it would be for a practical reason, like for insurance purposes so we were both covered for our retirement, you know, sexy crap like that.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 8:58:54 AM

Tantriqu

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Joined: 12/29/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta
Collaring is as meaningful as the couples make them out to be.

I agree with this. When I collar a man, I don't marry him, but it is a sign of commitment, contentment, security and ownership that he wears with pride.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 10:27:46 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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legally, no it's not the same as a marriage.

Emotionally, it's the .....for me.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 1:23:41 PM

kitkat105

Posts: 1690
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From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
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FR -

I would say that they aren't the same, but it would depend on the relationship the couple have. There are collared D/s couples who do not have the lovey dovey, mushy stuff. It's purely D/s (or M/s). Then there are those who do the lovey dovey mushy stuff on top of being in a D/s (or M/s) relationship. And then there is whether they live together or not.

I agree with Lucifyre - no matter what kind of relationship you are in, you need to plan for the future. You can't live just for 'right now' because no matter how perfect your life might be, it can change very quickly. I don't want that to sound morbid - I'm just trying to be a realist. Prenups, education, job security, retirement plans, life/income insurance... all of those things are apart of planning for the future in the event that your life changes.

Unfortunately, very few relationships end nicely. There is a lot of emotion involved. That's why the frequently end up messy.

< Message edited by kitkat105 -- 10/8/2012 1:25:34 PM >

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 1:57:00 PM

NuevaVida

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Additional thoughts -

I know a lot of the dialogue here is about finances and protecting oneself financially if the relationship ends. Funny, I don't see marriage in that light, even though even four years after my ugly, ugly divorce, I'm still finding myself back in court. Next week, in fact.

I'm the poster child of how nasty things can get when a relationship ends. Even when one tries to be the civil one, there's no saying how the other half will behave.

For me, my finances are far safer if I never marry again. For the Mister, the same. What I'm talking about when equating (or in my case, NOT equating) a collar with a wedding ring, is the emotional bond is not the same. Now, I'm pretty dang happy with the way things are, and if we never marry then we never marry. Hell, there's prenups that will help in the financial arena when it comes to marriage (and at my age, I think these are a great idea). But the emotional bond is, for me, just shy of completeness. I guess for me, there's something to be said about a man who wants to legally bind himself to me and give me his name. To be wanted that much just does something for me.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 2:19:12 PM

JanahX

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Joined: 8/21/2010
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Well we all see it advertised on the other side - there are M/Ds that line it out right on their profile - they will be in control of everything. The finances, when their s/s takes a shit, when they eat, when they breathe.

Then I see a lot of the "Im looking for the 50's lifestyle" - where in turn, the woman stays home and the dood works outside the home.

These are the two types of setups where the s/s could get in big trouble. - and I have NO DOUBT that there are people that walk right into these things with open arms.

And we've all seen one too many times people that flow through here that have an IQ of room temperature. And you can almost see theyre describing a disaster waiting to happen.

I suppose these are the types that this thread is geared for - the ones that feel like their lives are secure - because of whatever was said during collaring - and then are so dumbstruck when the relationship falls apart - and theyre left with nothing. But in their minds - they were "Collared" how could he/she do that to me?" - but there is no one to turn to to get any help while the Dom/Domme is burning all their belongings in the rubbish pile. Why - because it was "theirs" - they owned it, not the sub/slave. Sadly - it happens.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 2:44:00 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

Yer it can happen, I thought this would be an
interesting read for those that weren't in that
discussion about D/s and money.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4158119/mpage_1/key_Doming/tm.htm#4158119
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4159477
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4160565

If it showed anything, I think it was that just
like everything, it comes down to the people in
the relationship as to whether or not it's
applicable or a good idea.
Even though it's how I roll, I don't just say...
"quit you job and give me your bank account".

All I can say is, I don't profit from a partner as
a moral rule and for my own self respect, and I
have never felt at the end of a relationship like
fucking my partner over, because again, I would
loes my self respect.

-Aries

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 10/8/2012 2:50:48 PM >

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 4:24:26 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
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From a legal standpoint, of course collaring isn't the same thing as marriage. No more than simply cohabitating is the same thing, regardless of the length of time or how intertwined finances or property may be during the period of time people are living together. My state doesn't recognize common law spouses, so there's no legal protection there.

However, since I'm bisexual and polyamorous, I'm accustomed to dealing with committed relationships that don't carry legal sanctions. So, for me, collaring does carry the same level of commitment as my marriage. Whether or not it carries the legal privileges of marriage is irrelevant.

< Message edited by SylvereApLeanan -- 10/8/2012 4:27:31 PM >

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 4:26:45 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

Oops...double post.

< Message edited by SylvereApLeanan -- 10/8/2012 4:27:11 PM >

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Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

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Post #: 30

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 4:29:42 PM

kitkat105

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
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Because I just can't help myself, and since we frequently joke about it - Odeen is my Fin-Dom.

For now, anyway...

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 8:07:46 PM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

I think collaring is for idiots, 95% of the time.

I have some true experience and if you want to give someone total trust thats good, but legally back it up, ya know for insurance. If they fuck with you you have the law behind you and you can legally Take what is yours.

Dont be so trusting. Truth hurts but in reality most of those doms are full of BS or a BBS Bachelor of BS.
They play with your mind to gain power and control. Hard reality is when they play with the wrong slave, Lincoln shows up. LOL.
The britsh is coming the british is coming.

Yep figure that one out. Have a great night.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 8:56:33 PM

AnimusRex

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Yeah, collaring can be as meaningful as one wants to make it, but in the ovrwhelming majority of what I have witnessed is that the more breathless the talk of how deep and cosmic it is, the more shallow the reality.

The acid test for me is always when people are willing to put moneyon the line.
As in, its one thing to put a body part inside someone or vice versa, but at what point do you trust them enough to have access to your bank account?

A different sort of committment is usually involved.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/8/2012 10:22:17 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Completely agree AnimusRex. I loved being married and would do it all over again. For me marriage is the ultimate slavery and for me my collaring to Master comes in a very tight race. I gave up everything to be with Master...sold my house, got rid of almost everything in my life, quit my job and moved here to be with him. When I got married I did the same thing. He was at military bootcamp and I came to see his graduation and I moved, quit my job, got rid of everything and was married within a month. I would do it all over again.

I tease and say that Master and I are an old married couple because that is how we act for the most part lol and I've now been with Master longer than I have ever been with anyone in my entire life so for me this is just as close to marriage as I can get without getting that piece of paper from a courthouse.

Oh and as for PA being common law, it is only considered so if you both have been living together since 2005 which is when the law was abandoned. In my previous career it was something I had to say over and over and over again to couples UGH.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/9/2012 11:49:46 AM

Spiritedsub2

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Symbols are so compelling to our species, including both collars and wedding rings. Lots of people I see in my work life let themselves get so influenced by the valued symbol of choice that they chose to "forget" the harsher realities that can happen down the road. I think this is a great thread to post and frequently re-post; you never know who might see it who needs the reminder to take care of themselves.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/9/2012 12:58:21 PM

Pyramus

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I wish!

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/9/2012 1:09:48 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

From a legal standpoint, of course collaring isn't the same thing as marriage. No more than simply cohabitating is the same thing, regardless of the length of time or how intertwined finances or property may be during the period of time people are living together. My state doesn't recognize common law spouses, so there's no legal protection there.

However, since I'm bisexual and polyamorous, I'm accustomed to dealing with committed relationships that don't carry legal sanctions. So, for me, collaring does carry the same level of commitment as my marriage. Whether or not it carries the legal privileges of marriage is irrelevant.

Now, there's a good follow up. For those of us who are poly, would you think the highlighted above is more common to triads, rather than those of us who consider ourselves to have primary and secondary relationships?

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/9/2012 4:08:28 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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From: Hell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

However, since I'm bisexual and polyamorous, I'm accustomed to dealing with committed relationships that don't carry legal sanctions. So, for me, collaring does carry the same level of commitment as my marriage. Whether or not it carries the legal privileges of marriage is irrelevant.

Now, there's a good follow up. For those of us who are poly, would you think the highlighted above is more common to triads, rather than those of us who consider ourselves to have primary and secondary relationships?

I think it's probably more common to poly groups that prefer an egalitarian arrangement, as opposed to those that engage in a relationship hierarchy. The configuration of the egalitarian poly group doesn't need to be a closed triad - it could be a V, W, quad, or group marriage. Hubby and I have found that a W configuration works best for us, preferably one that is poly-fidelitous. If/when I ever collar someone again, it will be with the understanding that there won't be a hierarchy of relationship importance, even though there will be an authority hierarchy.

_____________________________

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Dark Muse
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Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

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Post #: 38

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/9/2012 4:49:53 PM

MercilessMarcy

Posts: 80
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline

After being in my present relationship for four years, last one was fourteen years, I wish to offer up the following: All relationships are agreed upon by the participants. Protection of BOTH PARTIES can easily be established by BOTH having Revocable Living Trusts drawn up. They're inexpensive. You can change them.

I find it reprehensible that people give less thought to self care than they do for their pets. It is loving, thoughtful, SAFE and avoids probate should one party pass for any reason. Making bank accounts P.O.D. is a fast and easy thing to do if you don't have any other assets.

We never want to consider that our present relationship might end. We have a responsibility to ourselves and our loved ones to consider that it will one day. Death comes to all. Accidents happen. Self-centered people remain self-centered. The blush of adoration may give way to resentment. People are well, animals too.

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Post #: 39

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/10/2012 4:13:52 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
I think it's probably more common to poly groups that prefer an egalitarian arrangement, as opposed to those that engage in a relationship hierarchy. The configuration of the egalitarian poly group doesn't need to be a closed triad - it could be a V, W, quad, or group marriage. Hubby and I have found that a W configuration works best for us, preferably one that is poly-fidelitous. If/when I ever collar someone again, it will be with the understanding that there won't be a hierarchy of relationship importance, even though there will be an authority hierarchy.

That was somewhat where My thoughts were as well, with the exception of the fidelity angle not being where I was going. My comments are a bit scattered on the subject at the moment, but there may be potential for a poly thread on this subject in the future.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 40

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