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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/16/2012 12:50:46 AM

SirLangsdorff

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I see them as similar, as they are relationship based, no matter how loosely, they both have contracts (though only one is legally binding. LGBT, in certain states cannot marry legally, but that doesn't stop us from showing our commitment to each other /rant) and they are both based on some sort of honesty and trust. As far as property and values go, that's up to the individuals in partnership. IMHO.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/16/2012 6:47:01 AM

LadyPact

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Thanks for the reminder, there. Another significant difference. You never hear of anyone being married to someone else that they have only 'met' through the internet.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/16/2012 9:01:40 AM

RemoteUser

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Thanks for the reminder, there. Another significant difference. You never hear of anyone being married to someone else that they have only 'met' through the internet.

Oh, it happens... o_O

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/16/2012 11:38:41 AM

JanahX

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

I knew a Master who spent 12 years with his slave, as she got more and more disabled, he took care of her every need. I saw his own health deteriorate over the years, so she had everything she needed. He even installed a doorbell beside her side of the bed that he could hear all over the house should she need him. He brought in a second submissive to help him care for the first girl. The two women decided to band together and leave HIM. I was there to help pick up the pieces.

By the way, they WERE also married. He lost his home, his partner, his security and his self respect.

How did he lose his home, security and self respect? Because she left him? - I dont understand what that has to do with them being married or his wife leaving him.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/16/2012 11:50:20 AM

LaTigresse

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I don't believe them to be similar at all.

For ME, being married is a legal partnership. It anchors a family. It provides stability, for all involved, in multiple ways. For some, not me, it's a religious thing. I think what it means, to people in general, has evolved. But at the core, there is a feeling of safety that people crave, that marriage gives them. It's a legal and binding agreement that isn't easily/cheaply, broken.

A collar, while it might mean a helluva lot to many of us, is not a legally binding agreement.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/16/2012 12:04:11 PM

LadyFire76

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quote:

Collaring is as meaningful as the couples make them out to be. Originally collaring was compared to marriage because some couples decided to make their wedding rings collars.

How people treat each other have nothing to do with marriage or collaring and everything to do with how they treat each other. The legal protection offered by the institution of marriage is its advantage over the idea of a committed collar, but is no protection against people abandoning each other and leaving each other in bad situations. The situation proposed in the OP happens to people in vanilla marriages just as often.

this is very true.. it was compared to but not replaced by. Some have made the collaring their wedding rings others have done both the vanilla way and this kinky way. however it is the actual being married that does give an advantage in situations of leaving. the mind set however can be the same because of the commitment to each.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/16/2012 3:43:41 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

But at the core, there is a feeling of safety that people crave, that marriage gives them. It's a legal and binding agreement that isn't easily/cheaply, broken.

This summarizes what I feel. There's a secure feeling - emotionally - that comes with someone wanting and loving me so much they want to "go there" with me. I may be unique in feeling that, but I do.

Even despite having to sit in Family Court with my ex all morning yesterday.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/16/2012 9:38:17 PM

JanahX

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So perfectly said LaT. This for me - says it all.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I don't believe them to be similar at all.

For ME, being married is a legal partnership. It anchors a family. It provides stability, for all involved, in multiple ways. For some, not me, it's a religious thing. I think what it means, to people in general, has evolved. But at the core, there is a feeling of safety that people crave, that marriage gives them. It's a legal and binding agreement that isn't easily/cheaply, broken.

A collar, while it might mean a helluva lot to many of us, is not a legally binding agreement.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/17/2012 6:17:08 AM

GotSteel

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX
Ok - this has always been one of the things that really drives me nuts about collaring and bdsm. And that its compared to marriage. Its not the same thing.

No it's not at all the same thing. It's not a binding legal contract.

P.S. Common law marriage requires more than just living together, you must "hold yourself out to be married". While it differs from state to state this involves additional requirements (by telling the community you are married, calling each other husband and wife, using the same last name, filing joint income tax returns, etc.)

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/17/2012 7:19:30 AM

lizi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

P.S. Common law marriage requires more than just living together, you must "hold yourself out to be married". While it differs from state to state this involves additional requirements (by telling the community you are married, calling each other husband and wife, using the same last name, filing joint income tax returns, etc.)

That's interesting, I never knew that. Thanks.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/17/2012 11:03:15 PM

littlewonder

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I remember when I used to work for a register of wills, we would once in awhile get a a person who would come in and claim they are common law with the deceased. In PA, common law doesn't exist anymore and so the person has no legal binding to the deceased. Boy were there a lot of people who stomped off in anger. Sometimes I would think "please don't come back here with your rifle to shoot us" lol. Actually it happened across in another law office across the street from ours. He had taken two women hostage because of custody issues. We were in lockdown and so we could not leave work until they could get the guy. Of course it would have to be at the end of the day right before everyone left for the night. UGH.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/19/2012 4:31:46 PM

AVegasMaster

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Not even close!!!!

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/19/2012 6:38:22 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Ok - this has always been one of the things that really drives me nuts about collaring and bdsm. And that its compared to marriage. Its not the same thing.

Greetings JanahX,

As a child I recall the doctor saying, "this is going to hurt a little." That doesn't mean that he was correct. Much like the doctor in the example so too do others underscore the significance of one thing to draw odd parallels or elect to negate its difference. I have never assigned the collar the same degree of weight or importance as a wedding ring and the legal rights that marriage assigned. I always felt those that compared the two were merely deluding themselves.

On a personal note I prefer the ring. If the gentleman desires to adorn my neck I'll gladly accept that afterwards. The proof of his unflinching commitment and investment is in the vows not the necklace he graces me with. As we've seen on this site and countless others these things can be removed.

~porcelaine

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/20/2012 10:52:11 AM

chatterbox24

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Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free?

If someone genuinely loves you they will do all to protect you in all ways, and that means legally too. They will marry you. That is my spin on things.
If they say they genuinely love you, but only want to collar you, that to me means their glass is half full. That means to me they dont want to commit, cause its probably not gonna last.

Marriage and a collar to me are totally two different animals.

If you or they dont want total commitment in all ways, they will give you a collar instead.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/20/2012 11:07:28 AM

littlewonder

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huh...who knew? I guess Master has no commitment to me after 7 years together.

Not everyone can get married to the one they love. Some people have legal reasons why they can't. Yeah, I wanna get married again in the future but due to circumstances, it's just not possible right now. So I chose the one thing that was the closest I could get....a collar and his word.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/20/2012 11:36:32 AM

chatterbox24

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

huh...who knew? I guess Master has no commitment to me after 7 years together.

Not everyone can get married to the one they love. Some people have legal reasons why they can't. Yeah, I wanna get married again in the future but due to circumstances, it's just not possible right now. So I chose the one thing that was the closest I could get....a collar and his word.

Littlewonder, what I said is only in general. It is very true there are the exceptions, circumstances that prevent things for whatever reasons. I think your relationship may be the exception here. I see the dedication you all post on here to each other.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/20/2012 11:37:24 AM

myotherself

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I'm collared to Master. I don't particularly care about being married - it's always been something I've had no interest in.

However I am big on commitment, and so is he. Which is why we're pooling all our money together and buying a house. We're planning the remainder of our working lives, and preparing for our retirement together.

Yup, he doesn't see 'us' as a long-term thing...

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/20/2012 11:46:16 AM

CuriousFerret

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Okay, a marriage exists, with or without the legal form. It's called common-law marriage, which doesn't necessarily have any legal standing. It's still a marriage, though, on a sui juris basis, if two people are living together as a married couple and are regarded as married, or some equivalent, by family and community.

It goes back to the question, "can a man and a woman on an isolated desert island be married?" The answer is, "damn straight." If they are intimate partners and sharing their lives with each other for decades, they are obviously doing a little bit more than dating casually.

Now, as for the collar, the D/s relationship that is implied by it is actually a lot like what people considered to be marriage for centuries, up until recent times. Although women could theoretically be property owners if they chose to never marry and lived out their lives as spinsters, a married woman could not own property. Everything in her world belonged to her husband. She belonged to her husband. Furthermore, husbands were considered to be within their rights to use corporal punishment on their wives. It wasn't just normal, but it was considered to be almost necessary for domestic tranquility. Not only were wives expected to be submissive toward their husbands, but a husband who didn't assert dominance with his wife was considered to be weak-spirited and probably not a man to be trusted.

Therefore, I think that the collar only represents an archaic form of marriage. Personally, I think that people ought to be considered to be within their rights to have this kind of relationship, with or without the kink culture baggage. I see it as perfectly honorable and valid.

But thank God we don't have to do it if we don't want to anymore.

< Message edited by CuriousFerret -- 10/20/2012 11:47:20 AM >

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/20/2012 12:46:37 PM

littlewonder

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Thank you for including "if we don't want to" because some of us have relationships exactly like that.

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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/20/2012 12:52:34 PM

CuriousFerret

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Thank you for including "if we don't want to" because some of us have relationships exactly like that.

I think that's wonderful. That's pretty much how things are with me and my husband, and we do a little D/s kitty-play. The kitty-play is the only substantial kink we really mess with these days, but I still belong to him, plain and simple. I couldn't imagine it being any other way, and I think it's beautiful.

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