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RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/10/2012 8:01:48 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
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I have been with cubby for over twelve years. I recently asked my cubby, "If I asked you to choose to give up your wedding ring or your collar, which one would you choose?" He immediately said "The wedding ring", then he stopped and looked concerned for a second... I laughed and said "I would have chosen the same way".

You see, our Mystress/slave relationship works without the marriage, but the marriage does not work without the M/s. So in effect, the M/s is MORE important than the marriage. Our M/s relationship originates from our hearts and our spirituality, while our marriage originates at the courthouse.

~shrugs~

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 41

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/10/2012 8:13:19 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I could never imagine giving up a wedding ring in place of a collar. For me the ring binds me more to him than a collar but then again I'm in a male Dom/femslave relationship where I believe in very old fashioned values where once married, you are basically an owned woman to your husband. I think for me that is why it's more binding.

It's interesting to read though how others view it, especially femDommes and malesubs.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 42

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/10/2012 8:22:48 PM

culareD

Posts: 762
Joined: 8/16/2012
Status: offline

Still figuring this all out, BUT at this point, I wouldn't be collared unless I was married.

Or maybe I would...

Sheesh...I don't know.

At the end of the day, I believe it (collaring) would have to be consensual.

And, I LOVE the idea of a collar from the right person...

_____________________________

Member-at-Large, ProSubs"R"Us

Life is like a box of chocolates. Savor every bite.

The Butterfly Story

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 43

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/10/2012 8:24:17 PM

ElChupa

Posts: 117
Joined: 11/14/2009
Status: offline

Yes, more so

(in reply to culareD)

Post #: 44

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/10/2012 8:25:10 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JanahX

Well we all see it advertised on the other side - there are M/Ds that line it out right on their profile - they will be in control of everything. The finances, when their s/s takes a shit, when they eat, when they breathe.

I knew a Master who spent 12 years with his slave, as she got more and more disabled, he took care of her every need. I saw his own health deteriorate over the years, so she had everything she needed. He even installed a doorbell beside her side of the bed that he could hear all over the house should she need him. He brought in a second submissive to help him care for the first girl. The two women decided to band together and leave HIM. I was there to help pick up the pieces.

By the way, they WERE also married. He lost his home, his partner, his security and his self respect.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 45

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/11/2012 5:50:24 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

I knew a Master who spent 12 years with his slave, as she got more and more disabled, he took care of her every need. I saw his own health deteriorate over the years, so she had everything she needed. He even installed a doorbell beside her side of the bed that he could hear all over the house should she need him. He brought in a second submissive to help him care for the first girl. The two women decided to band together and leave HIM. I was there to help pick up the pieces.

By the way, they WERE also married. He lost his home, his partner, his security and his self respect.

I would have left, too.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 46

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/11/2012 8:29:21 PM

avena

Posts: 80
Joined: 12/4/2010
Status: offline

What littlewonder said...

quote:

I gave up everything to be with Master...sold my house, got rid of almost everything in my life, quit my job and moved here to be with him.

This is also what I did. I quit my job, sold my house, and got rid of 90% of my belongings in order to move here to be with D. And I don't regret it for a second. This has been the happiest I've ever been in my life.

That being said, I'm not dependant on D. I have a job. I have my own retirement savings. I have my own bank account. D is still the Master in this relationship, and I still do what he says. But what he says is that I have to make sure that I feel safe, no matter what happens.

I've been in the common law relationship in the past, in a province that didn't recognize them as equivalent to married, and when I left, my ex was more than happy to remind me continually that HE was the one letting me taking the things I took, because legally I wasn't entitled to any of it. I would never put myself in that situation again, and D knows it. He's made sure that I have things in my own name as well as us having things jointly. If some day we do get married, that's not going to change.

I don't think it's just collared couples who need to make sure they have a 'security net', both financially and emotionally. I think it's just as silly for a married individual to have no personal savings/investments/retirement savings/etc, as it is for a submissive to have none. Yeah, in the case of a divorce, the ex may be entitled to a portion of all of that, but in the case of a death and a contested will, having access to your own savings can make a HUGE difference while everthing in the will is frozen.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 47

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/12/2012 1:33:53 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

~laughs~

The second submissive was a friend who was close to the first girl. He and the second were never intimate, never more than friends, with the first girl being the link between them.

I love the assumptions people make.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 48

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/12/2012 3:02:18 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

I see. " He brought in a second submissive" paints a much different picture than "He had a friend of hers move in" which is what you're now saying.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 49

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/12/2012 4:22:56 PM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

For me personally?

Do i view them as the same thing? Nope, legally a collar holds no weight etc

Do I view them as a commitment in the same way? Yes

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 50

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/13/2012 4:12:11 AM

ClassAct2006

Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

In England legally they are different. If you want to feel vulnerable to a man and are stupid enough to give up your career and give him all your money more fool you but I can understand how for some couples that is part of the dynamic they seek. For others the girl would never have earned much anyway so giving up her £6 an hour job in Tesco which she could easily replace if he throws her out is no big deal. So it is impossible to generalise.

As someone who had to pay a lot out to a man on divorce (we started out D/s as I've never been any different) I at my age and with children more wary and I would always work and protect my abliity to support my children.

For women in England they do need to realise that quite rightly the law makes a big difference between those who live with someone and those who marry and I think it's really important the law stays that way so responsible adults can choose the type of relationships they want and the financial implications of those. It would certainly protect me and my money and family that a cohabiting man here gets no claims on me.

The traditional English wedding vows are very nicely D/s of course. They are lovely.

"WILT thou have thys woman to thy wedded wyfe, to lyve together after Goddes ordynaunce in the holye estate of Matrimony? Wylt thou love her, comforte her, honour, and kepe her, in sickenes, and in healthe? And forsakyng al other, kepe the onely to her, so long as you both shall hve?

The man shall aunswere,

I will.

Then shall the Priest saye to the woman,

N. WILT thou have this man to thy wedded housband, to lyve together after Goddes ordynaunce in the holy estate of matrimony? wilt thou obey hym and serve him, love, honour, and kepe him, in sycknes and in health? And forsakynge al other, kepe the onely to him so long as ye bothe shal live

The woman shall aunswere,

I will.

(in reply to amaidiamond)

Post #: 51

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/13/2012 10:59:23 AM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

No, I don't consider collaring someone to be at all like marrying them.

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(in reply to ClassAct2006)

Post #: 52

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/13/2012 4:14:32 PM

Salinedion

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline

As a guy now married for about 72 hours, so far it's made her being collared a lot hotter.

'Can't say why, we're a bit surprised. She said: "It's just so....so....Old Testament".

_____________________________

I hate the 'reply to' note at the end of the post. Just assume I'm posting to the board at large and not the person above me unless I say diff, OK?

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 53

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/13/2012 5:27:35 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

I didn't give every nuance to the situation - ooh, my bad. The POINT is that he focused his attention ENTIRELY on the first girl, to the point of bringing in someone to HELP TAKE CARE OF HER, and still got screwed.

Marriages mean only what the two people want them to mean - same as collarings.

_____________________________

Lady Kathryn
Athens, Ga.
House of Phoenix

"Nothing is ever final until you're dead - and even then I'm sure God negotiates" Anjelica Huston in Everafter

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 54

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/13/2012 5:30:42 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Marriage is legally-binding. It is nothing like a collar. Ask any attorney or judge.

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- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 55

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/13/2012 10:46:37 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

I didn't give every nuance to the situation - ooh, my bad. The POINT is that he focused his attention ENTIRELY on the first girl, to the point of bringing in someone to HELP TAKE CARE OF HER, and still got screwed.

Yes, that is most unfortunate, isn't it. I'm with the Mister because of the way I feel when I'm with him; not out of an obligation due to what he does for me. Apparently the woman you're speaking of no longer felt good with him. It's always sad when that is the case and relationships end.

And I didn't imply you should have given every nuance to the situation. You gave an overview which painted a much different story than your follow up overview, then got sarcastic about assumptions. So I explained why I responded as I did, and you got sarcastic again. Very strange, but ok.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 56

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/13/2012 11:55:31 PM

alexander75310

Posts: 22
Joined: 9/14/2012
Status: offline

Why not split the difference and just call a collar a "frendship ring".

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 57

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/14/2012 2:19:44 AM

ClassAct2006

Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

There are some issues in England with people thinking common law marriage exists and gives them the same rights as a spouse (it does not) and secondly some people are taken abroad like Mick Jagger's ex for a romantic "marriage" on an island and in fact it was never a formal marriage. iI had someone here for business advice last year (Indian) and he mentioned his wife thinks they are married as they were married religiously but they were never married under English law (they live here) so the wife thinks she has legal protection, right to half the company etc and in fact has none as she is not a real wife.

It is very important in my view that we fight any attempt to give live in lovers marriage type rights however. We can certainly educate them about their lack of rights but it would be wrong if they were treated like a spouse on a split up.

(in reply to alexander75310)

Post #: 58

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/15/2012 9:30:52 PM

MCarabas

Posts: 20
Joined: 10/1/2012
Status: offline

Yikes on some of these stories.

Yeah, if you want to talk about being collared being as 'special' or 'magical' or as important to you as marriage, go for it. But if you want the legal protections of marriage, with or without the matrimony, see a lawyer and get the paperwork signed and witnessed.

Frankly, there are all sorts of things people assume go with a legal marriage that don't necessarily follow. It's not unusual for folks (in Texas at least) to discover the hard way that a marriage certificate doesn't necessarily carry with it a power-of-attorney rider. >.<

(in reply to BambiBoi)

Post #: 59

RE: Do you think being collared is the same as marriage? - 10/15/2012 11:07:39 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I feel there is a tremendous difference between being married and being collared.

Not just that one is legal and one is not.

Suffice it to say that both terms carry with them all the variances that people bring to any relationship.

(in reply to MCarabas)

Post #: 60

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