quote:

ORIGINAL: TxShrouded
Honestly i thought the non response would be enough. But if you really want me to just say it, your answer was way off the mark and did not come anywhere close to reality. So obviousy the answer is a very big NO. But have fun on CM.


I thought her style of writing was a bit snarky and adolescent and I was just getting a reality check here.

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This, in essence, was how I answered. My opinion is basically on of degree, a D/s relationship is one of directing and may include a significant vanilla aspect, a M/s relationship much less so.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm kind of surprised at those who said they wouldn't have answered the question or that a person (submissive) who was looking for specific answers to the question was out of line.

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But if you really want me to just say it, your answer was way off the mark and did not come anywhere close to reality.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm kind of surprised at those who said they wouldn't have answered the question or that a person (submissive) who was looking for specific answers to the question was out of line.

I happen to be a Dominant. I know what types of dynamics I wish to engage in. Other types aren't acceptable to Me. If a person wants to be in a dynamic with Me, it will be X. Why, when a person is looking, should they not be able to know what they want, just because they are submissive?

You're on the net. The person who sent the questions has found the method that, to her, is the most effective to help her determine matters of compatibility. The fact that certain D types didn't like it says more about them than it does about her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm kind of surprised at those who said they wouldn't have answered the question or that a person (submissive) who was looking for specific answers to the question was out of line.

For me, it was a "one true way" question vs "I'd like to hear your thoughts on" question.

I don't feel that there is a wrong answer to these questions, just a "not right for me" answer. But her response shows that she obviously thinks that there is one standard answer and everything else is off the mark.

quote:

But if you really want me to just say it, your answer was way off the mark and did not come anywhere close to reality.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
For me, it was a "one true way" question vs "I'd like to hear your thoughts on" question.

I don't feel that there is a wrong answer to these questions, just a "not right for me" answer. But her response shows that she obviously thinks that there is one standard answer and everything else is off the mark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

quote:

ORIGINAL: TxShrouded
Honestly i thought the non response would be enough. But if you really want me to just say it, your answer was way off the mark and did not come anywhere close to reality. So obviousy the answer is a very big NO. But have fun on CM.


I thought her style of writing was a bit snarky and adolescent and I was just getting a reality check here.

First off, just because a woman identifies as desiring a submissive role does not mean that she is, in herself, submissive. There is every possibility that she enjoys the submissive role but is in fact of a Dominant nature. Snarky comes with the territory lol

But something about this response didn't gel for me when you said

quote:

This, in essence, was how I answered. My opinion is basically on of degree, a D/s relationship is one of directing and may include a significant vanilla aspect, a M/s relationship much less so.

so I checked out your profile and I think, possibly, that IS the problem. Your profile and your answer seem to conflict. I can't know for sure without reading your actual response verbatim, but your profile speaks of "hard use" and " someone who can make you weep, instill fear and keep you on edge so you are just waiting to obey me for fear of what will happen yet can still inspire loyalty, love and a sense of belonging". For someone to propose these things then turn around with a fluffy response seems inconsistent.

Not to say I do not agree with the essence of LW's response, only that this could be her reasoning. I don't think there is a universal answer to her question. I feel the question itself was a test and the method and tone of your response was the answer, not so much its contents. It's very similar to what I, as a Domme, would put to a hopeful sub if I were unsure of how I feel about him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

Maybe it's as simple as she can't articulate what she wants in its entirety, so she looks for others to articulate it and then she decides if that sounds right for her or not.

Still be curious to see what you actually wrote.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact


Considering that I think the person was asking as a compatibility area, what was she supposed to say? That she was asking the question to see everybody else's version? Could she have been nicer? Sure. Maybe she was abrasive so she wouldn't have boomerang effects.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TxShrouded
I think it's a matter of method not that she was filtering based on a certain criteria. Actually, I applaud her for making the effort and actually putting some thought into it and not just having a profile that says "I want a master" as I've seen. My points were more to how it was done and the boilerplate mentality of it. I posted because I've seen a lot of this recently. I don't think "answer these questions three" works very well. I certainly don't go into any discussion with a list of 99 things that are must have's as it were. I think this whole thing is flexible and a matter of negotiation. If I met someone who was perfect but absolutely refused any sort of nipple play what so ever, would I can the whole deal? No, because this is give and take and I don't do this pass/fail as she did. If it were something that was a must have? Yeah, I would pass. I just really don't see the point of this inflexibility. I think the thing that irked me was the "you're way off" comment. No, I'm not way off, I have a different opinion than you, it's not the same thing..... YOU, at 20 do not hold the key and sacred text or ultimate truth to BDSM.....anyway, yes I know I'm putting a lot more weight on this than I should. It wasn't about them per se, it's just I see this as a trend and that's a little sad.

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ORIGINAL: TxShrouded
It very well may. Here's what I wrote, be nice...

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ORIGINAL: Alecta

quote:

ORIGINAL: TxShrouded
It very well may. Here's what I wrote, be nice...

I'm never nice >:>

At 20, I'd have thought your answer too preachy and open-ended. The answer that would have gripped me would be phrased with more conviction, confidence and unapologetic for it.

Truth not withstanding, were I her, I would have failed you based entirely on this one line: "A Dom receives his power as a gift" because it implies that "I" the submissive is in complete and utter control and it all only happens because I've graciously allowed you; and as someone inexperienced with vanilla life and who has formed expectations around your profile, that's a great downer and would make me feel that you talked yourself up in the profile and would only disappoint me afterwards. It makes me think you're going to negotiate everything and if I'm talking to you because of your profile, that's not what I'm looking for.

As for explaining her POV and where it differs, why should she? she has all the time in the world to find someone more readily compatible and not, obviously, a whole lot of patience for writing long emails lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta



I'm never nice >:>

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Secondly, there are a few things I always pass on to people new to the life, both Dominant and submissive.

1. A Dom receives his power as a gift, it has to be earned. One of the things I see to often is a new Dom not understanding that along with the power he receives, there is a responsibility that goes along with it. This includes his responsibility for her physical health, her mental health, her safety, her everyday needs. Too many times I've seen men get into a relationship and think they are getting something for nother.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Using FR:

Under the parameters given, I would not have answered. Now, I love encountering those as cerebral as my own fine self so we can engage in meaty discussion, preferably at length. That is, once I get to know you. As a weeding out process, it reeks of a lack of respect of others on a grand scale.

Now, I *do* understand how females can get that way after spending some time on CM. But if you don't develop a way to deal with that, you are going to be an extremely unhappy camper, and put that off on others who don't necessarily deserve it. And that makes you a not nice person as well.

That you even replied to this says much about you, OP, none of it good in terms of your own self-esteem. Please think about that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TxShrouded

It wasn't so much a matter of self esteem as it was 1. a lapse on my part 2. surprise that someone actually put some thought into something 3. I thought I had the answer LOL. But, it's a fair observation.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TxShrouded
Preachy? Maybe, I was trying to answer her question. Yes she's 20 and of course I should take that into account.

As for your second point, yes in the sense of actually submitting, the sub IS in complete and utter control, unless they repeal the 13th and 14th amendment.

Submission is a gift, you hear it over and over. If she does submit, she does so with certain expectations and an agreement that is in place before hand. It's difficult to walk the between letting your natural Dominance come out and not being an asshole (and we've all seen how some Dominants act here). I don't want to be one of them.

I haven't heard it in a while but there used to be a phrase "back in the day" which was "tyranny of the meek", meaning if you sit on someone's back, who has control?....the person being sat on because they can collapse and drop you on your ass.

Be that as it may, you may or may not agree with what I wrote but it was honest and thoughtful and it's been my experience. My point still goes back to the general issue of how ideas are related, maturity and intellectual flexibility. Part of the fault was my own as I didn't pay attention to her age when I messaged. I've been in the life a long time and should have been more aware of her experience and maturity level. That fault I'll cop to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

CP, since it was the OP who contacted this other person initially, it makes sense for the OP to respond and answer the questions. There's obviously an age gap, so she may have been trying to flesh out whether it was a conversation worth having, in her opinion.

OP, it may not be a matter of self esteem, but it certainly is a matter of confidence. You wanted others to shore you up. If this wasn't the case, a) you wouldn't have created the thread to begin with, b) you wouldn't have been shy about telling others your response in the original post, and c) you wouldn't have given that "be nice" crap when you did and just had the courage of your own convictions.

Which is part of what I've been saying the entire thread. Your answers are right, for YOU, but not for the person you contacted. Most twenty year old chicks around this joint are swamped with mail from those both inside and outside of their age range.

For what it's worth, I'd have failed you, too. The gift stuff over-romanticizes what BDSM is to a lot of people. You specifically went for the tag words that she told you were unacceptable answers. Then, on top of that, you decided you were going to 'educate' her when she doesn't see you in that position of wisdom and respect. Please remember that a lot of older guys contact young submissives with the hope that they won't be educated enough in their own right and can be exploited. That tends to come from those who want to extoll their experience on the young and do the time dropping thing.