RE: Why do people ignore mails (Full Version)

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DaddySatyr -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 10:44:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: Munchkin1
I will always answer a well written thought out mail that I receive, it may take me a day or two sometimes but I always respond, I feel it is common curtesy to respond even with a "im sorry your not my type"


How can you not love someone that sees common courtesy as being important?

Oh and for the record: ^^^^^^ THIS (should have been the first thing I typed).



Peace and comfort,



Michael


Yes, Michael, however, for 18 pages women have been patiently explaining why their profiles are here for varying reasons, why, even when we are polite and courteous we get screamed at by rejected men, so we have had to start ignoring said men.

I find some of the men who have been attempting to debate our replies to be rather dense and lack reading comprehension. I suspect it is because those men are very angry that they have been rejected so many times, thus are in the mood to stir some crap.

Because if they are really that stupid, I fear for them.


You've seen how ugly I am? I've known my share of rejection. While I understand what you're saying about thick-headed people, I refuse to let them drag me down. I respond to ANY e-mail that isn't obvious spam. To me, it's the polite thing to do.

Do I get angry, when ladies don't respond to me? Not at all but, months later, when they change their mind, I delete and block because they've already shown me that they're rude.

I should add that in all fairness, I have interacted with you twice (once, years ago and once, recently). The first time was something of an approach and even though you knew we weren't a good fit, you were courteous enought to tell me so. I say that so that you don't think I'm trying to single you out.

Having said that, there are ladies that have their heads so far up their asses that they feel entitlement to attention from men. Hence, their dissmissive attitude about not recognizing someone's effort, when a nice, respectful e-mail is written.

Do you know what I do, when I hold a door for someone and they don't say "Thank you"? I say: "You're welcome" so that they can hear me (and then, if it works out that way, again, I hold the door for them, again). Common courtesy, apparently, is a cousin to common sense; they're both as rare as hen's teeth.



Peace and comfort,



Michael



NuevaVida -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 10:59:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


I find some of the men who have been attempting to debate our replies to be rather dense and lack reading comprehension. I suspect it is because those men are very angry that they have been rejected so many times, thus are in the mood to stir some crap.



I'm starting to wonder, too, sexyred. I was telling the Mister about this thread last night. I remembered when we first met on CM, there was something in his CM Journal about not replying to messages. So I told him it was brought up here (the annual thread about it) and he asked, "So why don't women reply?" and I told him the various answers shared here. He said "Oh, I hadn't realized that. What a pain that must be." and that was that. He didn't see a reason to argue that point. He said it was frustrating for him when he was looking (and I can vouge his messages were polite), but he gets it now. I told him we've made the point of "Just create a female profile for a few weeks and see what happens" and he laughed and say no thank you!!

I also told him I was glad I replied to his first message to me - because I almost didn't.



Moonhead -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 11:00:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
I respond to ANY e-mail that isn't obvious spam. To me, it's the polite thing to do.

Posting as a male dom, though, you probably don't get some of the aggrieved nonsense that some of the female subs do, though?
Sending a job application might be a suitable analogy for this: if you don't get a rejection letter because the CV you sent in was written in crayon and/or the advertiser was deluged with applications, you're quite entitled to feel that shows a certain lack of manners, but whining about it at great and tiresome length while insisting to people who really don't give a toss about your issues with your lack of recognition that anybody who doesn't reply to you is a stuck up rude shit who needs shooting isn't really the best approach if you're insisting that you deserve a response because it's basic courtesy, is it?

And that's even without getting into the bullishly male version of dominatrix toxaemia a few of the posts stating that any female who lists themselves as a sub on their profile is morally obliged to answer any message any male top deigns to send them are not so much suggesting as out and out bragging about...



Bemyprize -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 11:22:44 AM)

READ YOUR profile. I wish I could point to a few of the best ones. If this is you ... accept my praise and admiration: Any profile that starts with

"NOT LOOKING FOR D/s RELATIONSHIP Just here looking for friends and like-minded people to chat with" or "OWNED" "NO COUPLES", etc..

<---- is clear enough, just a simple line at the front and we can self select out.

Those of us (<---points) who seek to make it 'real' (meet in rl) sort profiles of possibly interested people who match our predilections in both kink and nilla interests, and appreciate a profile with a CLEAR opening statement that lets us know we don't match

We show our appreciation by NOT sending emails to further clutter your inbox. If... there are those who get their jollies from being pursued and denying.. far be it for me to begrudge your kink... carry on. (pardon the few shout outs to people who's profiles show exceptional clarity and precision. You know who you are )

Michael...



p.s
Our profile gets rare (we dropped pictures) emails from male submissives. One was actually quite nice and seriously looking, we passed his number on to a friend who shares his particular fetish. (no harm no foul and karma is more than a REALLY nice car by Fisker)



areuhim -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 11:35:19 AM)

**This is a fast reply**

I am fairly new to this site so I was not aware that after hiding and then re-opening my profile I would go back on the new persons list. I was raised to have good manners, so I hid my profile to try to answer the insane pile of emails that hit my inbox. To say I was shocked at the volume would be an understatement. Many were polite and funny and normal and were answered as promptly as possible. I do, however, have a job and a life outside the internet so many had to wait. Then, I re-opened my profile and "bam" more email...wow. I never in a million years expected the response I got.

If I did not see compatibility, I sent a polite message back. A lot were fine with my response but many were downright abrasive and scary. I apologized for the length of time it took for me to respond back to some due to the above mentioned volume and obligations. Suddenly, I was a fat slut, a cow, a wanna-be who doesn't know the rules...etc. and so on. I even had someone tell me I was a lazy, stupid, Bitch for not responding to him immediately and wasting his time.

Many emails are one liners, one word such as "Hi" and then there are the one's that don't bear repeating. I have some sitting in my mail box right now unread because I used the hover feature and know what is coming. If I reply, abuse. If I delete unread and do not block, I will get another email with "Why did you delete my email you fat cunt?" (Yes, I did get that one once when I deleted a really horrid one.) Then if I don't reply, I feel bad because I was raised to be polite.

That only goes so far though. I do not know these people and when they are obviously troubled and not a match, I cannot stomach the abuse and constant pestering anymore. Those people get blocked.

The problem is, some haven't been so offensive as to warrant being blocked yet. I try not to judge everyone on the merits of others. That isn't fair. But please understand, one can only take some of these in small doses. Sometimes the nice, polite people get drowned in the flotsam of crap floating in our inbox. I cannot speak for everyone, but maybe, just maybe you were just overlooked? The other option is that they are just not that into you. It is hard to take rejection, but it comes in life.

For what it's worth, that's my two cents. I hope it makes sense...I'm fighting off a headache today...



OsideGirl -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 11:40:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr
While I understand what you're saying about thick-headed people, I refuse to let them drag me down. I respond to ANY e-mail that isn't obvious spam. To me, it's the polite thing to do.


You clearly have a thicker skin than I do. The guy that told me I was a useless piece of skin because I can't have children after having cancer felt like a real kick in the teeth to me.



descrite -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 12:26:45 PM)

quote:

Not to mention, I just went through that fact in this past week with the same poster.

Descrite, I've been saying the same things over and over for years. I even linked a thread where I've said the same thing. I can't tell you how many threads I've said it on. It's on My profile, too.

A lot of us aren't here to date. Please do keep that in mind.



Sorry-- then I misunderstood your post. This:

quote:

For the same reasons I told you before. If I hide the profile, I won't come up on the geography search, and frankly, there's nobody else here for a hundred miles.

As a presenter, it's better for Me to have it up. It's easier for people to find Me and verify dates from My journal. Helps Me, too, since I'm not always the best with dates.



The first part implies you are looking for local people. Yes?

The second part suggests you are looking to meet in real life. Yes?

That's a date.

Sure, not a let's-meet-and-see-if-it-leads-to-matrimony date, but a date nonetheless.

And I thought the "presenting" was part of your business. Kinky candles, right? I understood that you're not a pro domme, but your presentation is a marketing platform, correct? Even if it's just for building the brand (you), and not pushing a specific product.

I apologize if I've totally misconstrued your meaning.




@Michael: everything you've said = spot on. And that quote from the site admin was EXACTLY what I was thinking of, along with stef's post, when I called CM a dating site.

Lots of posters seem to agree with me.

ChatteParfaitt said:
quote:

The profile side where you have your ad is a meat market.


DNAHeliCase said:
quote:

Even though you don't talk about kinks specifically, your profile is all about what you're looking for and who you are as a submissive. I suggest rewriting it so it's more about what you're looking for and who you are as a person. I'm not saying to get rid of what you seek and who you are as a sub entirely; I think it's a good idea to have some description of that in your profile to help people know if they might be a good potential match with you.


MistressDarkArt said:
quote:

I like your profile just the way it is. Keep all the pictures just the way they are, too. If you were in California I would be trying my darndest to convince you 53-year old dommes are the bomb.




Those are just the few explicit ones about the dichotomy ("Profile side = dating; forum side = chat about stuff"); there are plenty more that just have the snide implication of that same message ("Welcome to the conversation side" [emphasis in original], "You'll find lots of information here" [emphasis added], and plenty of variations on (paraphrasing), "Welcome to the place where we converse about stuff other than finding partners.")

I'm fairly new here, so I might be barking up the wrong tree...but, like stef, it seems as if the clique of veteran posters is sending a mixed message: is the profile side of CM for dating? Is the forum side restricted to discussion?

1) If the profile side is for dating,

2) and you have a profile up and visible,

3) and you complain about all the attention your profile gets,

Conclusion: you are saying, explicitly, "Oh, golly-- my ad keeps getting customers. I can ignore most as dross, and cherry-pick the few I prefer. My life is sooooooo difficult."

If you can't understand why that is unappealing, well....okay.

But I don't believe that. I think anyone who pretends not to understand that is being disingenuous.

It's like whiny celebrities: "Oh, I can't go anywhere without someone recognizing me and asking me for my photograph." Um....dickhead? You put yourself on a shiny screen all over the world. You chose that profession; they didn't come find you.

Personally, I'd rather hear someone talk about how great it is to receive lots of attention, and how proud they are that they are in demand. In the immortal words of the great poet, "God damn, it feels good to be a gangster."

And a gangster replies to email, yo.







sexyred1 -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 12:38:30 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1


quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: Munchkin1
I will always answer a well written thought out mail that I receive, it may take me a day or two sometimes but I always respond, I feel it is common curtesy to respond even with a "im sorry your not my type"


How can you not love someone that sees common courtesy as being important?

Oh and for the record: ^^^^^^ THIS (should have been the first thing I typed).



Peace and comfort,



Michael


Yes, Michael, however, for 18 pages women have been patiently explaining why their profiles are here for varying reasons, why, even when we are polite and courteous we get screamed at by rejected men, so we have had to start ignoring said men.

I find some of the men who have been attempting to debate our replies to be rather dense and lack reading comprehension. I suspect it is because those men are very angry that they have been rejected so many times, thus are in the mood to stir some crap.

Because if they are really that stupid, I fear for them.


You've seen how ugly I am? I've known my share of rejection. While I understand what you're saying about thick-headed people, I refuse to let them drag me down. I respond to ANY e-mail that isn't obvious spam. To me, it's the polite thing to do.

Do I get angry, when ladies don't respond to me? Not at all but, months later, when they change their mind, I delete and block because they've already shown me that they're rude.

I should add that in all fairness, I have interacted with you twice (once, years ago and once, recently). The first time was something of an approach and even though you knew we weren't a good fit, you were courteous enought to tell me so. I say that so that you don't think I'm trying to single you out.

Having said that, there are ladies that have their heads so far up their asses that they feel entitlement to attention from men. Hence, their dissmissive attitude about not recognizing someone's effort, when a nice, respectful e-mail is written.

Do you know what I do, when I hold a door for someone and they don't say "Thank you"? I say: "You're welcome" so that they can hear me (and then, if it works out that way, again, I hold the door for them, again). Common courtesy, apparently, is a cousin to common sense; they're both as rare as hen's teeth.



Peace and comfort,



Michael


You and I corresponded and we were courteous to each other.

The whole topic here is about if, when you first wrote, I ignored you or, when I courteously responded to you, you came back at me like a moron yelling at me and trying to argue with me.

You were a gentleman and I was a lady, but that is not the norm online.

I am empathetic to people, really, but to belabor this topic when it is not going to ever change on either side, is an exercise in futility.

I can only say that as NuevaVida above explained why women don't respond to her now partner, he did not argue with her, he simply said, wow, I never knew that side of it.

That was all that needed to be said here.



DaddySatyr -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 1:13:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I am empathetic to people, really, but to belabor this topic when it is not going to ever change on either side, is an exercise in futility.


You're right. It's never going to change but just like it is an individual's right to refuse to answer e-mails, it's another individual's right to call that behavior rude.

When a couple of people did call the behavior rude, they were set upon by some people and at least one of the "non-returners" called the other person a name that I am SURE they would not like to be called.

It's amazing to me how contentious the "CCC" (Collar Chat Clique) can become when someone dares to offer a differing opinion. I've learned some things about some people on this thread. It's a shame.



Peace and comfort,



Michael



sexyred1 -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 4:53:36 PM)

I hear you. You know what they say though, you cannot control what other people do, you can only control your reaction to them.



ToyOfRhamnusia -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 8:25:42 PM)

OK - here is my towel.

I am not responsible for what ignorant idiots do in response to decent people's well-meant input, and I can see that there are people here that simply refuse to even consider the possible existence of other motives for contacting them than rude abuse.

It is apparently clear to those that this justifies dealing with everybody on the basis of some chosen stereotype, thus classifying themselves in the same category of self-sufficient ignorance as the spammers they try to fight.

When selfishness is a greater virtue that respect for other people, and when making innocent people pay for other people's selfishness is not even morally questionable, then I can make more sense out of spending my time elsewhere.



descrite -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 8:33:32 PM)

Holy crap-- Michael and Toy nailed it.

Well put. I think that's a capstone.

With that supreme closing, I, too, feel comfortable walking away from the topic. Thanks for that, gents.



LadyPact -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 10:48:16 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

Sorry-- then I misunderstood your post. This:


quote:

For the same reasons I told you before. If I hide the profile, I won't come up on the geography search, and frankly, there's nobody else here for a hundred miles.

As a presenter, it's better for Me to have it up. It's easier for people to find Me and verify dates from My journal. Helps Me, too, since I'm not always the best with dates


quote:

The first part implies you are looking for local people. Yes?
No. I did leave the profile up so that people can find Me for info on local events and/or the topics that I teach.


quote:

The second part suggests you are looking to meet in real life. Yes?
If a person would use the information I would provide regarding local events, and I happen to meet them because we're having dinner in the same munch group, sure. I'd love to say hello.


quote:

That's a date.

Sure, not a let's-meet-and-see-if-it-leads-to-matrimony date, but a date nonetheless.
If you are asking Me if I'm a member of the munch group that is closest to My location, I am. I attend the dungeon that is associated with that group. That's not dating. If somebody from this town is looking for munch groups, etc, they aren't going to find them without some help. Not to mention, I'm married, have a collared sub, mentor one person, train, and have a number of regular play partners. How many more people could I possibly need to beat?


quote:

And I thought the "presenting" was part of your business. Kinky candles, right? I understood that you're not a pro domme, but your presentation is a marketing platform, correct? Even if it's just for building the brand (you), and not pushing a specific product.

You don't know much about presenting, do you? Haven't you talked to anybody in your local community who does demos? It's only a business for those who are a big name and getting speakers fees. Folks like Jay Wiseman, Midori, etc. The rest of us don't get paid. Actually, half of the people that I presented with this year at Northern Exposure had to spend considerable money to present because they paid their own airfare. (I didn't have to fly, but I spent on gas.)

The candles make no profit. They are still being sold at cost. I'd rather do that than have more folks get burned because they are buying wax off of the shelves that isn't suitable to be used on people. If you read the most recent post on wax in the Ask A Submissive forum, you'll see what I mean. Here is the post. http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4252607


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I specifically took My profile off of the hide setting so that I could make this post. I did it so that people could look at My itty-bitty little town that I live in, because it's part of the story.

I'm almost getting to the point where wax is something of a crusade on My part. It seems like folks are getting hurt because they aren't doing it safely. It's happening all over and it's not just stuff that people make up to scare others.

Even here, local to Me. In this very small town, where somebody makes candles for this purpose, it still happens.

In small towns, everybody talks to everybody else. That includes the guys who work at the fire department, who were discussing one of the calls they went on because....... You guessed it! They got called because somebody had burned themselves so badly with candles they bought at the store that they had to call 911. (In that person's defense, there really isn't an Emergency Room here, so the fire company was probably their best option after the damage had been done.)

I can't tell you how disheartening a story like that is to Me. Not when the education is available.





quote:

I apologize if I've totally misconstrued your meaning.

You did. Again. I have to wonder why that keeps happening on your part. Is it a reading comprehension issue or does the purple throw you off a bit?








ivone1 -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 10:55:01 PM)

without reading all replies... to the OP, no its not rude its a fact of life on the internet... i havent been on here in years even tho i had an active profile and i came online and almost immediately received
3 emails from men ..... yeah i know i dont have much on my profile but still.... an email of introduction would have been nice instead of nice bewbies as an opening statement... as i am so much more
than a pair of bewbies... besides it is the bra i was showing off to BK in the red bra club on b.com .... just saying



myotherself -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 11:46:43 PM)

I have a 'mail or no mail' situation that arose this morning.

Yesterday I perved the profile of some guy who did a random, badly-spelled, barely literate trolling of another thread. I looked at his profile to see if he was really as dumb as he appeared in his post, and to my surprise his profile was well-written and even somewhat attractive, had I been looking. And if he hadn't shown his true colours in his earlier post [:'(]

I do this a lot. I look at profiles of regular posters every now and then, and I also look at profiles of people who say something particularly smart or particularly stupid, just to see the person behind the words. I rarely write to them, unless they've said something pretty amazing that I want to comment upon.

So, back to the troll. This morning I checked my mail and I have a message from him. It says 'Nice bunny!'. That's it.

I have several choices now. I could reply to this banal, fairly pointless message and say something equally banal and pointless, like 'yes it is' or something along those lines. There's not a lot to work on, so I'm a bit limited here. [:D] And as he and I have absolutely nothing in common, and I also think he's a cowardly little cuntblister, it's not going to end well.

But to be honest, I don't really want to speak to him. So I could ignore the message.

Or another option is to write back and tell him I don't wish to speak to him because I think he's an idiot, which is the honest thing to do.

Whichever I choose, it's not going to end well (for him). Surely the kindest thing to do is to ignore him? [8|]


*bleeding heart bunny*



GreedyTop -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/14/2012 11:57:11 PM)

*hands Bunny some towels to wipe up that blood*



needlesandpins -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/15/2012 2:29:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins


now, i do not have to hide my profile, and i certainly don't want to. why the hell should i just to suit some whining arsehole?


quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite

Ummm...because you are inviting a bunch of unsoliticed mail you don't intend to respond to?

Picture a grocery store offering a special on milk, then locking the doors when customers show up.


sweetie, you really need to use the quote buttons correctly so that when you are multi quoting people everyone can see where the quote came from. that way, when you stick a line from one person into a mass split quoting session from someone else, others can see what you have done is out of context.

you see, if what you have quoted up there from me had been from someone else who is actually looking for people then your reply may have at least made a little sence. as it was actually me you quoted, and my profile very clearly states that i am here for the forums only, i am seeing someone, i am not looking for anyone else, therefore i WILL NOT respond to your mail, you are completely wrong. i am not inviting mail from anyone at all. ergo i do not have to reply to anyone.

you seriously need to get over yourself, and stop telling everyone else what they should do with their profiles, and lives.

your reasoning is as stupid as anyone who thinks a woman deserves to be raped because she wore a short skirt, and revealing top.

i have a profile because it's the route i used to get to the forums. i keep it there because i want to. i don't have to do anything else about it. i certainly won't hide it just because some pipsqueak says i should if i'm not willing to answer mail i very clearly say not to bother sending me.

needles



sid123 -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/15/2012 2:42:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnerExtreme

It makes mad - not to say: It pisses me off - that people just ignore mails. I am here on this site because I am looking for a (female) slave. I am not a fake, I am for real and I write quite some mails to get to know sub or slave women. i add a picture and I am not offensive - I am polite and well mannered.
I absolutly understand that my liking are not for everybody, but to ignore a mail is (to me) the poorest and cheapest way to say "Thank you, but - no!"
Am I the only one who gets mad about that?


The women out here get hit with a lot of messages. Some of them a massively huge number. There has to be something that makes them want to respond to you but what you say needs to be honest. It does not pay to use something phony to hook them and it turns out to not be true. There are plenty of others that will match what she wants if she looks long enough (wades through all the messages).

You have to be something she wants to communicate with, you need to be able to also express that you are those things, you need to able to match what you express.

A lot of people I message don't message me back. Many do message me back. Some of them I end up meeting. Some I have had a great time with.

I am aware that everyone is not going to like me in my messages that might of in real life. I also know that some will like me in my messages and not like me in real life. I know some will not be interested in me no matter what. I know some are interested in me but I am not interested in them. Sometimes what we are looking for meshes just fine. :)



GreedyTop -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/15/2012 2:48:45 AM)

And then there is also the receivers mail settings - sometimes the (allegedly) well written, polite, etc. email might not ever be seen by the sub because it triggered into her bulk folder.



Moonhead -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/15/2012 5:26:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite
It's like whiny celebrities: "Oh, I can't go anywhere without someone recognizing me and asking me for my photograph." Um....dickhead? You put yourself on a shiny screen all over the world. You chose that profession; they didn't come find you.

They didn't? And there was me thinking that this thread was started by an OP whining about not getting a reply to his messages, which is more an autograph hunter complaining that a b lister didn't answer him when he was shouting at them than the case you're implying.

quote:

ORIGINAL: descrite
And a gangster replies to email, yo.

No they don't.
Try emailing Bushwick Bill and see if you get a response.



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