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OsideGirl -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/16/2012 10:33:54 AM)
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I just saw this on FetLife and thought it was hysterical:
https://fetlife.com/users/43637/posts/510357
quote:
Dear Probably Well Meaning but Somewhat Annoying and/or Creepy Guy
I don't think most women on FL want to be bitchy to strangers, but unfortunately the clueless behavior of some men make us a bit quick to jump down throats. Sorry about that, but when bombarded with idiocy and disrespect, sometimes it's hard to maintain composure.
Sadly, this seems to be picking up around here lately. From now on I'm just going to send a link to this in response:
Dear Probably Well Meaning but Somewhat Annoying and/or Creepy Guy,
Congratulations! You've just joined Fetlife and discovered an amazing new world. A world you may have dreamed about in your fantasies but never imagined actually existed somewhere. Awesome, isn't it?
I know what your first instinct probably is. It's to grab your mouse with one hand, your cock with the other, and hit up every potentially available woman and group in your area in one night. With hundreds of women, surely if you friend request or message each one of them then getting freaky laid is just a few minutes away!
Um, yeah...about that...
While FL may seem like a porno paradise and hookup site at first glance, it is actually first and foremost a community. Communities are bonded by common interests and social order. Obviously, you have a common interest or you wouldn't be here. But do you understand the social aspect? Let's talk about basic Fetlife etiquette in regards to approaching women.
1. Who the fuck are you?
Before the wanking and stalking commences, please take an hour or so and thoughtfully fill out your profile information. Your "About Me" text doesn't have to be worthy of Shakespeare, but it should be more than a simple "want to eat pussy." Did you list your orientation and what you're looking for? Did you add some fetishes? If you are comfortable adding a photo, that helps too. Do not make your only photo of your cock. I assure you, unless spectacular in some way, it will most likely drive more women away than attract them. Spectacular or not, most women care more about what the cock is attached to than the cock itself anyway.
2. Why are you here?
If you're here to meet a partner, then your next destination should really be the Fetlife groups. Before you go crazy spamming every group in your area though, keep a few things in mind.
Many groups have rules about posting introductions and seeking out partners. READ THE RULES OF THE GROUP BEFORE YOU JOIN AND POST. Do not immediately post something like "where are all the single hot sub ladies at?" Do not post a personal ad if it is against the rules, period. There are groups just for that, though.
Do post something intelligent. Use good grammar and spelling. First impressions count, even online ones. It doesn't hurt to take some time to read and learn about your kinks, too.
Use local groups to find local events, and then go to those local events. This is hands down the easiest way to meet people and become part of the community.
Yes, I know that coming out IRL is scary and intimidating and you don't want to do it. But for the time investment, the rewards will be much greater than trying to talk 50 random women from the internet into meeting a stranger (you) in a coffee shop to talk about how you'd like to get your rocks off.
3. Why are you friend requesting me?
Holy crap, look at that totally hot picture! Are you instantly hitting the friend request button? No matter how hard your dick is, please take a moment to actually read the profile of the person you are friend requesting. Is she up for being friends with random internet people? Does she have a Master who needs to approve the friend request first? Follow her guidelines and behave accordingly. Be respectful.
4. Why are you sending me a message?
Did you see the above about reading a woman's profile before friend requesting? The same rules apply for sending a message.
Can you imagine just walking up to a stranger in a grocery store and saying to her "yur hot. wuz up?" Would you be surprised if she gave you a weird look and then just walked away? Would you walk up to a stranger in a coffee shop and say, "slut, you're my bitch now and should get where you belong! On your knees and start sucking my cock!" Or throw yourself at her feet, crying "this slave is the scum of the earth, Goddess Ma'am, and eagerly awaits you to trample its balls!"
Sending a message to a stranger on Fetlife like the above is not all that much different. Please, for the love of kink just don't do it.
Newsflash - women tend to get lots of messages on sites like this. If the best thing you can come up with is "what's up" then you're not ready to send a message to that woman. If you're not already in a D/s relationship with someone, then sending them an explicitly domly or subby message is not appropriate. Especially if you send it to a woman and it isn't even her correct orientation! E.g. sending a dominating message to a woman who identifies as a domina or top.
If you want to be a cut above the rest, send a respectful, creative, and intelligent message that actually SAYS something. A tasteful compliment, a comment on a recent post she made, a question about a relevant fetish, whatever. If you don't get a response, brush it off and move on. Sending an additional angry message calling the woman a bitch for not responding isn't going to win you any points. Guess what? She may be busy, or offline, or simply not interested in responding. The fact that you sent a message does not somehow entitle you to a response.
Do not send the same mass message to every woman you can find in your area. It's obvious, and we do talk to each other.
5. Finally, to the Thoughtful and Not Annoying at All Guys
For those of you who already do all of the above, thank you for NOT being That Guy. You are a breath of fresh air, and if you're not getting laid now I hope you do in the very near future.
Happy Perving,
suki
EDIT: Holy crap, the comments and love just keep on comin'. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to comment or send a message, many of them have made me smile. For those who have asked - yes, please feel free to link or repost as you desire as long as you include a credit to me and a link back to the original writing here..
This work is shared under the Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported (CC BY-NC-ND 3.0) License. You may share the work, unedited, for non-commercial purposes as long as a credit to the author and a link back to this original is included.
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