RE: Why do people ignore mails

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Moonhead -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 9:14:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact It never really dies, Dude. It just goes to sleep for a while before coming back. Sure, it looks like it comes with a different face or various language, but it's never completely gone. It's like a Friday the Thirteenth movie. Freddie just keeps coming back over and over no matter how many times you kill him. This, and fat threads, and the bitching about findommes threads, et al. We should just have a section called "This is the Thread That Never Ends" into which the mods can drop every thread that falls into the the repetitive bitching category. Not a bad idea: as popups are now big on CM, we could have it open one for this song on youtube...

Moonhead -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 9:18:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt This thread could die a happy death if the males involved could or would understand that when you hit on a female, no matter how you do it, even if it's polite, whether it's in person or online, it is an UNSOLICITED ADVANCE. Females train themselves from the teen years not to respond to unsolicited advances, or at least, not to respond to them politely. Why? B/c otherwise you get best case scenario, men following you around b/c they don't understand a polite no is still no, think stalkers, or those who turn into instant assholes when they are rejected, or those who think enough persistence will pay (pls see Ogirl's examples above.) This is very common. EVERY attractive, sexy female gets hit on numerous times every single time she goes out her front door. EVERY TIME. Yes, even at my age. ALL THE TIME. Men I don't know try to talk to me, try to touch me, want to get to know me, etc etc. Most are very polite. Some when I turn them down (I tend to tell them I'm married, it's something most men respect) say what a lucky man he must be. Yes, even the abundantly curvaceous ladies. Yes, even the ladies like me of a certain age. I think submissive women get hit on even more, b/c they do tend to be more aware of their sexuality. Please. Try. To. Get. This. Straight. Sexy women get hit on all the time. An unsolicited advance from a male is so common it really is like a viagra ad. Really. Do you respond to all your viagra ads with a no thanks? Of course not, that would be silly. What if when you did, the bot got ugly??? Turned into a stalker bot or a virus bot or a rapist bot??? What about this don't you guys get? Why these general standards have to be applied to them because they're better than every other guy on the internet and deserve a response from anybody they contact (even in txt spk), so anybody who doesn't give them a grateful reply is a rude uppity cunt with no right to call herself a submissive. (Obviously.) [;)]

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 9:19:12 AM)
Also I think another component to this argument is that women learn from an early age to protect themselves from strange men. You don't go out late at night alone, you don't park your car where you have to walk through a dark patch to get to it, you learn to be alert in basic everyday situations where most men wouldn't even think they could be threatened. Want an example? Every female who lives in an apartment complex with the laundry room in the basement. If the light bulb is burned out, an alert female will think twice about going down those basement steps, most especially if she's been a rape a/o attack victim. This is the way life is for females in this world, and this mindset does filter into our reactions to strange men we don't know. Basically, you are a strange man I don't know unless and until I do know you. That will happen on MY terms, not on yours, ever. This doesn't mean I will never respond to an unsolicited advance, I have before and possibly will again. But it best be polite, and the person best be very prepared to understand getting to know me is on my terms. Whining about not getting a response from an unsolicited advance tells me you want to get to know a female on your terms only. Which means you don't have a clue about what it means to be female in this world. I would never trust that sort of person, so they would remain a stranger to me. And I don't believe I am alone in these thoughts in the least.

tj444 -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 9:50:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt you are a strange man I don't know unless and until I do know you. and oddly (& sadly) enough, its men that women do know that (statistically) end up raping/attacking them.. Imo, we should be just as leary of men we do know as men we dont know.. I know, I know.. call me paranoid.. unless a guy is my boyfriend, I dont trust them any further than I can throw em.. no matter how "nice" they appear to be.. I tend to block most guys after their first email.. cuz if i dont and they arent either from the forums or someone i could see dating, it goes like Osidegirl said, either A or B.. and it just wastes my time & frustrates me.. and if blocking the dude gets him all huffy, too dam bad for him.. And for all the guys that feel hard done by cuz women like me dont email em back.. Paul Janka is here to save ya.. so buy his book or course and stop yer whining.. [;)]

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 9:58:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl quote: ORIGINAL: DaddySatyr I think the issue here (to go with your above post) would be something along the lines of: "That dress really brings out the color in your eyes." garnering no response from you. That would be rude (in my opinion, anyway). Okay, let me show you how that ends up: Version #1 Email: That dress really brings out the color in your eyes Me: Thank you Email: You're welcome. I'd like to get to know you better. Me: No, thank you. I'm just here for the forums. Email: well, you're fat ugly whore, who needs to get a job. No one wants to fuck you anyway. Version #2 Email: That dress really brings out the color in your eyes Me: Thank you Email: You're welcome. I'd like to get to know you better. Me: No, thank you. I'm just here for the forums. Email: Why not? You can't really be here for the forums. I think we should meet and get to know each other. Me: No, I'm really just here for the forums Email: C'mon let's meet for a coffee. I'll be able to give you your biggest fantasies. Me: I'm just here for the forums. I'm not looking for anything. Please leave me alone. Email: You might as well meet me because I'm going to tell everyone that I fucked you anyway. Me: <at that point I block him> O, you know I think the world of you and I have stated so, publicly on more than one occasion but that is NOT always how those things go. Is it more often than not? Maybe. I like to give people a little bit more of the benefit of the doubt but, I may be an optimist. I will say this: If people allow themselves to forego manners because someone else *might* be mean to them, there's something skewed, there. Following that logic, I would be justified in smacking some guy in the face because I think he's about to hit a lady, when they're having a heated discussion. Or, I'd be justified in turning a corner and jumping a stranger that happens to be following me down a street because I fear he may mug me. Yes, extreme examples but that's the logical conclusion of that kind of "I'll-be-rude-first-because-they-might-be-rude-to-me". It's an ass-backwards "Golden Rule"; one that we used to joke about (in my family) as children: "Do unto others before they do unto you". It makes you just a touch better than the person hurling the hatred at you. Peace and comfort, Michael Actually, OsideGirl is RIGHT ON THE MARK, the scenarios she's listed are not exagerations, and My female friends and I have witnessed and experienced these scenarios MANY TIMES, even those of us who let them know we are married (Spamming with aggressive intent is what it is). I'm at the point while using any online site, usually at a male's first amorous word I hit BLOCK because at that point it's just a dick talking and I'm not interested in what Dick has to say. Males shouldn't be preaching to us about our reactions because they have NOOOO understanding of how constantly we get hit on (Although I know a few males who have become somewhat enlightened by creating female avatars on PSHome--a virtual world for gamer social networking which is PG13 rated--Even conservatively dressed in a business suit your female avatar will get hit on CONSTANTLY with all the above pickup lines. It's a real eye-opener for some guys). OMG, can't we just check our inbox or do some grocery shopping or gas up our car IN PEACE without constantly having to brush off some random guy who thinks he has a chance? The males who protest our aloofness are usually the worst culprits themselves and have probably even commited "versions 1 & 2" on a few occasions. No means No boys, and if we're not talking, we're just not that into you.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:02:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS Actually, OsideGirl is RIGHT ON THE MARK, the scenarios she's listed are not exagerations, and My female friends and I have witnessed and experienced these scenarios MANY TIMES, even those of us who let them know we are married (Spamming with aggressive intent is what it is). I'm at the point while using any online site, usually at a male's first amorous word I hit BLOCK because at that point it's just a dick talking and I'm not interested in what Dick has to say. Males shouldn't be preaching to us about our reactions because they have NOOOO understanding of how constantly we get hit on (Although I know a few males who have become somewhat enlightened by creating female avatars on PSHome--a virtual world for gamer social networking which is PG13 rated--Even conservatively dressed in a business suit your female avatar will get hit on CONSTANTLY with all the above pickup lines. It's a real eye-opener for some guys). OMG, can't we just check our inbox or do some grocery shopping or gas up our car IN PEACE without constantly having to brush off some random guy who thinks he has a chance? The males who protest our aloofness are usually the worst culprits themselves and have probably even commited "versions 1 & 2" on a few occasions. No means No boys, and if we're not talking, we're just not that into you. Firstly, I never said that Oside exagerated. I said that it doesn't always go that way. I know this for a fact because I have never done it and there are ladies that visit these boards that can attest to that. So, a female preaching about what *every* man does is kind of disingenuous. Sorry to put it so bluntly but this is exactly the kind of thing that paints ladies in a bad light. Peace and comfort, Michael

Hillwilliam -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:07:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS Males shouldn't be preaching to us about our reactions because they have NOOOO understanding of how constantly we get hit on Have you considered that for every one who DOES hit on you, there are a thousand who dont? Seriously, sometimes these threads are as bad as the "why do they allow ducklip findoms on the other side threads"

LadyPact -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:08:38 AM)
DS, it doesn't have to be every time. Just often enough to learn the lesson of how often it happens. It's great that you don't do it. What you have to accept is that it does happen frequently. Most females on the site aren't willing to take the chance. It's much easier to block, delete, and forget all about it. Like it or not, that's the reality.

NuevaVida -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:25:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt And I don't believe I am alone in these thoughts in the least. These last couple of posts from you were awesome - such a clear way of explaining how we are conditioned to react to men from a very early age, such that we don't even think twice about it. One of the things I had to learn very recently was really strange to me. I've lost a ton of weight and it was really bizarre to me how much MORE I was hit on than before. I was not at all prepared for this. Men feeling like they could put their hand on my waist while talking to me...holding a door for me and putting their hand on my lower back as I walked through (these are men I either don't know, or don't know very well), etc. At work if I smile and say hello to a man, he somehow thinks this means I'm interested in him. I've had to learn how to be standoffish with men, and to not ask how they are (because somehow that means I'm more interested than I really am), and to stand at a weird distance from them while talking so they don't touch me. It is VERY weird. My point here is to (hopefully?) shed some light on what women can be dealing with every day - in public, at work, online, wherever. So the men who do have good intentions and are respectful end up paying the price for that, in that they have to stand out from the norm of what we are used to seeing. I get that it's probably tiresome and frustrating, but women have their own "tiresome and frustrating" issues to deal with, too. HOW we deal with it is what's important, IMO.

OsideGirl -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:26:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact DS, it doesn't have to be every time. Just often enough to learn the lesson of how often it happens. It's great that you don't do it. What you have to accept is that it does happen frequently. Most females on the site aren't willing to take the chance. It's much easier to block, delete, and forget all about it. Like it or not, that's the reality. Exactly, if I know that 19 times out of 20, I'm going to get burned....eventually I stop touching the stove.

stef -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:28:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact DS, it doesn't have to be every time. Just often enough to learn the lesson of how often it happens. It's great that you don't do it. What you have to accept is that it does happen frequently. Most females on the site aren't willing to take the chance. It's much easier to block, delete, and forget all about it. Like it or not, that's the reality. Hush dear, he's mansplaining. [img]http://www.inertdomain.com/images/rolleye.gif[/img]

NuevaVida -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:31:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam quote: ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS Males shouldn't be preaching to us about our reactions because they have NOOOO understanding of how constantly we get hit on Have you considered that for every one who DOES hit on you, there are a thousand who dont? Yep, I have. And thank God for that. But she's right. At the grocery store, at the gym, at stop lights in the car, at work...Once when I was out with my (now ex) husband, he went to the bar to get us drinks and some random dude immediately slid over to our table and hit on me. After awhile, when a man approaches, you just tense up and hope to God he's one of those refreshing guys who aren't going to put the moves on. But you're now conditioned to not make eye contact, change your body language and prepare yourself to have to say "No thank you" again. It's like saying, while hanging out at a lake at dusk, for every mosquito trying to suck the blood out of you, there are a thousand that aren't. So hey, just stop swatting because they're not ALL going to bite....

wnyThroatLover -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:34:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida It's like saying, while hanging out at a lake at dusk, for every mosquito trying to suck the blood out of you, there are a thousand that aren't. So hey, just stop swatting because they're not ALL going to bite.... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^All of that^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ I'm with the women on this one. Guys, shut the fuck up! You all sound whiny and childish. No means no, and in this case it doesn't secretly mean yes.

ShaharThorne -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:37:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OsideGirl Exactly, if I know that 19 times out of 20, I'm going to get burned....eventually I stop touching the stove. Sometimes its the skillet that burns you...sometimes the elements...

Hillwilliam -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:45:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam quote: ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS Males shouldn't be preaching to us about our reactions because they have NOOOO understanding of how constantly we get hit on Have you considered that for every one who DOES hit on you, there are a thousand who dont? Yep, I have. And thank God for that. But she's right. At the grocery store, at the gym, at stop lights in the car, at work...Once when I was out with my (now ex) husband, he went to the bar to get us drinks and some random dude immediately slid over to our table and hit on me. After awhile, when a man approaches, you just tense up and hope to God he's one of those refreshing guys who aren't going to put the moves on. But you're now conditioned to not make eye contact, change your body language and prepare yourself to have to say "No thank you" again. It's like saying, while hanging out at a lake at dusk, for every mosquito trying to suck the blood out of you, there are a thousand that aren't. So hey, just stop swatting because they're not ALL going to bite.... quote: Exactly, if I know that 19 times out of 20, I'm going to get burned....eventually I stop touching the stove "Exactly, if I know that 19 times out of 20, I'm going to get burned....eventually I stop touching the stove" You act like women are the only ones who have decided to hell with touching the stove and the above post is one reason why. Do you seriously think that only women who have decided "fuck it, Im not looking"? Seriously, this is turning into another "Every man is a potential rapist" thread. Do you see anyone starting a "Every woman is a potential shrew who will suck you financially and emotionally dry before they fuck every person in the world and leave you" thread?

NuevaVida -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:51:31 AM)
Um, I'm not the one who made the stove comment so I'm not sure why you quoted me as saying it. I didn't say anything about potential rape, nor have I implied it. I explained that when I'm hit on enough times in enough places, eventually I condition myself as to my best approach for handling it. Your reply to that is pretty mind-boggling. Wow.

ShaharThorne -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:54:57 AM)
Hilly, it is basically that some men (or boys) cannot take the refusal or hint, even if it is tattooed on their forehead. I am content not having a partner. Maybe I will get one later on in life, but my priorities is focused on myself and my family.

Hillwilliam -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 11:59:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida Um, I'm not the one who made the stove comment so I'm not sure why you quoted me as saying it. I didn't say anything about potential rape, nor have I implied it. I explained that when I'm hit on enough times in enough places, eventually I condition myself as to my best approach for handling it. Your reply to that is pretty mind-boggling. Wow. I didn't quote you as saying it. I brought it down to explain that it isn't just women who refuse to touch the stove any more. As for the rape comment, I was referring to a thread earlier in the year that started out where this one is and headed right there. My point which was totally missed is that one gender doesn't have a monopoly on abuse and suspicion of same which is where this thread had landed sqare on its feet.

NuevaVida -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 12:06:29 PM)
Oh ok. I didn't see this one heading toward rape so that really threw me. And no one here is saying only women don't touch the stove. In fact, in my post I expressed understanding at how frustrating this must be for men. My whole point (which also seemed to be missed) wasn't about abuse and suspicion, it was to answer your question about the 1000 men who do not hit on me, for every 1 who does. I compared it to a swarm of mosquitoes, in the hopes you would see why we swat almost all away. I had hoped that would shed even a little understanding. But you wanted to turn it into rape and abuse. So I remain baffled.

OsideGirl -> RE: Why do people ignore mails (10/19/2012 12:22:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam My point which was totally missed is that one gender doesn't have a monopoly on abuse and suspicion of same which is where this thread had landed sqare on its feet. It was my quote and I've never said it was only men, or that I ignore emails from only men. For the record I've gotten shitty emails from female Dommes, subs and couples.

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