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RE: Depression after play - 10/14/2012 2:38:29 AM

darkenchantments

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Darlingdriver, your original post speaks of being 'depraved from a young age', with 'dirty, filty, perverted thoughts'; then you go on to describe the scene you experienced with this guy; getting your knicks ripped off, your bottom spanked, and then 'pleasuring him'. Now for bdsm, that is as close to vanilla as you can get! Depraved, dirty, filty, perverted, it really isn't to most of us; although to you it clearly is. So we are talking about something in your psychology here, maybe something out of the past. Then this guy starts talking about gifts, something you later say isn't something you expect from people; and then he lets you down, and it really hurts you.

To me, this sounds an awful lot like you have some major unresolved issues around relationships and how you deserve to be treated, and by what kind of person. I agree with a couple of other replies, that it would be good if you consider talking through these issues with a competent therapist. That will help you get clarity on your feelings and real needs, and how to find someone suitable with whom to live them, whether in bdsm or vanilla life.

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'All things are perfect,
exactly as they are'.

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I only turned to the dark side for the chocolate..........

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RE: Depression after play - 10/14/2012 4:32:38 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Of course you feel bad afterwards. During there's all kinds of fun stuff that makes you happy; orgasms, endorphin release, etc.

But afterward you view yourself as dirty, depraved, nasty. Notice that these are all negative terms. You view your sexuality as something bad so you feel bad for doing negative, evil, sinful, wrong things.

Solution: therapy to resolve how you view your sexuality and accept it as a positive thing instead of as a negative.

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RE: Depression after play - 10/14/2012 5:07:50 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darlingriver

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

No it's not an excuse, I just wondered why it was that important to you. I can see why you would be annoyed that he is keeping you as an option rather than just saying he isn't interested. But it seems you are very focused on the object itself, instead of just thinking 'he says things he doesn't mean'. What was this gift supposed to be? Was it something you were relying on for some reason?

I lost any sort of an interest in receivng anything from him but sometimes it plays of my head, I guess the fact it was left open with excuses. To me, it was lies and lies are so hurtful, especially done the way he did it - mess with my head and to keep me waiting for him or hurt me after play. I don't know.

Sorry to be so blunt, but I think you are making way too much out of this. You have admitted it was just a casual thing, you admitted you were sure it would not turn into anything and now you are obsessing over a missed gift/follow up.

You need to be honest with yourself and admit that you DID want it to turn into more and the promise of a "gift" turned your apathy about the encounter into a desire for one.

If this is so, you have to get over it. Saying that the situation is "killing" you indicates some deeper issues.

If you broke up with someone after many years, I can see someone saying that would "kill" you, but not a one nighter.

Don't do casual if you cannot handle it.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 10/14/2012 5:08:47 PM >

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Post #: 43