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RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/7/2013 9:47:43 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

This just in:

"Hello, please read my profile look at my photos, and if I seem like the type of man you would enjoy meeting write back! I cannot host a meeting, but there's plenty of cheap motel rooms around so think about it!"

I just can't think straight, I'm so excited at the thought of meeting someone 25 years older than I in a cheap motel room. He had up 3 pictures of himself in a basement somewhere, naked, with a ski mask on, and holding a smallish knife and coil of rope. His profile says he is developing an alter ego and that he, the profile writer, handles all the sexual affairs of said character.

I wonder if the alter ego has gotten laid yet. I mean offering a cheap motel room and all…who could resist!


I'm surprised he didn't add, "...Oh, and could you stop by the Wal-Mart on your way over and pick up a tarp, duct tape, lube, and a machete? That'd be awesome..."

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 841
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/8/2013 3:02:41 PM   
MissKittyDeVine


Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline 		I'm on a roll this week:

this is Miss Jenny from New York, nice pics and a video you have, your unique look can works Great, there is a demand now. Do you wish to work with us for $6,000-$10,000 per month, 2-3 hours a day as a finance online Mistress ?

_____________________________

Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to tiggerspoohbear)
Profile   Post #: 842
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/10/2013 6:08:44 PM   
CatBBW


Posts: 43
Joined: 9/20/2013
Status: offline 		Received tonight, from tom****, reckons he's a "slave"...

Fuck me... words really do fail me! You are, quite simply, hideous! You are fucking huge. Disgusting!

Your Father must be very proud of the way you have turned out - a little whore trying to get money out of lonely men! You know fuck all about this lifestyle, you silly little girl. Maybe if your Father had taken your knickers down and given you a good bare bottom spanking over his knee a little more often you would have turned out a better person. Fucking parasite!

Wonder what I did for him to feel the need to message me and offload?

< Message edited by CatBBW -- 12/10/2013 6:10:43 PM >

(in reply to MissKittyDeVine)
Profile   Post #: 843
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/10/2013 6:12:26 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatBBW

Received tonight, from tom****, reckons he's a "slave"...

Fuck me... words really do fail me! You are, quite simply, hideous! You are fucking huge. Disgusting!

Your Father must be very proud of the way you have turned out - a little whore trying to get money out of lonely men! You know fuck all about this lifestyle, you silly little girl. Maybe if your Father had taken your knickers down and given you a good bare bottom spanking over his knee a little more often you would have turned out a better person. Fucking parasite!

Wonder what I did for him to feel the need to message me and offload?


Apparently HE'S the one with Daddy issues.

(in reply to CatBBW)
Profile   Post #: 844
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/10/2013 6:31:39 PM   
CatBBW


Posts: 43
Joined: 9/20/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatBBW

Received tonight, from tom****, reckons he's a "slave"...

Fuck me... words really do fail me! You are, quite simply, hideous! You are fucking huge. Disgusting!

Your Father must be very proud of the way you have turned out - a little whore trying to get money out of lonely men! You know fuck all about this lifestyle, you silly little girl. Maybe if your Father had taken your knickers down and given you a good bare bottom spanking over his knee a little more often you would have turned out a better person. Fucking parasite!

Wonder what I did for him to feel the need to message me and offload?



AND...now that I've had a better look...he hasn't even viewed my full profile...!

Praps he's just angry at fat ladies and is messaging them all on here... *shrugs*

(in reply to CatBBW)
Profile   Post #: 845
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/10/2013 6:32:43 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine

I reproduce the following message for your amusement. Unsurprisingly, not a single fuck was given by myself as to what this so-called slave requires.


Please, this slave lives to be used, abused, in pain and humiliated by cruel, strict, sadistic and merciless women, and to keep his ass busy in his free time, dreaming of this privilege, he has created few tasks to do and please, he would be so honored if You would like to choose his next task for him please divine Goddess

his tasks are to:
1 - drink all his next piss
2 - eat a mouthful of his own shit
3 - fuck his ass with a 12.5 inch black dildo using lube mixed with hot sauce, for as long as You wish
4 - shove a q-tips mixed with Icy Hot in/out his urethra 30 times
5 - masturbate using Icy Hot as lube and no washing for as long as You wish
6 - fuck his ass and deepthroat the dildo afterward (no matter how dirty it is)
7 - hit his cock and balls 25 times with a stick
8 - no cumming for 2 more days
9 - keep his cock and balls tied really tight with a string for as long as You wish
10 - shove a banana (peeled) in his ass, must keep it inside for as long as You wish, or eat what goes out
11 - shove a cake candle in his cock and let it burn for longer as possible
12 - write the words of Your choice on his body with a black marker
13 - offer his holes to men in heat on Craigslist
14 - open the curtains of the bay window facing the street for 5 minutes
15 - take a hot water enema


So did you tell him how delighted you were to be able to give him the following tasks:

1 - clean out the rain gutters
2 - fix the leaky faucet in the kitchen
3 - change the oil in the car
4 - clean and sanitize the bathroom
5 - weed whack and mow the yard
6 - replace the broken blind in the living room
7 - take out the garbage and recycling
8 - replace the leaky flapper on the toilet
9 - clean out and sanitize the refrigerator
10 - change the cat box
11 - refinish the wood floor in the living room
12 - buy a cord concealer and clean up all the cables around the computer and TV
13 - organize the garage, getting rid of all the old boxes, hazardous waste and miscellaneous detritus
14 - replace the broken fence post
15 - wash, wax, and vacuum the car

So much to do for Mistress, so little time!

(in reply to MissKittyDeVine)
Profile   Post #: 846
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/10/2013 6:34:08 PM   
CatBBW


Posts: 43
Joined: 9/20/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt


quote:

ORIGINAL: CatBBW

Received tonight, from tom****, reckons he's a "slave"...

Fuck me... words really do fail me! You are, quite simply, hideous! You are fucking huge. Disgusting!

Your Father must be very proud of the way you have turned out - a little whore trying to get money out of lonely men! You know fuck all about this lifestyle, you silly little girl. Maybe if your Father had taken your knickers down and given you a good bare bottom spanking over his knee a little more often you would have turned out a better person. Fucking parasite!

Wonder what I did for him to feel the need to message me and offload?


Apparently HE'S the one with Daddy issues.



I thought that too....and then I realised his Mummy was probably fat and cruel, and he's just trying to get his own back on her by stamping his little foot and scweaming at the nasty fat ladies online.


Bless.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 847
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/11/2013 3:12:35 AM   
MissKittyDeVine


Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline 		If he found your profile so offensive, Cat, one wonders why he felt the need to view it. Seeing as you give that damn big clue in your username and all.



_____________________________

Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to CatBBW)
Profile   Post #: 848
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/11/2013 7:54:30 AM   
MissKittyDeVine


Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline 		Had the simple message ´dumb ass' today. Shouldn't dumbass be one word? Or did he mean 'numb ass'? Because my ass sure does get numb sitting at my computer all day. I need a cushion.

_____________________________

Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to MissKittyDeVine)
Profile   Post #: 849
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/15/2013 11:15:51 AM   
joybaby


Posts: 82
Joined: 10/21/2004
Status: offline 		i got one that just said, "very nice", so i thanked him in my response...even though he didn't specify what he was referring to. Then, he sent this little gem: "how big are those organic fuji apples". Apparently, i didn't respond quickly enough to let him know how much i appreciated his wit, because he then sent me a message which simply said, "stupid fucking redneck". He seemed like such a winner, except for the inability to keep his anger under control for 5 minutes.

< Message edited by joybaby -- 12/15/2013 11:18:02 AM >

(in reply to MissKittyDeVine)
Profile   Post #: 850
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/17/2013 1:09:44 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline 		I've been relatively lucky lately...only really sincere messages. Then this showed up.


" ``````````````````````''''''''''''=`Great profile ..love to get to know and meet you ok? please give me the honor of perusing you ok? i can and will do all you seek i have a huge nylons and heels and breast fetish ..help enhance it too ok? ty... I,LL CURL YOUR TOES ! EMAIL ME [email protected] ... phone? add me to skype ...id is ...Xxxxxxxx11.... J.........~.''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''"


Ummmm

Nope.
Ok???

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to joybaby)
Profile   Post #: 851
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/17/2013 6:44:57 PM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline 		THIS. was the best and most enjoyable overall read on the entire forums that I've had in, like, ever. Thank you to each and every one of you for sharing your funny and not-so-funny experiences.

I really wish I'd saved the one I got way back when I first re-joined CM under my current username, three-ish years ago. Some guy in Egypt wanted me to divorce my darling husband, emigrate to his country, be his slave/wife and, I shit you not, give him sons and tend his goats. Or so he said; it was almost too stereotypically a hoot to be real. Never mind that I identify as Dominant, would never leave the good man who is my husband for any reason or my life here in the States which I adore, am a grandmother, and was smart enough to get my tubes tied after the birth of my last child (a fine son) 20+ years ago.

I also had one memorable exchange, also long since deleted and gone, with a lesbian Domme in the UK somewhere, who ordered me to my knees in her worship with the first message. Again, reference the above paragraph; that's an automatic negative, Ghost Rider. I was annoyed enough by her raging impertinence to toy with her for a few minutes and inform her of what a stupid, classless thundercunt she was for even asking, when I am not even sort of her type. Her response was to get mad and keep trying to issue orders, until I had enough and hit the 'block' function.

Really though, I've been lucky or something. I've been here on CM off and on since 2006, and I've only received the minimum of messages which bothered me in the least.

Felicitations of the season to each and every one of you, and to everyone you care about.
LOVE, SJ )O(

_____________________________

‎Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. <93>)O(

(in reply to Blonderfluff)
Profile   Post #: 852
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/17/2013 6:51:36 PM   
missywrite


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/1/2013
Status: offline 		Here's one that made me laugh:

"Greetings! I wanted to introduce myself and see if there is mutual interest in exploring the lifestyle together. This is a generic introduction since your profile intrigues me (this in no way reflects your worthiness of a personal message, but I find that women in here get bombarded with too many messages that even a personalized message is no guarantee of a response). Conversation obviously takes a personal tone if and when I receive a meaningful response. I am in my 30s, an experienced Dom, actively looking for classy and passionate sub to explore and evolve further. It is always a plus if you are someone who can communicate well. I find that single line responses don't really make a connection. I am clean as heck, educated, and have various interests. Due to the nature of my business, I travel a lot. Thus, distance is not much of a concern. Respond here or at xxxxxxxx if you would like to have a conversation going... Have a good day!"

My response:

"Greetings! As a female on this site I'm bombarded by messages so I send this generic message in response to your generic message and to see if there is mutual interest in exploring this lifestyle together. Our conversation will obviously take a personal tone when and if I receive a meaningful response from you. Respond here if you would like to keep the conversation going...Have a good day"

His response:

"Think you're clever, huh?"




(in reply to SorceressJ)
Profile   Post #: 853
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/17/2013 6:59:25 PM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SorceressJ

THIS. was the best and most enjoyable overall read on the entire forums that I've had in, like, ever. Thank you to each and every one of you for sharing your funny and not-so-funny experiences.

I really wish I'd saved the one I got way back when I first re-joined CM under my current username, three-ish years ago. Some guy in Egypt wanted me to divorce my darling husband, emigrate to his country, be his slave/wife and, I shit you not, give him sons and tend his goats. Or so he said; it was almost too stereotypically a hoot to be real. Never mind that I identify as Dominant, would never leave the good man who is my husband for any reason or my life here in the States which I adore, am a grandmother, and was smart enough to get my tubes tied after the birth of my last child (a fine son) 20+ years ago.

I also had one memorable exchange, also long since deleted and gone, with a lesbian Domme in the UK somewhere, who ordered me to my knees in her worship with the first message. Again, reference the above paragraph; that's an automatic negative, Ghost Rider. I was annoyed enough by her raging impertinence to toy with her for a few minutes and inform her of what a stupid, classless thundercunt she was for even asking, when I am not even sort of her type. Her response was to get mad and keep trying to issue orders, until I had enough and hit the 'block' function.


Really though, I've been lucky or something. I've been here on CM off and on since 2006, and I've only received the minimum of messages which bothered me in the least.

Felicitations of the season to each and every one of you, and to everyone you care about.
LOVE, SJ )O(

SJ
Can I pretty please use "stupid,classless thundercunt" as my new favorite curse? It's too creative to just let it languish here. I promise to use it appropriately.



Edited for spelling

< Message edited by Blonderfluff -- 12/17/2013 7:00:22 PM >

_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to SorceressJ)
Profile   Post #: 854
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/17/2013 7:01:16 PM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline 		Dearest blonderfluff, of course luv, please do.

_____________________________

‎Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. <93>)O(

(in reply to Blonderfluff)
Profile   Post #: 855
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/18/2013 8:21:11 AM   
MissKittyDeVine


Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline 		This message has me truly puzzled. Can anyone interpret?

latted

_____________________________

Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to SorceressJ)
Profile   Post #: 856
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/18/2013 9:11:18 AM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissKittyDeVine

This message has me truly puzzled. Can anyone interpret?

latted



A morning latte that has already been consumed so like HA HA you don't have any? (This might be considered torture to a coffee drinker..)
Sorry, that's all I have on that one..

_____________________________

‎Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc. <93>)O(

(in reply to MissKittyDeVine)
Profile   Post #: 857
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/18/2013 9:43:41 PM   
chatnoire


Posts: 17
Joined: 11/24/2013
Status: offline 		So I just HAD to share this one:


quote:

Hello, I hope you had a good day so far, I am male xx and from xxxx, I love used and worn things like socks,shoes,panties and more, I was wondering if you have anything for sale so I can buy it from you please?


The funny part is, I used to work in an Adult shop where the store manager actually did sell her worn panties.

(in reply to SorceressJ)
Profile   Post #: 858
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/20/2013 3:26:06 AM   
Blonderfluff


Posts: 2253
Joined: 10/9/2013
From: Down the Shore
Status: offline 		OMG
This one was just....eww for a first message.

quote:



Sexual questions:

Can I rip your panties off?

Can I spank you?

Can I slap your tits sexually?

Can I slap your face sexually?

Can I Cuff you?

Can I tie you to a bed?

Can I piss on your tits then fuck you?

Can I piss on your cunt then fuck you?

Can I use toys on you?

Do you have a desire to be shared? (with other men or women)

Do you want to be collared?

Do you enjoy sex outdoors?

Do you want to be put in bondage?

Can you take a rough cock sucking session?

Do you want nipple clamps?

Do you have the desire to be with another woman? He being our private sex toy and then she just leaves when we are done

Do you have deeper .......real taboo.........desires........and if so........tell me.....dont hold back on this question



I responded - hi. Nice to meet you too.



_____________________________

Don't fear moving forward slowly...fear standing still.



I'm Blonde. Jane Blonde.

(in reply to JanahX)
Profile   Post #: 859
RE: Funny Messages from the "Other Side" - 12/20/2013 8:57:00 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blonderfluff

OMG
This one was just....eww for a first message.

quote:



Sexual questions:

Can I rip your panties off?

s.....dont hold back on this question



I responded - hi. Nice to meet you too.




Best Response!!!


_____________________________



My fave Thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2626198/mpage_1/tm.htm

One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

(in reply to Blonderfluff)
Profile   Post #: 860
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