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Goals... - 10/20/2012 12:01:30 AM

metamorfosis

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I'm in the process of setting some goals for myself. A lot of them have to do with accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative of who I am. I was wondering... do others have similar goals? I'm especially curious about people with submissive or dominant personalities. Which of your own traits do you like? Which are you trying to change? Do couples learn from one another? Is there a goal "self" that you're striving towards?

ETA: How much say do dominants have over submissive's goals? Do submissives have any say over dominant's goals?

Pam

< Message edited by metamorfosis -- 10/20/2012 12:04:26 AM >

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 5:05:23 AM

AnEquinox

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I would say, for me, that my goals are mine. If my master wants me to do something, I have to agree with the goal. He often helps me meet the goals I set for myself. But for me, it wouldn't work if he imposed goals on me that I didn't feel good about. But when he tells me I need to go to the gym three times this week, he is supporting me in doing something I already want to do for myself.

(in reply to metamorfosis)

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 6:33:38 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis

I'm in the process of setting some goals for myself. A lot of them have to do with accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative of who I am. I was wondering... do others have similar goals? I'm especially curious about people with submissive or dominant personalities. Which of your own traits do you like? Which are you trying to change? Do couples learn from one another? Is there a goal "self" that you're striving towards?

ETA: How much say do dominants have over submissive's goals? Do submissives have any say over dominant's goals?

Pam

This is an interesting question. I am also trying to make myself a better person, though sometimes I am more driven than others.

At the moment, following my big self-pity party a month ago I am working on making myself the healthiest I can be and that has meant dealing with one of my biggest personal faults - chronic laziness. I've noticed since I redoubled my efforts and focused on making myself better and dealing with the laziness instead of focusing on a specific end goal (of being thinner) I feel better about myself. I look in the mirror and find some self-worth because I know I am overcoming my failings, which in turn makes me feel good and more motivated to make myself better.

My husband has always had rules for me about taking some exercise and eating well, but although I complied it has been a chore and easy to find excuses. So I would say I needed to make this a personal goal to really make changes. I hope that makes sense. He does keep me on track if I have a day where I feel demotivated, but up until I sorted out my headspace his goal of keeping me healthy had minimal results. I would have (and did) fallen back into my old lazy ways the moment he stopped checking up on me.

Similarly I have been studying for my degree whilst working for the last four years and he kept me on track during that. Ultimately it was still my goal, albeit one he was very much in favour of. There were times when he kicked my ass back into gear and I couldn't have done it without him, but equally I don't know if I would have been successful if I were doing it just for him.

Individually he isn't a very driven person. He doesn't have much ambition for himself beyond a comfortable and secure life. So in many ways I provide the goals for both of us and in most cases it eventually rubs off on him. Whilst he is the stay-at-home type I feel I am always acutely aware of time rushing by and all of the things I want to get done in life. We both lean a little to the extremes, because I can be impulsive and overinvest myself in a project, and he can lack the motivation to get started. So it takes both of us really. I am the enthusiastic ambitious one who gets things moving and he is the steady dependable one who makes sure we see things through.

I think we'd be like this without the Dom/sub, but I admit that it helps knowing he can and will enforce rules to make sure I actually finish what I start. I need that.

Did that sort of answer the question Pam? I got to rambling!

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 10:32:02 AM

ProlificNeeds

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I choose my own goals. In the past some of my D partners have talked to me about certain goals, getting fit, learning a skill, or so on. I've never been -told-, I've been lucky in having partners who always ask 'is this a goal that interests you?' or most often 'what goals have you set for yourself?'

I tend to be very self motivated, nothing moves me more than my own determination to do something, so I almost always have existing goals I am working on, and my partners simply support me in those.

I think if my Dominant wanted to set me a goal that was helpful to one or both of us, and detrimental to neither, I would be fine with that, so long as it did not obstruct me from other beneficial or necessary routines that already existed.

I think a significant factor in the decision making and goal setting process is, the person setting the goals would need to be a fully invested fixture in my life, not just a dating/playing partner. The more invested a partner is in my life, the more they get to influence my life.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 11:29:32 AM

Alecta

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quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis

I'm in the process of setting some goals for myself. A lot of them have to do with accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative of who I am. I was wondering... do others have similar goals? I'm especially curious about people with submissive or dominant personalities. Which of your own traits do you like? Which are you trying to change? Do couples learn from one another? Is there a goal "self" that you're striving towards?

ETA: How much say do dominants have over submissive's goals? Do submissives have any say over dominant's goals?

Pam

Speaking as a D type, I prefer when a sub/slave who is serious about entering my service have certain goals of their own that I can help them work on. To me it's like insisting they take responsibility of themselves as well in the relationship. I think it's fair for me to listen to a submissive's input on goals set on the relationship or goals I've set for them but really I have the final say in what goes. As for my personal goals, no. My friends and people I trust with good advice have some sway over my personal goals, but not my submissives-- although the two groups are not mutually exclusive.

(in reply to metamorfosis)

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 11:50:45 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis

I'm in the process of setting some goals for myself. A lot of them have to do with accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative of who I am. I was wondering... do others have similar goals? I'm especially curious about people with submissive or dominant personalities. Which of your own traits do you like? Which are you trying to change? Do couples learn from one another? Is there a goal "self" that you're striving towards?

ETA: How much say do dominants have over submissive's goals? Do submissives have any say over dominant's goals?

Pam

Yes I have goals. He has goals. Every person on the planet has goals. Bdsm has zero to do with this. When in a relationship, yes they help each other with their goals. We both help each other. Again, it's not because he's my Master but because I love him and he loves me and that's what people do for each other who love and care for each other. There are times when Master orders me to do something about my goal because he knows what I want to accomplish but I'm too afraid to take the next steps so I put it off and eventually he just makes me do it. When Master has goals he is trying to approach, I talk to him and remind him sometimes of that goal or give him advice on what he could do. Why would I not? I want him to be successful in his life.

Overall, I'm pretty happy with all my traits. I have no addictions and I have a pretty good life. I would say the only trait I wish I could change is not be so hesitant about things, for instance sometimes when I'm waiting to hear from a doctor about results and it's been longer than it should take, he forces me to call and find out. I HATE doing this because I feel like I'm being a bother to people or they do not want to hear from me and that they feel as if I'm being in too much of a rush. So when I do that, he orders me to do it and no matter how much I hate it, I do it.

ETA: My goals have to be approved by him but most times he agrees with them and allows them. If he felt it was bad for me he would not approve and so I would not meet that goal. There are goals he wants for me so he places them in my list of goals. I don't always like them but I do them anyway.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 10/20/2012 11:53:45 AM >

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 12:09:26 PM

littleone35

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I do have goals they are minw Master does not impose goals on me. My main goal is to lose weight my choice not Hi Master likes me jusr the way i am. He knows it is something i want though so he is supporting me in meeting this goal.

Something i am also working is not to put things off ( i know ther is a world for it but i can't spell it). If Master gives me a task i do it right away. Other things in my life i put off. iI is a work in progress.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to littlewonder)

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 12:11:27 PM

littlewonder

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FYI: Procrastination.

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 12:21:18 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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I remember being in primary school and having to write out 'procrastination is the thief of time' over and over again. It didn't cure me of my procrastination, but on the plus side, I've never forgotten how to spell it.

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 12:47:52 PM

Alecta

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lol yes, I recall the same school regime. For me it evolved into using writing as a procrastination tool lol

< Message edited by Alecta -- 10/20/2012 1:14:04 PM >

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 1:08:06 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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I have personal goals for myself. Himself knows what my personal goals are, and helps me to attain them. He knows that I will listen to what he says, so if he gives me guidance about anything -- I pay attention. I guess I use him as some sort of permanent enforcer to my goals. Since I'm the one setting them, this works very well for me.

He does, occasionally, make mention of things he thinks should be included in my stated goals. That's it, he makes a mention. He's never been wrong, so more and more his "mentions" get included in my personal list. I think it's important that it's MY list, and I note that I am not alone in this.

As for my sub, yes he has goals as well. His last visit we spent hours talking about them since we are moving to him having more specific tasks that revolve around these goals. I would say I was more instrumental in creating his list then Himself was in my list, but then we are different people. He did and still does have a great deal of input. From the dom side, if what I've shaped doesn't end up helping him reach positive goals, then I need to re-evaluate and re-define what I am doing. He and I talk daily, and are on the same page in terms of what we are trying to achieve, and how much time it could take.

Many of my goals and my subs goals are fairly long term, so making even small incremental gains is a big thing to celebrate.

Having someone to help me with this sort of thing is why I like the power dynamic relationship. There is already an agreed upon protocol in place, simple though it may be (he says, I obey), which helps me tremendously in being able to accomplish those things I know I should do but would rather not.

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 1:10:23 PM

littlewonder

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Yup....makes life so much easier and makes me accomplish things when I'm too afraid or that I just don't want to but I need to.

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 1:17:22 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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And I shamelessly use him for that. I say, "I have to do <XYZ> but I'm being a baby and I don't wanna, I need you to make me."

He says, "Do <XYZ> by <this date.>" He knows giving me a deadline is IT. I don't miss a deadline, it's too much like giving me a work assignment, plus it gives me time to prepare.

I used to do this and then lobby to get more time. That soooooooo doesn't work in this house.

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 1:21:26 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

And I shamelessly use him for that. I say, "I have to do <XYZ> but I'm being a baby and I don't wanna, I need you to make me."

He says, "Do <XYZ> by <this date.>" He knows giving me a deadline is IT. I don't miss a deadline, it's too much like giving me a work assignment, plus it gives me time to prepare.

I used to do this and then lobby to get more time. That soooooooo doesn't work in this house.

It feels like you have been watching my life and writing it down. This is exactly what happens in our house. Even down to the lobbying for more time.

I have also been known to say 'but I want you to motivate me in a nice way'.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 1:23:35 PM

littlewonder

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oohh...many a time I have regretted doing that chatte lol. He gives me a deadline and then I ask for more time. Most times he says no and then I'm fucked lol. Then I tell him I changed my mind about the goal....too late. UGH. LOL

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 1:26:39 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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<Replying to both lw and Athena, coz I am just laughing and laughing here.>

NO extra time, and no way in hell do I get to change things once I ask for help. This would be like talking to a rock.

That is one of the things I knew going in, if I asked for help, he would give me a deadline. At first it was easy peasy, like TWO WEEKS.

Shesh has that changed.

<still laughing>

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 1:31:39 PM

littlewonder

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Usually when I ask for help I'll also say "that's NOT what I meant!!"...eerr...yeah, he usually comes back with, "when did this become about your choice?" ppfftt

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 4:06:11 PM

AnimusRex

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If a submissive has as her overarching goal a desire to serve him, and better follow his direction, a Domiinant is able to provide goal-setting coaching.

Of course there are plenty of stipulations and caveats- he has to be observant, genuinely loving and altruistic in his understanding of her nature.

Quite often, the feedback and counsel of a submissive is critically important to a Dominant, as he struggles with a decision to be made.

(in reply to metamorfosis)

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 5:18:22 PM

RemoteUser

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We advise each other. My girl is smart, I listen to what she has to say and treat it as important when making considerations. I will offer thoughts and comments to her, but they are not orders (not outside the bedroom, anyway).

She has said before that she needs me to make her do certain things, and of course I do. If she needs something and it's in her best interests, the Daddy in me thrives on encouraging that, making the decisions as appropriate and helping her do what is necessary.

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RE: Goals... - 10/20/2012 8:48:26 PM

lamb

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i am not a person with goals. i work hard and do everyday life. Mistress has helped me identify items within myself that as i look at them they need to be changed. just having her care about me has given me reason to change a little here and a little there. her support and gentle proding helps me and makes me closer to her. we had a wonderful talk and i have made commitments to her that i work on every day. is a good thing in my life

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