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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 1:19:06 AM

metamorfosis

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ORIGINAL: AnEquinox
I would say, for me, that my goals are mine. If my master wants me to do something, I have to agree with the goal... he is supporting me in doing something I already want to do for myself.

I'm not trying to be argumentative, but if all he's doing is facilitating you, what makes him the master?

Pam

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 1:31:27 AM

metamorfosis

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ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
My husband has always had rules for me about taking some exercise and eating well, but although I complied it has been a chore and easy to find excuses...He does keep me on track if I have a day where I feel demotivated, but up until I sorted out my headspace his goal of keeping me healthy had minimal results. I would have (and did) fallen back into my old lazy ways the moment he stopped checking up on me.

Similarly I have been studying for my degree whilst working for the last four years and he kept me on track during that. Ultimately it was still my goal, albeit one he was very much in favour of. There were times when he kicked my ass back into gear and I couldn't have done it without him, but equally I don't know if I would have been successful if I were doing it just for him...

If I understand you, he motivates you to meet the goals you set for yourself. Is there anything you do just because he wants you to?

Pam

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 1:35:17 AM

metamorfosis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta
Speaking as a D type, I prefer when a sub/slave who is serious about entering my service have certain goals of their own that I can help them work on. To me it's like insisting they take responsibility of themselves as well in the relationship. I think it's fair for me to listen to a submissive's input on goals set on the relationship or goals I've set for them but really I have the final say in what goes.

Do you mind sharing an example of a goal you've set for a submissive?

Pam

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 1:47:05 AM

metamorfosis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Having someone to help me with this sort of thing is why I like the power dynamic relationship...

I'm hearing this over and over again: my dominant helps me with this sort of thing. Please keep in mind this is not meant as snark but a real question: what does your dominant get out of "helping" you?

Pam

< Message edited by metamorfosis -- 10/21/2012 2:22:21 AM >

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 3:01:50 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
My husband has always had rules for me about taking some exercise and eating well, but although I complied it has been a chore and easy to find excuses...He does keep me on track if I have a day where I feel demotivated, but up until I sorted out my headspace his goal of keeping me healthy had minimal results. I would have (and did) fallen back into my old lazy ways the moment he stopped checking up on me.

Similarly I have been studying for my degree whilst working for the last four years and he kept me on track during that. Ultimately it was still my goal, albeit one he was very much in favour of. There were times when he kicked my ass back into gear and I couldn't have done it without him, but equally I don't know if I would have been successful if I were doing it just for him...

If I understand you, he motivates you to meet the goals you set for yourself. Is there anything you do just because he wants you to?

Pam

I had to think about this.

The first thing that comes to mind are certain habits that he wanted me rid of, like swearing and biting my nails. But the big life goals have all come from me. Perhaps if I didn't have any goals he would work some out for me, but I do so it's not much of an issue. He cares that I am improving myself always, but less about what specifically I'm working on at any one time.

Oh and I just remembered, when we first started out he made me give up smoking, does that count? I would have happily carried on but he was firmly against it. I didn't think of that because to be honest I wasn't a heavy smoker and it didn't turn out too difficult.

Also, and perhaps this is more what you were thinking - I used to self harm. I have never mentioned it in other threads when it has come up because I don't like the idea of people thinking I was drawn to being submissive because of this. I used to cut and he insisted we dealt with that right away, I haven't done it since he moved in with me, there was a lot of work to be done about emotional health and coping mechanisms.

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 3:07:22 AM

metamorfosis

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Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not suggesting that one way is better than another. But it sounds as if you're saying, he's mostly there to take care of you. Is that fair? Or am I misunderstanding?

Pam

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 4:07:12 AM

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Hmmmm I'm not sure I would say 'mostly' though taking care of me is a part of his role. And there have certainly been times where that was his primary role for a period.

In a lot of areas of life I feel I take care of him. He's type 1 diabetic and I know he wouldn't have it under control so well if it wasn't for me. I make doctor's appointments, pick up medications, work out carbs in meals, cook for him, ensure there are glucose tablets, test strips and spare insulin just about everywhere he goes. He would get by without me but I make it easier and better. I make sure I know everything I can about it. I keep the house, run the errands, drive him to and from work and up until the beginning of the year I was the main earner by a very long way. I try to make it so that other than going out to work, there's nothing else he needs to worry about. His free time is really free because everything else is sorted.

In serving him I am pretty pro-active and try to anticipate needs and desires. So mostly when he does put his foot down and say 'this needs to happen' it does relate to my care of myself, because I mostly have the care of him and the family already in place.

There are other things he demands/expects of me but I wouldn't call them goals because they aren't things I really have to work towards. Ways he likes me to look, things I am to say or do just because he likes it. But they aren't really things to work on, they are just things to do. As in 'shave' or 'ask permission before you do x'

We run the family business now and so a lot of our goals relate to that, but it would be difficult to say which of us set those goals because we just do it all as a team.

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 4:45:51 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis

Do you mind sharing an example of a goal you've set for a submissive?

Pam

I will answer this one as well Pam, as it was my s-type who chimed in on post 20 (lamb).

We are working on improved self-esteem, him being a more positive person in general, less of a workaholic, and less passive/aggressive. He is someone who has embraced his feminine side, and we're expanding on that. (I don't mean in a sissfied way, more of a celebration of the female traits that he sees in himself.)

The self-esteem goal has been ongoing for a few years now, the others are new.

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 4:51:12 AM

LordOdinn

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quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt
Having someone to help me with this sort of thing is why I like the power dynamic relationship...

I'm hearing this over and over again: my dominant helps me with this sort of thing. Please keep in mind this is not meant as snark but a real question: what does your dominant get out of "helping" you?

Pam

My real answer:

One hell of a lot of satisfaction that I'm making the one I care about the most a better, happier person. PLUS, her goals tend to make her more enjoyable to live with, i.e happier and healthier. I see a part of my purpose is to make her a better person. I see a Dom's role is about leadership and giving in payment for the satisfaction I get from control and domination.

It works well for me!

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 12:47:51 PM

metamorfosis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
In serving him I am pretty pro-active and try to anticipate needs and desires. So mostly when he does put his foot down and say 'this needs to happen' it does relate to my care of myself, because I mostly have the care of him and the family already in place.

Got it. Cool.

Pam

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 12:50:12 PM

metamorfosis

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LordOdinn
One hell of a lot of satisfaction that I'm making the one I care about the most a better, happier person. PLUS, her goals tend to make her more enjoyable to live with, i.e happier and healthier. I see a part of my purpose is to make her a better person. I see a Dom's role is about leadership and giving in payment for the satisfaction I get from control and domination.

Thanks for that, that was well thought out and articulated.

Pam

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 2:41:33 PM

LordOdinn

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Glad, I was understandable, Pam!

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 2:53:39 PM

Kaliko

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Yes I have goals. He has goals. Every person on the planet has goals. Bdsm has zero to do with this.

Mmm...I don't know. One of my goals has long been to give more of myself to others. For some people, this just makes them a good person. I, though, am not that good a person. :) I do believe that I am trying to add depth to my submissive traits beyond serving a dominant to simply serving others. (In addition, of course. Not instead.) I don't know that I would be aiming for these things if I weren't trying to purposefully satisfy my submissive purpose. I did even briefly think about devoting my life to a type of submissive service (think nun, but alas, I am agnostic, so that was not quite what I was thinking...)

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RE: Goals... - 10/21/2012 9:18:23 PM

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the helping others just comes naturally for me, probably for growing up as a Brethren. I've always done charity work from as young of an age that I can remember. I still do it every chance I get. Master comments on how nice and helpful I am to people. He says it makes him a better man.

As for the op, Master takes care of me just as I take care of him, again, not because of bdsm or him being my Master or I being his slave but because he loves me and wants only the best for me and I for him. To me that's just what couples do for each other. I can't really understand couples who don't.

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RE: Goals... - 10/22/2012 7:30:36 AM

metamorfosis

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One of my goals is to exercise more self discipline.

Pam

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RE: Goals... - 10/22/2012 7:32:09 AM

mnottertail

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But I think it is at this point a very far off goal, Pam.

Ron

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RE: Goals... - 10/22/2012 7:33:07 AM

metamorfosis

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It sure the fuck is, Ron.

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RE: Goals... - 10/22/2012 7:35:55 AM

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LOL. Don't go too far overboard on the self-control thingie though, no reason to beat you then.

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RE: Goals... - 10/22/2012 7:38:13 AM

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My goal is to own a brand new Bentley Continental GT V8 Convertible.

I keep goals very simple.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 10/22/2012 7:39:27 AM >

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RE: Goals... - 10/22/2012 9:59:16 AM

whipher1

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my goal is im trying to help a woman who was my bottom at one time and is now just a very good friend.... she has had some problems in the past and im doing everything i can to get
her back up on her feet..... me and my wife have been doing everything we can to help her stand on her own two feet.... its not about sex or bdsm or anything... its just two human beings trying to help another fellow human being.... our goal is for her to have her own apt. a car, be happy with her accomplishments and live a long and productive life....

personally it feel good to me to be able to help someone that was down and out and help them to stand up and shout I LOVE MYSELF....im me and im happy with me ....

nuff said

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