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[Poll]

Places for first meet


Public place. cafe bar etc
  79% (59)
Munch, kink venue
  13% (10)
Either sides home
  6% (5)


Total Votes : 74
(last vote on : 12/27/2012 6:58:38 AM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 6:42:35 AM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

I cant be the only person that, after hours of talking on the phone, meets on home turf.


Back when I had work related security concerns, meeting in public was a given, but that was a relatively minor precaution compared to the others that applied at the time. At the moment, though, I'm not very concerned about it, so long as we're talking about a regular meeting on equal footing and there's nothing off. I can't say as I've had any experiences to make me reconsider this around these parts. Here, it seems perfectly fine to meet at the nearest landmark and then walk or drive home together.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


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(in reply to frazzle)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 7:04:20 AM   
DOM68005


Posts: 6069
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Nebraska
Status: offline 		Sub friend of mine did all the right things. Met at a restaurant, etc.
perp did fine in the restaurant, but got very forward in the parking lot.
Comes back shaking.

(in reply to yourdarkdesire)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 7:12:44 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		After a nice date, I've been kissed in a parking lot plenty of times. What exactly did he do to earn the "perp" label?



< Message edited by kalikshama -- 10/21/2012 7:23:35 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 7:40:33 AM   
autumnember


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/30/2012
Status: offline 		I met one off of the plane and we went to a hotel (after an interesting drive) but any others that i have met have been in very public places. The former was a bit of a special case though as we had known each other online for years. It doesn't mean risk free but i suspected that if he wanted to cut someone up and shit, he could have done that in his own country much quicker and for much less money.

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 8:58:01 AM   
culareD


Posts: 762
Joined: 8/16/2012
Status: offline 		My vote was for a public place, BUT just like in vanilla relationships, someone could be just fine and dandy (safe etc..) and then turn very ugly and unsafe later.

In the end, I think it is a common sense thing.

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(in reply to autumnember)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 10:24:02 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: metamorfosis

Abandoned warehouse filled with drug pushers and homeless people. Anyone?

Pam


I had one where we had arranged an evening meet at a Starbucks in a strip mall. Shortly after I arrived he called me to ask if I was there yet. When I said yes, he told me to drive into the alley in the back of the building and get into his car. I said I'd be right there....then I drove home and left him sitting there.


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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 10:25:32 AM   
DNAHelicase


Posts: 115
Joined: 7/5/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: culareD

My vote was for a public place, BUT just like in vanilla relationships, someone could be just fine and dandy (safe etc..) and then turn very ugly and unsafe later.

In the end, I think it is a common sense thing.


Agreed. I feel like if somebody really wants to hurt you, there's probably not a whole lot you can do to prevent it. However, that doesn't mean you should make it easy for them. To that end, I also agree with the precautions DaddySatyr listed and I try to do those myself. One thing you can do to avoid having your car seen (if you think you can't get there first/leave last) is to park in a parking lot adjacent to where you meet. The caveat with that is to make sure you won't be walking alone through an empty, dark field or rows and rows of cars where you could easily be grabbed from behind if the other person follows you.

I generally meet at coffee shops for the reasons listed above (usually pretty busy, easy to leave if the meeting is bad, etc.). I pick ones that are in highly public locations with tons of foot and vehicle traffic right outside the coffee shop. The ones that cops like to drop into are good, too. I never let the men buy me something because I've seen situations where friends have gone to meetings and the man bought something, then got downright belligerent when the woman told him she wasn't interested in him (because you know, one cup of coffee means you owe the guy ). It's just easier to insist on paying for my own so he can't have ANY expectations of repayment/gratitude whatsoever, no matter how misguided they may be. I also don't let him handle my food/drink or leave my food/drink on the table unattended if I have to go to the bathroom or something (I'll buy a new cup when I come out if I want more).

(in reply to culareD)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 10:27:01 AM   
Baroana


Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline 		I agree with those that say meeting publicly is no guarantee, and meeting privately, such as at home, can be fine when you don't do it recklessly.

However, it would be a giant red flag to me if someone insisted on coming to my house.

(in reply to DNAHelicase)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 10:33:52 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DNAHelicase
I never let the men buy me something because I've seen situations where friends have gone to meetings and the man bought something, then got downright belligerent when the woman told him she wasn't interested in him (because you know, one cup of coffee means you owe the guy ). It's just easier to insist on paying for my own so he can't have ANY expectations of repayment/gratitude whatsoever, no matter how misguided they may be.


Which is one of the reasons I never would meet for a meal, and would instead meet for drinks or coffee. The second is that you have a good idea within 15 minutes if there's chemistry or not. I didn't want to be stuck sitting at a table with someone I didn't like for more than an hour.


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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 11:04:46 AM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline 		I won't say how Odeen & I met, suffice to say it's probably not the ideal way. But we know how it ended up.

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 11:09:18 AM   
MissToYouRedux


Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline 		I've had a real-time stalker. NEVER at my home.

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 2:37:14 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitkat105

I won't say how Odeen & I met, suffice to say it's probably not the ideal way. But we know how it ended up.



Totally not fair.

(in reply to kitkat105)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 3:18:35 PM   
kitkat105


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/29/2011
From: Eating dutch crunch in the Silicon Valley
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: kitkat105

I won't say how Odeen & I met, suffice to say it's probably not the ideal way. But we know how it ended up.



Totally not fair.


Okay.. okay.. Odeen and I met at the airport last November. He picked me up, with a dozen long stem red roses.

I knew then it'd be okay.

So the moral of the story is, be careful how you meet people because you may end up marrying them 9 months later.


< Message edited by kitkat105 -- 10/21/2012 3:27:39 PM >

_____________________________

"WARNING! This girl exceeds the MAXIMUM SAFE standards established by the FDA for BRATTINESS!"

Odeen's spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down

Charter member: Lance's Fag Hags

Secretary - ProSubs"R"Us

(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 4:34:43 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DOM68005

Sub friend of mine did all the right things. Met at a restaurant, etc.
perp did fine in the restaurant, but got very forward in the parking lot.
Comes back shaking.


Which is why I always advise not letting him walk you to your car. A serial rapist in LA would meet at Starbucks and then use some line to get the woman to walk to his car (one said that he told her that he had a puppy in the car), he would then shove them into his car and rape them.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 10/21/2012 4:35:09 PM >

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 6:55:30 PM   
Kaliko


Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kitkat105

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaliko


quote:

ORIGINAL: kitkat105

I won't say how Odeen & I met, suffice to say it's probably not the ideal way. But we know how it ended up.



Totally not fair.


Okay.. okay.. Odeen and I met at the airport last November. He picked me up, with a dozen long stem red roses.

I knew then it'd be okay.

So the moral of the story is, be careful how you meet people because you may end up marrying them 9 months later.



LOL - Duly noted. No meeting men at the airport. Got it.

(in reply to kitkat105)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Places for first meet - 10/21/2012 10:49:13 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I liked the way Master and I met. Coffee shop so if one of us didn't like the other it was easy to just walk away. But if we liked each other there was a great Thai restaurant next door. It was perfect. He was a total gentleman and because I wasn't really familiar with everything on the menu and he had been there before, he chose the food. He was so charming and funny. Then we left there, walking around, looking for dessert and well....let's just say that's the best dessert I have ever had.

Unfortunately the place where we met burned down last year. What a sad day.

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Places for first meet - 10/22/2012 2:12:55 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Munch/kink venue. It just suits Me better.


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Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Places for first meet - 10/25/2012 5:14:44 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Starbucks inside a bookstore. If he hadn't shown or it was dreadful, I still would have wound up with a good book.



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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Places for first meet - 10/25/2012 5:19:57 PM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		First meet is always coffee in a public and crowded venue. After that, several more public meets/dates/however one wants to label them lunches/dinners, etc. as we continue to get to know each other. Only after getting to know someone somewhat do I ever agree to meet privately. I take my time screening. Some people get impatient. The more impatient they get the better sense I have that they are not a match for me.

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Places for first meet - 10/26/2012 9:10:13 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		~ Fast Reply ~

Well I've done the totally unsafe thing back in the day - twice I met at hotel rooms in a different cities. Once I met someone at my home. Once I met someone at his office. I don't recommend these things, but I did do them.

With the Mister, we met, after 2 months of talking, at a restaurant at about the halfway point for both of us (took each of us about an hour to get there, he lived farther away then). We arrived at the same time, shared an instant and strong connection, and had drinks and appetizers, then took a walk down the harbor and shared an amazing kiss good night. OK, several amazing kisses good night. We saw each others cars, in fact, since we had to drive to where the harbor was, he suggested I drive, so that I wouldn't feel weird about getting into his car. No drivers license pics but he did give me his business card. We laughed a lot, had great conversation, and knew that night we were onto something good.

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Profile   Post #: 60
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