RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid



Message

NoChoiceLeft -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (10/23/2012 2:29:07 PM)

Apparently I've decided to join the forums today. I couldn't help it though, this had to be shared. The BEST fucked up email I ever got

"O ar hat. (I think that was supposed to be 'ur hot' but the ebonics spell check failed, either that or airhat is a term I don't know, anyone with further info please PM me and let me know) I fucked a crispy creme and fulled it ap with my splooge and I was want to fuck mom my mom. I masturbate think of u my sweet sea cow with a mustache. I buy u anything make fuck toy."

I wish I was kidding even a little. Spelling errors and big words spelled right in the same email. I'm a sub and don't do mommy play, I look nothing like a sea cow (manatee, though dude kudos for not using the generic 'whale' or 'lardass') and have no moustache. I had a pic up at the time. Best guess- someone didn't realize that heroine and sugar should not be cooked down and shot into your eyeballs for fun, but when he's sober this guy actually does speak english.



OsideGirl -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (10/23/2012 3:05:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: NoChoiceLeft

Best guess- someone didn't realize that heroine and sugar should not be cooked down and shot into your eyeballs for fun,


That right there is a keeper.



yourdarkdesire -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (10/23/2012 5:03:18 PM)

Why would you want to cook a heroine? She is the one who saves the dude in distress!



jennacide -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (10/23/2012 7:39:25 PM)

I told a guy he wasn't my type, he responded with "its okay...your not intellegent enough for me anyway". The k9 one was also pretty funny, mine came with a pic, which I forwarded to a few coworkers.



obedientangel -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (10/27/2012 8:29:04 PM)

From:
&$^@(#
Dated:
10/27/12 8:10 PM
*** The sender of this message has triggered our bulk content filter and has been prevented from sending additional messages at this time. We place these limits on our messaging system to prevent abuse and maintain the quality of our online community. You should not conclude that this user is fake or illegitimate merely because they have triggered the filter. ***

clamp ur nipples down to the floor ... u in a dog position ... and fuck ur asshole deep n hard


Recent Message History:

Me: on 10/27/12 at 8:22 PM:
Oh hey, that sounds fantastic! Wow, this is my lucky day! I've been waiting and waiting for a charmer just like you, where have you been all my life!!! How 'bout a picture of your gorgeous cock and the cute hairy asshole you want me to stick my tongue into, huh? PLEEEEEEEEEEEZE tell me you have a beer-belly and moobs...I'm really into those, the bigger the better, hairy with lots of moles a plus!

Can't wait to hear from you, send pics soon, Hunk!



ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (10/27/2012 10:44:27 PM)

Am I the only one who was disappointed to open the thread and realize it wasn't some sort of ghost story about badly-written communications from the dead?



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (10/27/2012 11:03:29 PM)

Paraphrasing:

"Oh! Hi! You have an interesting hard limit [astrology] Let me tell you about this astrologer who lives in your area..."

Right now I'm busy playing e-mail games with her because...

...this is the part where I make up some noble reason for fucking with her...

...but the reality is that people who believe in astrology are just easy targets and I was bored.



MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (10/28/2012 12:42:53 AM)

Aaand the fish got off the hook.

How was I supposed to know that there was a real person that was reading the forums? Still, it was fun. When she started mentioning fractals and Jungian philosophy (neither even barely grasped) in relation to astrology to me it was all I could do not to wake the neighbors with my laughter.



Duskypearls -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (10/31/2012 11:45:35 PM)

One from today...

"yeah, but how are you at handjobs?"



absolutchocolat -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (10/31/2012 11:54:24 PM)

so, a local older gentleman and i are having a chat and i ask him to tell him more about himself. here's what he said:

"I am a retired financial services exec married to an Irish Catholic woman that has not been interested in the sexual side of our marriage commitment for well over 10 years now. She has also emerged over the years -- especially since her mother died last year, to become the dogmatic and controling bitch that her mother was in their earlier life -- before I knew them and was married to my wife."

now, i'm all about people doing what makes them happy but DAMN. you're gonna call your wife a bitch to a complete stranger? yikes. not my type!



Toysinbabeland -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (11/1/2012 1:08:16 AM)

My favorite has always been the one that starts with:
Hi!!
I'm looking for a women.....

(I have no idea what comes after that part, after my eyes fog up in total admiration, and I suddenly choose to abandon all hope for any other man/NOT)



PeonForHer -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (11/1/2012 6:10:09 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda

Am I the only one who was disappointed to open the thread and realize it wasn't some sort of ghost story about badly-written communications from the dead?


[:D]
Superb.

I get those all the time, though generally when from trees who keep telling me that I have superhuman powers and should be ruling the universe. It gets boring.



kitkat105 -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (11/8/2012 10:42:04 AM)

After no messages for about 3 weeks, I got this one this morning:

"Nice outfit. We are looking for a part time sub to come serve in our poly household in Northern cal. Are you currently looking for a master or owner. I own two. Looking for my third"

Yes, black tanktops are ultra nice. Part time sub? Huh? How many hours per week is that position?
Master or owner? What? Aside from mentioning I'm married to my own, in the first sentence of my profile?
Own two what?



OsideGirl -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (11/8/2012 10:46:56 AM)

I just got:

Her: hello slave

Me: hello switch (she didn't get that)

Her: bow





kitkat105 -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (11/8/2012 4:15:09 PM)

He apparently didn't like my response... his reply to me:

"No but ramming my cock into sassy mouthed subs throats until they choke is"

That should get all the twue subs!



sexyred1 -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (11/8/2012 4:19:03 PM)

I got one today from a male slave who asked if I wanted to cut his pants off and put cigarettes out on his gentials.

I said, no, I only do that to genitals.

Oh, and I am a sub, but why bother with such distinctions?



Toysinbabeland -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (11/8/2012 4:22:19 PM)

I got:
Kneel bitch.


(now really, how did they find out my soul name?)



descrite -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (11/8/2012 7:37:21 PM)

quote:

My name is Mr Rick Scott, the owner and C.E.O of Scott Equipment Company, L.L.C., I am a dying man who has decided to donate what I have to you. For charitable goals.


Because, evidently, I am a charitable goal.

It goes on for, like, 300 more words, including a phone number and YIM (yes, YIM is accursed and rife with scammers; whenever a chick I'm messaging asks for either my phone number or IM contact within the first five messages, I know something is Wrong).



I got one on FL last week...a gay male sub photographer complimented my profile shot...then asked if I would like to buy a photo session for a new set of shots.


Nice marketing ploy, dude. Way to sell it.






OsideGirl -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (11/9/2012 3:48:58 PM)

I just got:

would you be into sitting on my face and pissing on it

Apparently he thinks I have an amazing bladder that can shoot a stream of urine 3000 miles, because he's in Virginia.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: Just plain LAME messages from the other side (11/9/2012 4:23:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I just got:

would you be into sitting on my face and pissing on it

Apparently he thinks I have an amazing bladder that can shoot a stream of urine 3000 miles, because he's in Virginia.

I hope you replied this ^^^ to him!

[sm=rofl.gif][sm=rofl.gif][sm=rofl.gif][sm=oddballs.gif]



Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875