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How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 9:08:02 AM

RemoteUser

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I recently fell across a memory of a former sub telling me, "You don't have a submissive bone in your body!" It got me thinking about just how well I would do, if I subjugated myself to the other side of the kneel, as it were. I'd have to make myself do it, and I don't think it would be impossible. A few Dom/me friends I have have subjugated themselves in this manner to better understand their subs/slaves; I don't know that I would, but if I did it would go something like this:

- I'm straight, so it would have to be a female Dominant
- STOP and NO would mean exactly that
- there would have to be a lot of open and honest discussion before doing anything
- edge play would be out because I'm not a sub, and none of it would be pleasant for me
- public play wouldn't be an option for me
- I would be consciously choosing to go against my nature, so humiliation wouldn't really apply...either I'd accept what was going on or stop it
- hard limits would include the usual (kids, feces, animals, permanent markings), and anything anal would be out as well; I was raped when I was young, so for me to let anyone near my butt I'd need explicit and near perfect trust in them (can't see that happening in an experimental setting)

If you were on the other side of the kneel, how well would you do? (This may not apply to switches, but for those who identify more with one side than the other, what would work and not work for you in the weaker role?)

Is it something you can imagine, or is it totally contrary to your nature - and despite that, could you make yourself take on the role? Are there aspects of the other side you would be comfortable with at all, or would it be too alien?

(I look forward to the facetious replies as much as the serious ones. Heck, sometimes they are the better ones!)

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RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 9:26:57 AM

punisher440

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I can only speak for myself here....but it would be a lot easier to herd cats than to get me to switch to being submissive.My nature is as natural to me as breathing so I do not see myself giving up what and who I am.And no,I do not see myself as better than a submissive,just completely different.

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RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 9:29:06 AM

SimplyMichael

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You can bottom from a very dominant place just as you can top from a very submissive one.

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RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 9:39:55 AM

DaddySatyr

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From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
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This is an interesting question and one that I have spoken about on quite a few occasions because the psychology really interests me.

I have found that as far as a D, looking at the "other side"; ask any of them that have served in the military. It's an automatic wake-up call. They either submit (to a rank or the UCMJ) or they are discharged.

For me, that makes the question elementary. I think that serving in the military makes a good dominant even better and a mediocre dominant, a bit more prepared for some extra learning.

I know for me, I believe that every relationship is different and the old example of bosses, police officers, etc. can make the point. There are certain situations where it doesn't serve me to try and top someone (although, certainly there can be some "muddied" dynamics. My boss almost submits to me) in certain situations.

I only see myself as a "switch" in this last instance in that I believe we all switch; to some degree or another.

Peace and comfort,

Michael

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RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 10:17:02 AM

sexyred1

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I could absolutely be a Domme.

Why? Because I am an assertive, confident woman and I have been involved in this world since my earliest memories so I feel I can empathize with both sides.

People never assume I am submissive because of my daily demeanor.

Would I be a Domme?

No, because it would only be acting. I would never feel it in a visceral sense. I would never be turned on by dominating a man. I might in a fantasy setting once in a while, but my erotic wiring is from being submissive.

So, no, I would never do it and that is why I do not switch either. I do not feel pretending with someone is a good way to go, no matter how many submissive men write to me.

(in reply to DaddySatyr)

Post #: 5

RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 10:17:45 AM

LadyPact

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Frankly, I'd suck at it. (And not in the good way.) I have a running gag about the number of reasons why I'm not a submissive. Not that I'm actually keeping count. I just throw out comments like "reason 642 why I'm not a sub".

It's not that I can't respect authority. I do that pretty well in the regular world. It's that I don't want to give anyone authority that I don't have to. (By the way, DaddyS's comment reminds Me that I say the same stuff about why I'm not the one in the military.)

There was a time, especially in the leather community, that you started out on the s side and you were introduced to this lifestyle from that side and worked your way up. By the time that I came along, that wasn't necessarily true. Very much for the reasons that you stated above. It would be a complete farce for Me to say that I *wanted* to serve someone. I'd have so many restrictions, limits, and conditions that whatever would be left wouldn't really be serving anyone, except Myself. Not to mention, the whole experiment only had a shadow of a chance had it been tried when I first started out. Today? Forget about it! If I know more about topping than the person trying to top Me, I wouldn't trust them worth a damn. (Very, very, very few people have I *ever* said I'd be willing to bottom for should the opportunity arise.)

About the only capacity that I would be any good for would be taking care of the house the way somebody wanted or cooking the meals the way they wanted them prepared. Stuff like formal service for protocol situations I could excel at for limited periods of time. Other than that, I don't honestly see Myself as being useful to anybody in the submissive role.

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RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 10:43:52 AM

SimplyMichael

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Except there was never a time in the leather community where you had to stsrt at the bottom. Its a myth and you of all people shouldnt spread that crap.

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Post #: 7

RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 10:47:22 AM

JeffBC

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I would do excellently. You know how they always say that controlling others starts with being able to control yourself? Yeah well... if I decided that it was a good idea to submit then I'd expect myself to do a really good job at it. Nor would I need any submissive bones, genes, or natures to accomplish that. All I'd need to do is to dominate myself (otherwise known as having strength and self-discipline). Granted, the internal workings would be greatly different than what Carol does but on the outside it'd translate to obedience.

Whatever limits there were would be a function of how much I respected and trusted the dominant in question. In fact, I'm quite sure the whole thing would take whatever form and shape it did from whatever starting circumstance made me conclude that submitting would be a good idea.

What IS true is that my standards for who I'll accept to lead me are pretty high so the person in question would need to be able to meet those standards. My ability to submit to a leader I don't respect is quite literally zero. I walk off of jobs for that sort of thing without a second's hesitation.

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Post #: 8

RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 10:48:12 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Except there was never a time in the leather community where you had to stsrt at the bottom. Its a myth and you of all people shouldnt spread that crap.

Ok, let's put it like this instead.....

A time where it seemed like damn near everyone was convinced it was necessary as starting out on the s side, particularly if you were female.

Better?

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 10/26/2012 10:49:38 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 9

RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 10:55:59 AM

littlewonder

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I remembered when I first met Master and asked him if he had ever subbed or switched. I'm not attracted to subs or switches and it would have immediately turned me off of him. He started laughing saying he couldn't do either basically to save his life. It's just not in him. We once when to the Crucible and we were walking behind a Domme with a couple of her malesubs. She looked back and said, Well you're definitely not a sub. I was fully dressed so she had no idea what I was and Master hadn't said a single word. It's just the way he carries himself. lol. We both found it extremely funny.

Even now in his job, he's still demanding. haha. He goes to work and asks tons of questions while everyone else just kinda figures it out for themselves. He is straightforward with his opinions and thoughts. He wants to make sure he's in total control of his work and you can't be if you have no clue what you are doing. He's just the take charge kinda guy.

As for me, I tried domming once and absolutely hated it. The ex-dom decided he wanted me to dom him every once in awhile. I cringed every single time and failed miserably and I lost respect for him to be honest.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 10/26/2012 11:01:16 AM >

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RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 11:05:30 AM

VioletViolence

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I would probably do OK, I did start out in this lifestyle trying to be a sub and I do still like to bottom. I'd run into a problem once it got to something I didn't really want to do. I *might* end up doing it, but it would be with resentment and the biggest scowl I could fit on my face.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 11

RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 11:37:29 AM

kitkat105

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This topic makes me LOL, mainly because it's something I regularly joke about. I'll playfully push Odeen down to kiss him and say, "See! I could be a switch!"

I'm bratty and a smart ass masochist at the best of times, so considering Odeen is a sadist he has no problem giving me what I want (and then some) - but this is hardly Topping. I don't think I could be a Dominant though: I don't enjoy making decisions or giving instructions outside of work; I do not have a sadistic bone in my body and even when I playfully 'take control' of situations it's all for show because on the inside I feel fairly awkward.

When submissive men message me on the other side with their crazy requests, all I can usually reply with is, "I'm like the nicest gentlest person you'll ever meet.. this is just not going end how you want it to!"

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Post #: 12

RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 12:39:42 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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If it was just for sexual Play I'd do great. But I would so suck at molding and guiding and managing somes life. I cant even lead or manage my own life.

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Post #: 13

RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 1:25:56 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Except there was never a time in the leather community where you had to stsrt at the bottom. Its a myth and you of all people shouldnt spread that crap.

I would disagree. It is well documented that the 70's primarily gay leather community did have a mentorship requirement to "earn their stripes"& "learn from the bottom"

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Post #: 14

RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 1:27:56 PM

crazyml

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quote:

ORIGINAL: punisher440

I can only speak for myself here....but it would be a lot easier to herd cats than to get me to switch to being submissive.

Herding cats is a piece of piss.

All you need is the following...

1 x Tuna Steak
1 x Big dog

[Ed to remove grocer's apostrophe - fuck.]

<just sayin>

< Message edited by crazyml -- 10/26/2012 1:29:57 PM >

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RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 1:42:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
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From: Apple County NY
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I'd be the world's worst top. I'd be apologizing for hitting them after each barely felt swat. If I did manage to cause pain, I'd be heartsick about it.

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RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 1:56:01 PM

MariaB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

You can bottom from a very dominant place just as you can top from a very submissive one.

Well said Michael.

I have submitted to my partner but I never, not even for a moment stopped being dominant. The only way he could make me submit was through 'edge play'. Like a game of dare he has fought me into surrender. I submitted to him because his mind, cunning and strength left me no choice, unless of course I safe worded but I'm a stubborn girl!
This doesn't happen very often because I couldn't cope

but when it has, I don't go all mushy after its over. I usually tell him to go and make me a coffee and then we sit and have a good laugh about the whole thing.

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Post #: 17

RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 2:56:03 PM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Except there was never a time in the leather community where you had to stsrt at the bottom. Its a myth and you of all people shouldnt spread that crap.

I would disagree. It is well documented that the 70's primarily gay leather community did have a mentorship requirement to "earn their stripes"& "learn from the bottom"

Actually, the opposite is true. Using books and articles actually published at the time...its clearly NOT true. Read "The Leathermans Handbook", published in the early 1970s and no such claims are made.

The "documentation" you speak of is mostly stuff from the 1990s...

I dont care one way or other but I do prefer facts.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 18

RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 2:56:22 PM

punisher440

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quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml

quote:

ORIGINAL: punisher440

I can only speak for myself here....but it would be a lot easier to herd cats than to get me to switch to being submissive.

Herding cats is a piece of piss.

All you need is the following...

1 x Tuna Steak
1 x Big dog

[Ed to remove grocer's apostrophe - fuck.]

<just sayin>

Hmmm...you'd need a greyhound for every cat in the herd and it's obvious you've never had a cat that was a picky eater..[just sayin]

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RE: How Would You Do - 10/26/2012 3:37:55 PM

kalikshama

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I can see myself topping a woman but not a man, and I would not switch with someone who tops or doms me.

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