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ORIGINAL: littlewonder

The ex Dom would from time to time, tell me to use toys on him anally. I ended up crying and breaking down each time. I just could not see him the same in my eyes after that.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Someone asked me this in a PM but I thought it would make a great topic.

I am not trying to put forth a definitive definition of these words, I am simy trying to illustrate several common states of being in the scene. I do not believe in black and whit, the world is much more vibrant than that. I am using myself for clarity, these are not real life examples, lol!

If someone takes a class on flogging only to learn how to wield a flogger, they bottoming with ni emotuonal attachment to the act or the top.

Ok not sure if i'm getting this or not but i would naturally see this as dominating with the goal of honing his sadistic skills (gender preference here).

If someone gets flogged by some hot chick they want to fuck they are bottoming with no emotional attachment to flogging but some with the top.

But would the hot chick be an inspiration or would it be true bottoming? I could see it as either or.

If a lesbian gets flogged by an amazing male top because they love flogging, she is emotionally involved with the flogging but not the top.

I could see this as pretty true.

Submitting comes from a very different place. The emotional connection changes everything.

EDITED FOR THE IDIOTS WHO CANT READ...

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The only reason I haven't done prostate massage is the only thing I enjoy up my ass is someone's greedy tongue.  However, IF that changed and if I decided I wanted to be fucked in the ass for MY pleasure it just might go something like this... 

Sitting on the edge of the bed watching her crawling across the room with her strap on shoved so far down her throat that she is gagging and drooling on it.  Then kneeling beside me and licking up thelube from the bowl she uses her tongue to fill my ass with slippery lube and when I command her she stands and puts on her strap on.  She fucks me EXACTLY how I desire, whether than is me moving myself at whatever pace pleases me or my laying there so I don't have to work while she sweats away fucking me for my pleasure.  AFTER I cum she greedily cleans that dildo with her mouth for my viewing pleasure, showing me how badly she wants to taste my ass. 

Yeah, it might just go something like that and anyone who can see my submission in there just aught to start saving some money so they can go and buy a frigging clue.  Being dominant is NOT about doing what other people think you should do, it is about doing EXACTLY whatever the fuck it is YOU want to do, and finding someone who either longs to do the very same thing or whom you inspire to do it anyway. 

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These are off the cuff answers to see if i'm interpreting this in the sense it was intended. 

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Submitting comes from a very different place. The emotional connection changes everything.

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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Submitting comes from a very different place. The emotional connection changes everything.

That's the key then. The behaviors (flogging, anal play, whatever) look the same on the outside regardless of the underlying impetus. But if the impetus is the emotional connection of D/s, the effect on the "players" is entirely different than if they aren't emotionally connected but just playing. "Topping" or "bottoming" looks the same either way and can involve no D/s. That's how I understand your full post anyway.

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Submitting comes from a very different place. The emotional connection changes everything.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael
So you are the dominant and what you say goes! Glad he is so submissive to your orders.

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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Submitting comes from a very different place. The emotional connection changes everything.

That's the key then. The behaviors (flogging, anal play, whatever) look the same on the outside regardless of the underlying impetus. But if the impetus is the emotional connection of D/s, the effect on the "players" is entirely different than if they aren't emotionally connected but just playing. "Topping" or "bottoming" looks the same either way and can involve no D/s. That's how I understand your full post anyway.

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Des, first off I was pissed because her post derailed the thread into the typical " who's more dommy" bullshit rather than a thoughtful exploration of the subject. Secondly, she didnt seem to take offense as we had a polite exchange afterward. Lastly, if someones religion prevented me from doing the sexual things I wanted, I am going to either do some serious behavior modification or some serious location modification.

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ORIGINAL: JeffBC

The problem here in my mind is that we're using BDSM jargon which is entirely undefined. If someone wants to define "dominance" as "the act of dancing in the rain" then they can. More specifically, vast swathes of BDSM-land like to define dominance in terms of what you cannot do. To me it seems odd to define such a word in terms of restrictions but it ain't my definition. To me, ALL of the BDSM-isms are nigh unto incomprehensible so I just ignore them. I think you're tilting at windmills here Michael.

For me, I neither know nor care whether I am "dominant" or any other BDSM word. What I DO care about is that I am the one who is in control of me and much of the immediate world around me. I'm perfectly happy to be self-sovereign and <insert BDSM label here>.