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I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 8:49:25 AM

PrincessBrienna

Posts: 17
Joined: 10/22/2012
Status: offline

I am 24 and he is 58; we met just once because of the distance, we haven't "played" yet but we were planning on doing so the next time we meet. My Dom is a great guy, interesting, fun, very open mind yet very strict, I genuinely like him a whole lot. Even with the 34 years age difference, we really have the same taste in things, he takes care of me, buys me gifts, even gives me a substantial weekly allowance. But I have 3 major problems here:

1. He likes 3sums with other females and he has echoed that a lot whenever we talk or chat. I am bisexual & I love girls just as much as I love guys but I don't want to be the type of sub that goes looking for girls for her Dom & yet I don't want him to look for the girls because I might not like his type of girl. I am also scared sometimes that she might become my replacement :( Doms are guys first so what is the guarantee?

2. I think he likes the slim petite exotic looking kind of girls with really big boobs which I am not. I am petite but only in height. He says he doesn't care about body size much but I know him and he like slim very busty girls. What if he is just "settling" with me, just using me to fill him the void till he finds what he is looking for?

3. Our communication these past few days has been deteriorating. He takes hours to return my texts, he seems pretty occupied and even though he is still sounding as sweet or as normal as he always does, I can't just shake that feeling that something is wrong somewhere...

Oh we have been together for 3 months now... I know, it is too soon for me to start acting bratty lol. He doesn't come on CM much & never on the forum so I just hope he doesn't see this post or I did have to explain myself big time... I need advice on what to do... Please?

Sorry I had to edit for some errors :)

< Message edited by PrincessBrienna -- 10/29/2012 9:09:12 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 8:59:22 AM

masmiss

Posts: 494
Joined: 2/16/2009
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

Oh sweetie, I gotta tell you, he's just a horny old man who's thrilled to have snagged a young hottie who is a bit naive about the lifestyle. He'll just keep on acting sweet to keep you hanging on until he can get together with you to play. If he keeps pushing the threesome whenever you talk that means he's focused only on the sex and not YOU, the person.
Dump his wrinkled old ass.

_____________________________

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)

Post #: 2

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 9:07:13 AM

Lucylastic

Posts: 40310
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBrienna

I am 24 and he is 58; we met just once because of the distance, we haven't "played" yet but we were planning on doing so the next time we meet. My Dom is a great guy, interesting, fun, very open mind yet very strict, I genuinely like him a whole lot. Even with the 34 years age difference, we really have the same taste in things, he takes care of me, buys me gifts, even gives me a substantial weekly allowance. But I have 3 major problems here:

1. He likes 3sums with other females and he has echoed that a lot whenever we talk or chat. I am bisexual & I love girls just as much as I love guys but I don't want to be the type of sub that goes looking for girls for her Dom & yet I don't want him to look for the girls because I might not like his type of girl. I am also scared sometimes that she might become my replacement :( Dos are guy first so what is the guarantee?

2. I think he likes the slim petite exotic looking kind of girls with really big boobs which I am not. I am petite but only in height. He says he doesn't care about body size much but I know him and he like slim very busty girls. What if he is just "settling" with me, just using me to fill him the void till he finds what he is looking for?

3. Our communication these past few days has been deteriorating. He takes hours to return my texts, he seems pretty occupied and even though he is still sounding as sweet or as normal as he always those. I can't just shake that feeling that something is wrong somewhere...

Oh we have been together for 3 months now... I know, it is too soon for me to start acting bratty lol. He doesn't come on CM much & never on the forum so I just hope he doesn't see this post or I did have to explain myself big time... I need advice on what to do... Please?

Sorry I had to edit of some errors :)

Good to see realism in your questions:) I think you have answered them yourself tho.
go with your gut.
There is no guarantee, ever.
Edited to add, good luck, in whatever you decide to do!

< Message edited by Lucylastic -- 10/29/2012 9:08:08 AM >

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Post #: 3

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 9:09:54 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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I'm confused as to why you're calling someone that you've met just once your Dom.

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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Post #: 4

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 9:16:09 AM

PrincessBrienna

Posts: 17
Joined: 10/22/2012
Status: offline

I thought once you both came into an understanding and you agree to be his sub, he automatically becomes your Dom irregardless of how many times you met in person? Or is that wrong?

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 5

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 9:21:41 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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My point being that if you've met just once you probably don't know him well enough to make that decision. REGARDLESS, of how much you have talked on the phone or computer because those are mediums which make pretending to be something you're not, very easy.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)

Post #: 6

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 9:38:57 AM

saundrakitty

Posts: 148
Joined: 9/11/2012
Status: offline

I had the same thing happen to me recently with a Dominate that I thought was possibly going to turn into the one that i would be with and except later on his collar. but like you he was all sweet and did communicate with me a lot all the way up to our first meeting face to face in a public spot. Then his messages began to fall of with the excuse that he was busy. I excepted this at first as i know how work can be myself. That was when he started pushing for poly even tho i told him i was not into that idea right now, and He was telling me that he would make me become Bi- and recruit other female Submissives to play with us when we started to begin play. Told him we needed to talk again face to face over this issue as it was coming close to my hard limits and he knew I could dominate a female but not go at all sexually with one as I had flat told him I was Straight. We meet again at the same place and then went for a walk on the trails. I noticed something right off the bat that he was quiet and ordering me to not to question him any more about anything ( Red Flag) then he had a call and told me to stay right there and don't move ( another Red Flag) and then went up the trail and was talking to someone in a loving tone ( yep last red Flag went up) and when He got off the Phone I let the Switch in me off the Leash and went into Domme mode as I am a switch and told him that He had Lied to me that He was not Married but that I hear now that he is Married and that She does not even now what he is up to and that If he contacted me in any way I would be very pissed off. I got home blocked him here on CM ( even tho he only contacted me here 2 times) and deleted all contacts off my yahoo mail and messenger. how ever forgot the house phone and can't block calls on my cell phone. He started calling the house a whole lot tiring to talk to me ( let it go to answering machine ) then when my Son got home had him block his number even on the house phone. I have never givin my house address to him as it had not gotten that far and we were suppose to be building up our communication and trust with each other prior to our first full play session then to see if we were also compatible there. Take what you can learn from this like i did. There are Players and then their are Cheats too, but don't be discouraged there are good people out there. Never enter into any RT play sessions until you have worked through any issues even if they look small and stupid. Take you're time to really get to know each other in Every way you can as well as He should do with you. Discuss everything - hide nothing from each other- if you are insecure tell him then watch His reaction. Ask tons of questions don't be afraid and if he does not answer them or will not look you in the eye and help you with the right answers and sincerity in his interest in you the tell him to Leave you alone- and look some where else. Right now you're inner self is yelling red flag- listen to it- trust it- and never ignore it- develop it to be you're best tool- trust me you'll be glad you did. D/s is a two way street and both need to be fully honest and you're Dom should not be too upset that you asked the help of another more mature submissive to understand and help with confusing things that are going to come up with you're own self growth towards what you need for you and that you also intended to get his side as well before you'd make any decision on way or another. Like I aid take you're time and go show- don't rush into anything fast- if he pushes for fast- then back it down. You can just instantly trust any one right away and you also can't expect them to get to know you in just one or even 2 meetings same as you don't know much about him either with just one meeting. Not a good idea to jump the run- but that's my opinion.

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)

Post #: 7

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 10:02:56 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Ladies: as it has been said multiple times before; the expectations of having a relationship in D/s are no different than what you would expect in a vanilla one.

If you read what you both wrote, you have your answers already.

Do not let anyone tell you that being submissive means you should lack brains and especially, that you ever have to put up with crap from anyone.

These red flag issues happened early enough so that you should see them for being the truth.

I have found that men let you know how bad they are pretty early; you just have to listen and not hope they will change.

(in reply to saundrakitty)

Post #: 8

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 11:11:24 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

First: Slow the hell down! 3 months?? That's a drop in the bucket. Why not just go back to dating the guy and seeing where it goes? What's the rush to be his sub so quickly?

Second: He's a horny old man. He snatched a naive, young girl. You're his trophy. He has you now so why should he have to try and get you to submit to him? He can now just sit back and do what he wants and you, being the naive and young girl, will think it's you and not him.

Third: Talk to him. Have you done that?

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(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 9

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 11:12:29 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBrienna
1. He likes 3sums with other females and he has echoed that a lot whenever we talk or chat. I am bisexual & I love girls just as much as I love guys but I don't want to be the type of sub that goes looking for girls for her Dom & yet I don't want him to look for the girls because I might not like his type of girl. I am also scared sometimes that she might become my replacement :( Doms are guys first so what is the guarantee?

With that opinion of guys I think you should strongly consider going lesbian. Lord only knows that I wouldn't touch any woman who held that opinion with a 10' pole... nor would any other honorable guy. That opinion has "self fulfilling prophecy" all over it.

quote:

2. I think he likes the slim petite exotic looking kind of girls with really big boobs which I am not. I am petite but only in height. He says he doesn't care about body size much but I know him and he like slim very busty girls. What if he is just "settling" with me, just using me to fill him the void till he finds what he is looking for?

All things being equal I wish Carol had Halley Berry's body. But all things are not equal and if Halley Berry showed up at my doorstop today, naked and on her knees, I'd be more annoyed than intrigued.

quote:

3. Our communication these past few days has been deteriorating. He takes hours to return my texts, he seems pretty occupied and even though he is still sounding as sweet or as normal as he always does, I can't just shake that feeling that something is wrong somewhere...

Long distance relationships take a lot of trust and a lot of self-discipline to avoid spinning into whirlpools of "what if". The bottom line is you don't trust this guy... maybe you don't trust ANY guys. That's gonna be a problem.

quote:

Oh we have been together for 3 months now...

I'm not sure I would count "we saw each other once" as "together for 3 months". I gotta tell you that in my world someone I'd only met once is a stranger. Heck, I met a woman a few weeks ago that I have literally spent thousands of hours on the phone with over the last several years yet still I encountered has as a "partial stranger" when we met in real life.

quote:

I know, it is too soon for me to start acting bratty lol. He doesn't come on CM much & never on the forum so I just hope he doesn't see this post or I did have to explain myself big time...

Interpretation... You are doing something you suspect your partner will not like and your chosen course of action is to hope he doesn't fine out? I get it that you're young and some allowances need to be made. But in the long-term I'd encourage you to ponder the words "integrity", "honesty", and "honor".

quote:

I need advice on what to do... Please?

Start talking honestly with the guy you are pondering hooking up with in some way.

_____________________________

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"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)

Post #: 10

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 11:22:42 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBrienna

I am 24 and he is 58; we met just once because of the distance, we haven't "played" yet but we were planning on doing so the next time we meet. My Dom is a great guy, interesting, fun, very open mind yet very strict, I genuinely like him a whole lot. Even with the 34 years age difference, we really have the same taste in things, he takes care of me, buys me gifts, even gives me a substantial weekly allowance. But I have 3 major problems here:

1. He likes 3sums with other females and he has echoed that a lot whenever we talk or chat. I am bisexual & I love girls just as much as I love guys but I don't want to be the type of sub that goes looking for girls for her Dom & yet I don't want him to look for the girls because I might not like his type of girl. I am also scared sometimes that she might become my replacement :( Doms are guys first so what is the guarantee?

2. I think he likes the slim petite exotic looking kind of girls with really big boobs which I am not. I am petite but only in height. He says he doesn't care about body size much but I know him and he like slim very busty girls. What if he is just "settling" with me, just using me to fill him the void till he finds what he is looking for?

3. Our communication these past few days has been deteriorating. He takes hours to return my texts, he seems pretty occupied and even though he is still sounding as sweet or as normal as he always does, I can't just shake that feeling that something is wrong somewhere...

Oh we have been together for 3 months now... I know, it is too soon for me to start acting bratty lol. He doesn't come on CM much & never on the forum so I just hope he doesn't see this post or I did have to explain myself big time... I need advice on what to do... Please?

Sorry I had to edit for some errors :)

He's a 58 year old guy. He's very excited to have you, a hot sexy young sub. And rightly so - there are lots of him and not many of you. So he's paying you to stick around and giving you lots of compliments.

A weekly allowance after three months? Really?

That says to me that he is buying you off with money so he doesn't lose you. He's so wrapped up in his fantasy of a threesome (and hey! He can use this hot young thing to get more hot young things!) that he doesn't care how you feel about it.

One thing I will say though - it's very likely that he doesn't care about your body size. Because your 25 year old boobs are perky and you're willing to get them out for him and the rest of the internet. And you're bi! And you're submissive and kinda new to it and so hopefully won't know any better when he takes advantage of you. Settling? Only in the sense that I would 'settle' for winning 25 million on the lottery instead of 28 million.

That said, there is no guarantee he won't replace you. It is unlikely this will be a long term relationship. It sounds like he wants all he can get so he will probably move on if he can get more pussy. Harsh but true.

My advice? Stop taking the money, so he can't hold that over you and make you feel like you owe him something. Lay out all your concerns on the table and stand up for yourself - set limits. Submissives can have limits - SHOULD have limits - and don't let anyone tell you that's wrong. Tell him what you need from this relationship. If he can't agree, or if his actions in any way tell you he's not taking your needs seriously, walk, block his number, and have some self respect.

Or better yet, do that now.

Lots of the things you mentioned might not be issues on their own, but put together? Yikes. Huge age gap, you're new, you're insecure, he's flashing the cash, he is very focused on the threesome which you don't even want, communication is going downhill...

3 months is nothing, cut your losses, find someone invested in you as a person not as a young toy/threesome bait.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)

Post #: 11

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 12:11:02 PM

PrincessBrienna

Posts: 17
Joined: 10/22/2012
Status: offline

quote:

With that opinion of guys I think you should strongly consider going lesbian. Lord only knows that I wouldn't touch any woman who held that opinion with a 10' pole... nor would any other honorable guy. That opinion has "self fulfilling prophecy" all over it.

Doms ARE guys first just the same way female subs ARE women first before being submissive. There is nothing "self fulfilling" about it.

quote:

Lord only knows that I wouldn't touch any woman who held that opinion with a 10' pole... nor would any other honorable guy.

Please speak for yourself and not others. You are quick to judge without even knowing me... really? is it that serious to say something do despicable and mean about someone you DON'T EVEN KNOW?

I might not be experienced or old but I know when an advice is genuine, I have gotten constructive advise from masmiss, Lucylastic, OsideGirl, saundrakitty, sexyred1, littlewonder and AthenaSurrenders but you....you might as well not like me as a female sub... don't deny it when you read my post you were ready to pounce on me weren't you?

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 12

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 12:12:55 PM

wittynamehere

Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBrienna
Doms ARE guys first just the same way female subs ARE women first before being submissive. There is nothing "self fulfilling" about it.

Please speak for yourself and not others.

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(in reply to PrincessBrienna)

Post #: 13

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 12:15:50 PM

PrincessBrienna

Posts: 17
Joined: 10/22/2012
Status: offline

So what are female subs now? Are they men? Oh they must be transsexuals because it is impossible for them to be women right?

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Post #: 14

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 12:36:47 PM

LoneDevil93

Posts: 11
Joined: 10/27/2012
Status: offline

Some of you guys just sound forceful about your advice....
I may only be new to this life style but you can't just judge with out knowing a person.

My suggestion to you Bri is to maybe slow things down just a bit (not saying you're in the wrong for calling him your dom even though it's only 3 months in) because as it goes with most human beings when we find some thing we want we get overly excited and shoot right in for it.
Afraid it might not stay there for long at all.

So just slow things down, and if that doesn't work maybe give him an ultimatum, like say if you want it to be strictly poly household tell him some thing along the lines of "it's either you get a nice young thang or you find a sub who forces you to pay for her trip from "thailand"" or some thing along those lines.

Just overall be careful, but with the fact that hes shelling out a substantial amount torwards your way hes likely not married.
So you don't have to be fully careful.

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)

Post #: 15

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 12:48:16 PM

Baroana

Posts: 1480
Joined: 11/13/2011
Status: offline

Therapy. Get therapy. Tell therapist you suffer from low self-esteem, insecurity, denial, defensiveness, gullibility, desperation, and bad taste in men.

(in reply to LoneDevil93)

Post #: 16

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 12:49:21 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

In context, your comment could be taken as a stereotype and inference that men can nt be truste. Considering you tied te statement to your insecurity regardinf your fear of being replaced. If that is not how you meant it, then what was you intent? What message where you intending to convey?

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)

Post #: 17

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 12:50:03 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBrienna

So what are female subs now? Are they men? Oh they must be transsexuals because it is impossible for them to be women right?

You've missed the point twice.

Your assumption that guys are led by their dick with no honor and that they're all out to replace the person they're with is what Jeff was referring to. Since you think all guys are like that, you've set yourself up for a self fulfilling prophecy.

It's a wide sweeping generalization and you're painting guys who would not do that with the same brush.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to PrincessBrienna)

Post #: 18

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 12:59:14 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

Bri I see this going bad quicker than you can imagine. Its cute that he buys you pretty things & gives you an allowance...but what is he paying for?
You have a man you barely know, that is dom over you (whatever that means in your world) that will "play with you"(again what does this mean to you) that likely can overpower you in size & strength.
This is all very fluffy & cute until you find yourself bound & gagged in a hotel no one knows about. With a man no one knows how to find. That has "paid for you" enough to rationalize lots of terrible things. So how do you know your limits will be respected? How do you know you won't be tied to a bed as the center of a gang bang? I mean he's your dom right? But what does that actually mean to you???
There are 2 very different outcomes possible in the above scene...limits can be respected, you're fucked silly & happy about it OR you end up in a body bag with a maid calling police.
Safety forums have many good posts on how to deal with meeting a new dom. The thing to remember is they are people first wih human failings. You wouldn't meet random first date in a hotel, why now? You wouldn't let random bar guy slap you, hit you with drape rod & tie you up...why this guy? I'm all for presents but what does HE think he's paid for? Do you know where his works? If he's married? How many other pets he has stashed about? I hate to be debbie downer here but every daddy dom I've met has little regard for his girls actual wants, just how much it will cost him. He's already paid a deposit on the merchendise...question is what does he think he paid for? Submission is a lot more than blind deadly obedience to the highest bidder!!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
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(in reply to PrincessBrienna)

Post #: 19

RE: I am confused about my Dom? - 10/29/2012 1:03:50 PM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessBrienna
Doms ARE guys first just the same way female subs ARE women first before being submissive. There is nothing "self fulfilling" about it.

Please speak for yourself and not others.

So you aren't male? You are just a Dom? Dominant is an adjective, not a noun.

This being said, not all men are ruled by their cock and how many pieces of ass they can have on the side.

< Message edited by searching4mysir -- 10/29/2012 1:10:39 PM >

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Post #: 20

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