NuevaVida
Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: sheisreeds
How have your relationships re-established themselves, and gotten through it?
Ever go through a period of needing to be re-broken in? Or got to do the breaking?
Or if it's never happened what would you do?
We've had some bumps and bruises along the way, but I can't say we needed to "re-establish" our relationship. I think because we just let the relationship evolve along the way, making adjustments for the life traumas/dramas as they occurred.
For us, the undercurrent was always that he's in charge, even if the "kink" slowed down or even stopped. He's still the owner, still the boss.
Yes, it's had its frustrating times, but we're both in this for the long run, and the relationship between us (the way we connect, the love, the companionship) has always been the priority above the sex, for both of us. Maybe because of our past experiences - previous relationships, sexual excursions, marriages - we realized that sex and kink, while fun and vital and nourishing in its own right, can always be brought back into the picture when BOTH of us are ready, but the priority for us is we both have each others best interest, we're both really patient with each other, and when supporting each other through life ordeals, neither of us really feels like we're sacrificing anything.
Two months into seeing each other, I still considered our relationship extremely new. We were still getting to know each other, after all. And I had a cancer scare. I remember telling him, if I do have cancer, I wouldn't ask or expect him to stick around, that would be a LOT for someone to take on, so early into a relationship. I told him I would completely understand, and would have no hard feelings at all, if he felt the need to move on. His response was that he had come to know me well enough to know he wanted to be with me, cancer or not, and we'd take each step together with it. I was floored.
About a year and a half ago, he had some serious custody battle issues with his ex wife. Took months and months to resolve, and it exhausted him, frustrated him, and angered him greatly. Our sex life and kink life changed during all of that. It was an adjustment for me, but I also knew it was just temporary (for however long temporary needed to be), and really just wanted to support him through it. What used to be alone time for getting our rocks off together, had turned into reviewing legal documents, finances, and finding distraction in movies and such. When things were resolved, we melded back into a new kind of normalcy - more enriched, because of what we had just gone through.
Right now my brother-in-law is dying, and a LOT of my time and energy is spent helping my sister and taking care of my two young nephews. I spend nights over there, or bring the boys here, and I pick the boys up from school, and do grocery shopping for my sister, and provide a major ear for her as they are pre-planning his funeral and making necessary arrangements in advance. I'm emotionally drained by this, and I cry a lot. The Mister has let me know he EXPECTS me to make my sister and her family my priority right now, and if I'm less available to him (physically, mentally, emotionally), he knows that's just a temporary result of taking care of my family. When my brother-in-law dies (we think it will be within a few weeks, during the holidays), my sister and the boys will need even more help, and the Mister encourages me to be there for her, assuring me WE will be fine - because we've already established a baseline of love for our relationship.
Goodness, if he were to mention fucking others in my absence during a crisis, without giving me adequate time to heal, I'd say to fuck whoever he wants, because I couldn't stay with someone that shallow.
Anyway, "returning" to each other after major issues - medical, emotional, whatever - is gradual and slow. We're both a fan of baby steps - patience is our friend, and love is our foundation. We talk a lot about what we're thinking, feeling, fearing, frustrated by, etc., and we allow each other to feel what we feel. Often times the partner of someone going through crisis has his/her own issues to deal with as a result, and we talk through those, too. Being grateful toward each other is also important.
I do wish you well, reeds. Sorry I rambled so much!
_____________________________
Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.
|
RE: Kink Interrupted - 
Profile
You keep missing the point that she would be too f*cking busy dealing by herself to have time and energy to search for ways to make you miserable. Besides, if that was the goal, no need. You seem to do it to yourself just fine. 
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread