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RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 11:12:32 AM   
LonDom61


Posts: 196
Joined: 9/12/2007
Status: offline 		OP: I endorse the general feeling here. But especially RocheSub on post #59. I wont quote it. Too long.

Speaking of which, he took time to quote you and respond to individual points in your OP I took the same amount of time (or longer) and space with my last post, which was not at all on topic.

To you, Aswad, SilentMist and others who stick up for the modern Turkey, let me say a few things. I am sure that Turkey is a much better place to live, for Muslim and especially for Westerners and other non-Muslims, than just about any other Muslim country. I do know that Turkey is among the best or more enlightened or westernized Muslim nations. But it is still a nation with many followers of Islam and one that is, even now, increasingly Muslim-run.

I know that it is different in the cities. I know that city Muslims are not as backward as those in the country. I know that it is different for non-Muslims (which includes sinful and her boyfriend). In the western world we cannot point to a long history of enlightened laws. Some stuff that seems pretty basic and sensible has been passed only in the past 50-100 years.

But I was shocked when my brief research showed that, in Turkey, with all of its modernity...up until 10 years ago stoning was still legal. And the extent to which it still goes on, not just elsewhere, but in Turkey. It was irritation with Ull and shock over what I learned that inspired me to make the previous rant.

This apology is NOT, though, for Ull. That was WAY too many derrogatory comments. Ull. And putting down Rose for being so incorrect and ill-informed when in fact it was YOU who were both. And since you were very rude and very wrong on the facts if not on the character of the country, I responded as I did.

I was not suggesting that sinful was in imminent danger because of this. I was showing that your attitude was misplaced.




(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 11:25:44 AM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		That's all I meant, Ron; it's archaic, but functional. And, incidentally, there are several dialects where the pronoun becomes enclitic ("har du" → "har'u"), and some where the clitic is devoiced, which sounds like a silent lingering at the end of the word, so you're not sure if you heard it or just expected to.

As for LonDom61:

Please provide a credible source to back up your claim that stoning was legal until 2003, as my sources say that has been considered to be murder for a lot longer than that; indeed, that it is after 2002 that we start to see any increase in the occurence of such things, largely as a consequence of the influx of Kurds, and they're working on stomping out the Kurds as best they can (with us in the West trying to stop that).

IWYW,
— Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 11:27:25 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Oh, I like talking about clits, but not the har ones, I like mine bare of the undergrowth.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 11:27:49 AM   
sinfulneeds


Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009


quote:

ORIGINAL: sinfulneeds

and i dont need to hear i should leave this man and all this .. cus i do know this is my option..



But that seems like the logical (and most obvious) answer. The two of you aren't very well-matched. In fact, you seem quite mismatched.

yes--- we do seem quite mismatched, i can understand why you think this .. but apart from this d/s thing, we are a perfect match. thats why its so hard for me to walk away



quote:


we are engaged ..



Why?

read answer in first question ;)

quote:


he says no to blowjobs and only wants sex 1 or 2 times every week...
he doesn't like it if i beg for it or offer it..


In other words, the two of you are mismatched sexually. Sex is an important component of any marriage. In fact, sexual problems/incompatibility is one of the leading causes of divorce (in the USA. I'm not familiar with Turkish divorce statistics).

Why would you marry someone that doesn't satisfy you sexually? This is particularly concerning when you already know this going into the marriage. If you decide that you require a fundamental change in your sex life in order to be happy later on in the marriage, it will be unfair of YOU to ask for that change. After all, you knew how he was when you married him. From his perspective, YOU will have changed from the girl that he married, while he will be exactly the same guy that you married.

yes, i know i will be the one that changed , and thats why im trying so hard to tell him about this now .. not later ... and thats why i am coming here asking for some help in how to tell him ..

quote:


and i have never told him i am sub ... i have told him i like it .. hard and .. ye .. i have told him a little here and there, but never the whole story ..


some might say that you've been dishonest with him. You can tell a lie simply by omitting the truth.

yes. you can say i have been dishonest by not telling him .. but on the other side.. i usually dont say hello .. my name is ... and i am a sub .. :S
quote:



i find it soooo scary to sit down and tell him this.. im scared he will find me .. freaky..



Once again, this isn't some stranger that you're talking about. This is the man that you plan to marry. If you can't be honest with him, then you shouldn't marry him.

this is me being insecure .. not him not being open to listen .. this is me being scared of being different..

quote:



so please... how can i spill the beans without scaring the man off??


Maybe you can't. But if seeing the REAL you scares him off, then he wasn't the right man for you anyway. Frankly, it seems fairly obvious from here that the two of you are heading for problems. But you're going to have to come to that conclusion on your own.

Good luck.
-Roch



thank you. i know i will have to talk to him .. i just dont know how to .

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 11:43:44 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		And I will repeat this, because it bears repeating (and it is coming from guys...something you should consider in the mix as well).

Do not do a we need to talk.  Do not try to relate the whole overarching here is the fucking deal all at one time..  be prepared for a whole series of sort of light but pointed no more than 10 minute conversations.

Say for instance ... he is sitting there in his cave, and you are pretty sure this this is his fuck night.  I am sure it is rigidly scheduled.  Or you see him getting ready to do the duty by his actions............

Say, hon.....yanno, just for fun...I would like you to spank the shit out of me tonight before you give me the old in and out seal clubber for these reasons:

1.  It drives blood down into my hoo-ha region which arouses me better.
2. It makes me feel like you are very virile and male and that feeling makes me aroused more.
3. I will bawl my eyes out, and it isn't that you are hurting me (although just a little hurt is sorta hot, a little force) and it gives me a release of my frustrations too to cry a little. I feel better after.
4. I will be wetter and more engaged which should make my hoo-ha feel better for you.

I would enjoy it, and we could find things you like to do as well to improve us.




No, pressure, no this hasta that gotta you must.......very lighthearted and feminine non threatening (submissive) action and softness of interaction.  Maybe a little kiss on the neck and some rubbing and whatnot.....

Then start cooking the recipe for the next talk.

If he don't do anything (does he have some real problems with what he sees as seeming inept or anything?)  ............ and it is clear he ain't gonna have any part of the program, then it might be you need to explore taking full charge, cuck him and get a master.


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to sinfulneeds)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 11:47:00 AM   
sinfulneeds


Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

And I will repeat this, because it bears repeating (and it is coming from guys...something you should consider in the mix as well).

Do not do a we need to talk.  Do not try to relate the whole overarching here is the fucking deal all at one time..  be prepared for a whole series of sort of light but pointed no more than 10 minute conversations.

Say for instance ... he is sitting there in his cave, and you are pretty sure this this is his fuck night.  I am sure it is rigidly scheduled.  Or you see him getting ready to do the duty by his actions............

Say, hon.....yanno, just for fun...I would like you to spank the shit out of me tonight before you give me the old in and out seal clubber for these reasons:

1.  It drives blood down into my hoo-ha region which arouses me better.
2. It makes me feel like you are very virile and male and that feeling makes me aroused more.
3. I will bawl my eyes out, and it isn't that you are hurting me (although just a little hurt is sorta hot, a little force) and it gives me a release of my frustrations too to cry a little. I feel better after.
4. I will be wetter and more engaged which should make my hoo-ha feel better for you.

I would enjoy it, and we could find things you like to do as well to improve us.




No, pressure, no this hasta that gotta you must.......very lighthearted and feminine non threatening (submissive) action and softness of interaction.  Maybe a little kiss on the neck and some rubbing and whatnot.....

Then start cooking the recipe for the next talk.

If he don't do anything (does he have some real problems with what he sees as seeming inept or anything?)  ............ and it is clear he ain't gonna have any part of the program, then it might be you need to explore taking full charge, cuck him and get a master.



ahahhaha omg he would drop dead on the spot i think ... since hes already so dominant in the everyday setting, u dont think its better to start there ? i have no idea.. but i think the spank me part would make him choke ..

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 11:49:26 AM   
sinfulneeds


Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		and for the record ... i asked him now .. : "what would you say if i said this : " then i repeated what u wrote .. he said ... iiiii.. dont know :S hahahah

(in reply to sinfulneeds)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 11:54:38 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		K.........let it sit and cook, you don't need an answer, if you have a hairbrush get it on top of your dresser, if he has a belt around get it on the bedpost.....say no more for a day or two.

Then something little again...............whats in it for you, and why that's in it for him.  Thats the close here, whats in it for him.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to sinfulneeds)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 11:57:35 AM   
Darkfeather


Posts: 1142
Joined: 3/13/2007
Status: offline 		Honestly, shoving your kink in his face is bad advice. It will cause him to get defensive of His viewpoints on things, and turn the whole discussion sour fast. What you need to do is just spit it out, say what it is you like. Don't try to include your him in your kink, just speak about you. Tell him what you think about, what turns you on, maybe even a generic fantasy. The key is not trying to force him to make a choice, because it will end badly. If he can handle what You want out of the relationship, then he is the right person for you, but you have to tell him

(in reply to sinfulneeds)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 12:43:16 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		You say that the two of you are a perfect match in all areas other than sex. Personally, I find that hard to believe. After all, if you're so different in your view about sex, then I can't believe that you see eye-to-eye on all other issues. For example, he sounds like he's probably quite conservative socially and politically, while you're probably much more liberal.

But even if you are a perfect match in every other way, do you REALLY want to spend your entire life wanting frequent, kinky sex, but only getting to have sex once a week and only in the missionary position? Sexual incompatibility may trump all other things, unless he's super rich. (I'm only being partially facetious with that last point).

It's your life, so you have to decide what's best for you. But I don't think that I could marry someone who I didn't even feel comfortable to talk to about my sexual desires.

There are other men out there you know. Ummmmm, you DO know that, don't you?

Heck, if you're willing to move to Minnesota, I know someone who would be happy to let you give him an unlimited number of blowjobs on a daily basis. ;-)

(in reply to sinfulneeds)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 1:04:01 PM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Take it from an old married woman. You better have alot in common, cause as the years go by, the small things that irritate you now will become HUGE. ANd the Big things that irritate now will become " I CANT TAKE THIS SHIT ONE MORE DAY" lol.

So try to find somoene who is near perfect, as perfect can be to you, cause even then the storms will come, trust me I've created or lived thru a few of them now. Marriage or a life long committed partner is not easy, even when things are pretty damn good in the beginning!!

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 1:27:07 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sinfulneeds


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

eeerrr....my daughter has been to Turkey. According to her it was just like the U.S. She had no problems at all there. It's a modern country. It's nothing like Iraq or Iran. She didn't have to be with men to travel, she didn't have to cover her entire body except when she visited the mosques and just about everyone spoke English. Let's not lump all "Muslim" countries as exactly the same.


thank you. this is also the way i see this country.

Love how a narrow mind can invent crap when backs are turned... Never did I say I cover or bring upa birqua anywhere!!!!
, my business dealings however require a male figurehead for no other reason than my narrow minded-old school vendor has let it be known he can't be seen as directly doing business with a woman. With all the back up lon provided...entirely possible that the narrow minds didn't die off within the last 3-5 years!
OP being with a big prude also points to him being anything but progressive

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to sinfulneeds)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 1:33:49 PM   
sinfulneeds


Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

You say that the two of you are a perfect match in all areas other than sex. Personally, I find that hard to believe. After all, if you're so different in your view about sex, then I can't believe that you see eye-to-eye on all other issues. For example, he sounds like he's probably quite conservative socially and politically, while you're probably much more liberal.

But even if you are a perfect match in every other way, do you REALLY want to spend your entire life wanting frequent, kinky sex, but only getting to have sex once a week and only in the missionary position? Sexual incompatibility may trump all other things, unless he's super rich. (I'm only being partially facetious with that last point).

It's your life, so you have to decide what's best for you. But I don't think that I could marry someone who I didn't even feel comfortable to talk to about my sexual desires.

There are other men out there you know. Ummmmm, you DO know that, don't you?

Heck, if you're willing to move to Minnesota, I know someone who would be happy to let you give him an unlimited number of blowjobs on a daily basis. ;-)



well.. honestly .. the only answer i could think of reading this is: no .. over and over ..

sadly ...

(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 1:36:13 PM   
sinfulneeds


Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U


quote:

ORIGINAL: sinfulneeds


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

eeerrr....my daughter has been to Turkey. According to her it was just like the U.S. She had no problems at all there. It's a modern country. It's nothing like Iraq or Iran. She didn't have to be with men to travel, she didn't have to cover her entire body except when she visited the mosques and just about everyone spoke English. Let's not lump all "Muslim" countries as exactly the same.


thank you. this is also the way i see this country.

Love how a narrow mind can invent crap when backs are turned... Never did I say I cover or bring upa birqua anywhere!!!!
, my business dealings however require a male figurehead for no other reason than my narrow minded-old school vendor has let it be known he can't be seen as directly doing business with a woman. With all the back up lon provided...entirely possible that the narrow minds didn't die off within the last 3-5 years!
OP being with a big prude also points to him being anything but progressive


best description of him so far !

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 1:37:46 PM   
sinfulneeds


Posts: 53
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Take it from an old married woman. You better have alot in common, cause as the years go by, the small things that irritate you now will become HUGE. ANd the Big things that irritate now will become " I CANT TAKE THIS SHIT ONE MORE DAY" lol.

So try to find somoene who is near perfect, as perfect can be to you, cause even then the storms will come, trust me I've created or lived thru a few of them now. Marriage or a life long committed partner is not easy, even when things are pretty damn good in the beginning!!


i cant even begin to imagine how til will be like in 5 -10 or 15 years time :(
unless we sort this out now .. there really isnt much hope for us ..

(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 1:40:08 PM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		I will say this, and I won't claim to ever been to Turkey, and honestly don't know a whole lot.

But really, if stonings were legal not to long ago, really doesn't matter what the law books say, culture is bred into people.

Most of us live in the good ole USA, or european descent and we have some laws too, seems a few of them take decades to catch on.

Not so sure I'd give TOTAL PURE HONESTY, OUT WITH IT, advice to where women still possibly are, second class citizens.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to sinfulneeds)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 4:00:06 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		Far as I know, stonings haven't been legal in ages. I'm still waiting for a credible source that says otherwise.

At the moment, both the official sources, the usual suspects, the Turks I know, the people I know that have worked/visited there, and the people on this thread with actual experience from there, are all saying that it isn't so. That some places have residual problems with it, such as the Kurd regions, is dramatically different from having it be a widespread thing.

No need to go fearmongering when so many people reflexively cringe any time nonwestern countries and cultures are mentioned.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 4:27:56 PM   
NoChoiceLeft


Posts: 35
Joined: 10/18/2012
Status: offline 		Um, I'd have to make a call and ask for details, but my uncle was stationed in the middle east (I forget which country, thus I'd have to call and ask) during the 1980s, at that time my aunt watched a woman be stoned for exposing her ankles, admittedly it was extreme, but apparently the woman in particular was known for being difficult and was the wife of someone in law enforcement there. They didn't stick around to see how it ended since she was with her small daughter and military escort off the base.
Again, I wasn't present and I would have to ask details. But stoning was being practiced in public in the 80s in at least one area. Maybe not your idea of a reliable source, but I've seen her cry when she remembers it, so it's reliable enough for me.

(in reply to Aswad)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 5:08:24 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		Stoning is sharia law in places not national law.

As to turkey following the Geneva convention and being modern in outlook... that depends where you are. The tourist hotspots, hardly throw at you, those things western countries frown upon!!!

(in reply to NoChoiceLeft)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: need some help with my man - 11/2/2012 6:15:32 PM   
Aswad


Posts: 9374
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NoChoiceLeft

But stoning was being practiced in public in the 80s in at least one area.


It was practiced in many areas, but you're saying you don't even know which country. In other words, you're generalizing from an unknown example in a huge region, onto one of the most exceptional countries in that region. And, to boot, you seem to contest the assertion that it isn't legal, while suggesting that it's a credible risk for a Norwegian working in Turkey in 2012 on account of she's married to a secular Turk. In no way does that match my impression.

I'm pretty sure the people that found Jaycee Lee Dugard cry about it, but I'm also pretty sure that's not what every woman should expect in the USA. If I apply your logic, the USA would seem like a pretty creepy and terrifying place to even so much as visit, let alone move to for work. And looking at the statistics, I would say women are at far greater risk of being murdered in the USA than in Turkey.

Hence: facts, rather than random knee-jerk generalizations or anecdotes that may be about Iran for all we know.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


< Message edited by Aswad -- 11/2/2012 6:19:28 PM >

_____________________________

"If God saw what any of us did that night, he didn't seem to mind.
From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do." -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


(in reply to NoChoiceLeft)
Profile   Post #: 100
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