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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 12/9/2012 3:40:29 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think people can be forced into doing things they would not do under any normal circumstance. For some guys they might state that because they can't get into the idea of mm sex.
I know as a female I am absolutely almost rabidly against a ff encounter where I am part of the deal. It has nothing to do with, as some have suggested being in the closet.
It does have to do with terror and knowing who I am and what I can handle. I am not attracted to females even though I do find some women beautiful to look at in a objective sort of way. But I know that if push came to shove and I was forced into it, it could happen. Of course then they would have to kill me because I have a very destructive anger response when someone pisses me off. I always let anyone I am thinking of getting into a relationship with that the fmf threesome is never going to happen with me, on pain of a violent reaction. That said, being bound and helpless does leave me in a vulnerable state so force, CAN happen.
It just better not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: UnholyBear
I still am unable to understand why some men state that unless they are "forced" they would never under any circumstances engage in any sort of a sexual encounter with another man? To me that comes across as an excuse mainly as even in a strict D/s dynamic between a male sub and female dominant, the male sub



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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 12/9/2012 6:36:33 PM   
lthrpup


Posts: 125
Joined: 4/28/2004
Status: offline 		I was really positing the possibility that someone's D/s (or SM) orientation might be strong enough to displace their sexual orientation as criteria for finding a partner. Maybe temporarily when they are between romantic/sexual partners; maybe extracurricular or poly situation if they have a partner who does not fill the desired D/s role. No gender bending implied. I just did not word my prior comment precisely enough--you could say I was beating around the bush. Maybe same sex topping-bottoming describes it. Must people who engage in this expect everyone else to be doing the sexual orientation math.

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 12/9/2012 7:16:31 PM   
DarkSteven


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UnholyBear


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven


quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss


quote:

ORIGINAL: lthrpup

What about straight guys who will engage in kinky, intimate D/s or SM play with another guy without engaging in sex? Either because he likes hyper-masculine play or is desperate and will substitute a little M/m encounter as a booby prize when he is without a partner with boobies?


This is where I get in trouble because I have NO IDEA what you are talking about!


lthrpup is saying that:

1. OP claims to be straight.
2. The only reason a straight man would engage in play with another man is either he really secretly likes it, or else he'll play with anybody/anything and plays with men when he can't find a woman.


Not entirely true DarkSteven.


Well, that was my take on what lthrpup said.

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 12/10/2012 9:58:01 AM   
UnholyBear


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The issue I see in this: "The only reason a straight man would engage in play with another man is either he really secretly likes it, or else he'll play with anybody/anything and plays with men when he can't find a woman" is the fact it denotes a straight man who steps out for a hookup with another male is desperate. When that is furthest from reality. These men are quite capable of meeting women yet chooses to engage in some same sex encounters when the need arises. It's been my experience that straight identifying men who also seek M2M encounters are still closeted in some way and they greatly fear having their spouses/children/friends or co-workers know they enjoy man on man sex. It sure would be nice if the general population wouldn't be so obsessed about someone else's sexual proclivities.

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 12/10/2012 10:14:47 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


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quote:

ORIGINAL: UnholyBear



The issue I see in this: "The only reason a straight man would engage in play with another man is either he really secretly likes it, or else he'll play with anybody/anything and plays with men when he can't find a woman" is the fact it denotes a straight man who steps out for a hookup with another male is desperate. When that is furthest from reality. These men are quite capable of meeting women yet chooses to engage in some same sex encounters when the need arises. It's been my experience that straight identifying men who also seek M2M encounters are still closeted in some way and they greatly fear having their spouses/children/friends or co-workers know they enjoy man on man sex. It sure would be nice if the general population wouldn't be so obsessed about someone else's sexual proclivities.


And now you know one of the many concerns of a straight woman. I can do background checks on their criminal records, find out if they have serious issues like bankruptcy/foreclosure..DWI..., if they are married... But there is no way to know that a man is strictly straight. And, sorry, but I find it icky to think of any male partner of mine EVER being turned on sexually by a guy (& willing to let another guy either use or service him)....yes, we all see members of the same sex and say "Damn Look at her/him!"but in my experience (not kinky or D/s but normal life) most people do NOT become so sexually desperate that they use/are serviced by just ANYONE. Sorry, but where is their line. Would the OP be so hard up that he would be willing to use an elderly person, a mentally incompetent person, a child, someone in a vegetative state, a drug addict who needs a couple bucks?? This is not just a question of sexuality, but a question of morals. Personally, there are certain lines I will not cross & I prefer to be involved with someone who has some modicum of self control

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 12/10/2012 10:15:06 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
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Status: offline 		I think that one aspect of this discussion is that some folk cannot separate BDSM from sex.

They therefore assume that if you're willing to whip a man until he bleeds that you also secretly want to fuck him.
Tain't necessarily true.

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 12/10/2012 10:19:48 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

I think that one aspect of this discussion is that some folk cannot separate BDSM from sex.

They therefore assume that if you're willing to whip a man until he bleeds that you also secretly want to fuck him.
Tain't necessarily true.


And I can understand and respect that. I did not understand it until I came here but I do now see that (like what Dk Steven said about spanking parties...). It is kind of the kinky equivalent of taking Balllroom dance class. Usually there are 50 women and 20 men. To learn and practice, women often will have to lead and dance with another woman. No problem. The issue here is the OP stated that he was letting other men (ones he seems to not even be acquainted with enough to ask their names) sexually service him.

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 12/10/2012 10:35:02 AM   
LadyPact


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

I think that one aspect of this discussion is that some folk cannot separate BDSM from sex.

They therefore assume that if you're willing to whip a man until he bleeds that you also secretly want to fuck him.
Tain't necessarily true.
Agreed. I think that's why I almost always add the 'not casual sex' part so often when I type up things about casual play.



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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 12/10/2012 12:56:21 PM   
CharmingKitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I think that your real question is, what constitutes bisexuality? Is it play with the same gender, or a full blown relationship?


Sounds like his question is, is a full blown relationship... a full, blown relationship?

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 12/10/2012 9:29:06 PM   
UnholyBear


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

I think that one aspect of this discussion is that some folk cannot separate BDSM from sex.

They therefore assume that if you're willing to whip a man until he bleeds that you also secretly want to fuck him.
Tain't necessarily true.



On this I quite agree Hilly. I know many among my friends who are kinksters and the majority of them don't care what gender nor the sexual orientation of the person they would be playing with as they are able to separate the non sexual BDSM from sexualized BDSM play. I have bottomed to both men and women at kink events, both public and private and in each case, it was solely non sexual in nature. They wanted to play and I was asked to bottom to them and we both had a very enjoyable session. And I know that I have no problem bottoming to a straight female the same as I would for a straight male as in each situation, we automatically know that is solely a play session where they are able to indulge in their sadistic desires and I need and want to be the recipient.

< Message edited by UnholyBear -- 12/10/2012 9:30:29 PM >

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 12/11/2012 9:30:18 AM   
Nelee


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Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UnholyBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

I think that one aspect of this discussion is that some folk cannot separate BDSM from sex.

They therefore assume that if you're willing to whip a man until he bleeds that you also secretly want to fuck him.
Tain't necessarily true.



On this I quite agree Hilly. I know many among my friends who are kinksters and the majority of them don't care what gender nor the sexual orientation of the person they would be playing with as they are able to separate the non sexual BDSM from sexualized BDSM play. I have bottomed to both men and women at kink events, both public and private and in each case, it was solely non sexual in nature. They wanted to play and I was asked to bottom to them and we both had a very enjoyable session. And I know that I have no problem bottoming to a straight female the same as I would for a straight male as in each situation, we automatically know that is solely a play session where they are able to indulge in their sadistic desires and I need and want to be the recipient.


Thisthisthis. I have in the past bottomed for a straight male, as long as it was strictly BDSM-related. And even with sexualized BDSM, there are people who are--as metioned--heteroflexible who would be willing to play with a member of the same sex in a BDSM setting. That doesn't make them bisexual, especially if they would not do the same thing without the catalyst of BDSM involved.

I could also go into how sex and romance are not quite the same (for instance, how a man could be bisexual, but hetero-romantic and thus identify as straight, and vise-versa), but that is getting into the sexuality spectrum, and there is too much debate on that to talk about it like I'm the Iron Lawmaker of Sexual Orientations.

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 1/7/2013 9:19:53 PM   
EsotericLady


Posts: 713
Joined: 1/2/2013
Status: offline 		I couldn't have said it better myself, TieMe. Ditto from me! :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

.... I find it icky to think of any male partner of mine EVER being turned on sexually by a guy (& willing to let another guy either use or service him)....yes, we all see members of the same sex and say "Damn Look at her/him!"but in my experience (not kinky or D/s but normal life) most people do NOT become so sexually desperate that they use/are serviced by just ANYONE. Sorry, but where is their line. Would the OP be so hard up that he would be willing to use an elderly person, a mentally incompetent person, a child, someone in a vegetative state, a drug addict who needs a couple bucks?? This is not just a question of sexuality, but a question of morals. Personally, there are certain lines I will not cross & I prefer to be involved with someone who has some modicum of self control


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Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 1/8/2013 12:01:59 PM   
needlesandpins


Posts: 3901
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

I couldn't have said it better myself, TieMe. Ditto from me! :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

.... I find it icky to think of any male partner of mine EVER being turned on sexually by a guy (& willing to let another guy either use or service him)....yes, we all see members of the same sex and say "Damn Look at her/him!"but in my experience (not kinky or D/s but normal life) most people do NOT become so sexually desperate that they use/are serviced by just ANYONE. Sorry, but where is their line. Would the OP be so hard up that he would be willing to use an elderly person, a mentally incompetent person, a child, someone in a vegetative state, a drug addict who needs a couple bucks?? This is not just a question of sexuality, but a question of morals. Personally, there are certain lines I will not cross & I prefer to be involved with someone who has some modicum of self control




sorry to say but that happens alot. there are thousands of prostitutes that are addicted to drugs, and plenty of guys willing to use them. in fact alot of pimps get their girls addicted so that they are tied to them.

needles

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 1/8/2013 12:13:33 PM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		This is a fast reply to the OP,

I do not believe that because a man does something in nature with another man, that means that he is gay or bi-sexual. (or woman)

There are many situations IMO where someone can do something for either money or simply to please someone else with someone of the same sex, when in another situation that would never occur. I don't think an act or acts determine ones sexuality, I believe it a mental thing.


ETA: Nor do I think a male sub bottoming for a male top in a fetish scene in and of itself make either one either bi or gay.

Example 1:
Male producer of adult videos is on a dead line.
Female model doesn't show up, so steps in.
Does a b/b face sitting video.
He shoots cum all over.

However, that is a natural reaction to stimulation.
I would even say an uncontrollable reaction.

Example 2:
I have a straight male sub.
I tell him I want him to give a dominant male a blow job.
He reminds me he is straight, and not attracted to men.
I remind him this would please me. GREATLY.
So even though he isn't into men and doesn't take pleasure in the act other than it pleases me.
He does it.





< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/8/2013 12:16:31 PM >

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 1/8/2013 3:16:03 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: needlesandpins

quote:

ORIGINAL: EsotericLady

I couldn't have said it better myself, TieMe. Ditto from me! :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

.... I find it icky to think of any male partner of mine EVER being turned on sexually by a guy (& willing to let another guy either use or service him)....yes, we all see members of the same sex and say "Damn Look at her/him!"but in my experience (not kinky or D/s but normal life) most people do NOT become so sexually desperate that they use/are serviced by just ANYONE. Sorry, but where is their line. Would the OP be so hard up that he would be willing to use an elderly person, a mentally incompetent person, a child, someone in a vegetative state, a drug addict who needs a couple bucks?? This is not just a question of sexuality, but a question of morals. Personally, there are certain lines I will not cross & I prefer to be involved with someone who has some modicum of self control




sorry to say but that happens alot. there are thousands of prostitutes that are addicted to drugs, and plenty of guys willing to use them. in fact alot of pimps get their girls addicted so that they are tied to them.

needles


I understand that but don't consider someone who is addicted to drugs to be doing this stuff willingly (yes, from a legal standpoint it is free will...). Feeding the addiction is their HIGHEST priority......Also, I would never want to be involved with someone who had hit that level of desperation in their addiction...so I stick by my answer.

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 1/8/2013 6:22:38 PM   
PeonForHer


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
And, sorry, but I find it icky to think of any male partner of mine EVER being turned on sexually by a guy (& willing to let another guy either use or service him).


Really? Me, I'm not at all bothered if a woman's had some fishlicking experience. Who cares?

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 1/8/2013 6:32:14 PM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer


quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
And, sorry, but I find it icky to think of any male partner of mine EVER being turned on sexually by a guy (& willing to let another guy either use or service him).


Really? Me, I'm not at all bothered if a woman's had some fishlicking experience. Who cares?



Peon the term fishlicking experience made me chuckle!

TieMeInKnotts,
IMO it is statements and reactions like yours are why so many people, especially men are on the DL. Why so many men feel like they have to hide and pretend to be something or someone they aren't.

Icky is my dog eating vomit.
Icky isn't someone's sexuality.


< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 1/8/2013 6:33:09 PM >

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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 1/8/2013 7:25:55 PM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		Whatever floats your boat - gay or straight? The correct answer here is, I don't give a fuck.

It makes me curious though, if you fuck like a melon you warmed in the microwave, gay or straight? I don't think melons have a gender.


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RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 1/8/2013 7:55:50 PM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		Hey, I am totally in agreement. Everyone has their own definition of "sexually attractive" but I also have a right to NOT being personally interested.

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Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Sexuality - straight or bi? - 1/8/2013 8:04:45 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline 		I had always thought if you only have sexual relations with the opposite sex but if you have sex with both men and women you were bi. It really does not matter to me one bit what people do in private. You wanna do that go for it, have fun.

< Message edited by Moonlightmaddnes -- 1/8/2013 8:05:44 PM >

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