RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=-as

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samdarella -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=-as (11/10/2012 3:58:35 PM)
quote: "It may be unintended, but I felt that there was a bit of "holier than thou" flavour to the OP, and I wouldn't want anyone to feel guilty that they can't be "out" with all and sundry." I am sorry that you read that in the OPs message. It is quite the opposite. He was acknowledging that He has led a blessed life and most are not that lucky. Happily I am blessed also and it really doesn't matter to me who knows. I don't show off my marks to strangers but even the people I work with have an idea I am a bit kinky. One very vanilla lady made a comment one day about something hurting "and not in a good way". Cracked me up. Before Master had the property tag made I wore a dog chain He used as a collar. At first He would take it off my neck and wrap it around my wrist like a bracelet before I headed home to work all weekend. I know it was just a symbol but I liked the heaviness around my neck. So I asked permission to not take it off. It usually was hidden by my lab coat at work. But one day when I walked in to work a coworker remarked "my dog has a collar just like that". I just replied "I promise I didn't steal his. ". No more was said about it. I've never hidden who I was except from myself. But that's a different topic altogether. I was in a lesbian relationship for 11 yrs. Never hid that. I was totally out. We held hands and even kissed in public. Some wouldn't agree with that bc of having the kids see it. We werent having sex, we were expressing love. I think kids should be exposed to that. Maybe it's hard for the parents to explain some people love differently. But if they wanted easy they shouldn't be a parent. Oops that's a different topic also. As for protocols I am just learning a lot of them. In public it's low protocol but I still call Him Sir and someone observant would notice we are different. At home we have more rituals than protocol. I have not been in a high protocol situation yet. But I look forward to making Master proud. I have always had a pic on my profile. Can't see a reason not to in my situation. I don't care if someone recognizes me. And my pics somewhat reflect my personality. A bit teasing. Also it took me forever to write my profile. Had to give something about me. I tried to keep pics current as I believe in truth in advertising. I don't get to many munches or events because I work most weekends. I have been scheduling some Saturdays off to go because Master is a very social person and wants to become involved in the local community. I've gone to the dungeon quite a few times in the past. It's a different energy there than at home even though can do much nastier things at home. I have attended 2 events that I found educational as well as fun. Master and I will be attending more in the future. As Master stated we are kind of keeping the majority of the house vanilla just so we won't have to totally revamp it again when it's time to sell it. It makes sense even though I like having a spanking bench in the living room. But it's worth it so that we can get a bigger house with room for a dungeon and a sister. The future looks bright and shiny.

lovethyself -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 4:10:48 PM)
Do you hide your lifestyle? Not really. Most of my friends know, but most of them are at least a little off the wall too, even if they aren't exactly kinky. I don't share with people at my main job, since I hear some of the things they say about others. Do you show your picture in your profile? Yep. Slaves, do you hide your collar, wear a disguised collar or only wear it part time? (some people have more than one collar public/private) Since I am single, I don't have one. As most people have stated on here though, I would not have an issue with wearing a discreet one, although, since I work around power tools, there are certain safety restraints to be considered. Can you attend local BDSM events or are you afraid someone will see you there? I have in the past, and I don't have an issue if people see me there (barring a few exceptions, but that is personal history, nothing to do with the scene). It goes to the whole question of "How do you know I was there unless you were there too?" DO you have public and private protocols? (I have high and low protocol) Have never had protocols, having never had a Master or Dom of my very own....sigh What interesting situations has this caused for you? Other than broaching the subject for the first time with my vanilla bf (I was the 2nd time he'd ever had sex, and he was 24!), I've never really had any situations arise. Not even when telling my mom about cm the other night. God I love my guidance councilor mom. She's awesome!

Lockit -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 5:01:12 PM)
There isn't much I hide. I may not talk a lot about it or do things that toss what I do in someone's face, but I won't even hide it from a social worker here to investigate me when daddy came home twenty three years later and decided to destroy my life. I told them. I am a dominant woman, this won't fly with me. That woman didn't even blink an eye and the case was closed. Hiding to me indicates that I am ashamed of something or think that the judgment of others should or could have an effect upon my life. I don't live for other people and if it hurts my career or anything I wish to do, so be it, I will have another plan. I live true to who I am and what I believe or want and if someone has a problem with that, they can take it up with me and so far, few have dared to impose themselves upon my life. I feel the openness I have about it all has kept people from thinking they could take advantage and use it to somehow harass or limit me. I am not openly living this because I don't have a partner, but if I did, we would do what we want to do. Many knew about what I did and what my guys did and back in the day they laughed and thought stupid shit about it until they saw we continued to be happy and it worked for us. Then quite a few showed interest and asked how we did it. Events? No thank you. Protocol? In some ways I am very low protocol and in other ways... you bet there is protocol. lol Could be partly why I am still single. One of my guys was from a very domly Italian family and when they found out about our relationship and how I called the shots and supported the household... they freaked! He wasn't a man... I was too much a man. lol However, like I said, there were women coming to me asking how I got this situation going and men saying my guy had a great deal... how could they get the same with their wives. What was funny was... their wives and I had been talking for some time and little did they know... it was already a planned deal. Living openly and honestly is often respected and admired. Little by little others may see the benefits of it and think it less strange if they can see the good it can be, rather than what a great deal of society projects it as.

sexyred1 -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 5:11:15 PM)
Do you hide your lifestyle? Sort of, it is no one's business. Do you show your picture in your profile? Yes - but you are all making me paranoid so maybe I should remove it. Slaves, do you hide your collar, wear a disguised collar or only wear it part time? (some people have more than one collar public/private) Not a slave. Can you attend local BDSM events or are you afraid someone will see you there? If I wanted to attend one, I would. If someone I knew saw me there, so what? They are there as well. DO you have public and private protocols? (I have high and low protocol) No. What interesting situations has this caused for you? I have had various men see my photo on vanilla sites and they approached me very weirdly because they saw me on a site like this as well. They can never be upfront about it; they play games and I tell them to fuck off.

Missokyst -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 5:36:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist Do you hide your lifestyle? I neither hide nor advertise it. I used to run a group so just by default my name was out there and it never harmed me. Prior to that I lived a kinky life with a partner or two, while living in a house with my children. Just as I would not have exposed them to my sexual activities I also kept a mind toward privacy with my mate. My business is my business. The idea of flaunting it isn't in my mindset. quote: Do you show your picture in your profile? No. Apart from this one at the side which has been altered enough to be only minimally recognizable. I BARELY have one on my very vanilla FB page. I would not keep one here or any other kink site because I am often in the homes of strangers. I have recognized a few of my clients from various kink sites, but one given that the nature of my job means I may end up in someones bedroom, I have no desire to give anyone an excuse to make advances on me. Not again. quote: Slaves, do you hide your collar, wear a disguised collar or only wear it part time? (some people have more than one collar public/private) N/A. I never got into the collar thing unless it was during a play session. Anything else that might have meant a committment was just normal jewelry. quote: Can you attend local BDSM events or are you afraid someone will see you there? Been to many. I am kinky, they are kinky, no big deal. quote: DO you have public and private protocols? (I have high and low protocol) What interesting situations has this caused for you? I don't indulge people in protocals. Heck... I even called my teachers in grade school by their first names.

sheisreeds -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 5:47:50 PM)
Do you hide your lifestyle? Only at work, where really I dislike talking about my personal life anyways. With my family I don't discuss it explicitly, but I don't hide it either. Do you show your picture in your profile? I did, at this point I just don't show face pics. I try not to have any online profile for any site, cause, or reason have face pics though. I'm a psychotherapist, and it is really bad practice for my clients to know anything about me that doesn't come from our sessions and professional contact. Slaves, do you hide your collar, wear a disguised collar or only wear it part time? (some people have more than one collar public/private) I'm not a slave, but we both have keys. I wear mine when ever we go out socially. I also have a hand cuff key on my primary key ring. Can you attend local BDSM events or are you afraid someone will see you there? I go out when I want. DO you have public and private protocols? (I have high and low protocol) Not officially, but we try to hit each other less, and be less obvious and crass in regards to how we insult each other. What interesting situations has this caused for you? The only one I can think of is when we were at a goth night, where there were a lot of kinksters there, so we were rough housing a bit. Another kinkster actually accused my boyfriend of domestic violence :O He's a douche.

Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 5:59:53 PM)
What interesting situations has this caused for you? I nearly outed myself on a parenting site when this mom was asking for advice. She said she had a neighbor who has always been very nice and recently a man moved in who had a child the same age as her child. Her husband went over to introduce himself to the child's father and while they were in there she spotted a room filled with what she called sex objects including a strippers pole. She said she had never had any concerns about her, and they all seem like perfectly nice people, but how do she handle that awkwardness? Does she tell her kids to have fun over there and remember not to climb the stripper poles! She said she is SO nice! Kind of ditzy but sweet, gave them a kitchen table for free...always stops to say hi. Not the type you see and think "there's a giant sex room in her house" One of my friends that goes to afternoon munches with me was over and I had her read it. We were both laughing as she described it and the comments from other moms. I have a feeling there are a few more moms on there that are into kink by some of the conversations and that one made me pretty sure that there are a few but far more vanilla there. The vanilla ones were shocked and stunned while others simply laughed. Good thing I was online instead of in person and I really thought before hitting send.

frazzle -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 6:09:39 PM)
General reply. Everyone that matters in my life, knows me and accepts who i am. Some know about the BDSM, some dont, they dont care as long as i'm happy. I've no interest in protocol and dressing up, its a relationship with added extras. I'm no more going to scream it from the roof tops than i would if i was in a vanilla relationship. If you need a collar or whatever, on either side of the kneel to validate your relationship, you dont have one. A relationship is how you feel, it doesnt need trophies.

MstrPBK -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 6:11:38 PM)
Hoping to start a company ... some day. Hoping that some of the first employees are slaves (serious). I hope to integrate the two (intimate and professional) side subtly so that both can have a line of respect. - We'll see what happens down the road. MstrPBK St Paul, MN USA

graceadieu -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 6:12:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida quote: ORIGINAL: graceadieu Nothing too interesting, but it's always a bit awkward when people ask how we met! (On this site, actually.) We met here, too. I tell people we met on a discussion board. When they ask which one, I just say a board that discusses various lifestyles and interests. Yeah, I hedge like that, too. But some people won't let it go at that and want all the juicy details! Fortunately the couple of times that's happened it hasn't been a problem. My brother was one of them, and he actually later thanked me for talking to him about that and it'd made him curious to try some new stuff with his girlfriend. So that was a little nerve-wracking but ultimately alright.

littlewonder -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 7:49:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrPBK Hoping to start a company ... some day. Hoping that some of the first employees are slaves (serious). I hope to integrate the two (intimate and professional) side subtly so that both can have a line of respect. - We'll see what happens down the road. MstrPBK St Paul, MN USA Why do I keep seeing huge huge huge red flags in front of my eyes???

Greta75 -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 8:19:09 PM)
Do you hide your lifestyle? Yes, nobody knows, I don't have bdsm friends. Except of course the doms I meet and play with. It's a lonely world. And I maintain the image of somebody who is conservative and boring, even though I am a total slut in bed. I actually don't want men to think of sex when they look at me and in my professional life, and I dress and behave in that manner to achieve that result. Do you show your picture in your profile? No, I'm terrified about the repercussions if for example the local media picks it up and splash my face all over the news. I live in a conservative country where this would be front page, big mug shot on the papers, shocking news. We recently had a couple who aired their sex tape online for private viewers only, but the media got hold of it, and published their faces and all the background of their lives, on all our news media. I felt so bad for them. On top of that, they were also gonna get in trouble with the law for making obscene graphics or whatever. May carry jail term. Slaves, do you hide your collar, wear a disguised collar or only wear it part time? (some people have more than one collar public/private) I really only had one full time relationship before with a dom, and fortunately, he does not require me to wear a collar outside of the house. I am generally not a jewellery person, I don't wear any and don't like them, so I hope to never have to wear something outside of home. Can you attend local BDSM events or are you afraid someone will see you there? I'm so terrified of blackmail that I would never attend a local BDSM event. DO you have public and private protocols? (I have high and low protocol) Yes. What interesting situations has this caused for you? So far, been very careful. I am wondering if could a President of United states election chances not be effected if he, had an alternative lifestyle in his personal life?

xLaChienne -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 8:27:21 PM)
Do you hide your lifestyle? No. However, I am a reserved person in general. I don't share the details of My life, relationships, or interests often or easily. Living in duality is as natural to Me as breathing. Perhaps it is because of the gender divide and the way in which women learn to navigate the whore/Madonna, good/bad girl, etc. No one questions My authority in the boardroom, the lab, the home, or the bedroom. Being the person in charge is who I am. It bleeds into every aspect of My life. With regards to the "lifestyle", it is not My style or taste to broadcast it. Even if the world were different and I were not subject to a moral turpitude clause, I still wouldn't decorate My office or home in a manner that would indicate My personal or sexual interests. My tastes tend to run to clean and simple. Do you show your picture in your profile? Not of My face. For a brief time I had a mirrored ball effect AV for the forum that showed My face in such a small degree that I felt it wouldn't be overly identifying. Slaves, do you hide your collar, wear a disguised collar or only wear it part time? (some people have more than one collar public/private) My previous partner had three different collars. One for home or lifestyle events that was very much a leather slave collar, one for every day wear which was necklace, and another that was an anklet for work. Can you attend local BDSM events or are you afraid someone will see you there? Thus far it has been My experience that those involved in the public BDSM lifestyle are not in My social or professional peer group. In 20 years I have never had a cross over. I don't use My given name. My previous partner always wore a hood when we attended public events or clubs as he was much more in the public eye than I and it would have decimated his career. I have wore masks or disguises when venturing into unknown clubs, events, locales. I don't find that to be hiding as much as having fun with it and exploring in way I find comfortable and safe, again in a duality that is completely natural. DO you have public and private protocols? (I have high and low protocol) More simple time and place appropriate expectations. What interesting situations has this caused for you? None really stand out as interesting. Discretion and subtly is as much of My personality as sadism and dominance. I did have to have a long discussion with My mother in My early 20's and explain some of the dynamics of My relationship because it was causing her some confusion and concern. After it was all said and done her only real comment was, "You get that from your grandmother!"

graceadieu -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 8:58:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: MstrPBK Hoping to start a company ... some day. Hoping that some of the first employees are slaves (serious). I hope to integrate the two (intimate and professional) side subtly so that both can have a line of respect. - We'll see what happens down the road. MstrPBK St Paul, MN USA Why do I keep seeing huge huge huge red flags in front of my eyes??? OMG, I know. Unless they're already in a relationship with him before they come work for him, that's just asking for problems. So many problems. Also, just, it seems like a really implausible scenario. I mean, really, what's he going to do, put a help wanted on his profile? I can see it now: "Hot female slaves wanted for full-time office work, blow jobs. Compensation: none." The DoL would love that. [:D]

theRose4U -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 9:04:29 PM)
Greta, washington DC has one of the oldest & most security conscious groups in the country. The president being openly kinky is the least of our problems here. Rumor even has it george washington was kinky...so there ya go illusion blown As for media/jail for a private sex tape TONS of people would have been arrested here if it was illegal. Luckily we only have to walk past tabloids with the big surprise that famous, adult women have sex!!! OMG!!!

theRose4U -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 9:07:42 PM)
[Quote] OMG, I know. Unless they're already in a relationship with him before they come work for him, that's just asking for problems. So many problems. Also, just, it seems like a really implausible scenario. I mean, really, what's he going to do, put a help wanted on his profile? I can see it now: "Hot female slaves wanted for full-time office work, blow jobs. Compensation: none." The DoL would love that. [:D] [/quote] Sadly this ad, almost verbatum occurs on denver craigslist weekly!!

ResidentSadist -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 9:55:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: frazzle General reply. Everyone that matters in my life, knows me and accepts who i am. Some know about the BDSM, some dont, they dont care as long as i'm happy. I've no interest in protocol and dressing up, its a relationship with added extras. I'm no more going to scream it from the roof tops than i would if i was in a vanilla relationship. If you need a collar or whatever, on either side of the kneel to validate your relationship, you dont have one. A relationship is how you feel, it doesnt need trophies. No one "needs" a collar or a wedding ring, but having one doesn't invalidate the relationship or a marriage. Do you think the age old tradition of weddings rings or collars is an invalid token of the bond? I think there is a big difference between a trophy and a symbol of your relationship. I am going to pierce my girl . . . penetrate her flesh and put my mark, attach my symbol to her. I understand that it is a very pleasant reminder of the bond. Once said about a clit piercing with a property tag, "Master's steel swings on my clit when I walk and it reminds me of him and that he owns me".

littlewonder -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 9:59:37 PM)
I remember telling Master that I had to take off my bracelets when I went to Portugal so that I could go through the metal detectors. As soon as I got through I had to put them on immediately. I felt naked without them and I kept a close eye on them as they went through the detector. It's not that they are just physically a part of me, but they have become emotionally a part of me because they are another link to Him and when they were not on, I felt like a piece of him had disappeared.

submissivemissk -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 11:52:47 PM)
Do you hide your lifestyle? Do you show your picture in your profile? Can you attend local BDSM events or are you afraid someone will see you there? DO you have public and private protocols? (I have high and low protocol) What interesting situations has this caused for you? I have a semi-public profile. Were it to get out for any reason it would be a huge scandal - not only with my family (who are very religious and would be terribly ashamed of me if they wanted to have anything more to do with me at all) but also would ruin my career and all the work that I was doing. Possibly would mean that my career would be over. The more public my profile becomes the more I have to lose. I have always been pretty laid back about it when I've been looking for FWB's but I am so new to this world that I haven't thought about it too much. The more I think about it, the more I realise I need to have a few more rules for myself. At the moment I don't use my real name. I don't post face pics on my profile and I don't allow anyone I play with to take photos of me where my face is exposed. But I often email out photos of my face in response to someone emailing their's. This is because I have to determine whether or not I know them. Problem with email is that they have it stored on their computer and can use it at any time - so I need to rethink that. It's for this reason that I totally understand why some men would prefer to meet in person than send me a pic. Recently, I met a guy who happens to go to the same church as my mother (though he doesn't know who my mother is) and knows a few of my family members. What has me cringing is that he is NOT a discrete person. He's a loudmouth, put simply. Even when in public and talking about subjects his volume is WAY too loud and he often says inappropriate comments. You have to be VERY careful in New Zealand - you can forget 4 degrees of separation, it's really 2 degrees of separation. I'd like to hear from anyone who has been "outed" (I'll read above to see) and what that cost you and advice others have too...

submissivemissk -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/10/2012 11:56:14 PM)
Re: attending community stuff Yes, it does concern me. There is one person I wasn't surprised to find in the BDSM community who used to go who I know and I'm sure more will pop up... and the community can be sooo catty that it wouldn't take much for them to "out" me if they really wanted to and I just couldn't deal with the consequences of that. So it's likely I'll stay away from the community... NZ is just too small.

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