RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (Full Version)

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Salinedion -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 3:50:48 AM)

I absolutely hide this stuff.

I'm married to a 10 looks wise who has a fairly glamorous job (for here, anyway). We exude the infuriating aura of the well sexed and well suited. People are already jealous of us and even a little unhappy with our happiness. It's a frequent and miserable aspect human nature to not want to see ego-competitors enjoying life more than you do.

Plus, her ex is always looking to start shit with her young adult child. I see only endless headaches, recriminations, and creepy curiosity coming out of any revealing of anything. I see no upside whatsoever. If anything, we tend to blow a little smoke to appear less fortunate and blissed out then we really are.

As to the rest of it, I have no photo up here because again, I just don't see any upside to doing so (I'm obviously not looking to meet anyone). It's been a while since we went to an event, but thats because we calculated that a long weekend at MasT costs about nearly as much as a long weekend in Paris. In public, she's a bit doting and deferential, but where we live, that plays as normal.

The kid found some funny vintage spanking pics that I sent my wife way back when while he was snooping on her computer (at the behest of crazy old Daddy). We laughed it off. The kid told the rest of the extended family, hoping for a little vilification of undeservedly happy Mommy.

My sister in law who practically has 50 Shades of Gray memorized was in intrigued, but mostly the family vibe was 'leave Mom alone and tell Daddy to go get a life'.

I think the kid is seriously, latently kinky. My desire to touch the topic is zero. Her's too.



submissivemissk -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 4:13:19 AM)

Well good on you for being so perfectly happy.

I really hate people who have a perfect life and secretly wish that something evil will happen to them.

But other than that... yay for you...?



Salinedion -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 4:28:36 AM)

........and just to very mildly thread jack, I have found that being d/s-style dominant in my personal life def. gives off a little perv-dar in my public life.

People sitting next to me on a plane will start talking about sex 10 minutes in. Since my wife identified as slavey-sub, she gets a lot of unasked-for 'wanna man to take charge' blather from her friends that she never got before.

Short version: If you are a very sexual person, people pick up on that. If you are a kinky-sexual person, true again.

A very sexual, long term, committed relationship is the holy grail. Not 1 couple in 20 gets anywhere near it. Throw in the cherry on the sundae aspect of having a very specific sexual/bonding itch scratched, and you are very noticeable and enviable in your connection.

We put out "spiritual affinity" as the smoke and mirrors, eyes glaze over, distractive reason for our happiness. The more we can shift talk about us away from the pheremomal chemistry between us, the happier everyone is (including us).



kallisto -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 5:26:00 AM)

I neither hide nor flaunt my life ... some friends/family know ... others don't. Bueiness relationships are kept separate from my personal life.

Every relationship I've been in I've had some type of "collar", be it a ring, bracelet, etc. Not because of a have to thing, but because of a want to between us.

I usually don't attend immediate local ... but don't have to go far to attend.

I've always been in relationships where developed our own relationship .. not necessarily being part of high or low protocols.






MariaB -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 8:08:59 AM)

Do you hide your lifestyle? I'm very cautious about how much my children know. They know I do open minded things and they seem happy with that much info.
Do you show your picture in your profile? Yes. I'm self employed and I used to run a large club in London as well as a fetish shop. My face is known in and around the London scene and so it makes no difference having a full face pic online.
Can you attend local BDSM events or are you afraid someone will see you there? We go to lots of local events if we are in London. Not yet found an event in the French mountains!
DO you have public and private protocols? (I have high and low protocol) If I was to take my sub to a BDSM event there would be protocols. The same within the home but outside amongst the general public..... NO
What interesting situations has this caused for you? Do you mean the entire questionnaire or just the 'protocols' question?



LaTigresse -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 8:39:02 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Do you hide your lifestyle?

I don't purposely hide anything. I lead a very private life. I've worked in the same place since 2001 and while they have a clue, they don't ask and I don't tell. I used to have a BDSM themed coffee cup on my desk but no one ever asked me. My relationships are my business. I have good friends that co-workers have never met at all.

Do you show your picture in your profile?

Yep.

Slaves, do you hide your collar, wear a disguised collar or only wear it part time? (some people have more than one collar public/private)

N/A

Can you attend local BDSM events or are you afraid someone will see you there?

Not afraid, just not interested in becoming friendly with the local BDSM crowd that I've met, or had contact with. Not being snooty, they simply are not my types.

DO you have public and private protocols? (I have high and low protocol)

N/A as I don't have an s-type around at the moment. I don't create random bullshit rules just to say I have 'protocol'. To ME, it's silly.

What interesting situations has this caused for you?

Aside from a toddler dragging out a couple books and a bullwhip, none.





SimplyMichael -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 11:19:38 AM)

I live in San Francisco, the whole city is kinky. In September we gold the biggest event tge city holds, Folsom Steet Faire. We take over 30 blocks of the city and have an S&M party in public with about 300,000 people. , my profile pic is me there test driving a sling with a friend.



kitkat105 -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 2:33:45 PM)

Do you hide your lifestyle? From family, yes, none of their business. I don't think either side would understand so it'd just be awkward.

Do you show your picture in your profile? Not here, I do on FetL. The crazy seems a little less scary over there.

Can you attend local BDSM events or are you afraid someone will see you there? Haven't yet, but hope to some time in the future.

DO you have public and private protocols? Not formally.. unless doing what he says is considered protocol or deferring decision making to him is.

What interesting situations has this caused for you? Not really interesting, but my mother in law doesn't seem to understand why I can't just make a decision without asking Him first. I think she makes more of the decisions in her relationship, so I usually get a strange look when I say, "Let me talk to Mr. Odeen." (I don't actually call him Mr. Odeen [8D])



cordeliasub -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 3:02:28 PM)

Do you hide your lifestyle?

I don't actively hide it, but because of where I live and my mannerisms, etc. no one has ever asked...well, except my coworker recently, and I dodged until she said she was kinky too...then we both had a good laugh about "kinkdar."

Do you show your picture in your profile?

It doesn't show my face, so I'm not sure it counts. I do have concerns about privacy, mainly for my kids' sake, so I wouldn't have a face shot up

Slaves, do you hide your collar, wear a disguised collar or only wear it part time? I had a play collar and then a neckalce I wore in public. It was pretty and tasteful and you'd have to KNOW what it was to know what it was :)

Can you attend local BDSM events or are you afraid someone will see you there? I've been to a couple of munches, but the closest ones are over an hour away and usually conflict with my work schedule

DO you have public and private protocols? we did, yes

What interesting situations has this caused for you? The most interesting thing was the "no way! you too?" moment with my coworker, but it is amazing how many friends ask me sex questions and then say, "I wasn;t going to ask because you seem so....nice and ladylike, but I thought you might know." That always makes me laugh



DesFIP -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 7:09:18 PM)

We've had horses for most of the last 20 years, but I never felt I was hiding the fact that we were involved in the horse lifestyle because I didn't put only saddles out to sit on, and didn't decorate the walls with tack.

I don't want ropes hanging from all the walls either. I don't want a spanking bench instead of a blanket chest at the foot of the bed.

But at no point do I feel that I'm less for not wanting to make my life so one dimensional as to only indulge one thing that I enjoy.

Oh, and I grew up and have spent my entire life in a clothing optional, gay beach community. Which doesn't mean I want the sand inside the house nor that I'm hiding that the house is on a beach by having rugs on the floor instead.

We don't go to clubs because it's a two hour drive each way. Which is way more driving than it's worth.



littlewonder -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 7:17:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemissk

Well good on you for being so perfectly happy.

I really hate people who have a perfect life and secretly wish that something evil will happen to them.

But other than that... yay for you...?


I have to admit, that's kinda sad. I like to hear about happy couples like SalineDion and his wife. Master and I have been together for 7 years now and I have to say I'm happier now than I have ever been in my entire life.

I hope someday to see you say the same thing, with or without a partner.



Moonlightmaddnes -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 8:56:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemissk

Well good on you for being so perfectly happy.

I really hate people who have a perfect life and secretly wish that something evil will happen to them.

But other than that... yay for you...?



Why would you want bad things to happen to someone for being happy? That is pretty sad. If you want to be miserable you will be, but you can choose to be happy not matter what crap life throws at you.



Greta75 -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/11/2012 11:05:46 PM)

quote:


Greta, washington DC has one of the oldest & most security conscious groups in the country. The president being openly kinky is the least of our problems here. Rumor even has it george washington was kinky...so there ya go illusion blown
As for media/jail for a private sex tape TONS of people would have been arrested here if it was illegal. Luckily we only have to walk past tabloids with the big surprise that famous, adult women have sex!!! OMG!!!

Yea I do live in a country where it's illegal to be naked in your own home. People have been prosecuted for that, like if you left your curtains open and your neighbour saw you and call the police. So..., it's just harder I am always naked at home myself but I keep my curtains firmly shut to stay out of trouble.



LaTigresse -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/12/2012 4:03:28 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

We've had horses for most of the last 20 years, but I never felt I was hiding the fact that we were involved in the horse lifestyle because I didn't put only saddles out to sit on, and didn't decorate the walls with tack.

I don't want ropes hanging from all the walls either. I don't want a spanking bench instead of a blanket chest at the foot of the bed.

But at no point do I feel that I'm less for not wanting to make my life so one dimensional as to only indulge one thing that I enjoy.

Oh, and I grew up and have spent my entire life in a clothing optional, gay beach community. Which doesn't mean I want the sand inside the house nor that I'm hiding that the house is on a beach by having rugs on the floor instead.

We don't go to clubs because it's a two hour drive each way. Which is way more driving than it's worth.


Great analogy.



pyschosubmission -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/12/2012 5:07:58 AM)

Recently at a club night I bumped into my childminder/babysitter person thing from when I was just a wee young thing.

Only thing that went through my mind was, "HA! I KNEW it!"



Kana -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/12/2012 6:10:45 AM)

I compartmentalize everything. BDSM is just another of those things. So yeah, I'd say I hide it...or at least don't wear assless chaps in public, not that I would wear em anywhere.



Salinedion -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/12/2012 6:45:27 AM)

......I think the person who said she hoped a giant safe would fall on my head ala Wiley Coyote for having killer sex was mostly taking the piss. But it's a still a very honest and common reaction -one I have had in my own lifetime, repeatedly.

But it does sort of prove my point as to why you should keep such good fortune under your hat.

It's already killing the world that Ms. Morning News Show Presenter is undoubtedly blowing Joe Blow Average me.

If they knew she was licking my feet (post spanking) to my liking, after many hours of olympic-level feet licking training, heads would explode.

Aside from the hassle factor, why rub it in?

That's where I think BDSM has learned from the dismal accept-me efforts of gay people. We waste no time making big quilts, forming uplifting choirs or trudging through thankless marches.

We're just doing the good thing and coming hard.

What's not to like?



plasticshark -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/12/2012 7:31:51 AM)

Well, it's not so much "accept-me" as it is "please-stop-persecuting-me-and-in-some-cases-making-it-a-capital-offense" of gay people.

In my case I'm a consultant - my only product is myself and my skills. I'm exceedingly professional and have a stellar resume. I maintain zero social media accounts in the vanilla world - why would I want to publically broadcast myself in this one?

A few years back I let loose and actually had a social media account - like a real person! - and someone I had a couple of dates with felt scorned when it was clear we weren't going to work out, and went through and emailed a detailed screed to every single one of my public contacts - friends, family, et cetera. Thankfully most of it was way off-base so everyone rightfully assumed it was the work of a crazy person and moved on. Never again. It's all burner accounts these days for good reason.

It all but renders the possibility of on-line relationship seeking zero. It's hard to convince people that you're not married when you're being highly careful.






Lucifyre -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/12/2012 7:48:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

1) Do you hide your lifestyle?
2) Do you show your picture in your profile?
3) Slaves, do you hide your collar, wear a disguised collar or only wear it part time? (some people have more than one collar public/private)
4) Can you attend local BDSM events or are you afraid someone will see you there?
5) DO you have public and private protocols? (I have high and low protocol)
6) What interesting situations has this caused for you?


1) We used to hide it 100%. Now we don't really worry about hiding it, but we don't run out and tell everyone about it either. My older kids know what's going on NOW, but had no clue when they were younger. My daughter** is so by marraige to her father and we had major custody issues between her egg donor and my inlaws so it was at one time imperative that our lives looked perfectly vanilla and shiney. Since we maintained custody of her the entire time it was a big risk had we been outed to any of them at any point. Now that she is 21 that's no longer an issue. There are things that we are able to reveal 24/7 with my 10 year old around that would have been detrimental when my older 2 were this age. I am now able to call Mr Sir all the time, I wear a silver collar most of the time, I kneel at His feet quite often etc. Of course our sex lives are none of anyone elses business, but the "tame" stuff we maintain all the time without much worry. Any *friends* Mr and I have are already scene folks so there's nothing to hise from them.

** I don't call her my step-daughter because other than biologically, she really is MY daughter. Her egg donor did some pretty horrible things, including putting her at risk of death and molestaton when she was very young. My inlaws used the egg donor to fight us for custody and called DCFS at every opportunity. Our life was hell over it for a very long time.

2) No face pictures in my profile. The type of business I run would be in danger if I were ever outed to my clients. Mr might also be at risk of losing his job. It is rumored that within parts of His company that if you aren't the correct religion, you don't get promoted. He hasn't run into that issue yet, but we know it may be a problem later on in His carreer so we try to remain careful. (We will deal with the legalities of it later on if it does become an issue)

3) I have a silver collar that I wear most of the time. When we scene or I sleep, it comes off because we don't want to damage it. I have a leather collar I wear when what we're doing calls for it, but it's not always neccessary.

4) If we were spotted at a local public event we wouldn't worry...the people spotting us are there for the same kinds of reasons. That said, we don't attend many events. The public playspace is quite a drive and we have found the munches to be not quite to our uhm...taste (pun not intended LOL)
It seems like we attended more public functions years ago when we lived up north (at least 2-3 a month) be that parties, munches, public play space/dungeon etc, than we do now (maybe once every other month or so) We want to be more active in the local community, but for various reasons NOT due to being worried about being outed we mostly stay home and do our own thing.

5) No real protocols...we do our own thing and it works for us.

6) My business partner figured out a couple of years ago what our lifestyle was and asked me some questions. At first I was uncomfortable discussing it, but he kept asking (gently) and he and I finally sat down and discussed it...I gave him an open question answer session....then forward to a few months ago we even took him to the local dungeon with his wife for the evening. Now we are past the blushing and silly teenager stage of conversation and talk about it openly. He doesn't judge us...in fact he actually respects me a little bit more knowing the struggles I sometimes have with being altogether submissive. I am lucky to have an open, honest relationship with the person I work so closely with and feel priveledged to not have to hide from him. My clients are altogether a different matter....but at least the person I share my business with I don't have to hide from.


Lucifyre



lthrpup -> RE: -=Hiding your BDSM lifestyle=- (11/12/2012 5:12:42 PM)

Hide it. Wish there was a secret handshake, however.



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