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Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 1:45:33 AM

MstSebastian

Posts: 169
Joined: 3/19/2011
Status: offline

I'm not sure how prevalent this is, or if anyone will have any insight in to it for me, but I've had a rash of straight male subs contacting me recently. My profile very clearly identifies me as gay. It also clearly states that I am looking for a relationship with a sub, not just a sexual fling or one-time scene.

Usually, the conversations take this format (the sub in bold, me in italics):

I would love to be your slave.

Thank you for the interest, but your profile lists you as straight. So, why the interest in being with a gay Dom?

I am straight, but serving a guy is a turn-on.

From that point, the conversation either devolves in to them saying that they don't like men, but being humiliated by "forced bi" (I hate that term) is a turn-on, or that they are secretly gay (and usually married) and want a Dom to give them what their wives won't.

I don't get it. I'm sure many of the D-types on CM, male or female, can go on rants about married subs on here to get their rocks off behind their wife's back. That part, as much as I detest it, I am at least familiar with. But, can someone explain to me why a sub would think that I, as a gay man, would want to have them serve me, be in a relationship with me, when I know that they are only with me because they find it humiliating?

Am I missing something? The very notion that I would want that is insulting. I refuse to be someone's object of humiliation. Doe anyone have any insight in to this? Is this a common thing that I've just never encountered before?

Post #: 1

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 3:26:23 AM

AllisonWilder

Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline

It's because submission to them is just about sex. They're thinking about their wants and needs, not yours.

Not to stand up for these guys (and believe me, I get plenty "I just want to be forced to do X, Y, or Z") but I don't think they're trying to be insulting, they just don't get it because they're too busy fapping away to realize that what they're doing is offensive.

(in reply to MstSebastian)

Post #: 2

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 3:28:16 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

Fair or not, men have the rep as being horny dogs, and gay men as being especially profligate.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to AllisonWilder)

Post #: 3

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 3:43:58 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AllisonWilder

It's because submission to them is just about sex. They're thinking about their wants and needs, not yours.

Not to stand up for these guys (and believe me, I get plenty "I just want to be forced to do X, Y, or Z") but I don't think they're trying to be insulting, they just don't get it because they're too busy fapping away to realize that what they're doing is offensive.

Exactly this. (have I ever told you how much I enjoy your posts Allison?)

I would be offended too. It's the equivalent of saying 'I find you yukky, please fuck me'. But like Allison said, they're not thinking any further than the end of their penis. They're horny at the idea of 'forced bi' so you must think it's hot too. They belong to the same general category as the guys who contact women talking at length about how much they wish to be 'forced' to do nothing but give oral sex and be spanked all day. They're getting off, they think that whoever they are contacting will jump at the chance to join in. Likewise, they don't understand why you shouldn't cater to their sexual whims while they lie to their wives, because hey! They love their cock! It's their favourite thing! Surely it would be your favourite thing too, and well worth your time sneaking around with them.

For what it's worth, I'm sure there are some straight male service orientated subs out there who might enjoy serving a Master because it feels extra submissive to know they are serving purely to serve, and not because of the promise of sex. For some people, service is it's own reward. However, I suspect you've been bumping into the other type who are clueless and horny.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to AllisonWilder)

Post #: 4

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 3:47:44 AM

Ninebelowzero

Posts: 3134
Joined: 8/5/2011
Status: offline

If it's forced it negates the guilt &/or confusion over the actual act.so no post fun bad feelings.

It's a cop out from responsibility on their part.

_____________________________

More come backs than Frank Sinatra

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 5

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 4:16:21 AM

AllisonWilder

Posts: 296
Joined: 10/8/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders
Exactly this. (have I ever told you how much I enjoy your posts Allison?)

You haven't, but thank you!

I'm glad someone does because I'm just going to keep posting anyways!

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 6

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 5:10:17 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

I am guilty of contacting gay men, usually on cam sites. One of my fetish is to be watched and its easier to get a gay male to watch me do stuff, or make me do things then it is to get a female.

(in reply to AllisonWilder)

Post #: 7

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 5:16:18 AM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstSebastian
But, can someone explain to me why a sub would think that I, as a gay man, would want to have them serve me, be in a relationship with me, when I know that they are only with me because they find it humiliating?

Likely the same reason I get mail from gay guys who won't take straight as an answer.

*Shrug* it's a numbers game, they only need to find one gay dom willing to say fuck it whatever. They probably don't really care how many random strangers they offend on the internet in order to find Mr. sextoy.

(in reply to MstSebastian)

Post #: 8

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 5:22:58 AM

Nelee

Posts: 205
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstSebastian
But, can someone explain to me why a sub would think that I, as a gay man, would want to have them serve me, be in a relationship with me, when I know that they are only with me because they find it humiliating?

Likely the same reason I get mail from gay guys who won't take straight as an answer.

*Shrug* it's a numbers game, they only need to find one gay dom willing to say fuck it whatever. They probably don't really care how many random strangers they offend on the internet in order to find Mr. sextoy.

But isn't that very close to "topping from the bottom", so to speak? If you're using a dom's influence just to because you get off on the idea of your own fantasy, are you not just using them? That seems very contradictory to being a submissive in the first place... But I guess it depends on their desires, rather than what might or might not be in bounds of what a sub should do.

(in reply to GotSteel)

Post #: 9

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 5:44:03 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

There are many people who consider themselves 'submissive' but would only be willing to submit to a very specific fantasy situation of their choosing. A strong argument could be made that 'submissive' might not be the right word for them, since submission generally involves carrying out the will of the dominant. Chances are if the OP were to say 'OK sounds good, come over to my place and mow the lawn, wash the car and clear out the gutters and then I'll cover you in hot wax' he would get some response about how he isn't a 'real' dom because a real dom would really want him to be tied up and suck his dick. No focus on submitting to the dominant, but rather acting out a fantasy in which they take the role of bottom.

For me personally, if a person only wishes to submit to a very specific scene or act out the role (as opposed to doing the things the dom wants to serve him/her) 'bottom' might be a more accurate word. Nothing wrong with being a bottom, of course.

The word which describes the people contacting the OP hoping to use him to get themselves off begins with W and rhymes with 'banker'.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 10

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 7:22:03 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

I chalk this up to a horney dog humping around any & every one until his dick hits a hole. Ironically these same people into "forced bi" are going to be shocked & horrified to find out even if you lost your mind & considered them...they would be the bitch. OMG shock horror..."But i can't be fucked by a man, I'm married & straight". GGGRRR

There is a reason in the south horney dogs are chased off with a broom & garden hose if necessary...some of the human dogs deserve it!!

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 11/15/2012 7:24:05 AM >

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 11

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 7:26:10 AM

MstSebastian

Posts: 169
Joined: 3/19/2011
Status: offline

Thank you, folks, for the answers. What you've said makes sense, that submission to them is only about sex or a very narrowly defined scene they have playing in their minds. At first, I tried to explain to them that they were being insulting, but that just devolved in to them telling me where I can go and what I can do when I get there. Thus, I've just taken to ending the conversation and moving on.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)

Post #: 12

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 7:35:45 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstSebastian
But, can someone explain to me why a sub would think that I, as a gay man, would want to have them serve me, be in a relationship with me, when I know that they are only with me because they find it humiliating?

Likely the same reason I get mail from gay guys who won't take straight as an answer.

*Shrug* it's a numbers game, they only need to find one gay dom willing to say fuck it whatever. They probably don't really care how many random strangers they offend on the internet in order to find Mr. sextoy.

But isn't that very close to "topping from the bottom", so to speak? If you're using a dom's influence just to because you get off on the idea of your own fantasy, are you not just using them? That seems very contradictory to being a submissive in the first place... But I guess it depends on their desires, rather than what might or might not be in bounds of what a sub should do.

DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!!
Ithese aren't what I personally call subs. They don't give a crap about us, power dynamic or the effort involved in WIITWD, they just want get their dick wet ” kink on without regard to who they hurt or use in the process.
The idea that Tops/Dom/mes donhave feelings is a myth. Even the most sadistic bastard feels something.

Think I do see a franchise opportunity here though:
Welcome to Dommes R-us can I take your order?
A spank-me burger, forced bi & a large flogging? I'm sorry we're out of floggers, would you like a single tail with a cherry on top...we could add a CBT on the side free?
OK? Pllease drive thru

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 13

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 7:37:20 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee

quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstSebastian
But, can someone explain to me why a sub would think that I, as a gay man, would want to have them serve me, be in a relationship with me, when I know that they are only with me because they find it humiliating?

Likely the same reason I get mail from gay guys who won't take straight as an answer.

*Shrug* it's a numbers game, they only need to find one gay dom willing to say fuck it whatever. They probably don't really care how many random strangers they offend on the internet in order to find Mr. sextoy.

But isn't that very close to "topping from the bottom", so to speak? If you're using a dom's influence just to because you get off on the idea of your own fantasy, are you not just using them? That seems very contradictory to being a submissive in the first place... But I guess it depends on their desires, rather than what might or might not be in bounds of what a sub should do.

Some people call that "service topping", where the top is following direction from the bottom.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 14

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 7:38:07 AM

MstSebastian

Posts: 169
Joined: 3/19/2011
Status: offline

I know have an image of me leaning through a drive-thru window to hand a straight guy a Diet Coke, some fries, and a butt plug for him to shove up his ass!

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 15

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 7:47:42 AM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstSebastian

I know have an image of me leaning through a drive-thru window to hand a straight guy a Diet Coke, some fries, and a butt plug for him to shove up his ass!

Again ding ding ding!! That would pretty much be the way to handle it! If intro email is "hi how ru" or "I want you to____" just block & delete. I don't even give these guys the satisfaction of a butt plug.
Just mumble wanker under your breath & move on. Expect it may take them sending 3-s emails to realize their approach has failed...thus the block button

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to MstSebastian)

Post #: 16

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 7:58:36 AM

MstSebastian

Posts: 169
Joined: 3/19/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstSebastian

I know have an image of me leaning through a drive-thru window to hand a straight guy a Diet Coke, some fries, and a butt plug for him to shove up his ass!

Again ding ding ding!! That would pretty much be the way to handle it! If intro email is "hi how ru" or "I want you to____" just block & delete. I don't even give these guys the satisfaction of a butt plug.
Just mumble wanker under your breath & move on. Expect it may take them sending 3-s emails to realize their approach has failed...thus the block button

Yeah, probably for the best. I've found that guys who are too focused on just getting off don't care to hear anything that isn't directly fap-worthy. My telling them that what they are doing is insulting would fall on deaf ears.

_____________________________

The greatest gift a person can give is the gift of their willing submission. It is a gift more precious than gold and more fragile than glass. It is my responsibility to make sure that, every day, I am worthy of that gift.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 17

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 8:25:29 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nelee
But isn't that very close to "topping from the bottom", so to speak? If you're using a dom's influence just to because you get off on the idea of your own fantasy, are you not just using them? That seems very contradictory to being a submissive in the first place... But I guess it depends on their desires, rather than what might or might not be in bounds of what a sub should do.

In my world such things aren't nearly that clear cut. Carol and I don't really engage in sexual D/s but I'm very definitely the boss in our marriage. One could easily call me a "service master". Someone who wanted an "it's all about me" dom would think I was "fake". In the end, it's always been true that some see leadership as service and others as prerogative. You just need to find the right match for you.

This whole line of reasoning goes out the window the moment emotional intimacy enters into the picture. How do you construct such things when my desire IS her desire and vice versa?

By the way, Carol is very definitely using me... at least I sure hope she gets some sort of utility out of being married to me. At least one way she uses me is as her master/owner/dom/whatever. It isn't to "get off on her own fantasy" so much as it is to satisfy other needs but how is that any different?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 18

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 9:36:11 AM

Nelee

Posts: 205
Joined: 11/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

In my world such things aren't nearly that clear cut. Carol and I don't really engage in sexual D/s but I'm very definitely the boss in our marriage. One could easily call me a "service master". Someone who wanted an "it's all about me" dom would think I was "fake". In the end, it's always been true that some see leadership as service and others as prerogative. You just need to find the right match for you.

This whole line of reasoning goes out the window the moment emotional intimacy enters into the picture. How do you construct such things when my desire IS her desire and vice versa?

By the way, Carol is very definitely using me... at least I sure hope she gets some sort of utility out of being married to me. At least one way she uses me is as her master/owner/dom/whatever. It isn't to "get off on her own fantasy" so much as it is to satisfy other needs but how is that any different?

Well, I guess the main difference that I see is in the pretenses. Sure, when it's cut down to the basis, you could say you're being used. But at the same time, you know that it's not the only thing keeping you two together, and that your marriage has emotional structure and the backbone a relationship may need. It feels more manipulative when someone comes on to a dom the way OP's "suitors" were, with no intention of meeting emotional needs or boundaries of the other person.

(in reply to JeffBC)

Post #: 19

RE: Straight subs wanting Gay Doms - 11/15/2012 10:10:28 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

OP, you are experiencing the same thing that many of the female Dominants do when it comes to the subject of forced bi. Now, I happen to be a great lover of m/m scenes. (The only reason I have to say that straight out is because you're new here.

) If somebody is bi, great! Tell Me that you're bi and I know that can be something that can be enjoyed someday. Tell Me that you're straight and not interested in males, we might (not definitely) have a great way to invoke submission in a scene someday.

Tell Me that you're straight and the first kink out of your mouth that you want is forced bi and I call bullshit. That's just a person looking for a catalyst for what they want to do and live out their fantasy doing it. That's also the easiest way for Me to lose interest in anybody because they are not being honest in some way. Either to Me or to themselves.

I am sorry this is happening so often. Unfortunately, it's part and parcel here.

Glad to see you on the forums. I think you make a nice addition here.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Nelee)

Post #: 20

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