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RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 9:32:19 AM   
DragonDiver


Posts: 10
Joined: 8/25/2004
Status: offline 		First off, I am real, I have flesh and blood, as does my Slave whom I met online. We talked for hours and played the games that the chat rooms offered, but when she asked me to collar her I said no! the reason I gave her was that the most powerful sexual organ we have is our minds, and the net allows some to play with it and in turn each other in a mental manner. it is a case of internal visions and fantasy role-playing, mental masterbation if you will. Yet as the old saying goes, you can never truly know a man until you beat him. That the things that we were doing were etherreal, that the way I see things in this life of ours, is, that the D/s we have done online is easy to do because D/s is basically of the mind. but to have a collar in my own opinion was more in line with M/S and that is in the realm of heart and spirit. That is something I personnaly can not do over the ether. I need to follow in the steps of my BDSM which says I need to know the body first, ten the mind becomes clearer to me before I can understand the persons heart and spirit. (I know whoo whoo stuff for some of you, yet this is me and my reality). So I flew from San Diego to Phoenix to meet her and make a phsyical connection. that was in 1997, I moved to Phoenix, left my ocean in care of my friends and became a "zoney" Calif term for those from Arizona, she eventually was collared as my slave and then as my property and then as my wife (the state "collaring" ceromony) in 2002, she is now a mistress in her own right and slave only to me, and we own two other slaves and have a clan of extended familys that is currently 15 members. So the internet is real, as real as you let it be. Good things can come from it as well as the not so good. But hey I had bad relathionships in the real world as well. so it matters only in how each of us does with what we percieve. We are what we make of life.
M. Dennis

"Mastery begins, where the ego ends!" - M. Dennis

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 9:40:00 AM   
MistressJaded


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/1/2005
Status: offline 		Geesh. If I read one more crappy thread about why online relationships don't work, I think my eyes are going to be stuck rolled back in my head, so stop it already before I go blind.. If it doesn't work for you, fine, don't do it. But hell, don't condemn people who can think with something other than their genitals and find the happiness they are looking for. Who made you the authority on their relationships?  Edited: Ooops, I did it again, gotta quit using Fast reply.. sorry this was just a general reply and not in response to anyone except those who say "no it's not possible for anyone ever".

< Message edited by MistressJaded -- 6/16/2006 9:42:21 AM >

(in reply to MistressLorelei)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 9:44:42 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

I am having a real conversation online, a real conversation consists of words, an exchange of ideas, one CAN do that online.  I would however NEVER negotiate a business deal nor a scene online because I could not hear and see my partner, I could not "read" them. 

As for my "mark" you are correct, I am here to do that and meet woman with whom I hope to see in real life.  However, all I expect them to "see" online is my intellect, nothing more.  Not my character, not my behavior, not much of anything but a promise, a glimpse of who I am.  The only way to do that is by spending time at my feet, waking up to my caress, seeing how I treat others, and in general spending time in my actual physical presence.

Doing otherwise would be like watching porn to learn how to seduce and make love to women.

Well, I have to disagree about business deals agreed to online.  Because these things occur.  If people purchase one of my works, I am dealing with them online only at times - it does happen.  I cannot see their faces, I only deal with what is communicated.
 
You say that you expect people to only 'see' your intellect online - I respectfully, see that as a false claim - you are already projecting much more than that.  You are showing them your opinions - your personality is creeping through.  You are showing them your photograph, the image you are wanting to project - your experience - the tools you use - all of these things you are wanting to pass over, otherwise you wouldnt have your profile up as you have, and you wouldn't be posting as you are.
 
Now  - it could be said that theses are all lies.  There is no proof you are who you say you are - what you have could be someone elses.  But you are still wishing to project it.  People lie in everyday life, just as they do online.  They hide that they smoke - they cover up gambling debts - they have lovers - or are actually gay and not 'out' - no one knows anyone as well as the person knows themself.  Doesn't make realife any less real.
 
This is where using the R.A.C.K analagy comes in handy(at least for me).  Crossing the road is dangerous, talking to someone online is dangerous, and kissing someone down the local pub is dangerous.  It is being aware of the possible outcomes that makes the person responsible to have a relationship or not that is important - not how the relationship is reached.
 
Peace and Rapture
 
edit to add about the porn comment.*
Porn can be a way to seduce me.  I know I would love any man interested in seducing me to have a healthy interest in Porn - and Cary Grant - and Rudolph Valentino - and Mandy Patinkin...  a handful because He would (and is ) all of these wrapped up into one!


< Message edited by darkinshadows -- 6/16/2006 9:55:47 AM >

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 9:45:24 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Where do you see me condemning it?  Its a little early for projecting isn't it?  I am merely saying online is just that, online, and has nothing to do with having a real life relationship.

I am still waiting for a supporter of online to use these supposed superior mental abilities to actually engage me in debate.  I mean it is just my tiny genitals against your giant brains, right? 

(in reply to MistressJaded)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 9:51:05 AM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		*sighs heavily*  Well, where to begin?  I suppose my own experience, since that's what I'm most familiar with.  Here is a little history, by which I hope to illuminate my thoughts on the subject of online relationships.
 
I entered the on-line world at the age of 19.  Brand new to it.  It was for fun.  I started out on a forum about a TV show that I liked, and then found out that there was a place to roleplay a character.  Great!  What fun!  So I made one.  Now, let me explain here that I've always had the habit of creating characters in my head ever since I was little (like 5 or so).  I'm very detailed, and my character was special to me because I made it represent what I felt were the very best of MY own personal traits.  The character became almost inseperable from my own self when I was on-line.
 
So, I was having a lot of fun.  Enter the problem... the TV show was BeastWars, which meant that a lot of the people attracted to the RP room were kids.  There were about three other people there that were close to my age.  We all got along well.  Two of them were sort of cyber-dating in a lazy fashion.  The third of the original trio was a guy who apparently decided he liked me.  We started an on-line relationship that had very real emotions attached to it.  It also turned out that he was an egotistical psychopath and /I/ was an insecure doormat (expect on a few things, and then I wouldn't budge, which PISSED him off to no END).  So we fought, I tried to distance myself (but being new to the Net, I didn't know how to block things), he chased me, I expressed concern and pity, he made demands and wild accusations...  It wasn't pretty.  He threatened suicide and held me in place for a while... until it got to the point where /I/ was getting suicidal.  It was a freaking disaster.  And I could never reconcile the relationship.  I tried to offer friendship, and he'd act like a rabid dog.  So eventually, with much hurt and confusion as to how someone could hate like that, I gave up.
 
So what's my point?  On-line relationships DO involve very real and very strong emotions.  You CAN influence someone's mind and emotions over long-distances if they allow you to do so.  However... you are also never likely to be 100% sure of who you're dealing with.  So much can be hidden from you in the on-line world.  Looking back at that relationship and one other, I can see that I was in love with what I THOUGHT they were, but not the reality of who they were.  They didn't show their true personalities until much later.
 
But on a positive note, the third guy I met on-line while roleplaying...  I ended up marrying him.  Pup and I have been married for a little over 4 years now.  No, the relationship's not perfect (he's not a Dom! ), but we still love each other and have a lot of fun together.  I guess my point is that on-line has a place, but you can't really know the other person until you cross the line to real life interaction.  So if all you care about is playing around or looking to START a relationship, it's great.  But I wouldn't recommend trying to have a relationship that is nothing but on-line unless you just don't care who the other person really is.
 
Sorry about being so long winded!
 
zuma

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 9:52:33 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Dark,

Selling goods while technically a "negotiated business deal" is hardly what I was speaking, I was referring to complex deals, not paypal accounts.

That said, I think the rest of your posts proves my point. Yes, you can infer much about me from my picture and my posts.  However, can you say with that you can form a complete picture of me with just that?   That that picture of me wouldn't change when you meet me?  That you couldn't learn far more by watching me at work or at play?  By seeing how clean my room is or how I tend to my garden?

As for risk, I say risk living, not pretending.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 10:04:17 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Dark,

Selling goods while technically a "negotiated business deal" is hardly what I was speaking, I was referring to complex deals, not paypal accounts.

That said, I think the rest of your posts proves my point. Yes, you can infer much about me from my picture and my posts.  However, can you say with that you can form a complete picture of me with just that?   That that picture of me wouldn't change when you meet me?  That you couldn't learn far more by watching me at work or at play?  By seeing how clean my room is or how I tend to my garden?

As for risk, I say risk living, not pretending.

Well, I am not exactly talking paypal either - my work isn't just pretty lil pictures from 'Frame and Keep' I work on commissions... People do not always have to time to travel, especially if they are overseas, to see me but they want my work and believe they can communicate in a way I can understand their needs.  If they couldn't and I had an inability to understand - I wouldn't get paid, simple as that.
My livelihood depends on it.
 
Your right about infering as much and online not having the complete picture.  But even offline - that doesn't make it any easier or any more real and true.  I could meet you, meet your brother, your ex and spend hours and days in your company - I would still never know the entire 'real' you.  Your tidy garden doesn't tell me about you.  Nor does your work.  It is still all subjective.
If people did know people well in real life - there would be no divorces, no seperations and no tangled love affairs...
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 10:08:23 AM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkinshadows

But the point you are missing is that online communication is relevant.  There are relationships formed.
If there wasn't - why even both posting this on this particualr forum?
 
You are posting to get your point across.  You are forming a relationship with the people reading the post right now.  You will never get to meet the majority of them.  But it is obviously important for you to make your mark.
 
Online is 'just real online and nothing more'.
 
You are Crappy Dom and nothing more.
 
The computer that I am using at the moment is nothing more than a computer.
 
Discipline is nothing more than discipline.
 
Each is a tool.  People I write to - I have a relationship with.  I ask their thoughts, their advice, and I don't discard their responses because they are written.  If you want to use computers as an example, people use them everyday to train and learn.  Makes the teaching no less relevant.  Just because a college grad gets further because of their experience, just doesn't mean it makes them the best for the job.
 
The analagy of the vibe has no relevance.  Those are still experiences - but they are different ones.  I do not think I have ever seen or heard someone say that online is just like realtime - but I have seen many claim them to be just as important as each other.
 
You can try and belittle online as worthless - I could do the same about you and claim that you are not that strong a dominant or real, because you could not dominate me.  Both statements would be totally invalid to someone else, which would make them both untrue.
 
Peace and Rapture
 


I think you make excellent points, and I thank you for making them.  I would only make this additional point:

Much has been written about "reality", so much that it is clear that perception is a big part of it.  If you think something is "real" then it is, for you.  The overarching concept of true reality begins when you consider not just what is real to you, but to others.

What is real to everyone constitutes the universe. 

So, "real" online?  To you.  More power to you for enjoying it.  To me, and to enough people to rule out "everyone", it's not the real deal.

All offered as opinion, not fact.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 10:10:07 AM   
SEVADom


Posts: 37
Joined: 2/3/2006
Status: offline 		OK, so we have "online is what it is," and for some it's a lot. Were I willing to have just an online relationship, the meatlife characteristics of the person on the other keyboard would matter not a bit. This is, for me, appropriate for the "relationship" I have with most on these boards. For example, since we'll never meet, it really doesn't matter to me whether CrappyDom is a 6' 1" 41 YO male in CA, or a 5' 2" 17 YO [male | female] in [insert annoying location here]; his posts have logic and weight (to me), so I read and think about them.

The issues I see have only to do with the intersection of online and meatlife. The discrepancies can be intentional, or not.

Consider the experience of first enjoying a good book, then seeing a well-made movie based on the book. Even if the director has made a good-faith effort to be faithful to the book, there will be discrepancies which may be disconcerting. The transition from a written medium to another inevitably results in discrepancies, since one builds a mental model of "reality" which cannot but include elements which do not match the reality shown in the new medium. And yes, I realize this is fiction, but it's an analogy, folks!

If the discrepancies are only accidental, they often can be worked through, or even ignored. But if they are intentional and significant -- a false picture, wildly inaccurate description, etc. -- then the transition to meatlife will either be painful, or simply fail.

In the business world, much is transacted online. However, it is a very common practice to spend much time and effort meeting people with whom significant work will be done in person first -- because it is much easier to do business online with someone with whom you first have had some face time. It is a wholly different experience to deal online with one you have met in person, than with one you have met only in cyberspace.

If one person intends to remain only online, but misleads the other on this point, there almost certainly will be eventual pain (emotional, not the good kind), or at least annoyance at time wasted. Here is where I think a lot of the "dissing" comes from -- from people who have no intention of having exclusively online relationships, encountering those who intend remaining only online, and who therefore in some cases have no problem being flexible/creative when describing themselves and their intentions.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 10:10:30 AM   
Emperor1956


Posts: 2370
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Crappy, the reason no one is "engaging you in debate" is because you assumed all the conclusions in your first post, and went on in your subsequent posts to beat anyone who breathed a momentary disagreement into the ground.  That is not debate, it is argument for the sake of beating your breast...and its gotten old.  The old saw about refusing to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man comes to mind.

Normally your posts have a semblance of intelligence.  You obviously are not thinking with the big head in this thread (god KNOWS what you are thinking with?)  You don't like online.  You don't like people who DO online.  Fine.  We get it.  Enough already.

My suggestion -- you stop reading/writing to them, they stop reading/writing to you.  And as a corollary, those of us who are tired of this futile debate can stop reading these never ending threads.

I forgot to add:  There is a generally good discussion of the issues of online relationships here:  http://www.collarchat.com/m_428345/mpage_3/key_/tm.htm#429956
While I don't normally post links to other threads (I leave that to LA, who is the undisputed Master (mistress?) of such things), this thread started out rocky and dismissive, but many who have or had online relationships have posted a wide variety of positive thoughts.

E.

< Message edited by Emperor1956 -- 6/16/2006 10:23:30 AM >

_____________________________

"When you wake up, Pooh," said Piglet, "what's the first thing you say?"
"What's for breakfast? What do you say, Piglet?"
"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?"
Pooh nodded thoughtfully.
"It's the same thing," he said.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 10:14:37 AM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

Much has been written about "reality", so much that it is clear that perception is a big part of it.  If you think something is "real" then it is, for you. The overarching concept of true reality begins when you consider not just what is real to you, but to others.

I adore the part I underlined.  Beautiful.
You need to copyright that.
 
I think my thought on that is about the 'others'.  It was julia on another thread who said
 
quote:

... I only care what my dom thinks...

That is the only other that matters.  Be that the online dominant or submissive personality - or in my case for an example, Em if I write to ask her advice.  Others outside my connection - really do not feature in my reality....
 
Peace and Rapture


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 10:15:11 AM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

Crappy, the reason no one is "engaging you in debate" is because you assumed all the conclusions in your first post, and went on in your subsequent posts to beat anyone who breathed a momentary disagreement into the ground.  That is not debate, it is argument for the sake of beating your breast...


E.


To the OP:  Without agreeing that this is what you did, I would say that debate is more likely if you provide a wider door through which people may enter. 

If you take these comments of Emp.1956 as a general rule, they have some merit. 

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to Emperor1956)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 10:16:35 AM   
MistressJaded


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Where do you see me condemning it?  Its a little early for projecting isn't it?  I am merely saying online is just that, online, and has nothing to do with having a real life relationship.

I am still waiting for a supporter of online to use these supposed superior mental abilities to actually engage me in debate.  I mean it is just my tiny genitals against your giant brains, right? 
 Ok, a debate you want, a debate you'll get, as I am definitely a supporter of it.  Now for as where do I see you condemning it:
quote:


Online is quite real in my opinion, but it isn't real S&M, it isn't real sex, it isn't real relationships, it isn't much of anything, it is just "real online" and NOTHING more.  Combine that with the fact that online self selects for people who often don't have real life relationships and tend not to have any real life S&M experience, you have a recipe for disaster and broken hearts.
 
quote:

(In response to Holly)
I didn't forget anything.  You want to have a "cyber relationship" great, more power to you but don't fool yourself into thinking what you do online has any relationship to living, dating, or playing with someone and having that sort of relationship.
 
quote:


To me, the worst thing about cyber relationships is that people think they are the same as actually living with someone.  There is so much more work, so much more give and take that goes into making a real live relationship work that people who make the switch often run into massive problems.  Just look at the questions about similar things that so often get asked here and by whom.
 
quote:

(In response to OedipusRexIt)
Great post!  Just look at how many of the "female" submissive profiles on here are actually men.  I bet 1/3 of the ones with pictures are men and about 75% of the super young and hot ones are certainly men just looking to wank it.
 
quote:

(In response to Akasha)
I realize having a financial motive to support the fantasy of online BS is a strong one, however, I have to thank you for proving my point so eloquently.
I have in fact posted here that I think D/s can be done online although it pales in comparison to the richness possible in real life.  As for my lovers, you can pine for them and I will pine for the men you rob blind with lies and illusions.
 And as far as your tiny genitals vs My big brain..lol..just remember you pointed it out, and confirmed..  So shall the debate begin? If so I'll help myself out here a bit.. rather than repeating myself, I'll just direct you to where I've already done so: (I am aka jadedshadow) here's my viewpoint on it (post #31).http://www.collarchat.com/m_428345/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm# 

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 10:42:04 AM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Like I said in my other posts- real life relationships, long distance relationships and cyber relationships all have completely different dynamics to them. 

But they are all "really" what they are. 



Exactly LA....Truer words have never been said.

I Myself prefer RL to online,but that doesnt mean I dont have friends etc online...those are relationships and they are just as real as I am alive.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 10:57:15 AM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		I just want to clarify:

I wasn't ever referring to online friendships in my posts.  I was talking exclusively about D/S relationships online.

Some of the posters seem to be confused as to which we have been discussing.  No one said you couldn't develop a friendship, although on that note, I would not put someone I never met in my first tier.

If I misconstrue, I invite the OP to correct me.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 11:13:19 AM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Original: CrappyDom

Online is quite real in my opinion, but it isn't real S&M, it isn't real sex, it isn't real relationships, it isn't much of anything, it is just "real online" and NOTHING more. Combine that with the fact that online self selects for people who often don't have real life relationships and tend not to have any real life S&M experience, you have a recipe for disaster and broken hearts.



Le sigh.

Trying to be objective about this...

I notice that you've used the term 'S&M' rather than 'D/s,' and that's well-advised. I assume from your choice of phrase and from your analogy to surgeons that you're talking here about a certain physical skill set-- how to tie knots, where on the body it's alright to flog and how, what sort of safety equipment to keep onhand in case of unforeseen complications, that sort of thing.

If this is what S&M is for the purposes of your argument, then yes, physical practice makes perfect. An online relationship alone won't provide that sort of experience. Point taken.

That said, it's quite a leap to go from this narrow assertion to the claim that online relationships aren't real. That would seem to reduce a complex human dynamic to the bare mechanics of beating someone on the ass. Factor in the mental and emotional aspects of domination and submission, and it's much less clear that the surgeon analogy holds; there are plenty of human interactions that can be practiced in meaningful and satisfying ways over a distance.

We've already hashed out the argument about whether one can have a meaningful relationship with someone they don't live with. In this thread, all you seem to be contending is that someone who's never tied someone up isn't going to be very good at tying them up. To which I can only answer... well, yeah. Good on you for that.

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 11:21:13 AM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		For anyone that has an online relationship, thats great!  For me, it just isnt the same, I want to feel the person with me, not imagining he were there with me.  I love talking to people online, but as far as a relationship goes...I would rather it be real time.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to Ceyx)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 11:22:35 AM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ceyx



We've already hashed out the argument about whether one can have a meaningful relationship with someone they don't live with. In this thread, all you seem to be contending is that someone who's never tied someone up isn't going to be very good at tying them up. To which I can only answer... well, yeah. Good on you for that.


I think you vastly oversimplify the argument.  To be fair, so have those on the opposing side.  More accurately, perhaps the question should be: 

Why do people expect or give the devotion characterizing a D/S relationship to online acquaintances? 

I contend that those who shun that behavior do so because they believe some greater "connection" is called for to make it "real" to them (and me).

and for the record, I don't think there are many, if any, arguements "settled" here.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to Ceyx)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 11:31:10 AM   
Ceyx


Posts: 89
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Original: Oedipus RexIt:

I think you vastly oversimplify the argument. To be fair, so have those on the opposing side. More accurately, perhaps the question should be:

Why do people expect or give the devotion characterizing a D/S relationship to online acquaintances?


To be clear, I was responding to the OP, who opened this thread by likening the difference between online relationships and relationships carried out in person to the difference between reading and study on the one hand, and practice on the other. That analogy only seems to make complete sense if you view 'practice' as primarily a physical thing.

Your question is a good one, and obviously complicated. But to be fair, we should also ask:

Why do people expect or give the devotion characterizing a D/s relationship to acquaintances they've met in person?

For the vanilla world, the answer here isn't much more self-evident. In both cases it would have to do with levels of trust, mutual understanding, needs met. Yes?

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Why online isn't - 6/16/2006 11:39:00 AM   
iliv2servher


Posts: 228
Joined: 5/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Ever read a book or take a class on how to do something and then struggle to do the simplest things on your own? 

Now, I am the first to recommend that people new to S&M read books, but at least those books were written by people who had actually done the things they write about.  Would you choose the doctor fresh out of med school or would you prefer the one who has cut open a few hundred people and gained real world experience to do your brain surgery?

Online is quite real in my opinion, but it isn't real S&M, it isn't real sex, it isn't real relationships, it isn't much of anything, it is just "real online" and NOTHING more.  Combine that with the fact that online self selects for people who often don't have real life relationships and tend not to have any real life S&M experience, you have a recipe for disaster and broken hearts.


I cannot emphasize enough the fact that most of us who post here are speaking from their own experience.  And if they really have no experience, then how would I or anyone else know this to be fact or fiction?

I sense that you, CrappyDom, have only had one online experience, and it turned out to be a bad one.  But that doesn't mean it cannot work for others. 

Having said that, I have personally been involved in BDSM and D/S for over 30 years, with real-time cyber or virtual relationships from about 1994 to 1997.  I would never have entered into any one of those relationships if there was no possibility of it ever progressing toward a face-to-face meeting.  I cannot say that I haven't met phoneys, but for the most part, those with whom I have interacted were very real and (in my judgement) had actual real-life experience.

If I am correct in assuming that your experience online was the one and only, then I cannot see how any logical person can use one bad experience to define the whole.

Once again, this is just my opinion.



(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 40
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