RE: Why online isn't

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AAkasha -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 11:47:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Akasha, I realize having a financial motive to support the fantasy of online BS is a strong one, however, I have to thank you for proving my point so eloquently. I have in fact posted here that I think D/s can be done online although it pales in comparison to the richness possible in real life. As for my lovers, you can pine for them and I will pine for the men you rob blind with lies and illusions. Don't try to change the subject and turn this into a bashing of pro femdoms; to clarify, the kind of "online training" or "cyber domination" I am defending is not the pay for play type, it is the type between two personal partners, on a personal lever, who are apart either by necessity (and permanently) or who use online domination as an "extra" on top of real life bdsm interactions. So you can drop the pay-for-play line and stick to the facts. Most of my real time lovers and BDSM partners have engaged in online and phone domination with me as well. I have found consistently that partners who could NOT do online domination or rock my world on the phone were also subpar real life partners who lacked passion -- but, more importantly, lacked the "grasp" of where femdom lust exists -- in the brain. You are coming off like a guy who thinks he is dynamite in bed because he has a big cock or can fuck for an hour, but has zero grasp of touching a woman's mind and fantasy on a sensual level. You probably also cannot write a love letter that could bring a woman to tears, or send a note engaging her in fantasy that made her head spin. Sure, you may be fine at bondage or holding a whip, but if you do not know how to connect with that space in a woman's brain where her lust for BDSM exists, you are a service provider and easily replacable. I made it a requirement that a guy be able to turn me on with words and voice before he met me in real life because it was the best way to weed out those that had a grasp on the principles but really were clueless when it came to what was going on in my head. They were either lazy or not articulate, or did not have the patience to seek out the buttons. They want the quick fix, the hard cock, the wet pussy and hot visual bondage. Those BDSM types are a dime a dozen -- too lazy to try to understand online bdsm or use this new medium to their advantage. Like I said in another thread, take away your toys and your costumes and make you rely on your imagination, your words, and cueing in on your partner's fantasies and you would be a fish out of water. You just don't get it. Akasha

juliaoceania -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 11:49:55 AM)
Let's say a person is paralyzed from the neck down and he dominates his submissive through his words and nothing more... does that make their relationship unreal because he can't flog her? (Many D/s couples aren't into beatings anyways). Is the only definition to domination the physical component? Is it between the ears? It kinda reminds me of the "Where does life start?" debate... there are no clearcut answers in my mind. I cannot compare online to real life... they are totally different, but that does not mean online isnt "real" in the sense that the people in their minds are engaging in a dynamic of some sort. Sex is 90 percent between the ears, but that other 10 percent is what most of us focus on. I really do not know what else I could add but I had feelings for someone I met online, and we took it real life. That real life aspect did not negate the time we spent online, it just fulfilled it. The feelings were real no matter where I felt them. Emotions are real, you may not understand why people feel the way they do. I do not think it is valid for other people to judge someone's emotional states. That is like someone telling me I am not really happy or sad or anxious or mad.,... how the hell can they measure my emotions? Who are they to say they are not real? How can someone else judge how dominated I feel or how submissive I feel toward another? I do not think real life is the same as cyber. I would not engage in online again. It is very different. But I respectfully think that to tell someone they can't feel a certain way or that what they feel isnt real just doesn't make sense. Just an opinion

CrappyDom -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 11:50:10 AM)
Who here believes that living in the same house as someone is no more complex than relating to them only during those times you are on the phone and online?

MistressSassy66 -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 11:50:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OedipusRexIt I just want to clarify: I wasn't ever referring to online friendships in my posts. I was talking exclusively about D/S relationships online. Some of the posters seem to be confused as to which we have been discussing. No one said you couldn't develop a friendship, although on that note, I would not put someone I never met in my first tier. If I misconstrue, I invite the OP to correct me. I guess you missed the ETC in My post. The people I meet in RL....I sometimes end up with having an online relationship with...I'm talking about those who are My submissives.Its real. Its as real as this discussion your presenting. What are the other requirements to be a "first tier" friend?

juliaoceania -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 11:53:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Who here believes that living in the same house as someone is no more complex than relating to them only during those times you are on the phone and online? Of course it isn't that same. Is someone claiming it is?

CrappyDom -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 11:54:55 AM)
Jaded, Of all the statements of mine you posted, only one was pejorative, calling online "bs". The rest, while you might find them untrue, are not attacks. Saying that I believe your blue isn't as blue as my blue isn't attacking blue. If I said your blue sucked, or your blue was ugly, that would be an attack. So I stand corrected, in one post I did post one minor slam on online relationships, however, the rest were simply observations.

darkinshadows -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 11:56:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Who here believes that living in the same house as someone is no more complex than relating to them only during those times you are on the phone and online? Impossible to calculate. Depends on the relationship. Peace and Rapture

CrappyDom -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 11:59:40 AM)
What really funny about some of this debate, I quite often attend parties without a toy bag and play without toys. I don't flog, don't even own one, in fact, I am not overly talented with anything but my mind. Hottest and most intense scene I have ever done was 80% mental but could never have been done online.

CrappyDom -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 12:00:47 PM)
Julia, I am surprised you had to ask, and yes, there are those who do believe it...

sublizzie -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 12:01:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Who here believes that living in the same house as someone is no more complex than relating to them only during those times you are on the phone and online? Have you ever tried to live with, and communicate with, teenagers? Online and the phone are much easier ways to communicate with them than living with them.

darkinshadows -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 12:02:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom What really funny about some of this debate, I quite often attend parties without a toy bag and play without toys. I don't flog, don't even own one, in fact, I am not overly talented with anything but my mind. Hottest and most intense scene I have ever done was 80% mental but could never have been done online. Just because you cannot do it - does not mean that other cannot do, what you lack the ability to achieve. Fine for you - but not for all. Peace and Rapture

AAkasha -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 12:02:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom What really funny about some of this debate, I quite often attend parties without a toy bag and play without toys. I don't flog, don't even own one, in fact, I am not overly talented with anything but my mind. Hottest and most intense scene I have ever done was 80% mental but could never have been done online. Then you lack imagination or initiative or both. If you are unable to turn a woman on or satisfy her with your words/voice in the absence of real life interface, you only really scratched the surface of power exchange. Or, you can't write or articulate worth a shit -- which is just a handicap, but you may be able to overcome it with enough practice and patience. Akasha

jadedshadow -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 12:10:14 PM)
CD, first let me offer my apologies. I took an offense before considering your full meaning of this topic as I've seen so many lately in the forums that are so adversed to cyber connections, and this concerns me. I can see where I might have misinterpretted the initial posts based on other's replies. Secondly, rather than slamming one another over semantics, again, I apologize for that, I would just like to clarify and say that it is true something such as S&M would be hard to completely divulge in thru cyber i.e."online" relations, but it doesn't mean it isn't possible. While some may not get much from it and need more physical stimulation, some are content to do with what they can get out of it, and if it works for them, all is good. Yet, that still doesn't mean IT CAN'T WORK or isn't real for them, nor does it imply they haven't had the real thing so don't know what they are missing. While I respect your opinion, I will remain firmly rooted to mine, it can work if both parties are getting a needed and desired benefit from it - regardless of the medium they choose to exercise to do so. Of course, that stated, this is my honest opinion, and I understand not all will agree..yadda, yadda, yadda.. Best to You and Yours,Jaded

CrappyDom -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 12:11:02 PM)
Akasha, You are right, I lack initiative. Somehow I have never had the urge to strive to overcome my preference for a warm body over a cold plastic monitor. I am curious what you think of blow up dolls?

AAkasha -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 12:13:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Akasha, You are right, I lack initiative. Somehow I have never had the urge to strive to overcome my preference for a warm body over a cold plastic monitor. I am curious what you think of blow up dolls? There is a living, breathing soul on the other end of that computer exchange; a blow up doll has no human being driving it. The fact that you use this analogy completely explains why you don't "get it" and never will. Akasha

darkinshadows -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 12:19:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom Akasha, You are right, I lack initiative. Somehow I have never had the urge to strive to overcome my preference for a warm body over a cold plastic monitor. I am curious what you think of blow up dolls? I find that an incredibly disturbing statement. If you cannot distinguish between plastic and something that has breathing and life behind it - that is quite concerning. Peace and Rapture

jadedshadow -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 12:23:10 PM)
I totally agree with you here Akasha, and that is something that people tend to forget. The connection doesn't end at the keyboard, CPU or monitor - all of that is an extension of the user. The connection ends on the heart, mind, and body (Yes, that's right - body) of the recipient. It would be no different say - when a Master uses a flogger on His slave - it's a tool, an extension of Himself to help make the connection. As for those who are limited to text, and don't have the benefit of visual tools such as cams, or audio (speakers, mics, phones, etc) ask yourself this, has any written word ever had an emotional, mental, or physical impact on you? Ever made your heart skip a beat, a tear come to your eye, etc, etc..?

CrappyDom -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 12:24:50 PM)
There is a living breathing soul in a prostitute too but is that sex? Is it a relationship? Is it the same as living with someone? While the acts look the same, they are in fact very different things. Same goes for online and real life, they are very different things, one is a pale reflection of the other. As for the blow up doll, I didn't use it as an anology, I used it as a question.

BitaTruble -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 12:27:53 PM)
There's a reason for the saying that a picture paints a thousand words. To me, a single touch creates a thousand pictures. Online is what is it, but telling me that your soft touch sends shivers up my spine is nothing like your soft touch sending shivers up my spine. I'm a tactile creature. I don't apologize for it. I fully acknowledge that there are those out there who don't require the tactile sensations which are available in S/m and I respect that others do not require one to physically kneel before them to call themselves a D/s couple but at the same time, you don't have to add flavorings to homemade ice cream to still call it homemade ice cream. The sugar will make it sweet, but it just isn't as tasty as it could be if you add a drop of two of cherry extract. If online works for you and it's enough .. then don't worry if others think it's not enough for them. Celeste

AAkasha -> RE: Why online isn't (6/16/2006 12:30:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CrappyDom There is a living breathing soul in a prostitute too but is that sex? Is it a relationship? Is it the same as living with someone? While the acts look the same, they are in fact very different things. Same goes for online and real life, they are very different things, one is a pale reflection of the other. As for the blow up doll, I didn't use it as an anology, I used it as a question. Now you are really coming across as scattered. You're bringing up things that are apples and oranges. You are assuming that there is no "relationship" behind an online power exchange. You are backpedaling on the bad blow up doll analogy (the fact that it was a question does not make it NOT an analogy or something you were using to try to make a point). What is becoming more apparent is you lack the writing/comprehension skills to ever be an accomplished online dominant. That's probably why your experiences in that area have sucked. Don't blame the medium. You have also made it clear that it is not bdsm or not rewarding unless you have a body to touch, tits to squeeze, squirting to happen, and all the other physical aspects of bdsm; the fact that you may have this impact on a woman, but not get to SEE it or TOUCH it in person shows your inability to think outside the box, and also a total lack of regard for the woman. Unless you get what you want -- the physical presence -- well, it's just a monitor and keyboard. Akasha

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