quote:

Ok, RS' original post came from the heart.  She *is* angry, has every right to be, and was asking an honest question basically on how other's have dealt with this in the past.  Almost every single one of us, know enough of what happened last night to be able to possibly EMPATHIZE with Her situation, if not sympathize.. She was not asking for personal attacks on how she should have been a better teacher or how she could have helped this situation from happening.  She is angry, hurt, jaded, and rightly pissed the hell off.  Not only, did someone come to her for daily advice on how to deal with a situation, this person purposefully, showed a one sided part of a conversation, in order to make said person look better.  This happens.  A LOT.. and Online dynamics don't have squat to do with it.  It happens in real life too.  Happens to people that freely give of themselves EVERYDAY!! i, myself, am still jaded over this happening to me, not so long ago.  Someone who i considered a sister, lied to me for almost a year... it was only when me and the other parties started comparing notes, that it finally dawned on all of us.  I wasn't trying to help her in the "lifestyle", i was doing what friends do, and helping her in her every day quest for a happy life.  It's easy the first time to over look, such actions... but after it happens time and time again.... it's time to weigh the options. 

quote:

Got to state for the record - enough of us know of what happened last night?  Are we all supposed to know what goes on in other peoples lives?  Your jumping to concluesions.(Again) Instead of asking WHAT people actually know.

The OP wasn't about any situation - it was simply a question about if you considered stopping helping 'newbies'.  Who knows what goes on in peoples own personal dramas?  You obviously know something that went on elsewhere - that isn't what everyone is responding to.  Maybe the nearest and closest know it, maybe. 

quote:

  People answered.  Why see it as a personal attack?  Nobody is slaying her - just posting positive remarks

quote:

  I still stand by my thought that pride isn't always a positive emotion.  That wasn't pointed at anyone - you can strut and bitch all you like and not understand the difference between pride and irony.

quote:

  Even with the bitterness and the misunderstanding that you and Reflective have on certain peoples post - doesn't mean people are going to give up answering, or pointing out what they see from an unbiased point of not knowing an entire situation. [/quote]

Bitter ? you bet your ass.... it was said before in this thread that people can only get crapped on so many times before they get jaded about helping others.
Misunderstanding your posts? not a chance... they came across loud and clear... and no amount of backpedaling will save it from being anything other than what it was meant to be in the first place.
Are people going to give up on posting and trying to help others ?
probably not... but hopefully they'll at least do so with cautionary steps in the future... or else they may end up bitter and being accused of being Prima Donnas....

T.R.

*edited to add yet another moment of backpedaling... and yes, this is flaming... I'm talking scorching ass white hot flames*
I remembered this... and then something else was brought to My attention.. I thought I'd share it with the rest of you that are reading this thread...

quote:

 ORIGINAL: candleTC
Saying one thing, in one post, then saying the direct opposite.. in FACT, sometimes, it's in the same threads!!!!!

And here is proof of that, as evident by darkinshadows posts... in the same thread... this one, as a matter of fact.

quote:

  POST #8

I always consider myself a child.  If I am a child, then I always learn.  And as a child, I support and play with others.

quote:

 POST #61
But these 'newbies' - these people who come ask me questions or share - are not my children.  Nor are they any submissives.  They are not babies to be told what to do - why should I have any pride for them?

I guess you have to get experience before you can revert back into childhood and actually learn something, eh ?



< Message edited by TolerableCruelty -- 6/16/2006 4:40:13 PM >

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to darkinshadows)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

To the OP...IMO..(remember am full blown newbit..smile)..common sense tells me that this world is comprised of so many personalities..some people truly wish to impart information to help where it may and there are others who simply choose not to.This does not make either good or bad, its just a simple matter of some have a kind of "mothers instinct" to help guide and protect, like one would a toddler learning how to walk, you wish to make sure they do not do to much damage but you also do not want to wrap them up in cottonwool.One must learn to crawl ,toddle,walk and run.One must fall to experience the discomfort or pain of their mistake in order to learn how better to go about it.So the experienced ones simply try to help newbies escape obvious pitfalls still knowing that they cannot protect them from everything.Hence sometimes the experienced ones do weary of helping newbies just as a mother wearies of helping her young.So I think do not despair of either the newbies or those who choose not to help for there will always be someone to attempt to teach and someone who is smart enough to listen and learn.From this newbit to all the posters who come here to give of their experience and time....I THANK YOU!!!.....be well...Tempting

*smiles* its nice to know that there are newbits ( I like that mind if I borrow it? *grins* ) that do appreciate the help, sometimes thank yous are often left unsaid and its nice to hear em... so thank you for that... *smiles*

quote:

you continue in the same way and tone as you just have and step outside to TOS , I am sure that this one will end up pulled as well.

quote:

  so dont bother twisting words.

quote:

When I quoted her, of course it was to her.  But personal attack?  Promise.  If it was, it would have been a hell of a lot more obvious.  I find pride distasteful.  Period. No more no less.

quote:

If all you can do is rant and pant and strut your domly stuff - then where is the discussion?  There was an initial question.  It was answered.  If someone makes comments along the way and you don't 'get' what was said - and show little ability to even try and understand what was said - break down in communication.  It is much easier to assume and swear and throw names around and inuendo - it is much harder and takes more time and patience to discuss a misunderstanding.

quote:

  I dont have vast knoweldge.  I am but a child.  Any knowledge I have is passed down from others.

quote:

  Everyone is learning - you share and move on

quote:

ORIGINAL: candleTC

* waltzes in, smile on my face, dragging my dirty little soap box with me *

Ok, i have been given permission to speak my mind.  Master has removed the "leash" and said " go for it, girl" .  i, will however, ATTEMPT to be mindful of my manners, and TRY to be respectful... also, putting on my "flame gear" for any attacks that may come my way.  For those of you who have never seen me on "soapbox" this may be fun.. hang on tight.



Ok, RS' original post came from the heart.  She *is* angry, has every right to be, and was asking an honest question basically on how other's have dealt with this in the past.  Almost every single one of us, know enough of what happened last night to be able to possibly EMPATHIZE with Her situation, if not sympathize.. She was not asking for personal attacks on how she should have been a better teacher or how she could have helped this situation from happening.  She is angry, hurt, jaded, and rightly pissed the hell off.  Not only, did someone come to her for daily advice on how to deal with a situation, this person purposefully, showed a one sided part of a conversation, in order to make said person look better.  This happens.  A LOT.. and Online dynamics don't have squat to do with it.  It happens in real life too.  Happens to people that freely give of themselves EVERYDAY!! i, myself, am still jaded over this happening to me, not so long ago.  Someone who i considered a sister, lied to me for almost a year... it was only when me and the other parties started comparing notes, that it finally dawned on all of us.  I wasn't trying to help her in the "lifestyle", i was doing what friends do, and helping her in her every day quest for a happy life.  It's easy the first time to over look, such actions... but after it happens time and time again.... it's time to weigh the options. 

i, also want to say that, sometimes using your judgement, on either online or IRL, is easier said than done.  People sometimes look very appealing on the outside.. however, when digging deeper into the core of their being, it's ugly and smells really bad... a lot like bullshit.  Sometimes, at that point, it's almost to late to pull your guns back and say... "WHOA!!!!!! waitttttttttt a minute" without, being hurt.  Inevitably, in EVERY relationship we all have, online or irl, we will get hurt.  It's a fact of life, it's how the cookie crumbles and all that jazz. Not every relationship, warrants throwing away, just because you have been hurt, however, it's how we learn and grow from being hurt that make us who we are.  Ya know, what's so great about me?? ( eh, lots of things..) but.. really, i just kinda sit back on the sidelines, watch , learn and dig through all the BS to find the real root of people.  Then, wait for someone to come to me.  Then i can spew all the nonsense i want, without ever having too much invested.  This, is the case at this point.  I have been able to notice, without my blinders on, that many of you talk from both sides of your mouths.  Saying one thing, in one post, then saying the direct opposite.. in FACT, sometimes, it's in the same threads!!!!! this is the smelly stuff that i was refering to just moments ago.  Then.. there is something like this, that is so, two faced, in one post, that gets my head spinning....

quote:

have to say, pride I have never found to be an admirable quality. 

RIGGGGGGGHT!!!! this coming from the "self appointed goddess of the forums" herself.  ( nuff said, point made, case closed on THAT topic )

Anyway, my point is this.... You all talk about this and that, seeing bullshit, blah blah blah ... however, when it comes right down to it.. the ones speaking the loudest on most any topic are the ones that have my bullshit radars going ballistic.  It's sad to see someone come to an open forum asking on how to deal with an issue that has her visibly crushed, only to have to defend her choice of words, her actions and even how she chooses to DEFEND HERSELF! how grand...

RS, i love Ya girl.. and in the past few weeks, i think i can honestly say that we have gotten very close.  Don't let these people bother you, and allow them to hurt you anymore than you already are.  Instead... let me clean off your bullshit radar.. it seems a little dusty...........

i really wish i didn't have to lump a lot of you in the same category of the one that hurt her so badly last night..... but, as always, i calls em as i sees em.......

This has been a public service announcement from the subbie gone wild.......

Beth


*edited for a spelling error*

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kree

Rs
To answer your question, I learned to choose more wisely a number of years ago.  On a forum like CM, it is actually pretty easy to decide if someone warrants your time and attention.  A very good gauge of their real interests can be found in their posts.  If they post constantly, reading their posts will give you a good idea of their mindset and their "listening ability".  One of the examples I used in my earlier post is a total train wreck that NO amount of time and effort will help.  It is like reading a drama of the day.  

You might consider doing that little research before being sucked into the vacuum of a player's imagination.  You seem to be a giving person that wants to help, which is wonderful, just dont allow boat anchors that do not deserve your caring to make you jaded.  

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

courtesy of alanis morrisette:

you live you learn
you love you learn
you lose you learn
you cry you learn
you bleed you learn
you scream you learn
you grieve you learn
you choke you learn
you laugh you learn
you choose you learn
you ask you learn
you pray you learn
you live you learn

fuck 'em ......some listen and want help and some just gotta do it their way.
Nobody extra will die that wasn't gonna die anyway
they will learn autoclaving or they won't
they will be lucky and not get hurt or they won't
it is their turn, they can go about it as they please and there ain't one goddamn thing we can do about how it is gonna happen
they will buy 18 foot bullwhips and crash all the furniture in 3 foot airspace or they won't

yadda yadda yadda........

LOL...I seem maudlin right now. don't I

I am not.  The world is not scheduled to end for awhile.

thats a pretty good song... I like it actually

* gives you a lolli cause you have great music tastes* heh

quote:


 
Thank you for a thoughtful insight its much appreciated. Most of the time I do a really good job of picking the "right" ones to help but even in the times that I didnt, which there have been a good handful, it doesnt change that you eventually have some kind of caring for that person ya know? and it still hurts either way when it falls apart.
 
Yeah I probably missed some signs along the road that said helllooo lookie here this is a bad situation run away..... but I accept responsibility for that which is why I wont ever bash the other person involved. I took the step, I walked along beside that person, and I did it knowingly and of my own free will. So I definately accept that I am partially at fault for not seeing the situation fully before it blew up in my face.
 
Unfortunately it doesnt make one feel less stupid when these things happen....

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail
The world is not scheduled to end for awhile.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tamerofwild1s

quote:


 
Thank you for a thoughtful insight its much appreciated. Most of the time I do a really good job of picking the "right" ones to help but even in the times that I didnt, which there have been a good handful, it doesnt change that you eventually have some kind of caring for that person ya know? and it still hurts either way when it falls apart.
 
Yeah I probably missed some signs along the road that said helllooo lookie here this is a bad situation run away..... but I accept responsibility for that which is why I wont ever bash the other person involved. I took the step, I walked along beside that person, and I did it knowingly and of my own free will. So I definately accept that I am partially at fault for not seeing the situation fully before it blew up in my face.
 
Unfortunately it doesnt make one feel less stupid when these things happen....

 I have made mistakes in the past in judging someones character .. well many times ...... but it is the ones we actually touch that make all the difference ... I would suggest RS that you keep doing what you do and relish in the ones you have and will continue to help . there is nothing wrong with helping someone .. we were all new at one time . and even if it was beinga fly on the wall then guess what something someone else did or said helped guide you along the way ... I don't look for praise or accolades . I know when I see their actions or certains things they say .. that was my input that made that happen ..... keep up the good work and don't get swayed by those who choose not to teach

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

What are you doing tonight?  Will you date me?

LOL...
actually, I have admired some of your posts.
And I really don't like lollies but I am so enamoured of the offer that it is better than one. 

uhmmm what am I doing tonight.... talking with you nice people  ( I'm so lame *cries pitifully*  lol lol )

Will I date you.... gee I dunno.... you're awfully smart and have good taste but ya know about all that online drama and crap *winks* what the hell why not... come get me baby  heh

quote:

ORIGINAL: Reflectivesoul

quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

To the OP...IMO..(remember am full blown newbit..smile)..common sense tells me that this world is comprised of so many personalities..some people truly wish to impart information to help where it may and there are others who simply choose not to.This does not make either good or bad, its just a simple matter of some have a kind of "mothers instinct" to help guide and protect, like one would a toddler learning how to walk, you wish to make sure they do not do to much damage but you also do not want to wrap them up in cottonwool.One must learn to crawl ,toddle,walk and run.One must fall to experience the discomfort or pain of their mistake in order to learn how better to go about it.So the experienced ones simply try to help newbies escape obvious pitfalls still knowing that they cannot protect them from everything.Hence sometimes the experienced ones do weary of helping newbies just as a mother wearies of helping her young.So I think do not despair of either the newbies or those who choose not to help for there will always be someone to attempt to teach and someone who is smart enough to listen and learn.From this newbit to all the posters who come here to give of their experience and time....I THANK YOU!!!.....be well...Tempting

*smiles* its nice to know that there are newbits ( I like that mind if I borrow it? *grins* ) that do appreciate the help, sometimes thank yous are often left unsaid and its nice to hear em... so thank you for that... *smiles*