Proprietrix
Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
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I used to do a lot to help out newcomers. I have several years of experience in this lifestyle. I’ve been on every end of the whip. I’ve gone through the "good" and I’ve gone through the "bad". I’ve started up and ran groups, both online, and real time, including munches, and a group with the sole purpose of mentorship. I used to write articles, to educate newcomers, as well as articles to help educate law enforcement, medical practitioners, and friends/family of lifestylists.
Those things used to be important to me. They aren’t anymore and I’m more than willing to hand over the torch to someone else. I’ve become jaded, and here are some of the reasons why.
- I got tired of giving, and getting nothing in return.
- I got tired of putting a lot of time and effort into something, only to see it torn to shreds due to internal politics, backbiting, and social cliques.
- I got to a point where, in the process of educating newcomers, I was spending way too much time focusing on the negative affirmations. (For example, having to say over and over again "We’re not all thin. We’re not all pretty. We’re not all wealthy. We make mistakes. We’re not perfect. We get tired. We get old.) I found that quite often, I was focusing on the negative so much, for the sake of dispelling newcomer myths, that it was beginning to put a bit of a dent in my self-image. I needed to be able to step away from that and spend more time in groups of people where we could focus on positive affirmations, instead of "defending" ourselves for being human.
- I got tired of repeating the same things over and over again. I felt like I was spending so much time putting on training wheels, that I was never getting a chance to go ride my big girl bike. I needed to be able to move my own encounters forward instead of always feeling like I was at Square 1.
- I got sick of my words, teachings, and advice falling upon deaf ears. People are going to do what they want, and really, very little, if any, of what I offer is going to change their path one iota.
- I got tired of fetishists who wrap up their kink in the guise of wanting to learn, when what they really want, is to get laid or get their kink met.
and the #1 reason:
- I got sick of trying to teach some basic concepts, safety measures, protocol, etc… and having 300 people rush in to say "Just do what you want. There is no true way. Make it up as you go along. There are no definitions. Make up whatever sounds good to you. There are no rules. There is no protocol. There is no lifestyle. There’s no such thing as this and that."
I shrug.
If the only answer we’re supposed to be giving is "Do it however you want". We’re not telling anyone anything they didn’t already know. Why bother even saying it?
If there are no definitions, no protocol, no labels, no titles, no right and wrong way to do things, no rules…
There’s pretty much nothing to teach.
I’d like to add:
My response above was to the OP of this thread. That’s it. I didn’t know of some other dynamic in play. Or some other thread. Or some other soap opera. I don’t know what the situation is with RS. I don’t know what "situation" happened the "other night" with "this person" or whomever. I had hope that this thread was started as a valid question.
It’s really gotten to the point where half the threads here on collarme end up being "so and so" did "such and such" on another forum, in another chat room, or somewhere else outside of collarme and with a specific clique of people. Then one of those persons brings a question onto the collarme forum, in an anonymous manner, another in that clique feels the need to divulge the situation, or part of it, instead of just concentrating on the OP.
It’s getting to the point where I hesitate to post on much of any thread anymore because God only knows whose clique and in-group I’m stepping into. Whose soap opera am I being asked to comment on without even being told it’s a soap opera?
I thought this was a valid question about helping newbies, but as I read on, sure as hell, someone had to step in and start making comments about a specific situation that happened in a specific clique.
Gee, I do believe the whole internal politics, social cliques, and backbiting was one of the things I listed as reasons I stopped helping newcomers in the lifestyle.
Bah, this thread just ended up being one more clique’s online drama.
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IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).
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RE: Helping newbies - 
) that do appreciate the help, sometimes thank yous are often left unsaid and its nice to hear em... so thank you for that... *smiles* 
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Due to that, and the fact that my experiences may be similar but will never be identical to another's, I 'help' with any topic I can just by adding my POV or opinion, or glimpse at an experience I've had that feels relevant. 
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