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what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 4:45:02 PM   
Dirk4slaveRsub


Posts: 4
Joined: 11/19/2012
Status: offline 		I have been wondering what a slave/sub wants when a DOM contatcs them? They all say "don't give me a 1 liner" "don't ask me what I'm into" "don't treat me like property I don't know you" .... sooo... when sending a message what do you want in it? My profile says everything... should I just copy and paste it?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 4:53:56 PM   
creampuffs


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/10/2012
Status: offline 		I checked out your profile, and it's pretty decent as profiles go. I like that you talk about taking care of the chosen girl, and that your expectations are clear.

What I'd want in an initial message is to know what caught your eye about mine. In other words, tell me why you chose to message me over anyone else. I'd also want to know a bit more personal information about you, like what you did that day, something fun you did recently, or even what you had for dinner. Then ask me a question or two, to keep the conversation going.

Don't copy/paste anything. Just treat her like a person, first, and let the rest develop as it will.

< Message edited by creampuffs -- 11/28/2012 4:55:29 PM >

(in reply to Dirk4slaveRsub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 4:54:06 PM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline 		don't copy and paste, bad idea. any idiot will be able to tell it's a form letter.

rather, if you're contacting people because you're genuinely interested in them, and not just spamming a bunch of subs in your area to see who bites, try writing something personal and sincere. read their profile to see if their interests -- vanilla AND kinky -- match yours and strike up a conversation with the person.

(in reply to Dirk4slaveRsub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 5:03:15 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I would actually prefer to be approached as a woman, not as a submissive.
I know that may sound silly since we are on a BDSM site, but I think it's the
downfall of many here that are motivated by the label as opposed to the human behind it.


_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Dirk4slaveRsub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 5:08:03 PM   
fetisheden


Posts: 274
Joined: 1/25/2011
Status: offline 		just like on a normal dating website, read their profile.then whatever you write,make sure you mention something from their profile. pretty basic stuff, i don't know why it's such a mystery to men...

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(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 5:09:00 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Poise nailed it. Be polite, don't use pet names, be interested in WHO she is rather than WHAT she is.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 5:53:05 PM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline 		Tall, thin, handsome, boats, abs. Jesus, this guy's got it all.

Just tell her why you are interested in her. Read her profile, and explain what interested you and why.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 6:26:41 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The profile is well written. However it's all about what he wants. Not about who he is. There's nothing that tells us if you're happy go lucky or pessimistic. Do you like to hike or watch college basketball. Nothing about what you are passionate about.

And the whole want a blank slate with no personality you can make into whatever is a turn off. You make it clear that you don't want to know who she is.

BTW usually strict and daddy are opposites, the attempt to cover all bets is lame.

We want to hear honesty about your authentic self so we can decide if we can be our authentic selves with you. If we are compatible, if we will be happy with you. All of which is missing.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 11/28/2012 6:28:06 PM >

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 6:34:51 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		What do you do when you go up to a woman you find interesting, anywhere?

You find something in her profile that you can find an interest in or relate to. Talk to her about it. For example, does she say how much she likes music and the types and such? Talk to her about it. Does she live where you do? Talk to her about the area.

Most women have no interest in talking about sex or kink when you first talk to them. Most women have zero interest if you don't say something about yourself as well. Just saying "hi" normally gets you just deleted with no response.

Women here are no different than women anywhere. They want to be shown respect and civility.


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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Dirk4slaveRsub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 6:47:14 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I just read the profile. The expecting an 8 to 10 in looks would just get you labeled as shallow, and I'd move on.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 8:45:37 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I just read the profile. The expecting an 8 to 10 in looks would just get you labeled as shallow, and I'd move on.

As a random aside, I wonder how many 9s and 10s would say the same thing? then again, the OP is kind of cute and it's not unreasonable to want a match.

Edited to add:
OP. in general when I contact someone through any means... Phone, email, knocking on their door, whatever... The first thing I do is say hello. Right after that I explain why I'm contacting them...truthfully. That's worked out for me in life in general, both business and personal. I hadn't thought it was very confusing. What do you generally say?


< Message edited by JeffBC -- 11/28/2012 8:49:50 PM >

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 9:13:50 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah strict daddy 9 looks, organic, vapid, trophy...I hear heff has a few cast offs

Personal fave is she's supposed to keep perfect looks, organic house AND work for you while being passed around as a bi-sexual...then have time for tennis. Make sure you don't bite her neck...she's likely to fart & fly out the window!!!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 9:22:11 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Make sure you don't bite her neck...she's likely to fart & fly out the window!!!

Thank you so much for this visual. I shall now attempt to dry my keyboard.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/28/2012 9:33:02 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise


quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Make sure you don't bite her neck...she's likely to fart & fly out the window!!!

Thank you so much for this visual. I shall now attempt to dry my keyboard.

You should appreciate my snark on bj's as well...put a condom on your keyboard

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/29/2012 5:18:17 AM   
chatterbox24


Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline 		Would your tweal name be, by chance....Christain, CHristain Grey?

Ok kidding aside, since we are all different blue eyes, your gonna get mixed signals on what women want on an initial meeting. I like your profile, I think peoples own words and writng style gives a clue who they are. If its a little selfish, well then it gives a clue someone is gonna be a little selfish its real.
Common consensus is the less talk about sex at first, is actually more erotic , the build up, anticipation etc. Old school is where it is at!
COme on people he is a looker, he wants his equal in that area. Whats wrong with that? I dont feel its shallow. Ken liked Barbie, not ugly Betty. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Welcome to collar chat and good luck.

< Message edited by chatterbox24 -- 11/29/2012 5:19:12 AM >

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My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/29/2012 7:06:37 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chatterbox24

Would your tweal name be, by chance....Christain, CHristain Grey?

Ok kidding aside, since we are all different blue eyes, your gonna get mixed signals on what women want on an initial meeting. I like your profile, I think peoples own words and writng style gives a clue who they are. If its a little selfish, well then it gives a clue someone is gonna be a little selfish its real.
Common consensus is the less talk about sex at first, is actually more erotic , the build up, anticipation etc. Old school is where it is at!
COme on people he is a looker, he wants his equal in that area. Whats wrong with that? I dont feel its shallow. Ken liked Barbie, not ugly Betty. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Welcome to collar chat and good luck.


While the profile wasn't to my taste, I agree with the bolded point. As much as we give advice on people's profiles and letters there is something to be said for leaving people to do it their own way - it gives you a good heads-up as to whether that person is too shallow/ignorant/preachy/grammatically inept/hardcore/picky/romantic for your tastes (not accusing the OP of any of those things specifically). If everyone uses the template 'great intro' it stops being such a great intro.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to chatterbox24)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/29/2012 7:32:12 AM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		I'm still trying to figure out how this can even be a question. If you contact someone don't you sort of need to say why or it all becomes pointless? So isn't the format pretty obvious?

<salutation>
<welcome/hello>
<what's the point of this message>
<closing/next steps>
<sincerely Christian Gray>

How else could you possibly write an effective communication of ANY sort? How could you not know what the purpose of your own message is? I can't recall ever writing someone and not knowing why I was doing so. How the fuck could you "own a business" and not know how to do basic correspondence? I'm trying not to be snarky here. But honestly the only way I can think of that any of this could be even remotely confusing is if I was trying to mislead the other person.

I also don't get why a dominant personality would be interested in what "subs want to hear". I'm fairly certain that a lot of what I say is not what a lot of subs here "want to hear." But I can only be me and I can only have the thoughts I do -- whether or not they impose market limitations on me. I could write down the results of this thread and use them to construct the perfect sub bait cmail, but why would a dominant personality submit to random strangers in that way?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/29/2012 9:02:04 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I just read the profile. The expecting an 8 to 10 in looks would just get you labeled as shallow, and I'd move on.

As a random aside, I wonder how many 9s and 10s would say the same thing? then again, the OP is kind of cute and it's not unreasonable to want a match.


I agree that it's reasonable to want to be with someone attractive. But, he made being an 8-10 the primary criteria which means that who she is would be secondary. Some women would be fine knowing that she had been chosen for her looks. Some women would not find that palatable and would walk away.




_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/29/2012 9:37:53 AM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Id be less focused on trying to figure out what others what to hear and focus more of your attention on being who you are. When you start trying to focus just on what others want to hear, you arent being genuine. Its almost like you are lying in a way because thats not really who you are. You are just telling someone what you think they want to hear. For what? What Poise and Osidegirl said was right on the mark. See a woman for who she is as a person, not what she is. CollarMe made it pretty easy to figure out what a woman is. Its up to you to figure out who she is. What is it about her profile that appealed to you? You cant go wrong with a nice message introducing yourself and what you found interesting about what she had to say. Hopefully its what she had to say that attracted you and not just the picture she posted on her profile. Just sayin'.

Dont cut and paste. Unless you like cutting and pasting. If you do, by all means do the whole cut and paste message thing because you will get to do it a lot. When I read a message from someone and its obviously a cut and paste job (trust me, you can smell it like a fart in an elevator OR their message to you is the exact profile contents word for word), its honestly just not worth the time and energy respond. To me, it says that a person lacks creativity, they are just incredibly lazy, or they are assuming I am too stupid to notice. The first two scream boring to me and the last one just plain pisses me off. Be original, be yourself, and be genuine. You cant go wrong when you do.


(in reply to Dirk4slaveRsub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: what do you want to hear? - 11/29/2012 12:18:55 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		Oh come on trinity, why rob the universe of karmic justice for choosing specifically by their picture then finding out its a 600lb money domme or a dude with a stolen picture!

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 20
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