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ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 6:18:43 PM

daddytrace

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So far I like the bdsm lifestyle , but what are the downfalls to being a dom?

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 6:19:56 PM

littlewonder

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the same downsides to being a male, female, white, black, tall, short, etc....? Basically the same every other single human being has on the planet?

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 6:35:20 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddytrace

So far I like the bdsm lifestyle , but what are the downfalls to being a dom?

Always being in charge, the idea that we always have the right answer just because we are dominant, care & feeding of a "bad sub" is taxing, Dommes its men literally humping your leg to get any attention from a dominant, oh l ruining the fantasy that not every domme has new $1000 fetish wear & stilettos each day

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 7:07:58 PM

SailingBum

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I can't think of any

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 7:31:46 PM

JeffBC

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It's that you have to be so true all of the time.

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 8:35:30 PM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddytrace

So far I like the bdsm lifestyle , but what are the downfalls to being a dom?

I think this is going to come down to what your definition of a dom is.
In my eyes, I couldn't possibly be inspired to defer to a man that I couldn't trust,
so for doms that are cheating on their spouse, they will be burdened with a lack of integrity.

What about the bdsm lifestyle do you like?

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 8:51:57 PM

DarkSteven

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Um, it's what I AM. It's not something I have to do.

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 9:05:01 PM

RemoteUser

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I feel I have no disadvantages being a Dirty Old Man. I look lustfully at my young hottie girl, pitch a tent, and invite her to go camping. Life is good.

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 10:11:48 PM

KingVictory

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

I feel I have no disadvantages being a Dirty Old Man. I look lustfully at my young hottie girl, pitch a tent, and invite her to go camping. Life is good.

Lol yea that is great. Everything has its good and bad but so far I've been lucky not to experience the bad yet.

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 10:22:28 PM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Um, it's what I AM. It's not something I have to do.

Certainly DS. I agree totally. But man I sure can think of a whole raft of downsides to what I think of when I think of "dominance". Not that I can do anything about them but they are surely there. It's along the lines of my saying, "the only problem with beng good is that you have to be good."

I just couldn't answer the OP's question because I had no idea what he meant by "Dom"

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 10:36:47 PM

LadyPact

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I'd say the wife finding out if she isn't really on board could be a real downer.

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 10:51:12 PM

Darkfeather

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddytrace

So far I like the bdsm lifestyle , but what are the downfalls to being a dom?

Where do I start... The pay sucks, union dues are bollocks, and there are no health benefits to speak of

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 11:08:52 PM

MariaB

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Other peoples expectations of how you should be.

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 11:10:54 PM

coldslayer

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bullshitters, scaredy cats, subs that act like whiney little brats and leave 10 voicemails within 2 hours, subs who think your world revolve around them when it should be the other way around :-p, and subs who expect you to know everything as if you were a psychic with a phd in bdsm

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/28/2012 11:33:23 PM

littlewonder

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sounds like it's more the sub's problem than the dom/me's.

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/29/2012 12:29:38 AM

ARIES83

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daddytrace,
Hmm, what does being a dom involve from your
point of view?

-Aries

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/29/2012 2:34:20 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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fast reply

It's kind of like asking 'what are the ups and downs of being in a relationship?' The 'ups' are that when it works, you get an emotionally fulfilling bond with another person, support, companionship, enjoyment and mutually fun sex. You get someone who compliments your personality and strengths and relate to each other in a way that suits you both. The downs are that all relationships take a lot of work, compromise, communication and effort. And that sometimes they don't work out, which can be very upsetting for everyone involved, not to mention inconvenient if it was at the stage of living together or sharing assets.

In the interest of trying really hard to give a sincere answer, I guess one of the downsides is that there is a lot of responsibility on your shoulders with regard to safety if you do SM or bondage. The sub/bottom should be just as educated in safe practices but ultimately the top has to carry it out. Should something go horribly wrong, you will bear the brunt of the legal consequences.
Many people, especially early in their relationships or new to BDSM as a whole struggle to find what works for them in terms of style of leadership, degree of protocol, rules, structure, punishment. It takes a lot of work and investment in a person to know what things you can push and change, and what things need to be left alone.

From our experience, I know when we first started out and were trying to find our way, my husband found some days to be exhausting. Kind of like parenting, sometimes you are tempted to let things slide and take the path of least resistance even when you know consistency is the best strategy in the long run. But that is one that got easier with time - as we worked together there were less hiccups and as we both got stronger in our roles there was less need to check up and police things.

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/29/2012 6:32:46 AM

meatcleaver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddytrace

So far I like the bdsm lifestyle , but what are the downfalls to being a dom?

Having a sub, it's like being shackled to a prima donna.

The sub's list of demands which can be as long as your arm.

You're only a dom if your sub says your a dom.

Owning a sub which is the same as being owned yourself.

That being said, I don't have a sub and don't want one or at least, I'll let a sub hang around as long as she isn't interfering with my freedom to do as I please. Sorry, that's just me.

< Message edited by meatcleaver -- 11/29/2012 6:33:40 AM >

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/29/2012 6:43:40 AM

tazzygirl

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Not just you.

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RE: ups and downs to being a dom - 11/29/2012 7:18:03 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: meatcleaver
Having a sub, it's like being shackled to a prima donna.

Huh... uh whaaat? I like to pick my partners for less drama.

quote:

The sub's list of demands which can be as long as your arm.

True enough of Carol but I think of this as an upside. These are demands that I myself would wish for. you know.. "Be the man your dog thinks you are"... but in my case, "slave".

quote:

You're only a dom if your sub says your a dom.

Then you're not dominant in any way I can tell. This is "dominance as a role" rather than "dominance as a personal attribute." And even then I wouldn't agree that Carol can simply decide to disobey. She's mine as long as I can keep her mastered. It's all on me... not her.

quote:

Owning a sub which is the same as being owned yourself.

True enough on that. All possessions are like that. I like to say, "A 6' leash is 6' in both directions."

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