Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad

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Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/1/2012 11:46:53 PM

PapaDice89

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I'm still a lil confused, it seem like some girls like an asshole. Em i to nice

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/1/2012 11:53:41 PM

Shininglight23

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I'm not a Master, but I'm going to answer anyway.

I would never be in a relationship (for very long anyway) with an asshole. I would especially not let said asshole tie me up or hold my safety (read life) in his hands.

It's important to be who you are...(unless you're an asshole... then try and be nicer) If you aren't meshing with a certain girl.. move on.

Allie

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/1/2012 11:55:58 PM

masmiss

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If you are not naturally an asshole don't pretend to be one to attract women. Just stay away from the women who are attracted to assholes.

Stick around the forums and read the posts by some very experienced Doms who are successful in their relationships with sub women. No assholishness to be found among them.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 12:11:12 AM

ARIES83

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I'd say be you, and the girls who don't like it,
probably aren't the ones for you.

I'm at a point now where I'm not willing to be
anything else other than myself, and I think you
may find that when your at the point where you
wont compromise on that score, things become
less complicated.

-Aries

*that doesn't mean letting it all hangout for
everyone to see btw, more that the decisions
I make, I try to keep as true to who I think I
am as possible, but I can also relate in a way
to wanting to change yourself...

When I was younger I use to get into a lot of
fights, I was obsessed in whether or not I was
getting disrespected by people and had zero
tolerance about it...
That is the mentality of a child masquerading
as a man and I made a commitment to myself to
change that.

I came to realise, what I thought was pride to be
defended was actually just bandaged insecurity.
Dealing with that insecurity by walking away from
idiots rather than trying to constantly prove
myself is how I found true pride.

So I guess my advice is really, be yourself
but if you want to improve yourself, make sure
that the changes are for you and not for anyone
else, or for the idea that changing will get you
laid.*

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 12/2/2012 12:44:34 AM >

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 12:33:20 AM

PapaDice89

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Ok that was helofu to be honest i guess i was trying to hard lol.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 12:47:35 AM

AthenaSurrenders

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All the girlfriends I have who are attracted to bad boys and chose to enter relationships with assholes, are kinda messed up themselves. They consistently make bad relationship choices, thrive on the drama and have extremely low self-respect. These aren't the kind of people you want to be in a relationship with.

I sometimes find it hot when my husband makes a selfish demand that's all about his enjoyment - that's what I signed up for, after all. But if he was always selfish, he'd be out the door. The 'asshole' is maybe 1% of the time, and I know deep down that he is loving, cares about me, respects me, wants me to be happy.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 1:17:15 AM

littlewonder

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Put away the porn. Seriously, porn is not real life. The stereotype of a big, bad Dom/me is just a fantasy. Bdsm is no different than relationships between any ole people on the planet.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 1:18:07 AM

MissShey

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You are who you are. If you try to be someone else, then you're faking it and fakes don't get very far in this Lifestyle.

Be yourself, and look for someone who matches you. BDSM or kink alone are not enough to sustain a long-term relationship, and if you're looking for long-term then you have no choice other than to be yourself. You need to find someone you like, someone you respect, and someone you can be friends with. And they need to feel the same way about you. It's exactly the same as a vanilla relationship; the BDSM/kink is just the sprinkles on the top.

If it's casual or sessional that you're looking for then yes, perhaps you can put on a facade and play the part of a bad boy. But keep that facade up 24/7? I don't think so.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 1:49:58 AM

DarkSteven

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Your profile states "i want to take my sex life to the next level and truly take the body of woman and lift her to complete extasy."

Being a Dom means wanting to be in control. It appears that to you, the goal of said control is to get a woman off. Fine and good - just make sure that your needs get filled as well as hers.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 2:03:21 AM

littlewonder

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Ok, so basically you just want to have mindblowing sex with a woman. There are tons of women even outside of bdsm who are more than willing to want that and they are looking for nice men. Shouldn't be that hard.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 4:29:04 AM

TheWriter13

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PapaDice89

I'm still a lil confused, it seem like some girls like an asshole. Em i to nice

If you don't want to be bad don't if you want to be bad please see the following tutorial...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DOvq8FsiUE

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 5:07:47 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PapaDice89
I'm still a lil confused, it seem like some girls like an asshole. Em i to nice

Some girls like a guy who behaves like a "bad boy". Generally, they don't actually want you to BE bad, they just want you to look like it. Some girls like a guy who actually IS a "bad boy". It's best to leave the bad girls and the bad boys to self immolate together. Some girls like a guy who is like whatever you are. That's probably the kind you want to focus on.

Look... you are you. You can't be someone else. What possible difference could it make if you are "too nice" for 99% of the subs out there? If it helps you any, I really don't look or act like the BDSM porn stereotype at all including the fact that I'm not into elaborate sex (read that as no bondage, discipline, sadism or masochism). But still there are BDSM subs who are interested in me. You, at least, are into kinky sex. You're more cut from the cloth than I am.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 8:59:55 AM

MariaB

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I have been the female definition of a bad boy. It was a one sided relationship where I wasn't head over heels about the guy but he was about me. I wasn't emotionally available and that made me strangely more attractive. I think dominant men and women often give off an air of unavailability which makes people like yourself get the wrong impression.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 9:10:01 AM

JeffBC

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I wasn't talking about that exactly Maria. I was talking about genuinely bad (as in, self-destructive and destructive to those around them) people. I get it that "dominant" can also look "bad boy" -- or "bad girl" in your case :)

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 9:34:59 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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There have been numerous threads on this topic, one of which is very recent. Learn how to use the clunky CM search function, please.

I've heard it said 'you have to be mean to keep them keen.' This only works with certain types of people and since few are *really* into unrequited love, you won't hold someone that way for long.

I agree it's best to just be yourself. Having said that, every good dominant I know, male or female, has an edgy mean streak at times. It's part of being a dom. Even my kind and compassionate dom gets that 'wft is wrong with you?' look in his eye on occasion.

Please take the time to learn the difference between domineering (being an asshole) and being a good dominant. A good dominant knows him/herself well, takes care of him/herself well, and is excellent at providing leadership and guidance. It's easy to see how a good dominant inspires submission.

Assholes do not inspire submission, they inspire disgust.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 9:47:50 AM

absolutchocolat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I have been the female definition of a bad boy. It was a one sided relationship where I wasn't head over heels about the guy but he was about me. I wasn't emotionally available and that made me strangely more attractive. I think dominant men and women often give off an air of unavailability which makes people like yourself get the wrong impression.

QFT.

i've been told i'm "mysterious" and "not like other girls" when i act like this with a sub. it's not my default setting to be unattached, distant and selfish, but it's a turn on to put on this face for play sometimes.

uber-dom/mes that are mean all the time and super submissives that only want to be treated like shit are pervasive myths about this lifestyle. undoubtedly, those types exist, but we're not all like that, as you can see.

find a woman who meshes well with your lifestyle and personality and the kink will follow.

< Message edited by absolutchocolat -- 12/2/2012 9:48:02 AM >

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 12:43:10 PM

Kana

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Girls like confidence.
That, and men who can spell.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 1:46:33 PM

ChatteParfaitt

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But if I have a choice (and humble me does have), I'll take great confidence over great spelling skills every single day of the week.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 5:20:22 PM

SeekingTrinity

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No, you dont have to be an asshole to be an effective dominant. Dont become something you arent just because you think that is what a stereotypical dominant is supposed to be. Just be yourself and craft your dominance around your character, not this "weal, twue DOM" bullshit. The ones who want an asshole may not be into you, but the ones who want to be treated well will be into you. And best of all, you didnt have to sell yourself out or become something you arent.

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RE: Does Being Domm mean i have to treat her bad - 12/2/2012 5:21:09 PM

OsideGirl

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Actually, I'd say if you have to be an asshole, you're not really dominant.

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