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Where to develop myself. - 12/10/2012 8:49:40 PM

Oniw17

Posts: 10
Joined: 10/20/2012
Status: offline

So I've read some literature, and I've taken an interest in the lifestyle. I've always taken pleasure in making people do what I want. An example of this would be making someone beg or perform some menial task for a cigarette.

Anyway, I'd like to know if there's a place where bdsm is more common that I could go to experiment. Simple enough question, right?

Post #: 1

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/10/2012 8:52:45 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

You can try googling bdsm+your city. There are lots of casual gatherings for people to meet up at.
Be sure to also include TNG in your search (The Next Generation) as they are geared towards your age group.

< Message edited by poise -- 12/10/2012 8:56:55 PM >

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Oniw17)

Post #: 2

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/10/2012 8:53:58 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

From the FAQ at the top of the section (ahem):

quote:

Find Munches/Events In Your Area

To find public BDSM events in your area check the Upcoming Events section or click the link below to see what’s available in your area.
http://www.bdsmresourceguide.com/munchesandgroups.html

Also, Google is your friend. Input the name of your location and "BDSM" and you should find results. There's also FetLife (dot) com, which lists groups and events by location.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Oniw17)

Post #: 3

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/11/2012 8:49:36 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Btw, it's considered wrong to do this kind of thing unless the other person has consented to it. Doing it without consent gets you a bad reputation. So you need to talk to possible partners first if they enjoy emotional sadism and/or humiliation play. It helps if you learn what you're doing in order to know how to explain what you like and want.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 4

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/11/2012 9:51:49 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

I'd recommend you join Fetlife, find your local BDSM community, get to know real life people who do BDSM, not just wish for it and learn. From reading your profile I'd say, and I do not mean this as a put down, that you've got a LOT to learn.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 3:14:09 AM

CheeringGirl

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/15/2009
Status: offline

I've known a lot of strict Doms on my time here (mostly because I like to learn a lot before saying I want to try something) and it seems like you just want to be a dick to people to get your rocks off. I might be wrong (hope I am because that's just rude) and if I am wrong, you might want to re-write your profile.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 6

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 4:01:11 AM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Well, after reading your profile, I would start with a good therapist, one who specializes in narcissists and control fanatics....If you can find a woman who agrees to buy her own plane ticket, get a FT job when she arrives, turn over her pay check within 12 hours, be your house servant, bear your children & raise them at your demand, welcome your casual sex partners into the house she is cleaning, paying for and raising her kids in, only speak the phrases given to her by you, be your labrat and test dummy, keep herself in physical shape AND be sexually available at your command, used anyway you want for (I Forgot the number of hours you gave)....then you need to write a book and go on the lecture circuit, because millions of men worldwide would PAY to know how.

Well, I will be in touch with you again...typically your type will be writing in 6 months about all the fakes and wannabes. Why no real women have responded, asking for profile help....Please, please let us know how this works out for you!

EDIT--everything I listed is a direct quote from his profile. I did not assume or embellish any of what he was looking for including the kids or "list of phrases" his future slave would be allowed to speak.

< Message edited by TieMeInKnottss -- 12/12/2012 4:03:19 AM >

(in reply to CheeringGirl)

Post #: 7

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 4:12:21 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

One thing i am confused about is how is the sub to keep a job when she is only allowed to speak a handful of phrases to anyone other than the OP?

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 8

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 4:16:25 AM

masmiss

Posts: 494
Joined: 2/16/2009
From: New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

One thing i am confused about is how is the sub to keep a job when she is only allowed to speak a handful of phrases to anyone other than the OP?

Anything is possible in fantasyland.

_____________________________

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

-William Ernest Henley

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 9

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 4:21:42 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

OP, I read your profile. You have confused healthy relationships like BDSM with abusive relationships.

If you want to simply have an abusive relationship, contact the local battered women's shelter and ask them if they rent their women out for dates.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 10

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 5:07:58 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Well, after reading your profile, I would start with a good therapist, one who specializes in narcissists and control fanatics....If you can find a woman who agrees to buy her own plane ticket, get a FT job when she arrives, turn over her pay check within 12 hours, be your house servant, bear your children & raise them at your demand, welcome your casual sex partners into the house she is cleaning, paying for and raising her kids in, only speak the phrases given to her by you, be your labrat and test dummy, keep herself in physical shape AND be sexually available at your command, used anyway you want for (I Forgot the number of hours you gave)....then you need to write a book and go on the lecture circuit, because millions of men worldwide would PAY to know how.

Well, I will be in touch with you again...typically your type will be writing in 6 months about all the fakes and wannabes. Why no real women have responded, asking for profile help....Please, please let us know how this works out for you!

EDIT--everything I listed is a direct quote from his profile. I did not assume or embellish any of what he was looking for including the kids or "list of phrases" his future slave would be allowed to speak.

And in addition, any person who would agree to those terms would likely be a pretty messed up human being. Probably not the type of person who would be capable of raising children and holding down a full time job, and much less someone capable of a stable long-term relationship.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 11

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 5:11:05 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

OP, you want a lot, but have nothing to give in return. People who don't know any better, or base their BDSM ideas off of porn, seem to think it's all about the Dominant getting what he/she wants. It's not. The Dominant needs to be someone the submissive wants. Go figure out what that means.

Oh, and there is a difference between domestic abuse and kink. Go figure it out.

So you take pleasure in making people do what you want, so does a 2 year old. You can start developing yourself by understanding that there is much more to BDSM than what you see in porn- therefore my comments on specific things to delve into that would enhance your learning of the subject. Books you've started with, that's good. Real life events, reading here on the forums, for you mostly doing some introspection on what being a leader is will help you the most. The most profoundly kinky things are nothing about attaining skills, they are about yourself. Stop thinking it's all about you being a dick - that's not going to get you anywhere anyway - or that it's all about you period. Go figure it out.

(in reply to Oniw17)

Post #: 12

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 7:30:51 AM

CheeringGirl

Posts: 24
Joined: 5/15/2009
Status: offline

I'll say what I usually say
BDSM and sadistic relationships is not an excuse to be an abusive dick. Even with sadists there is a level of trust with it. Wanna be someone up? Hurry and get some GHB before those nifty date rape detectors become a big thing.

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 13

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 7:35:47 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Yanno, I took some Rohypnol once cuz I was trying to get date raped, but I just passed out.

It was for shit, I tell ya. That fuckin scrap don't work.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to CheeringGirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 8:08:18 AM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oniw17
Simple enough question, right?

TieMeInKnottss on this one. You should start at a good therapist.

Honestly I read your profile and the big question I came away with was "why?" Why do you think some woman would agree to the stuff you wrote in your profile? While we're at it, do you really, really, wanting to be allowing anyone who'd agree to such stuff into your personal space to start with?

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Oniw17)

Post #: 15

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 8:53:40 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

To the OP,
You are 22 years old.
No offense, but the not-so-simple biological fact is that your brain won't be "adult" until you are 25 years old- at least.

Relationships are about relating and that involves communication.
There is no shortcut to that; if you do not have good communication skills and if you have difficulty relating, the failure of the relationship will fall to you and you will find it to be a wholly frustrating and unfulfilling experience.
It won't matter that it is D/s or M/s; those are not a way around the whole relational thing.
It won't matter what your technical skills are; those are not a substitute for knowing how to inspire someone to serve you the way you want to be served.
You can not control someone through fear.

Another thing about relationships: they need to be reciprocal in some way, and within your profile, you do not present any sense of reciprocity.
There is nothing in your scenario about what is in it for your potential partner.

There is also no indication that you are responsible enough for someone to be able to trust you in order to do any of the things you require.

Absent communication and relational skills will make achieving what you want a non-possibility.

Find a therapist so that you can learn how to relate and communicate.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to Oniw17)

Post #: 16

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 8:53:55 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Oniw17

So I've read some literature, and I've taken an interest in the lifestyle. I've always taken pleasure in making people do what I want. An example of this would be making someone beg or perform some menial task for a cigarette.

Anyway, I'd like to know if there's a place where bdsm is more common that I could go to experiment. Simple enough question, right?

I would start by suggesting that you find a dictionary and read the definitions of domineering and dominant and comprehend the difference between the two. Being a Dominant doesn't mean you get to be a dick.

I would suggest that you attend some lectures and events in your local community before you ever get into a relationship with a woman....because you have absolutely no clue.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Oniw17)

Post #: 17

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 3:54:57 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Or stay as you are, continue to do things to people without consent, and find out what it feels like in a couple of years when you get to be somebody's bitch in the local penitentiary.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 18

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 4:06:15 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ
Another thing about relationships: they need to be reciprocal in some way, and within your profile, you do not present any sense of reciprocity.
There is nothing in your scenario about what is in it for your potential partner.

Ah yes... the BDSM myth. Didn't you get the memo? In a true D/s relationship it's all about the dom. I actually find that myth unfortunate but it plays strongly into the fantasies of the s-types so it keeps getting propagated.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 19

RE: Where to develop myself. - 12/12/2012 4:11:29 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Or stay as you are, continue to do things to people without consent, and find out what it feels like in a couple of years when you get to be somebody's bitch in the local penitentiary.

Will there be video? I'll bring the popcorn...

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 20

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