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Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 6:48:49 AM   
oddlots347


Posts: 91
Joined: 6/4/2011
Status: offline 		I have always had manners and been polite. I find myself from time to time when a submissive is serving me say the occasional thank you or instead of saying "get me this" I might say "would you mind getting me this" is this an issue that I need to address and work on?
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 6:53:28 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		I would think it depends on who it is you're saying it to.
Whether the Mister asks nicely or not doesn't hinder my desire to serve him.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to oddlots347)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 7:06:49 AM   
Jewelcrafter


Posts: 49
Joined: 10/26/2012
Status: offline 		I wouldn't see how being nice or considerate would be a problem. So you're nice when giving an order. It's still an order isn't it? And why nt praise a sub every now and again when s/he does a good job. Unless of course this breaks the scene.

(in reply to poise)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 8:05:25 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline 		In my opinion, you are more appealing than the guy who thinks he sounds more "Dom-like" because he calls women "sluts" or "bitch" and barks orders like "move" "get up"... I am one of the least experienced but, I view a great Dom or master the same way I would view a great general or boss-who wants to follow a bully or someone that alienates others? Just because someone is polite, appreciative of what is done for them or rarely lifts their voice does NOT make them weak or a wuss. On the contrary, I think it is indicative of someone who is comfortable being in charge, is not threatened by others power and knows how to control HIMSELF! Would you rather be the
Saddam Hussein Dom or the Jesus Christ Dom (& I am probably going to Hell for that analogy)

(in reply to Jewelcrafter)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 8:07:20 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I prize manners and use them, and also expect my sub to as well.

Edited to add: I don't consider it good or bad to do so. But it IS my preference.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 8:45:09 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oddlots347

I have always had manners and been polite. I find myself from time to time when a submissive is serving me say the occasional thank you or instead of saying "get me this" I might say "would you mind getting me this" is this an issue that I need to address and work on?


Master is almost always polite. It's one of the things I like about him. Dom does not equal cold, impersonal and rude.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to oddlots347)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 8:51:47 AM   
Inghammar


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/25/2012
Status: offline 		Don't 'fake the funk' and try to do what you think a better dom would do. It will make you feel silly.

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 8:57:37 AM   
xLaChienne


Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline 		I say please and thank you to partners.

I request, I don't need to demand.

I lead, I don't need to dictate.

What is "good" is to be consistent.

Could you really adopt a persona that isn't natural to your personality to appease a potential sub?

Is it an issue you think you need to work on?

What happens if they say no or that yes, they would mind?


(in reply to oddlots347)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 9:08:03 AM   
oddlots347


Posts: 91
Joined: 6/4/2011
Status: offline 		I have not had any say no or they would mind yet. So, far all respect who I am and the role they take when they are with me.

(in reply to xLaChienne)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 9:16:56 AM   
xLaChienne


Posts: 259
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oddlots347

I have not had any say no or they would mind yet. So, far all respect who I am and the role they take when they are with me.



Then what's the problem? ;)

(in reply to oddlots347)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 9:40:32 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


quote:

ORIGINAL: oddlots347

I have always had manners and been polite. I find myself from time to time when a submissive is serving me say the occasional thank you or instead of saying "get me this" I might say "would you mind getting me this" is this an issue that I need to address and work on?


Master is almost always polite. It's one of the things I like about him. Dom does not equal cold, impersonal and rude.



Same with Master. He says "please" and "Thank you". He opens doors for me (although that's also a control thing). He treats store clerks and waitresses with respect. He's quiet spoken. He's an absolute gentleman, until he's not.

There have been some submissives that have viewed that as not being Dominant. But, quite frankly if they think that the ideal Dominant is a domineering person...then we're not interested any way.


< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 12/15/2012 9:43:21 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 9:55:06 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		Chiming in to agree with others. Be who you are, and you will attract the right compatible person for yourself.

I love that the Mister is so polite. Doesn't change his authority on me in the slightest.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 10:00:48 AM   
oddlots347


Posts: 91
Joined: 6/4/2011
Status: offline 		I guess I am just concerned of how other people might view me, if they hear me being polite and I should not be.

(in reply to xLaChienne)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 10:11:50 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oddlots347

I have not had any say no or they would mind yet. So, far all respect who I am and the role they take when they are with me.

Lol funny how that happens when we are in charge

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to oddlots347)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 10:11:53 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I had a great play partner who was an uber-gentleman outside the bedroom and also said "Please" quite a bit during pony play, then beat me and did naughty things to me. I loved it!

IOW - polite is good (except in porn.)

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Curious about the "Sluts Vote" avatars? See http://www.collarchat.com/m_4133036/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#4133036

(in reply to oddlots347)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 10:15:02 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oddlots347

I guess I am just concerned of how other people might view me, if they hear me being polite and I should not be.

Why the hell do you care? Are any of these people going to be controlling your sub? Fucking your girl? In your relationship? No? Then who cares what they think!! Usually the ones saying "he's not dom enough" are saying that to poach your girl...food for thought huh?

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to oddlots347)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 10:23:19 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oddlots347

I guess I am just concerned of how other people might view me, if they hear me being polite and I should not be.

Oh there will always be people telling you you're doing it wrong. Pffft to that. Do what feels right to you, and be confident in it. There is no universal rule book, only the rules you make.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to oddlots347)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 10:31:46 AM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		Polite = good for me.

If my Owner never spoke to me politely and never thanked me or treated me with basic respect and decency then... well lets just say we would not be in the situation of him being my Owner.

_____________________________

Lead me not into temptation... I can find the way all by myself!

(in reply to theRose4U)
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RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 10:40:22 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U
Usually the ones saying "he's not dom enough" are saying that to poach your girl...food for thought huh?


We've had a few subs say that about Master because he says please and thank you. Somehow they have this image that a dominant is an over bearing cretin with no regard for those under him.

A good quote:

"If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Is it not good to be a considerate Dom - 12/15/2012 11:09:52 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida


quote:

ORIGINAL: oddlots347

I guess I am just concerned of how other people might view me, if they hear me being polite and I should not be.

Oh there will always be people telling you you're doing it wrong. Pffft to that. Do what feels right to you, and be confident in it. There is no universal rule book, only the rules you make.


It depends upon the relationship you have with your sub. Some subs want to be (mis)treated like slaves, some want to be best (cuddly) friends with you. I have one sub who confided one day that when I use the word "sorry" in the case where I make a mistake (correcting a grammatical error or some other oopsy moment, i.e., "Sorry, I gave you the wrong phone number to call for Chinese take-out.") he says it "ruins the moment", that he prefers the ideal that I am "the DOMINANT and therefore always right, even when in error"...therefore I shouldn't HAVE to use the word "sorry".

I'm stuck in the habit of using it around My vanilla acquaintances, but I'm also very interested in getting feedback from subs about what can take them deeper into the moment during our interactions, or make things funner for the both of us.

So as a comprimise I have substituted "FUCK IT" instead of "sorry". (For example, "Fuck it, I gave you the wrong phone number to call for Chinese take-out.") We both know I mean "sorry", but his "sensitive ears" don't get subjected to the "torture" of polite treatment. LOL.

Do what you need to do to make a happy relationship. Screw what others think.

--MM

(in reply to NuevaVida)
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