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question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/18/2012 10:52:42 PM   
blkdeviant1


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/17/2012
Status: offline 		Okay laddies i have a question and i dont want to come off rude or crass, but it is a question and this is why i joined this Forum under a new name because i am not looking for a sub/slave here.

Here is my question: Why is it that women in this lifestyle expect a deep emotional commitment, not right off the bat, and not within 6 months. But i read it all the time one profiles and it has me wondering. Usually the profile starts out good enough and inviting, but then SLAM right in your face.

I wont fuck you, i wont suck your dick, i wont submit to you right off the bat. Which i can understand there has to be trust in this lifestyle. But, me personally i never get into the BDSM aspect of any relationship i am in until we have talked at length what is expected, what is not expected and hard limits which usually takes about 2 months. But also being a man i have sexual urges, and i am not going to wait 2 months until i have sex with some one i am interested in, maybe this makes me an ass i dont know. So the question is why is it that some women will say" i wont sleep with a man until i have a deep emotional attachment to him"? Do you guys not understand men, or are you trying to mold your man into what you feel a man should be?

Again not being rude, just asking.

blkdeviant1
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/18/2012 11:05:30 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I think you made this exact post another time. Why do you think the responses would be different? Didn't understand it the first time around?

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to blkdeviant1)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/18/2012 11:38:25 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		He only has 2 posts, do you think it was under a different name, maybe?

To the OP, both men and women have needs, so it's best to find someone whose needs match your own. I for one would not have sex until I was in a committed relationship. He seemed to have no problem with that and now we have a great relationship with awesome sex, going on almost 4 years now. We've both had our share of quick fucks in life and it taught us both to be patient and let things unfold naturally.

Not wanting to wait 2 months doesn't make you an ass. Impatient maybe, but not an ass.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/18/2012 11:54:24 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

Okay laddies i have a question and i dont want to come off rude or crass, but it is a question and this is why i joined this Forum under a new name because i am not looking for a sub/slave here.


He even says he was here under a different name. I'm almost sure I recognize this. Let me look.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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Profile   Post #: 4
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/18/2012 11:55:51 PM   
dominlosangeles


Posts: 16
Joined: 9/4/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blkdeviant1

Okay laddies i have a question and i dont want to come off rude or crass, but it is a question and this is why i joined this Forum under a new name because i am not looking for a sub/slave here.

Here is my question: Why is it that women in this lifestyle expect a deep emotional commitment, not right off the bat, and not within 6 months. But i read it all the time one profiles and it has me wondering. Usually the profile starts out good enough and inviting, but then SLAM right in your face.

I wont fuck you, i wont suck your dick, i wont submit to you right off the bat. Which i can understand there has to be trust in this lifestyle. But, me personally i never get into the BDSM aspect of any relationship i am in until we have talked at length what is expected, what is not expected and hard limits which usually takes about 2 months. But also being a man i have sexual urges, and i am not going to wait 2 months until i have sex with some one i am interested in, maybe this makes me an ass i dont know. So the question is why is it that some women will say" i wont sleep with a man until i have a deep emotional attachment to him"? Do you guys not understand men, or are you trying to mold your man into what you feel a man should be?

Again not being rude, just asking.

blkdeviant1



I am not a sub woman, but I'll answer anyway.

I am a little baffled by your observation that "women in this lifestyle expect a deep emotional connection." As a dominant man, I haven't found that the emotional needs of women into BDSM are significantly different than vanilla women. And I haven't found that women here have some specific time table. We either have chemistry and a connection or we don't.

It seems the real problem is that women won't engage in sexual activities with you as quickly as you want. Such is life. They are free to set any boundaries and time limits they want; and you are free to walk away at any point. If they decide after two months they aren't willing to have sex with you, and you can't abide that, you aren't required to continue to see them.

I am not trying to offend, but my sense is the issue isn't the women, but you. From your profile and posting here, I get the sense you aren't particularly good with women and don't understand them well, so they probably become wary of you.

(in reply to blkdeviant1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/18/2012 11:59:47 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dominlosangeles


I am not a sub woman, but I'll answer anyway.

I am a little baffled by your observation that "women in this lifestyle expect a deep emotional connection." As a dominant man, I haven't found that the emotional needs of women into BDSM are significantly different than vanilla women. And I haven't found that women here have some specific time table. We either have chemistry and a connection or we don't.

It seems the real problem is that women won't engage in sexual activities with you as quickly as you want. Such is life. They are free to set any boundaries and time limits they want; and you are free to walk away at any point. If they decide after two months they aren't willing to have sex with you, and you can't abide that, you aren't required to continue to see them.

I am not trying to offend, but my sense is the issue isn't the women, but you. From your profile and posting here, I get the sense you aren't particularly good with women and don't understand them well, so they probably become wary of you.





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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 12:19:49 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Yeah, I know the original says for submissive women only. However, it's not really an orientation and/or role thing. (Always funny when a poster says chicks don't understand men when it's a man who clearly doesn't understand women.)

This is really, really simple. The reason why women say that they don't want to have sex with you before they establish an emotional connection is because they realize that your *sexual urges* aren't nearly as important to them as what they know about themselves and what they want in a relationship. Some people, Myself included, have no interest in casual sex. Getting laid is about as difficult as turning on the tap and getting a glass of water. We know ourselves well enough to recognize that sex is more fulfilling for us when there is also an emotional attachment and have no desire to settle for less.

No, you're not an ass for wanting what you want. We just want what we want, too, and your wants aren't more important than that.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 12:59:43 AM   
absolutchocolat


Posts: 1392
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blkdeviant1

Okay laddies i have a question and i dont want to come off rude or crass, but it is a question and this is why i joined this Forum under a new name because i am not looking for a sub/slave here.

Here is my question: Why is it that women in this lifestyle expect a deep emotional commitment, not right off the bat, and not within 6 months. But i read it all the time one profiles and it has me wondering. Usually the profile starts out good enough and inviting, but then SLAM right in your face.

I wont fuck you, i wont suck your dick, i wont submit to you right off the bat. Which i can understand there has to be trust in this lifestyle. But, me personally i never get into the BDSM aspect of any relationship i am in until we have talked at length what is expected, what is not expected and hard limits which usually takes about 2 months. But also being a man i have sexual urges, and i am not going to wait 2 months until i have sex with some one i am interested in, maybe this makes me an ass i dont know. So the question is why is it that some women will say" i wont sleep with a man until i have a deep emotional attachment to him"? Do you guys not understand men, or are you trying to mold your man into what you feel a man should be?

Again not being rude, just asking.

blkdeviant1



Might be easier for you if you join a site where you either a) pay to play so you don't have to worry about emotions, or b) find a woman who wants what you want. I used to be that kind of girl -- NSA-only flings and one-night stands. Honestly, it gets boring. You can only fuck strangers for so long before you want something more substantive, at least in my experience.

However, if that's all you want, it doesn't make you a deviant or a bad person. Some people want the kink without the link. That's cool. Just be clear about it in your profile without coming off as an asshole. Something like "seeking a casual/no strings arrangement" would work. Having clear boundaries with your prospective partners, and open, honest communication may help you get what you want.

(in reply to blkdeviant1)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 1:12:44 AM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blkdeviant1
So the question is why is it that some women will say" i wont sleep with a man until i have a deep emotional attachment to him"?


Why do they say that? Unless I'm missing something here, the answer is... because that's what they have decided.

quote:

Do you guys not understand men, or are you trying to mold your man into what you feel a man should be?


Again, unless I'm missing something, the answer is obvious... neither, but because they are looking for a certain type of man. If you're not that type yourself, you are free to move on to the next profile.

Pam


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(in reply to blkdeviant1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 1:27:23 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blkdeviant1

Okay laddies i have a question and i dont want to come off rude or crass, but it is a question and this is why i joined this Forum under a new name because i am not looking for a sub/slave here.

Here is my question: Why is it that women in this lifestyle expect a deep emotional commitment, not right off the bat, and not within 6 months. But i read it all the time one profiles and it has me wondering. Usually the profile starts out good enough and inviting, but then SLAM right in your face.

I wont fuck you, i wont suck your dick, i wont submit to you right off the bat. Which i can understand there has to be trust in this lifestyle. But, me personally i never get into the BDSM aspect of any relationship i am in until we have talked at length what is expected, what is not expected and hard limits which usually takes about 2 months. But also being a man i have sexual urges, and i am not going to wait 2 months until i have sex with some one i am interested in, maybe this makes me an ass i dont know. So the question is why is it that some women will say" i wont sleep with a man until i have a deep emotional attachment to him"? Do you guys not understand men, or are you trying to mold your man into what you feel a man should be?

Again not being rude, just asking.

blkdeviant1



It's nothing to do with not understanding men. It's no big secret that men like sex. It's not hard to grasp that more men enjoy casual sex than women. And it's nothing to do with molding a man - if I decide not to sleep with someone for three months, I don't imagine that would change his needs or personality at all.

What it comes down to, is that they don't want or like sex without the connection. Should they have to have sex that makes them uncomfortable or that is unsatisfying just because you are horny? I'm not about to have sex that I don't want just to impress some guy that I don't even feel any emotional ties to. And in fact, knowing that you could respect my boundaries and wait until I'm ready would probably make me feel ready sooner, since I'd see what a respectful, trustworthy guy you are.

For the record, I had sex with my now-husband about 15 minutes after I met him in person, so I'm not against jumping right into the sack. But sex is something that both people have to want - if you go into a relationship with the attitude of 'but I'm a man, I need sex right away or else you're trying to dom me' you're setting yourself up as not a very desirable sexual partner. It's like the teenager who tries to pressure his girlfriend into putting out by saying that everyone is doing it and she owes it to him for being a tease.

Also remember - a lot of the women who have 'I won't suck your dick, I won't submit on day one' in their profiles have it there because of dozens of clueless horny guys who start out with 'me dom, you sub, me get blowjob!'. Some of these women might happily have sex on the third date, but they have covered their own back and fended off the people who expect an easy shag, so they have the space to make that decision. If you meet them and start complaining about how two months is too long to wait, she's going to lump you right in with the guys in box number one, assume you are another clueless horny guy and keep their distance.

Short version: Guys who are understanding and not pushy will get more pussy in the long run. What you're saying is 'your emotional wellbeing is less important than my dick'. Can you imagine why that doesn't go down well?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to blkdeviant1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 4:30:37 AM   
HisPet21


Posts: 395
Status: offline
quote:

So the question is why is it that some women will say" i wont sleep with a man until i have a deep emotional attachment to him"? Do you guys not understand men, or are you trying to mold your man into what you feel a man should be?


I have a six month rule, although with my current boyfriend and I technically broke the rule after five months. The reason for the rule is twofold.

First and foremost, attraction for me has never been strongly physical. What gets me wet isn't how you look, its who you are and three dates into a relationship I just don't know you well enough to decide if I am attracted to you or not. Why bother having sex with someone who doesn't turn me on yet, and possibly never will?

Secondly, I am interested in a long term relationships only. I'm just not a quick fuck person; it just isn't in my DNA. So the six month rule is a sort of protection, to make sure the person who dates me is genuinely interested in who I am and not just interested in a fuck-and-run.

Listen, there is nothing wrong with wanting sex on the first date. There [i]is something wrong with expecting the masses of women on CM to bow to your domly preferences and forgo their own happiness for the sake of some guy they don't know and have no personal interest in, just because he happens to be horny. Find girls who want what you want, and don't complain about those who seek something different. Jeez.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 5:16:16 AM   
TieMeInKnottss


Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders


quote:

ORIGINAL: blkdeviant1

Okay laddies i have a question and i dont want to come off rude or crass, but it is a question and this is why i joined this Forum under a new name because i am not looking for a sub/slave here.

Here is my question: Why is it that women in this lifestyle expect a deep emotional commitment, not right off the bat, and not within 6 months. But i read it all the time one profiles and it has me wondering. Usually the profile starts out good enough and inviting, but then SLAM right in your face.

I wont fuck you, i wont suck your dick, i wont submit to you right off the bat. Which i can understand there has to be trust in this lifestyle. But, me personally i never get into the BDSM aspect of any relationship i am in until we have talked at length what is expected, what is not expected and hard limits which usually takes about 2 months. But also being a man i have sexual urges, and i am not going to wait 2 months until i have sex with some one i am interested in, maybe this makes me an ass i dont know. So the question is why is it that some women will say" i wont sleep with a man until i have a deep emotional attachment to him"? Do you guys not understand men, or are you trying to mold your man into what you feel a man should be?

Again not being rude, just asking.

blkdeviant1



What it comes down to, is that they don't want or like sex without the connection. Should they have to have sex that makes them uncomfortable or that is unsatisfying just because you are horny? I'm not about to have sex that I don't want just to impress some guy that I don't even feel any emotional ties to. And in fact, knowing that you could respect my boundaries and wait until I'm ready would probably make me feel ready sooner, since I'd see what a respectful, trustworthy guy you

Also remember - a lot of the women who have 'I won't suck your dick, I won't submit on day one' in their profiles have it there because of dozens of clueless horny guys who start out with 'me dom, you sub, me get blowjob!'. Some of these women might happily have sex on the third date, but they have covered their own back and fended off the people who expect an easy shag, so they have the space to make that decision. If you meet them and start complaining about how two months is too long to wait, she's going to lump you right in with the guys in box number one, assume you are another clueless horny guy and keep their distance.




Athena is absolutely right. The number of "disclaimers" a sub must include in their profile is ridiculous. If you don't, then every "Dom" is ordering you to contact him NOW, to meet him at XYZ now, if you are polite & respond it is (apparently) code for "I am ready to have sex now-I don't even need your real name". I have many on my own profile-not just for this reason but also to discourage the men who think I will be so blown away by them that I will not care about the "one thing we differ on" (which is usually that you aren't interested in unavailable men & they are married, or that they live 3000 miles away & you specify no cyber sex). Finally, some of it is driven by the fact a profile is kind of like an "advertisement " or a "request for offers". There are thousands of good people looking, we each know what we want & need. In "olden days", you could narrow the pool by going somewhere that would only be of interest to people like you (want nice future husband-go to church, want anonymous sex-go to "meat market" bar, want someone intelligent & interested in same things--take classes at community college or hang out in the specific aisle at the library). If the profile is too brief or "get to know each other"...you often spend a lot of time with polite chit-chat (I have had ongoing friendly discussions for months, they are long on time & short on substance because, you don't have the undivided attention of face to face, the total amount of information you can garner over 3 months emailing is sometimes the equivalent of "party small talk". Both of you than have your hopes up, and then one of you mentions that you are only looking for an occassional hook-up, or one mentions that she won't do threesomes, or that (like me) she is totally turned off by men with long hair or tattoos or anyone who is 420 or 860 (whatever that code for pot use is)friendly...people feel disappointed or feel they wasted all this time... Just take it for what it is...a person trying to cover every possible base & to give an honest view of what they want so you don't waste your time.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 5:33:17 AM   
SacredDepravity


Posts: 270
Joined: 8/6/2012
Status: offline 		So a submissive woman having personal boundaries is a red flag to you, OP? Good. That lets me know very quickly where the red flag actually belongs.

SD


(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 6:31:55 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I think you made this exact post another time. Why do you think the responses would be different? Didn't understand it the first time around?

Because this time he admitted he's only in it for his dick? He also thinks that posting a title telling the meanie doms to go away will improve his chances?

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 6:48:25 AM   
onlyfreelycaged


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Finding sex is easy. Fining play is easy.
Finding people who want the best for me? and who I want the best for them? really hard, and worth the wait.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 7:00:42 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blkdeviant1


I wont fuck you, i wont suck your dick, i wont submit to you right off the bat. Which i can understand there has to be trust in this lifestyle. But, me personally i never get into the BDSM aspect of any relationship i am in until we have talked at length what is expected, what is not expected and hard limits which usually takes about 2 months. But also being a man i have sexual urges, and i am not going to wait 2 months until i have sex with some one i am interested in, maybe this makes me an ass i dont know. So the question is why is it that some women will say" i wont sleep with a man until i have a deep emotional attachment to him"? Do you guys not understand men, or are you trying to mold your man into what you feel a man should be?

Again not being rude, just asking.




For some people, there has to be trust in their sexual life. For me personally, I don't usually get into the sexual aspect of any relationship I am in until we have talked at length about what is expected, what is not expected and hard limits which usually takes about 2 months. But also, being a woman, I have emotional urges... Do you not understand women, or are you trying to pretend a woman isn't what she is?

Not being rude, just asking.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 7:07:17 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

Okay laddies i have a question and i dont want to come off rude or crass, but it is a question and this is why i joined this Forum under a new name because i am not looking for a sub/slave here.


He even says he was here under a different name. I'm almost sure I recognize this. Let me look.

I sooo can't read. LOL.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 8:18:46 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		FR
If i am involved with emotionally I have sex. If there is chemistry I might have sex. If as a female I want to put something in my profile that says I won't have sex before committing, then I am not being truthful. But I can tell you that disclaimer might be in my profile so I won't be contacted by random men who believe that submissive means easy. I like sex. I don't like idiots. I want to want the man who touches me.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 8:56:51 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blkdeviant1
Here is my question: Why is it that women in this lifestyle expect a deep emotional commitment, not right off the bat, and not within 6 months. But i read it all the time one profiles and it has me wondering. Usually the profile starts out good enough and inviting, but then SLAM right in your face.

Don't put too much weight on profiles. The woman wrote her profile before she had any interaction with you, personally. I was on the phone once to a sub I had met on OKCupid. She had written that she would not have sex with someone for six or more dates. I told her I was really excited to meet her, but I don't play the field, and if we liked each other in person as we did on the phone, it would be hard for me to wait for six or more dates. She replied, "I wrote that so I wouldn't look like a whore on the internet. You won't have to wait that long." We met the next day, and had sex.

Make your email flirtatious but "safe," and keep red flags off your own profile, and you're good to go.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to blkdeviant1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: question for the Subs/Slaves women only - 12/19/2012 9:07:26 AM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		I'm not waiting for two months for sex either.

(Unless it's a service-only relationship where sex is off the table anyway.)

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(in reply to blkdeviant1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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