RE: The decline of collarme (Full Version)

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wandersalone -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 9:55:51 AM)

FR

taking deep breaths, must not post...must not post

[:D]



Aswad -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 9:56:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

Without attempting to discuss them here, anyone want to put up a sample of a few topics that they wish would appear here? I'd like to get a sense of what "not boring as fuck" would look like.


General BDSM:
- Body language in behavior modification and punishment dynamics.
- Ethics of consent in long term personality restructuring dynamics.
- Pitfalls when transitioning from vanilla to M/s.

Health and Safety:
- Nominations for activity resources sticky.

Gorean Lifestyles:
- Fleshing out the FW side of the equation.
- Generational sustainability.

Politics and Religion:
- Ethics of target selection in domestic terrorism.
- Canadian electoral system primer.
- Egalitarianism and meritocracy.

Off Topic:
- Semantic maps in scene jargon.
- Spanning fallacies.
- Did you know?

Not necessarily the ones I most want to see, but examples of stuff that would be interesting for me personally, though requiring more effort than I would be comfortable with under current policies (that remains what it comes back to, for me; also, the decline I think I see is related to posters having left without being replaced, primarily over moderation issues, secondarily over consequences of the moderation issues, tertiarily over social shifts).

The ones that sprang immediately to mind, though, are tangential to prohibited subjects or have been shot down in the past.

I just love wrapping my head around things, and it's nice to have my preconceptions and ideas challenged.

IWYW,
— Aswad.



NuevaVida -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 9:58:06 AM)

As for ads, I just logged into Fet and on the left of my screen was an ad to view interracial wives having sex.

Did a refresh, and there was an ad for torture tools.

A couple more refreshes gave more ads for torture gear, and a final refresh was an ad to give money to Fetlife.

Not sure how their ads are much different than here.



Aswad -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 9:58:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I realize some people see it as a moderation problem, but I think we are moderated a lot more lightly than when Mod 11 was here, and the boards were hopping back then. So I'm not so sure that's a key issue, but I could be wrong.


I'm almost certain I've had more gold letters this year than during the entirety of Eleven's career.

Note that I was not present for the meltdown.

IWYW,
— Aswad.



NuevaVida -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 10:03:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I realize some people see it as a moderation problem, but I think we are moderated a lot more lightly than when Mod 11 was here, and the boards were hopping back then. So I'm not so sure that's a key issue, but I could be wrong.


I'm almost certain I've had more gold letters this year than during the entirety of Eleven's career.

Note that I was not present for the meltdown.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


Wow, really? That's interesting (and kind of disappointing).

I know during the sock-hay-day, it was so common to call users obscene names and tell them to fuck off, etc., and I thought a lot of that was allowed. I used to report posts that went against TOS (such as those) but most of those were ignored so I stopped reporting after that. And yet, there were a LOT of people here who loved that behavior, encouraged it, and said the boards were better for it. A lot of other people flew the coop, though, I believe as a result.

Maybe moderation is tighter now, and I just haven't noticed it.



OsideGirl -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 10:05:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LizDeluxe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam
I just log straight into www.collarchat.com and I never even see the ads.


I do, too. It's been so long since I have logged in on the other side I have forgotten my password. I hope there aren't any gold bordered emails collecting dust in my inbox.



Pretty much the same here. I spend very little time on the other side and actually consider it a different entity.

As for the rest: I've been here a loooooong time. The same exact complaints were going on when I first joined this site. It's nothing new.



punisher440 -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 10:05:14 AM)

quote:

I apologise in advance Jeff as this thread is not about the mod's however my own opinion based on years of reading posts on here and other message boards is that those who whine the loudest about the big mean mod's are those who deserve what they get but lack the insight to realise this. they also tend to be the ones who complain that everyone else doesn't understand them and everyone else is wrong.


BINGO...we have a winner here.You nailed it with the above quote IMO.



Hillwilliam -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 10:05:53 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I realize some people see it as a moderation problem, but I think we are moderated a lot more lightly than when Mod 11 was here, and the boards were hopping back then. So I'm not so sure that's a key issue, but I could be wrong.


I'm almost certain I've had more gold letters this year than during the entirety of Eleven's career.

Note that I was not present for the meltdown.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


I haven't recieved one in ages but if a certain mod comes back, I'll know because I'll have one within 48 hours.



WhenLoveBeckons -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 10:38:18 AM)

quote:

Not sure how their ads are much different than here.


I can think of several reasons to explain that ... none of them flattering.

Let's start with size. Fet's ads are all thumbnails, unlike the ads here.

Then we can move on to animation ... fet's ads are not animated, unlike the ads here.

Then there is placement, like the huge ad in the middle of every profile here, whereas Fet keeps their ads in the right-hand margin, and they remain thumb-nail sized.

Rather difficult to overlook the obvious differences unless you are trying very very hard ;)

On another note ... I just have to say "Hi" to Aswad ... one of the very few people on this site who actually knew/knows how to conduct himself in a civil discussion. It was always a pleasure to exchange points of view with you.



wandersalone -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 10:41:08 AM)

fr
another topic that may have been done to death but it still would be interesting to hear peoples experiences - if you met through a kink event or website, did you start your relationship as a bdsm one from the beginning or did you slowly incorporate aspects of it as you became closer.

for the peopls who insist their female s types do not wear knickers, have you ever gone for a week without underwear and had to face the embarassing prospect when out in public of having to pull your pants or shorts out of your crack? Especially in summer (we are literally in the middle of a heatwave here so within seconds of being outside are damp with sweat)




OsideGirl -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 10:43:44 AM)

Master and I met at a BDSM social. We were friends for three years before we dated. Other than the initial dating period, it has always been a relationship based on D/s.



Hillwilliam -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 10:44:40 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WhenLoveBeckons

quote:

Not sure how their ads are much different than here.


I can think of several reasons to explain that ... none of them flattering.

Let's start with size. Fet's ads are all thumbnails, unlike the ads here.

Then we can move on to animation ... fet's ads are not animated, unlike the ads here.

Then there is placement, like the huge ad in the middle of every profile here, whereas Fet keeps their ads in the right-hand margin, and they remain thumb-nail sized.

Rather difficult to overlook the obvious differences unless you are trying very very hard ;)

On another note ... I just have to say "Hi" to Aswad ... one of the very few people on this site who actually knew/knows how to conduct himself in a civil discussion. It was always a pleasure to exchange points of view with you.

You're talking about the ads but on THIS site, www.collarchat.com , there are no ads.



WhenLoveBeckons -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 10:53:17 AM)

quote:

You're talking about the ads but on THIS site, www.collarchat.com , there are no ads.


I'm betting most people find collarchat as a result of joining collarme.

I can only assume that collarchat lacks the software necessary to run ads. Otherwise I'd expect this side to be as plastered with porn as the other side.



wandersalone -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 10:53:25 AM)

other things that would be helpful - I just had a scan of some groups such as health and safety and they have a section at the top with FAQ which is primarily about how to conduct oneself in the forum etc

With each of the groups have some threads at that TOP section that are very commonly asked questions. I would ask that they not be locked after the 3 or 6 months but instead that people with similar questions or maybe answers can all post there.

In health and safety, I would have a thread at the top about KAP, what it is, the link etc and also one about STI testing, maybe one about herpes and about HPV (often confused by people)

In general bdsm discussion - a thread at the top about mentors and the different types of mentors and include the different beliefs people have about a mentor/mentee relationship eg. no physical/sexual contact or there is physical/sexual contact
- how to find out about local events eg google munches in your area
what is a munch - explanation and a reminder that they can always contact their host if a newbie

I guess what I would hope these threads at the top of each group would do is have the most common questions all get filtered or referred to these threads rather thann people rolling their eyes at yet another what is a munch question.




Hillwilliam -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 11:07:44 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WhenLoveBeckons

quote:

You're talking about the ads but on THIS site, www.collarchat.com , there are no ads.


I'm betting most people find collarchat as a result of joining collarme.

I can only assume that collarchat lacks the software necessary to run ads. Otherwise I'd expect this side to be as plastered with porn as the other side.

They probably did find this side by joining collarme. Then, after a bit of time, they got tired of collarme for whatever reason and came to this side.
You're preaching to the choir here. This side is mostly populated by people who don't even bother with collarme any more. If you want your message to be effective, you need to get out there on the CM side where there are some people still left who can be 'saved'.



kdsub -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 11:21:59 AM)

quote:

I agree Butch. I'll point out that I noted how you "warned me off" on one thread but did so with dignity and poise rather than swagger and bullshit. Thank you.


No need to thank me I was an ass to say what I did... I have this damn temper as well... but I try to control it at least...we know some don't.

Butch



LadyPact -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 11:23:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aswad
Not necessarily the ones I most want to see, but examples of stuff that would be interesting for me personally, though requiring more effort than I would be comfortable with under current policies (that remains what it comes back to, for me; also, the decline I think I see is related to posters having left without being replaced, primarily over moderation issues, secondarily over consequences of the moderation issues, tertiarily over social shifts).



IWYW,
— Aswad.

Using this post as a springboard, rather than as a reply to Aswad in particular. (I hope you don't mind, Aswad.)

Jeff, I know you specifically asked to discuss areas that were not necessarily linked to moderation, but that is a difficult request. In My head, it's going like this:

We have fewer threads. Why do we have fewer threads? Part of that is because posters have seen a lot of threads closed, pulled, (even though the original is within ToS) and consolidated. That creates the atmosphere of 'why start threads that are just going to poof?'

No, it's not the only reason. However, it's prevalent enough that I'm seeing similar comments from various posters on enough threads that trying to discuss the matter while skipping it is almost like we are trying to ignore the elephant in the room.

I'm not saying the above to be critical of moderation. I know they work hard. It's just that, in doing so, maybe some mistakes were made recently that created a certain mentality. Getting past that needs to be a cooperated effort between posters and Mods. Posters need to see that comments made within guidelines and ToS will stay and Mods need to see that posters aren't intentionally trying to be a pain in the ass.






kdsub -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 11:30:36 AM)

quote:

Fet offers anyone the chance to build a fully-functional discussion


I am a member but do not participate very often but i am a member of many groups. What I see continually are posts deleted because of a direct request. At least here almost anything can be asked for directly without a nasty note. So I don’t see how Fet is as good as CM let alone better. Just an opinion of course.

Butch



littlewonder -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 11:52:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GothDaddyDom




Many CM members are also members of Fet and I can't recall anyone on here knocking it.
I just wish I could get the bloody thing working.


I've come across no less than a dozen comments in various threads on here disparaging Fetlife. I've seen many more that back-handedly snark at Fetlife. It's a natural occurance of competition amongst the core group/fan-base of any site.

I'd love to know what problems you are having on Fetlife. I've been a member since about a month or two after it openned. I'm sure I could help. Message me if you wish.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled rants.



I just find fetlife boring. The colors hurt my eyes. The groups rarely get people posting. I belong to about 20 groups on here and only about 2 of them have been active within the last week. Most seem to go months or years without responses or new threads. The reason for that is the reason that many people like about fetlife....that anyone can create a group. There are too many. Most people on fetlife from my experience are "yes men", meaning that everyone agrees with each other making the groups rather boring.



Aedonix -> RE: The decline of collarme (12/28/2012 11:57:21 AM)

~Fast Reply~

I have seen many issues and several good solutions such as Sticky topics at the top of each forum where the most commonly asked questions reside which are left open to new posts indefinitely, that gets rid of the repeated sub vs. slave type topics which appear every other day

I would also suggest that while WhenLoveBeckons may get some peoples fur rubbed the wrong way with the way he is choosing to say what he is saying, he is actually RIGHT. The Mod team need to concentrate more on the mobs and less on the individuals. it is those mobs who scare off the new people. If i were to walk into a bar and all the locals who spent hours very day propping that bar up suddenly got up, went to the walls and grabbed their torches and pitch forks and approached me saying "We don't know you so you aint welcome here" I would turn and leave too.. That is essentially what the mob mentality on this site does here. Yes old posters are leaving, and the new ones are being chased away too. if tha is allowed to continue this place will be dead saved for some crusty old timers who ain't happy unless they got something to complain about. and even they will get bored and leave because no new people will come in for them to chase off as CM's reputation will make sure that doesn't happen anymore. they simply give CM a skip and go straight to the likes of Fet Life etc.

as for the rest of the points brought up.. I don't feel I really have much that is useful to contribute to them as far as solutions go so I will refrain from replying to those points just for the sake of replying, but what I will say is..

The levels of topics and conversations on this forum is not something that can be fixed by one person, or even a small group. it is going to have to be something which is a group and joint effort by both the regulars and the Mod team to achieve. If you want to set a new standard then everyone has to be on the same page. The personal attacks and sniping has to cease (although good natured banter is never a bad thing and can actually ADD to a more relaxed and welcoming feeling) and the mob HAS to be disbanded otherwise that mob will drive this place into the ground.


And yes I know this account is still fairly new, and that it has very few posts to it;s credit, it is not my first by any means. I just wanted a new name. I have been around this place for well over 3 years now so have seen a fair bit.



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