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RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 9:06:23 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Angelcurvysub

Fake for me means they are not being honest-about being a Dom, being single. I have met men who claim to be Doms who clearly are NOT. I know it is part of the process. I understand it takes time with chatting, meeting ect. It is the internet lol. What really bugs me is don't tell me to call you again unless you mean it because it is really rude to not answer your phone because you are too much of a coward to be real and tell me the TRUTH. I like what DarkSteven says and I appreciate all the advice and brutal honesty. Life moves on every day every minute. I have no doubt the right Dom is out there for me. I know I have much to offer the right Dom. So my adventure continues and that's ok!!



How in the heck are men clearly not Doms? Are you a Dominance licensing board or something? You are meeting these men and assessing their Dominance according to some testing procedure? I mean we all have our own subjective opinion about what makes a Dominant or a submissive and that's all it is - our own opinion. Do you like Frosted Miniwheats for breakfast? I do. I think everyone should eat them, but they don't, and they call what they choose to eat breakfast anyway! The nerve. While we're at it I'd like to say that everyone should stop driving under the speed limit - I don't think they can call themselves a driver if they don't drive the posted speed limit. I mean it bothers me, so it must be true that every person who drives slower than I do is a fake driver.

So what you're saying is that you keep meeting men who aren't a fit for you....well welcome to life!! Why are you so incredibly disappointed that this keeps happening to you, to the point that there are multiple threads on the very same subject? It's never going to change. You are going to keep meeting people that aren't right for you- it's a process to find someone, not an instant gratification on the basis of a label. If it were that freaking easy there would be a lot less frustrated people on this site.

If they don't answer their phone to talk to you anymore it's because they've decided that you are not a match for them. Move on. It's not going to happen that people will all man up and do what you want them to do, you've heard this for ages now, isn't it time to finally accept that your standards of living are not universal?

This is your third or fourth thread with the same topic. If you want to jump into the dating world of CM then you'll have to deal with carefully evaluating each prospect to see if they are a match for you- there are no shortcuts. Would you be happy with a Dom cardboard cutout anyway? If you want a human being then you have to take some time to see what that person is, and what they bring to the table - it's not a just add water type of thing. Then realize that they have the SAME right to do the same process with you, and you might not measure up to what they want.

It sucks when people reject you and don't call or answer anymore, however we all get the right to veto someone. Dating is hard, it's tough, it hurts damn it all. If it's too much for you, no one would think you were wrong to just sit out for a while. I am. I can't handle it right now so I'm just laying low till I feel stronger.

(in reply to Angelcurvysub)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 9:07:55 AM   
FreeFromSin


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/3/2012
Status: offline 		That's all there seems to be is fake, phoney, deceitful, lying, no good, fraudulent, people.

I had two blind dates on F e t L I f e, and two from Collar Me. Had second dates with three of the four. Two were super generous, all four seemed charming, but after getting to know them, like through the sites, e-mail, text, telephone, they all disappointed. Were not whom they pretended to be initially. Ultimately, none were true Masters (grant it one was a subbie slave).

It is very discouraging. You cannot trust people.

_____________________________

The Cat's Meow.

(in reply to JeffBC)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 9:11:19 AM   
Okeanos


Posts: 62
Joined: 9/1/2011
From: Athens, Greece
Status: offline 		*sigh*, read what lizi wrote above.

(in reply to FreeFromSin)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 9:11:46 AM   
TheLilSquaw


Posts: 2340
Joined: 10/24/2012
From: Middle River, MD
Status: offline 		FreeFromSin

So because they are NOT compatible with YOU they are not real masters? Lol
Here is a thought, perhaps they think you aren't a true slave. (yes I'm being sarcastic)

Geesh.

(btw.. wtf is a true master?)

ETA... Dating sucks rocks. It's hard fucking work. It's expensive.
Simply because someone takes you out on a date doesn't mean they think you are suitable for a relationship. Dating is a weeding out process. It's a get to know you time. Don't assume that because someone takes you out on a date, or several dates they wanna wife you, have kids with you, ect.

If after a date or 2 they don't contact you back. Ya know that means they realized for what ever the reason they were no longer interested.

It doesn't make them FAKE.
It doesn't mean they were not who or what they claimed.

It simply means.. They were not that into YOU.



< Message edited by TheLilSquaw -- 12/30/2012 9:15:15 AM >

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(in reply to FreeFromSin)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 9:14:49 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		FR

On this subject there is always one thought that comes to mind. Just as when I see people I know in my personal life complaining about alllllllllllllll of the horrible people they've been in relationships with.

All of those terrible meets/relationships/etc. have one thing in common.......YOU.

If you've had a string of bad relationships, bad online contacts, then you need to look at YOUR filters. How you choose people.

Every single person I've met from the web was pretty much exactly what I expected. Even when I was making an attempt to fool myself into believing they were something they were not. I alone, am responsible for the quality of people I meet and choose to have in my life.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to FreeFromSin)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 9:21:57 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Obviously, fake is anyone who won't blow me.



I mean, isn't that answer apparent to all

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HST

(in reply to TheLilSquaw)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 9:22:27 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FreeFromSin

That's all there seems to be is fake, phoney, deceitful, lying, no good, fraudulent, people.

I had two blind dates on F e t L I f e, and two from Collar Me. Had second dates with three of the four. Two were super generous, all four seemed charming, but after getting to know them, like through the sites, e-mail, text, telephone, they all disappointed. Were not whom they pretended to be initially. Ultimately, none were true Masters (grant it one was a subbie slave).

It is very discouraging. You cannot trust people.


Oh for crap's sake. Holy freaking hell...YES, THERE ARE DECEITFUL PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. HOLY HELL, CALL THE NEWS! Let's take up a charity for all the wronged female submissives on here. Just for the record, it's on YOU to find someone that you match with.

Does everyone understand now that you cannot trust people that YOU DO NOT KNOW? Which is why you get to know them.

Where is personal responsibility? FreeFromSin, aren't you responsible for yourself? Don't you need to put in some work to know that the people you deal with are suitable for you? It's on you to judge if someone is right for you or not, it's no one else's job. Therefore you have to meet people and proceed cautiously and then discard if need be according to what your own needs are. These horrible people you met might be perfect for someone else.

If you are going out on blind dates that sounds pretty irresponsible to me. Man up and take some time to get to know someone and be more selective...it's on you, not them.

(in reply to FreeFromSin)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 9:24:06 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		The age of absolving oneself of all personal responsibility.

It is ALWAYS everyone else's fault.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 9:31:07 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

The age of absolving oneself of all personal responsibility.

It is ALWAYS everyone else's fault.


Oh FFS, I am so dead tired of that. If you want to be fulfilled it takes work on YOUR part- you in the general sense, not you LaT. Whining that everyone isn't give you what you want on a silver platter is so old. It's everyone else's fault, they all are meanies who don't label themselves correctly because I am too flipping lazy to look beyond the label and see what someone is like. It seems that the world stops when some of these people are disappointed...heaven forbid. You know, life is hard, then you die.

Things are what you make of them. There is almost always a correlation between value and the time/effort you put into something.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 9:36:54 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Yep.

And it's not limited to BDSM, D/s, M/s, romantic relationships, etc...

It seems to be a plague infecting the humanity of first world societies.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 9:48:09 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		No, it's not limited to personal relationships. I see it in school, "I didn't get an A!", well do what I did you idiot and stay up all night studying, for a week, and your grade might be different. People getting incensed over unrealistic expectations in any area, it's just crazy. If they put half the effort they put into complaining into obtaining what they want, then they'd get somewhere.

I think if people took the stance that their lives are under their direct control and they are the ones responsible for the things that they want, then they'd be happier. A litmus test is that any time something disappoints you...look at it closely and see what YOU can do differently. After all, you can't change what happens around you, so change the things that you can. Seems so simple.

Working for things is not just on Dominants, it's for submissives too. Don't freaking expect things to fall onto your plate because someone other than you is supposed to put them there. I get so frustrated with the passive cop-out that submissives use. Life is an active process, stand up and do something about getting where you want to be instead of sitting on your tush. I"m a submissive, I'll be damned if I think the perfect Dominant is going to fall into my lap.

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 10:15:55 AM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FreeFromSin

That's all there seems to be is fake, phoney, deceitful, lying, no good, fraudulent, people.

I had two blind dates on F e t L I f e, and two from Collar Me. Had second dates with three of the four. Two were super generous, all four seemed charming, but after getting to know them, like through the sites, e-mail, text, telephone, they all disappointed. Were not whom they pretended to be initially. Ultimately, none were true Masters (grant it one was a subbie slave).

It is very discouraging. You cannot trust people.


*snort*

This does not sound decitful to me.  It sounds like dating. 

On the first couple of dates people are on their VERY best behavior.  They put their best foot forward.  They avoid certain topics (politics, religion, and sports comes to mind.)

After the first few dates they start to loosen up and show more of their foibles.  More of their own self, perhaps?  They go beyond the surface.   

This is what you were turned off by. 

Think about how much time you spend getting ready for your first date with someone versus how much time you spend getting ready for your 50th date with someone.  Does this make YOU deciteful?

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

(in reply to FreeFromSin)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 8:09:17 PM   
FreeFromSin


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/3/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks for the food for thought. Some folks were thoughtful and tactful. Some were just mean in this thread.

I just happened to have had dates with odd people (the subbie slave excluded; he was a sweet-pea).

The three Doms were complete a_s_oles.

I meant what I wrote: they were deceitful, strange, liars, pretenders, con-artists, and fake.

A fake, phoney, fraudulent person cannot fool me for long, luckily I am extremely intuitive.

My sun and moon are both in Pisces. I refuse to sell myself shortage.

Beauty and brains deserves a TRUE Master, not the fake ones I encountered. By the way: I dumped all four.

_____________________________

The Cat's Meow.

(in reply to Aylee)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 10:07:12 PM   
tidbit5021


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/26/2012
Status: offline 		I've met most of the men I've dated-vanilla or Top/Dom--since I got divorced through internet dating sites. I've met great guys, a couple of really good friends, and had lots of great dates.

It was only because we weren't compatible, not because anyone was a "fake." Okay, there were a couple of "WTF?" dates but generally my experiences have all been good.

OP: You mention that it bothers you when your date suggests you call him, but then he will not answer/return your calls. What if you simply wait to see if he calls you instead? This way you will know if he is still interested and, in the meantime, you can focus your energy on getting out and meeting other people and doing things you love.

(in reply to FreeFromSin)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 10:25:34 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		so all you guys who say everyone is a "fake" from online, before you started meeting people from online, were they all fakes too? When you met them at the bar and took her home to fuck for the night, but because she didn't respond to you the next day or she didn't give you her real phone number, was she a fake?

When you smiled at her across the room but she didn't respond in the same, was she a fake?

When he took you out to dinner but didn't give you a kiss afterwards, was he a fake? When he didn't take you out to as fancy a place as you thought he would, was he a wannabe man?

I'm always curious about that.

Or could it perhaps just be that they were not the man or woman for you?? Shocking huh?


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to tidbit5021)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/30/2012 11:45:33 PM   
stellauk


Posts: 1360
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FreeFromSin

A fake, phoney, fraudulent person cannot fool me for long, luckily I am extremely intuitive.

My sun and moon are both in Pisces. I refuse to sell myself shortage.



And yet you went out and met them on dates and ended up disappointed.

Ever considered that it might be six of one and half a dozen of the other here - in that you meet people who are trying to fool you because you're fooling yourself?

_____________________________

Usually when you have all the answers for something nobody is interested in listening.

(in reply to FreeFromSin)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/31/2012 5:28:32 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		And OP, some of us really REALLY enjoy being mean.

Fancy that.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to stellauk)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/31/2012 5:28:46 AM   
FreeFromSin


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/3/2012
Status: offline 		No chance of that. According to Collar Me, and F e t L I f e, I am the most honest, trustworthy, true, genuine person alive.

I know just what I want, and just what I do not want.

I do not want: fake, phoney, fraudulent, false, lying, pretend Doms and Masters.

They are worthless, weak, and silly. If you're not a real, true man, then you shouldn't pretend to be someone you aren't.

The Holy Bible says, "There's a fool wrapped around every corner."

Fortunately, I have common sense, human decency, and street smarts to know the differences between a Real Master and a phoney-bologne.

_____________________________

The Cat's Meow.

(in reply to stellauk)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/31/2012 5:38:25 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Your words here are making you out to be a fool.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to FreeFromSin)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: How to filter the fakes? - 12/31/2012 7:11:09 AM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Wow, I gotta look into this thing of a website telling me what I am...

Hun, you really need to step back and evaluate what you have said here, you are saying you can't be decieved but yet you are meeting men you are not compatible with. Clearly you are not being clear and upfront about what YOU are looking for and leading men on...

eta for a missing word

(in reply to FreeFromSin)
Profile   Post #: 80
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