|
WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Abuse in the community (1/1/2013 12:31:31 AM)
|
OP, I'm sorry your first experiences with BDSM was so unpleasant. I hope that you are able to work through and past the negatives and find healing.
Personally, I haven't seen a lot of abuse in the community, though I have seen a lot of player's remorse, where the top and bottom were doing exactly what was negotiated - but the bottom suffered emotional issues afterwards, no blame or fault of the Top.
I've seen marriages break up and the 'slave' cry abuse in court and bring up M/s aspects of the relationship in an attempt to leverage power in divorce proceedings.
I've seen good hearted and respectable dominants maligned by submsissives who were happy in the relationship but pissed off in the break-up.
I've seen manipulative bottoms/slaves/submissives play the victim card and rally the community to her rescue - usually maneuvering herself into a new household only to pull the same tactic on her 'rescuer.'
I say the above, because there are so many different horror stories that might be told around the BDSM campfire, but when the actual story is told there was more to the situation than was shared.
Like Entrypos stated, there are abusive predators hiding under the BDSM umbrella. Definitely. I've seen them, and have personally been involved in an organization that helped in just such a situation (Immediate Family for anyone who might recall it.) I wish the organization had been managed better, and was still around.
I'm not a fan of the save-a-sub victim mentality, as I've seen it horribly abused and good people irreparably maligned because of angsty submissives. Honestly, I'm more inclined to feel that dominants need more protection than the submisssives. That is hard for me to say because I am a HUGE advocate against domestic violence and know first hand just how devestating the cycle of abuse can be.
I'm tired and feel as if I'm not making as much sense as I'd like and not expressing my experience and thoughts effectively. I think I'll go to bed and try to clarify later.
Please do not be offended or hurt by my post, it was not intended as an attack on you and your intentions.
|
|
|
|
