RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (Full Version)

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SacredDepravity -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 10:45:17 AM)

Let's see. Prospects right now are lined up maybe 12 thick. Doing okay here.

SD



phxgydnar -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 11:19:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
LA has a ton of events and a large community. If you attend you'll meet tons real people. /quote]

I wish PHX had as much as you have in LA!
Googling, I can only find APEX here in Phoenix.

Googling some more, I find these fetish personals sites (and my initial assessment).
1. Collarme (seems like 90% of the profiles are bogus but the 10% that appear real are all that I need)
2. Bondage.com (seems like a copy of collarme upon initial inspection
3. Alt.com (seems to be way off the deep end for me)
4. Fetlife (seems to have mostly group activity & local gatherings)

Did I miss any?
Can someone who actually knows (I'm just guessin') flesh out the one liner for each site above?



JeffBC -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 11:21:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
OP, you're thinking of this as a linear process using a single site to find a profile, initiate contact, and then meet. I don't.

Oh! I like this answer a LOT. It kind of correlates with how it works for me.

In my entire life I have never set out to find a partner. I just live my life. I go through my day every day and during it I meet people. Some of those people are women. Some of those women I like. Of those, some like me too. For me, finding a partner is more like sitting perched on a rock in a stream and scooping up a leaf that's drifting by. There are LOTS of leaves. They're always drifting past. I just need to actually see them.

I imagine that if I wanted to add a third or, god forbid, needed to replace Carol, that's how it would work. I'd find some woman in my life... maybe from here... maybe elsewhere... maybe kinky... maybe vanilla. She would almost certainly already be in my life... likely a friend. Men who talk about how hard it is to meet women confuse me. There are 3.7 BILLION of them on the planet. How hard can it be? I kind of just bump into them constantly.

Putting the extra qualifier of sub/slave doesn't really change much in my mind. Pretty much 90% of humanity fits that description from my standpoint so I still have 3.3 billion candidates to choose from. It's the other stuff like "honesty", "strength", "courage", "integrity" that might make it difficult.

So, OP. My advice would be go live a dynamic, interesting, engaged life. As you're doing that, actually SEE the sea of humanity around you. CARE about them. I suspect you won't have a hard time finding a partner if you can manage that.



ccc3333 -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 11:23:42 AM)

I compared it to plenty of fish because i had huge success on that site in the past.

If i had wanted to on that site, i could get 5 numbers a day... what i'm saying is there are less targets here.

I get the fact that this arrangement isn't like plenty of fish and it requires a much more specific focus... therefore there is more screening and time spent qualifying prospects.

Nonetheless, the amount of prospects pale in comparison, hence why i must go face to face. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyramus


quote:


in an area like LA, there are probably 200 or so females in LA right now that i can search that fit my criteria...


199 of which are fake.


Honestly, LA has a ton of events and a large community. If you attend you'll meet tons real people.

Bitching about the fakes on a website when you live in the LA area is like bitching about the driving experience of "Need for Speed" while you have a Ferarri parked in the driveway.




TheLilSquaw -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 11:26:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyramus


quote:


in an area like LA, there are probably 200 or so females in LA right now that i can search that fit my criteria...


199 of which are fake.


THAT is such a falst statement Pyramus.
I lived in LA, the fetish scene there is HUGE.
Lifestyle clubs, private fetish parties, munches.

Holy shit balls!
The scene there is one of the few things I miss.

If all you are encountering in LAs bdsm scene are fakes, or people you deem to be fake.
Perhaps it's YOU that you need to look at.




TheLilSquaw -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 11:31:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

I compared it to plenty of fish because i had huge success on that site in the past.

If i had wanted to on that site, i could get 5 numbers a day... what i'm saying is there are less targets here.



Silly Question.
If you had so much success on big fish then why are you still single yet alone here looking?





ccc3333 -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 12:12:59 PM)

Because those are primarily vanilla women, and what i deem success as is, actual people responding, and actual dates happening, in fact right now i am talking to a girl who i could potentially do a sub dom thing with, but idk, not sure yet... point is, on there in 2 weeks i can find at least 1 quality person... on here in 1.5 i haven't had the same luck... i have a lot going for me... however, the amt of prospects in my opinion is just too low on this site, however, the few that are on this site, i will still take a shot at if they meet my criteria.
C
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw


quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

I compared it to plenty of fish because i had huge success on that site in the past.

If i had wanted to on that site, i could get 5 numbers a day... what i'm saying is there are less targets here.



Silly Question.
If you had so much success on big fish then why are you still single yet alone here looking?







TheLilSquaw -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 12:19:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

Because those are primarily vanilla women, and what i deem success as is, actual people responding, and actual dates happening, in fact right now i am talking to a girl who i could potentially do a sub dom thing with, but idk, not sure yet... point is, on there in 2 weeks i can find at least 1 quality person... on here in 1.5 i haven't had the same luck... i have a lot going for me... however, the amt of prospects in my opinion is just too low on this site, however, the few that are on this site, i will still take a shot at if they meet my criteria.
C



Your here a WHOLE 2 wks and are upset because you haven't found a partner? Lol
Dude.
Seriously!

Why do people like YOU assume that relationships are like fast food and should be ready in seconds flat.


ETA: Many people read the posts that people make and if all they see is whining or ranting they RUN. I don't care what you put in your profile or what photos you post.



ccc3333 -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 2:25:33 PM)

Nah i'm upset that i have had about 6-7 10 message bites, but when i move to close the deal, we do yahoo messenger or kik messenger, then theyll just dissapear... it's as if this site was just a phase for 2 days and they just got scared... it's crazy this happened with two diff girls.. who haven't logged on for the last 6 days... both 20-28... with picture and pretty attractive. On POF, if i'm really on i could date a different girl who i am at least physically attracted to every day (i would never do that, but i'm telling you thats the kind of numbers that are on there). The only thing im upset is that it seems like because kink is semi-controversial, the combination of less prospects and less social acceptance aka more tabboo, seems to make it a lot tougher just to get to the "talking on the phone" stage.

Chris
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

Because those are primarily vanilla women, and what i deem success as is, actual people responding, and actual dates happening, in fact right now i am talking to a girl who i could potentially do a sub dom thing with, but idk, not sure yet... point is, on there in 2 weeks i can find at least 1 quality person... on here in 1.5 i haven't had the same luck... i have a lot going for me... however, the amt of prospects in my opinion is just too low on this site, however, the few that are on this site, i will still take a shot at if they meet my criteria.
C



Your here a WHOLE 2 wks and are upset because you haven't found a partner? Lol
Dude.
Seriously!

Why do people like YOU assume that relationships are like fast food and should be ready in seconds flat.


ETA: Many people read the posts that people make and if all they see is whining or ranting they RUN. I don't care what you put in your profile or what photos you post.




seekingreality -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 3:45:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

Just wanted everyone's thoughts on how Collarme stacks up on effectiveness and function.

I have a fetlife profile and i find it almost impossible to find anyone on there , they don't have a search or anything.

Thoughts everyone :)

C



The basic purpose of Fetlife is different. Collarme, by and large, is a dating site designed to help people connect with potential partners, Fetlife is a social site, primarily aimed at creating forums and groups for people with the same interests to talk and to alert people to events.

You can search Fetlife. It's just not as easy. You can search by things such as city name. And you can find groups like Los Angeles kinksters and then go through the profiles of members. It takes more time and effort. The benefit to that is people aren't inundated with emails on fetlife like they are here.

But Fetlife purposely makes it difficult to search, because they don't want to become a dating site. And as a result, they don't have anywhere near the same number of scammers and pros as collarme does.

An interesting result is people who have profiles on both sites will often posts more photos and more revealing photos of themselves on Fetlife because they don't perceive it as a web site that's open to everyone like collarme is.



littlewonder -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 3:49:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

Just wanted everyone's thoughts on how Collarme stacks up on effectiveness and function.

I have a fetlife profile and i find it almost impossible to find anyone on there , they don't have a search or anything.

Thoughts everyone :)

C


I've never met anyone from fetlife but that's because I never used fetlife to meet people and I rarely ever frequent there. The only people I talk to over there are people I know in real life and I've been friends with them for over 15 years and to check up on real life events in our area.

I've met tons of people from here though and bondage.com and match.com and plentyoffish.com, etc.....you make the most of whatever site you are on, be it this one or fetlife.


ETA: two weeks is a drop in the bucket. It took me 8 years of being single to find Master on here and I have been on this site since it's first day online. Dude, most have been on here for years and are still single. Do you find it that easy to find a long term relationship in real life? If so then I'd say there's a reason why you are having such difficulties.

If all you're searching for though is something casual, I'd say stop replying to the 18-25 year old hotties.





seekingreality -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 3:53:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

Nah i'm upset that i have had about 6-7 10 message bites, but when i move to close the deal, we do yahoo messenger or kik messenger, then theyll just dissapear... it's as if this site was just a phase for 2 days and they just got scared... it's crazy this happened with two diff girls.. who haven't logged on for the last 6 days... both 20-28... with picture and pretty attractive. On POF, if i'm really on i could date a different girl who i am at least physically attracted to every day (i would never do that, but i'm telling you thats the kind of numbers that are on there). The only thing im upset is that it seems like because kink is semi-controversial, the combination of less prospects and less social acceptance aka more tabboo, seems to make it a lot tougher just to get to the "talking on the phone" stage.



Reality check: those attractive 20 year olds may actually be a guy or a 60-year-old grandmother who just wanted someone online fun. So they email, they do the messenger thing and then disappear when you push them to talk on the phone because they never intended to talk to you on the phone.




MistressSara7 -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 11:14:58 PM)

I think CM is more vanilla compared to FL, meaning it seems people on CM are not as open to a lot of other fetishes. Both sites have their good and bad.



Pyramus -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/30/2012 11:53:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLilSquaw
THAT is such a falst statement Pyramus.
I lived in LA, the fetish scene there is HUGE.
Lifestyle clubs, private fetish parties, munches.
If all you are encountering in LAs bdsm scene are fakes, or people you deem to be fake.
Perhaps it's YOU that you need to look at.


Just to clarify, I didn't say the scene in LA was fake - I was just joking about the Collarme profiles being fake, which will directly affect the OP's prospect of finding a date (keeping on topic).

Of course, I wasn't trying to be accurate when I said 199 of 200 female profiles were fake - as much as I was just making a point with humor that the sheer number of profiles doesn't mean there are actually that many 'available' partners for the OP to date.

Regarding the scene OUTSIDE of Collarme, I'm out here in the San Francisco Bay Area and not in the LA area - but I can tell you the munches out here are great (e.g., Southern Cross is one of the best although the San Jose and Palo Alto munches are fine) - and the Citadel was fine (haven't been there in a long while) and Edges was great (Alex and Allie had to shut down in San Jose) and the backdrop club is good for a few visits.

To the OP, who asked how collarme stacks up in effectiveness, the problem is that 90% of the people you contact here who you 'think' are real, are something altogether different. So your mileage will vary. Who knows why people post fake profiles but all you need to do is past the picture into a google reverse image search and you'll find the vast majority taken from a porn site (even the normal looking ones).

However, I doubt it's any different anywhere else - so - as I said in a different thread, men hunt - so happy hunting. It's what it means to be a man.



ccc3333 -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/31/2012 1:20:00 AM)

Some no doubt probably were, but a few had an instagram with years of pictures. It's weird they are so into it... and then they dissapear, it's as if they weren't really seeking it for real, just wanted to get the experience sort of like a "chat one night stand " with kink lol

C
quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality


quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

Nah i'm upset that i have had about 6-7 10 message bites, but when i move to close the deal, we do yahoo messenger or kik messenger, then theyll just dissapear... it's as if this site was just a phase for 2 days and they just got scared... it's crazy this happened with two diff girls.. who haven't logged on for the last 6 days... both 20-28... with picture and pretty attractive. On POF, if i'm really on i could date a different girl who i am at least physically attracted to every day (i would never do that, but i'm telling you thats the kind of numbers that are on there). The only thing im upset is that it seems like because kink is semi-controversial, the combination of less prospects and less social acceptance aka more tabboo, seems to make it a lot tougher just to get to the "talking on the phone" stage.



Reality check: those attractive 20 year olds may actually be a guy or a 60-year-old grandmother who just wanted someone online fun. So they email, they do the messenger thing and then disappear when you push them to talk on the phone because they never intended to talk to you on the phone.






LadyPact -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/31/2012 1:59:55 AM)

I'm almost willing to bet I'm going to get some flack for writing the following post. For the record, I'm not saying it's going to come from your direction, OP. I'm just trying to give you an honest opinion. I don't expect everyone to agree with it.

OP, you're playing a whole new ballgame on this site, rather than a place like Plenty Of Fish. You're used to your physical appearance, charm, and intelligence being what women are using as their prime criteria when looking at guys on the internet. A splash of kink on a place like PoF? OOOOhhhh. How exciting for chicks in your age group!

Here, that's not enough. This site is very focused on long term authority dynamics AND topping skills for a significant group for search criteria. Somebody who has been studying and practicing shibari for a decade is going to trump 'I like to tie girls to the bed' when it comes to a bondage bunny. From the threads you are posting, I get the impression that you are a hit it and quit it kind of guy. No ties to your local kink community. No mention of any relationship skills.

Dude, you are the jock who has always gotten by on his looks and sports abilities who is now lost because research and development are more important to the status quo.



everhope -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/31/2012 3:46:49 AM)

ccc3333,

Lady Pact was not the only one who had the same first impression of you. it was mine also.

my suggestion is your highest chances of finding a sincere girl on CM is to stick around the forums and participate in the discussions.
post silly shit in Random Polls and snippets....most girls like a man with a sense of humor.
through your posts make potential girls want to know more about the man behind the keyboard. there are lots of people who lurk the forums, but never post.
personally, a man with a profile pic as yours is a big turn off, but then i am not in your age target group.



lovethyself -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/31/2012 4:12:33 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

Nah i'm upset that i have had about 6-7 10 message bites, but when i move to close the deal, we do yahoo messenger or kik messenger, then theyll just dissapear... it's as if this site was just a phase for 2 days and they just got scared... it's crazy this happened with two diff girls.. who haven't logged on for the last 6 days... both 20-28... with picture and pretty attractive. On POF, if i'm really on i could date a different girl who i am at least physically attracted to every day (i would never do that, but i'm telling you thats the kind of numbers that are on there). The only thing im upset is that it seems like because kink is semi-controversial, the combination of less prospects and less social acceptance aka more tabboo, seems to make it a lot tougher just to get to the "talking on the phone" stage.

Chris


There is also the fact that on POF you are talking to (for the most part) vanilla women. On CM, you are talking to kinky women. There are a lot of guys on here that will message a girl, thinking that kinky means easy, or that they can just be a pushy asshat and it will get them laid. Not saying that's you, but if you aren't that type, you still have to compete with them for a girls attention.

There is also the safety factor (at least for me, I can't speak for others). Because there is the potential power dynamic, and not every Dom on here is a good, safe, sane Dom, I would want more time chatting online and messaging so I can assess whether I would feel safe and comfortable meeting him, and not just jump right into 'Let's go grab coffee, here's my number.'

Oh, and I like LadyP's comment about bondage bunnies. If you're going to tie me up, I want to know that you either know what you are doing, or willing to learn the safety aspects of it. I doubt that most of the girls on POF that would be turned on by it actually know much about safe ways of doing it. But, again, that's just my opinion, not based on fact.



kalikshama -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/31/2012 5:48:50 AM)

quote:

Sixth- Sure i may be semi-new to this scene, but what is funny is you think that someone that has experience can satisfy another better than me.... i disagree. Because i am a student of the game. I don't just randomly do things, in this kind of dynamic there is a method to it.
Seventh- I don't have to be a part of the physical community to be kinky, so don't judge me seriously.


Men tell me all the time that they have experience. I want something more concrete, and if a man can say that he's active in the local community, or better yet, has given demos at BDSM events, that's a major plus. Sure, I've met men with much talent but little training, but I'm more likely to take a chance on someone who can back up his claim of experience.

I also get messages like this one from OKCupid, after I politely told someone he didn't have the experience I sought:

How rude to understatement my sexual abilities. .... I'm 6' 2", 200lbs, and have a thick 7inch cock, it's curved to hit the g spot. On top of that, a rock hard 6pack. And I can go for hours without cumming, or I can cum multiple times while staying erect.

That may be fine for vanilla chicks, but does nothing for me. Give me a sadist over a six pack every time!



Hillwilliam -> RE: Is Collarme . com the best place to find a Sub/Slave in the US? Thoughs..? (12/31/2012 6:36:25 AM)

I've met a few people from here and also a few from FET.
Possibly the reason it's about equal is that I live in the sticks. Here, I can use the search function and find folks within a certain area and I won't be overwhelmed with thousands of profiles within say 50 miles.
On FET, I just joined the local groups and started talking to people and going to meets. As there are only something like 3 active groups within 50 miles, that makes the sorting easy.
Many years ago, I had good success with alt but around here at least, alt has gone down the tubes. The last search I did a year or so ago only found a dozen or so active f sub profiles within 50 miles. They brag about their bazillions of members but how many of them actually log onto the place on a weekly basis and how many of them say "over 3 months"?



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