RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (Full Version)

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seekingreality -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 12:25:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl


quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSMtortured

I have gone with a friend that was meeting somebody for the first time. She would get a description of his Automobile, plate number, and a description of a picture of him.
There's no way in hell I'd give a stranger a description of my car and plate number. You might as well give that person your home address.



I wouldn't either, but frankly this is bothj a buyers/sellers market and man/woman thing. If you are a woman who is inundated with emails, and consider yourself the buyer, you can set any criteria you want. A certain percentage of men will probably agree, because generally it's harder for a man to get a meeting with a woman from online than the other way around. I suspect a very small percentage of women would provide this information, but probably a good percentage of men would because: (1) they want the meeting more and (2) they are generally less concerned than a woman will be a physical threat than a woman is concerned a man could be a threat.



Winterapple -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 1:12:31 PM)

I've met guys without seeing a pic. They were all
attractive or average looking guys.
They were also all guys with careers,
some standing in their communities and
and fathers who didn't want anything
used against them in a custody battle.
Some people have lives outside of their
sex lives.

If you think the worst thing that could
happen to you is having a cup of coffee
with a big girl or a bald guy say so in
your profile, say it again to the person
before you meet.
You're never going to know what
someone really looks like till you
meet them in person. Someone can
send you a photo that isn't them.
Some people photograph way better
than they look in person, some people
photograph much worse, some people
look different in every photo. A good
photo doesn't equal good in person chemistry.

Some people invest way to much,
way to soon. You're meeting someone
for a cup of coffee not going to the
chapel to get married. Try meeting
people you've had at least one halfway
decent conversation with. If you lack
the maturity and social skills to talk
to someone politely for fifteen minutes
and to be able to excuse yourself
graciously if not interested you probably
should avoid online dating altogether.



Winterapple -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 1:14:22 PM)

My post was a fast reply and not directed at anyone
in particular.



xLaChienne -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 1:39:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333
... because what if... you get catfished? Put in 3 months of hard dialogue, you love the person, but then u have no physical attraction... some may be able to overcome it, others don't wish to deal with it... it's a long complex issue imo.


I would suggest that you not invest that depth of feeling into someone on line. Reserve that for when you are face to face with someone.

You can see a picture of someone, find them very physically attractive, meet in person, and have zero chemistry.

There is nothing complex about it. It's unrealistic expectations you are combating. Stop doing that.

I wouldn't meet someone who was unwilling to provide a picture. I have met only a very few who didn't actually look like their picture and was quick to address it and wish them well on their way. It is fine to have the expectation to want to see a picture. If someone won't provide one simply think of it as an incompatibility issue and move on. Having the expectation doesn't mean that others have to acquiesce to it. You can have any expectation you want as long as you realize that no one is obligated to meet it and that the more expectations you have the smaller the pool you have to draw from.




JeffBC -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 2:31:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BDSMtortured
I have gone with a friend that was meeting somebody for the first time. She would get a description of his Automobile, plate number, and a description of a picture of him. We would get there early and she would see what he looked like. If for some reason she didn't like the way he looked we would leave. Women have a lot of ways of protecting themselves.

Yup... and women who would choose that way protect everything except their sense of honor which, apparently, means little to them. If I was already madly in love with some woman 6 months into us living under the same roof and she happened to mention that...

"Boy. It's a good thing I thought you were cute enough because I just stand men up if I spy on them and they I know I won't like them"

I'd be telling her to pack her bags that night. It's beyond "rude". Then again, I can't really imagine myself getting to the point where I'd want to meet with any woman who thought like that.



CarolBC -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 2:44:40 PM)

"Women have a lot of ways of protecting themselves." ...

It's not really protection... it's ditching the burden of responsibility. Look, uphold your agreement to meet and if you don't like 'em, tell 'em. Underhanded 'bait and switch' methods belie a mentality of taking the easy road. NOT a good road for those wishing an intense, intimate relationship that BDSM (and affiliated relationships) bring to the table.



LadyPact -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 3:17:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alildifferent

I'll give you 3 reasons to hate giving out pics that have nothing to do with looks. 1) Guys use them for jerk material then don't even bother to say hi. Great for them. Not so great for the person they are jerking off too left horny and with no remedy. 2) There are stalking creeps out there. Leaving pics hanging in the wind is a good way to get kidnapped, murdered, or raped. You talked about naked non face photos. But what if this person has identifiable tatoos in multiple places or more than one birth mark that could give them away? (I'm a transexual for gosh sakes and I've been stalked!). 3) Amateur porn sites are popping up all over. Some of them using pics without permission. Good luck tracking down the original culprit who used your pic in their porn site then sent it on to hundreds of others.
I'm surprised that the highlighted above took so long for somebody to say. I've got a small tat that is unique enough to be an identification mark. I've got I don't know how many pictures. Finding one that doesn't show My face or that tattoo is a challenge.




GotSteel -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 4:09:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I'm surprised that the highlighted above took so long for somebody to say. I've got a small tat that is unique enough to be an identification mark. I've got I don't know how many pictures. Finding one that doesn't show My face or that tattoo is a challenge.



Photoshop is your friend. Seriously It's not too hard to make a photo that isn't porn and doesn't show you distinctly enough for people to identify you while still giving a potential partner enough of a sense of you to decide if they want to learn more.



ccc3333 -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 4:22:53 PM)

Agreed... hell Paint, a program that comes with any windows computer is your friend lol... just take your face out... and blank out or blur a tattoo... whatever... its so easy takes 5 min.
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I'm surprised that the highlighted above took so long for somebody to say. I've got a small tat that is unique enough to be an identification mark. I've got I don't know how many pictures. Finding one that doesn't show My face or that tattoo is a challenge.



Photoshop is your friend. Seriously It's not too hard to make a photo that isn't porn and doesn't show you distinctly enough for people to identify you while still giving a potential partner enough of a sense of you to decide if they want to learn more.




LizDeluxe -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 6:46:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333
I could care less if we are compatible... all i wanted to know is if you think it's weird to never see a picture prior to meeting someone?


Weird? No, not really. There are many very good reasons not to swap photos. Beyond that some folks are extremely photogenic (more so than they deserve in real life) while others don't photograph well. Then there are always the folks who are not entirely forthright when they swap pictures (light/heavy Photoshopping or a pic from 15 years ago, for example). I view photos in a general sense. I don't meet folks from CM but I do meet people occasionally from other online venues. I'd prefer to trade photos but it's not a deal breaker. I always keep things very benign until we meet. I've met people whose photos weren't really compelling but who were very engaging in person and vice versa.



seekingreality -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 7:13:22 PM)



quote:

ORIGINAL: alildifferent

I'll give you 3 reasons to hate giving out pics that have nothing to do with looks. 1) Guys use them for jerk material then don't even bother to say hi. Great for them. Not so great for the person they are jerking off too left horny and with no remedy. 2) There are stalking creeps out there. Leaving pics hanging in the wind is a good way to get kidnapped, murdered, or raped. You talked about naked non face photos. But what if this person has identifiable tatoos in multiple places or more than one birth mark that could give them away? (I'm a transexual for gosh sakes and I've been stalked!). 3) Amateur porn sites are popping up all over. Some of them using pics without permission. Good luck tracking down the original culprit who used your pic in their porn site then sent it on to hundreds of others.




Let me ask you this then: Why do women have no trouble posting photos of themselves on vanilla sites like Match, POF and OKcupid?

Men could use those photos as jerk material and they could stalk women, but most women will not hesitate to post a photo.

As far as amateur porn sites, that's only a concern if you are foolish enough to send a nude or provocative photo. That wouldn't be a concern if you simply send the same kind of g-rated photo you would put on match.



DarkSteven -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 7:22:20 PM)

ccc3333, let me tell you my take. If you meet a woman with no pic, there's a fair chance it won't work. But I only get to the let's-meet stage one every month or so. The prospect of going a month with no prospects outweighs the possible time loss, for me.



ServosCor -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 7:42:56 PM)

There is no way in hell I would ever share a pic w/ someone who approached me to chat.  A few years back, while going thru a divorce, my daughter and her friend found me here and started talking (digging up info really)to me.  All info was then relayed back to my soon to be ex husband.  It's been  years since my daughter spoke to me.  . 
 
 I do not ask someone for a photo just because I couldn't care less.  I'm not looking for a relationship at this point and why would I judge a friend on looks????  Just MHO.
 
        ~servos cor~



LadyPact -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 7:49:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

Agreed... hell Paint, a program that comes with any windows computer is your friend lol... just take your face out... and blank out or blur a tattoo... whatever... its so easy takes 5 min.


quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel



Photoshop is your friend. Seriously It's not too hard to make a photo that isn't porn and doesn't show you distinctly enough for people to identify you while still giving a potential partner enough of a sense of you to decide if they want to learn more.
True. Maybe the person is thinking that would still mean they are doctoring their photo or being dishonest in some way? Hard to say.

By the way, yes, I've agreed to meet people from here without seeing their picture first. However, I don't think I'd consider that similar to what you're driving at, OP. You are looking more at dating and/or compatibility and I've done it more from the friendship angle. Also, the times that I did, it was with people who were long term forum posters. That may have advantages that you may not have from the dating (personals) side.








littlewonder -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/1/2013 8:53:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC

If I was already madly in love with some woman 6 months into us living under the same roof and she happened to mention that...

"Boy. It's a good thing I thought you were cute enough because I just stand men up if I spy on them and they I know I won't like them"

I'd be telling her to pack her bags that night. It's beyond "rude". Then again, I can't really imagine myself getting to the point where I'd want to meet with any woman who thought like that.



This reminds me of something I told Master after we started dating. lol.

I told him about how when we first met I only agreed to meet him so I could take a weekend vacation in Baltimore. I figured I'd at least get a free coffee out of it, find him boring as all the other men I've met from online, and just have the rest of the weekend free to explore the city alone which for me is fun.

Dammit..he sure did fuck up my plans that weekend! [:D]



LizDeluxe -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/2/2013 8:17:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
ccc3333, let me tell you my take. If you meet a woman with no pic, there's a fair chance it won't work. But I only get to the let's-meet stage one every month or so. The prospect of going a month with no prospects outweighs the possible time loss, for me.


I don't mean to sound daft but I slept in and I'm only on my first cup of coffee. Could you elaborate on this post? Particularly the part I italicized. I didn't really understand what you were saying and I'd like to.




VideoAdminChi -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/2/2013 8:19:47 AM)

FR,

After receiving several reports for this thread I am locking it for review.

Meanwhile, please review the CollarMe Forum Guidelines:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_72/tm.htm

...Your choice to participate on this forum is an acceptance of its guidelines and the authority of its administration.

The primary intention of this board is to provide a forum for discussion and the exchange of ideas. Considering the natural diversity of opinion and expression, it is expected that disagreements will often occur. While debate is fine, postings of the sort generally known as "flames" is not. Participants are not expected to coddle one another, but they are expected to keep things within the realm of maturity.

This isn't a place to insult the kinks, preferences, lifestyles, etc. of others. If you don't like what another person enjoys, rest assured that there are plenty of others out there that probably don't like your activities either. Furthermore, baiting, harassment and personal attacks will not be tolerated.



VideoAdminChi -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/2/2013 8:46:03 AM)

Reopened.



ClassAct2006 -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/2/2013 9:36:26 AM)

Can I also make the point that if you upload some photographs into google images these days it will search the whole internet and show where those photographs appear elsewhere. This just came out in the last 2 years. That means if you use the photograph on your work or business website or linked in profile or all the other places those of us with a public profile in business have photographs which for many of us is all over the place on line (and for someone people though is nowhere, which is why the differences between people on this issue can be so huge) you can be identified.

It is worth having one photograph for BDSM and one for work and making sure one will not be picked up on google search. I saw on a vanilla site the photograph of someone in a brochure of a financial services company I was in touch with not for personal purposes. He wrote all about his successful battle to wrest his children form their mother on the vanilla site.

There was a radio 4 programme about writers going back to the 1700s an anonymity - Swift etc and many others (and indeed Belle de Jour) and how people used to want to separate out parts of their life. I am the same. I don't want the work people to know I might be into say political issue or people with whom I might sing to know I have XYZ hobby or things my children might se to be linked to something else. I want the 18th century compartmentalisation (obviously apart from with the man I will love who can know everything as I submit totally). I don't want the attempts linked in, twitter, facebook, google currently make to link us all up. I don't want my youtube work videos to be linked to comments on youtube videos which are nothing to do with work. I don't want to sing in anywhere and that be connected to my account with a different group of people, yet the trend is very much on line to join up all our dots. Then men will think I think they are really really clever because they worked out my real identity whereas all it makes me think is what a thick plonker - if I've said I don't want to be known yet until we meet and you then do some stalking to work it out and you tell me and you think I will then think you are the best thing since sliced bread.... go on a psychology course.



seekingreality -> RE: She says she will not under any circumstances show her picture... (1/2/2013 2:02:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LizDeluxe


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
ccc3333, let me tell you my take. If you meet a woman with no pic, there's a fair chance it won't work. But I only get to the let's-meet stage one every month or so. The prospect of going a month with no prospects outweighs the possible time loss, for me.


I don't mean to sound daft but I slept in and I'm only on my first cup of coffee. Could you elaborate on this post? Particularly the part I italicized. I didn't really understand what you were saying and I'd like to.




My take is he meant: If two people who interact on the Internet meet without exchanging photos, there's a good chance that one of them won't find the other physically attractive and it will be a non-starter. Exchanging photos won't really improve the chance of a meeting becoming successful -- it will eliminate those meetings where one of the people loses interest at first glance because of how the other looks.



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