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Why the anger? - 12/30/2012 10:09:09 PM   
HarryVanWinkle


Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline 		I've long believed that one of the most important characteristics of a dominant is self control. If she can't control herself, ride herd at least on her emotions, she's probably dangerous. I just looked at the 87,000th Dominant woman's profile I've seen in which the journal, and often the "about me" section, rages on and on about the "fakes and flakes" who don't bother to read their profiles completely before writing to them and rail on and on about all the other shortcomings of of the vast majority of men who write them. They are especially incensed by wankers.

I realize that dozens of emails a day from Wankers can get pretty frustrating. But, isn't frustration one of those destructive emotions which a Dominant person should be able to keep under control?

As Jesus said, "Wankers you will have with you always." What good does it do to rail on in your profile and journal against men who don't read your profiles and journals before writing their little, jack off notes. You're preaching, or should I say, screeching to the Choir; throwing tantrums at those who won't read your tantrums, thus giving the impression that you are an angry, out of control woman. Meanwhile, the wankers pay no attention to your rants, because they don't read that far.

Ladies, any of you who have been on this site for any length of time knows how many wankers there are here, and know that as you list yourselves as Women, that you're going to draw them like moths to a flame. What use are the angry outbursts which accomplish nothing? Wouldn't it be far better to put something near the end of your profile, saying something like, "For the first word of your email to me, write, 'Rumplestiltskin.'" Or something equally unlikely. Such a system would make it easy for you to separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak, quickly.
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RE: Why the anger? - 12/30/2012 10:28:06 PM   
naughtynick81


Posts: 890
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for making this thread.

A point I want to make is that hardly anyone calls these women whiners or cry babies. Pretty much when a woman complains, there are no ramifications, their social status will never be tarnished. On the other hand when a male complains, he gets told to man up and stop complaining or do something about it. It's all his fault, end of story. His social status in this site will most definitely be tarnished.

quote:

I just looked at the 87,000th Dominant woman's profile I've seen in which the journal, and often the "about me" section, rages on and on about the "fakes and flakes"


Just an hour or so ago in another thread I was going to mention something very similar like this in regards of this argument I was having.

It's amazing how nearly everywhere you look, women left, right, and center in their profiles and journals have these kinds of rants and this is all given a social pass. If men appear negative and ranty in their profiles, they are social outcast.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)
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RE: Why the anger? - 12/30/2012 10:43:02 PM   
tidbit5021


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/26/2012
Status: offline 		It seems to me that there are a lot of angry ranting in profiles, journals and forums posts from women and men here.

OP: I agree, if someone sends a message that does not interest you, delete it and move on.

I'm wondering why so many people are so angry.

(in reply to naughtynick81)
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RE: Why the anger? - 12/30/2012 10:48:20 PM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline 		Speaking of mechanical sorting devices, did I ever tell you about the last time Bambi got slapped in public? I was talking to a pretty filly and she had a faux engagement ring. I asked why, she said "to keep creeps from hitting on me." I told her it was a silly idea because it guaranteed the only men who hit on her either 1) don't notice she's engaged, or 2) don't care that she's engaged. She didn't take it well.

The warnings about fakes and flakes and wankers and spammers are there to be enjoyed by mindful respectful potential partners and ignored by the scum it was designed to destroy. The warnings seem helpful. And writing something is responsive to the problem, so it feels rewarding. But the warnings are specious.

For that reason, I don't bar interest in a potential partner because they have such a warning. People's words online only have as much weight as you allow. So I've decided to take all my uninvited one-night-stand propositions as compliments. When I see those warnings taking up the headline, in bold red on yellow background, 4 sizes bigger than the remaining text, I am saddened. I feel pity, like she is in combat while I'm trawling for one night stands--I mean love.

For a good time, put 1(900)BAMBI-GOO in the middle of your c-mail letter. +5 for "specious."


ETA: Would it be hijacking if I added that I don't much understand the mean mugs, middle fingers, and threats to blackmail and abuse you? I chalk it up to a different understanding of what makes a healthy BDSM relationship. I do understand, however, that pros are highly incentivized to behave this way. It's what the client wants: A rude crude lewd nude to woo.

< Message edited by BambiBoi -- 12/30/2012 10:58:46 PM >

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RE: Why the anger? - 12/30/2012 10:51:28 PM   
naughtynick81


Posts: 890
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		What are these dommes doing about it?

(in reply to BambiBoi)
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RE: Why the anger? - 12/30/2012 11:24:04 PM   
naughtynick81


Posts: 890
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		Another thing I want to point out.

Being a woman on this site, you are likely to have more than just a handful of men chasing after you at any point of time. Being a male on this site, you are more likely to have little attention from the opposite gender at any point of time.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who is more likely going to feel inclined to complain.

It's like comparing rich people to poor people. In this scene, the women are the rich and the men are the poor. Would you think it should be more acceptable for a poor person to complain about how hard life is compared to rich people?

Let's move away from the dynamics of dating/casual sex for a minute.

In society in general, people feel that a black person is more validated to complain than a white person because blacks have it harder and whites are privileged. People also feel that a woman is more validated to complain than a man because women have it harder and men are privileged. This is why we often hear that whiny white guys should shut up.

But now let's get back to the dating/casual sex scene. Just this alone excluding other areas of society, there is no doubt that women are far overprivileged compared to men.

So in this area as for this website and this BDSM scene, as women are the most privileged, why doesn't the same dynamics work when people compare blacks and whites complaining or women and men complaining when speaking of a society in the business world and justice system?

As it seems, as women are overprivileged in this area, this website, they still have far far far more leeway to complain compared to men.

(in reply to naughtynick81)
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RE: Why the anger? - 12/30/2012 11:36:43 PM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		Oh stop whining nick and get a life!

It's still very much a "man's world" out there in every other walk of life.
Surely even you can allow a little leeway for these women??

Time to get off your hobby-horse and start riding a real one.


Every time you post on here you always turn it round to the same old worn-out bullshit.


< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 12/30/2012 11:38:10 PM >

(in reply to naughtynick81)
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RE: Why the anger? - 12/30/2012 11:40:01 PM   
naughtynick81


Posts: 890
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

It's still very much a "man's world" out there in every other walk of life.


This would be another topic within it's self but I strongly disagree with you when speaking of western societies like America and Australia. In these societies, women have every opportunity and right that men have. On the other hand, when speaking of the middle east, you have a point.

But I don't think it's appropriate to drag this into a full on debate in this thread. Feel free to make a thread about that and I would be happy to join.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)
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RE: Why the anger? - 12/30/2012 11:53:33 PM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
Status: offline 		Why not look at the bright side? The more obvious they are, the less work screening for you.

Pam

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RE: Why the anger? - 12/31/2012 12:05:18 AM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
Status: offline 		It's just as common to see male dominants ranting about "fakes", or female subs with aggressive profiles. Maybe "anger" is just an internet thing.

Pam

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RE: Why the anger? - 12/31/2012 12:09:13 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I think the problem here is that the OP is confusing 'quantity' with 'quality'.

There may be many, many more male 'dominants' than there are female submissives, but from experience I would state that the vast majority of the guys that contacted me were the kind of people I'd go out of my way to avoid in r/l.

There was the married guys trying to cheat on their wives (and lying to both of us), the guy who thinks that 'all sub women are sluts' so he'll get an NSA freebie, the guy who thinks that self-proclaimed dominance is an excuse for being a violent, misogynistic thug, the guy who lies about his age/height/number of teeth...the list goes on.

It's not easy finding anyone compatible on here, particularly if you're looking for a long-term relationship.

I don't think women have it easier - hell, it took me 4 years on cm to find the man I'm with now. That's 8 years in total of looking online and in r/l.

It's hard not to get disillusioned and despondent. But the trick is to not show that. Negativity is as off-putting as green teeth or the stench of desperation.

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RE: Why the anger? - 12/31/2012 12:16:57 AM   
naughtynick81


Posts: 890
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Negativity is as off-putting as green teeth or the stench of desperation.


And your post isn't any of that?

(in reply to myotherself)
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RE: Why the anger? - 12/31/2012 12:35:56 AM   
MissImmortalPain


Posts: 2440
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		I can't really say much about angry rants. I make them from time to time in my journal. I don't aim it at men on the site or men in general though. When I rant it is because something is bothering me and I would rather not take it out on any one person. I rant when bad things happen. I rant when good things happen. Rant is one of my favorite words if you haven't figure it out yet hahaha. I think that expressing when a person is unhappy is just as useful as expressing when they are happy. If everything on my profile was always sunshine and roses I would have to assume people would think I'm crazy. No one is happy all the time.

Oddly enough I often ask men when they msg me if they did it just because my profile makes me sound like a bitch and they are looking to be abused. They tell me no that isn't why they msg me. They msg because I seem honest about a lot of things that others aren't. I take it as a compliment.

As for that having them msg you a word to see if they read your profile....it doesn't work. People skim profiles all the time for key words that might give them more of an advantage when msging others. My profile even contains a line in latin. I take note of the few men that will msg me to ask why I have it there, what it really means to me, etc. I think if I pointed out to them "oh, you should ask me what that means" it would be pointless having it there at all.

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It is always by way of pain that we arrive at pleasure.

We must all go through a right of passage,and it must be physical, it must be painful,and it must leave a mark.

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RE: Why the anger? - 12/31/2012 12:57:11 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		When I see people, be it dom or sub, rant either in their profiles or on the forums, it usually says to me they are frustrated with the people they are choosing to contact them or what they see online. It means their life attitudes are all tied up in finding a partner in life instead of just going with the flow and being happy in their lives and realizing that when the right one comes along, it will happen.

Or it means they are still hurt from a past relationshp and they are not over their issues yet or they are not very good at choosing people to contact and if that is true then they need to look at why that is true. And why are you attracting such people? Is it your profile and the way you come across? Is it your attitude about life in general? Or is it for the simple fact that you are a femdomme? Sorry, but femdommes do get the worst of the pickings around here. I hate to put down malesubs but ya know....have you seen what's around? It's not too optimistic.

But just because of that fact, does not mean they need to let the frustration carry into their lives and their profiles. It only makes the rants and choices even more difficult on them.



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RE: Why the anger? - 12/31/2012 1:08:43 AM   
naughtynick81


Posts: 890
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Sorry, but femdommes do get the worst of the pickings around here. I hate to put down malesubs but ya know....have you seen what's around? It's not too optimistic.


*yawn*

Imagine if a male had that attitude towards the demographic of women. It would be all his fault no doubt.

Here you were talking about people being frustrated and having bad attitudes. Can you see the irony?

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Why the anger? - 12/31/2012 1:12:37 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

It's hard not to get disillusioned and despondent. But the trick is to not show that. Negativity is as off-putting as green teeth or the stench of desperation.


Why? This is something I never understood. Why consider the dance to be a hard, rough slog instead of fun?

When looking, I had a blast. Lots of women, lots of conversations, quite a bit of play. Simply spend little to no time with the incompatible ones, and lotsa time with the fun ones.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Why the anger? - 12/31/2012 1:24:46 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Hi Harry. Good to see you again. I had noticed you post on another thread and had wanted to say it was nice to see you posting, but I didn't want to be off topic when the thread itself didn't interest Me much.

I get what you are driving at about anger and the 'Master yourself before you can Master another' thought process. However, that theory doesn't mean that people never have an emotion or need an outlet for emotions. Mastering oneself doesn't mean that a person never gets angry, frustrated, or sad. Being Dominant doesn't equate to being devoid of emotions or never expressing them. The latter is actually rather unhealthy.

Of course, if all a person demonstrates is anger, that might be an excellent way to know who you would like to avoid.


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to naughtynick81)
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RE: Why the anger? - 12/31/2012 2:36:35 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Fast Reply

I don't hold it against them for feeling angry or frustrated, we all get it. I am massively put off by a journal which is one complaint after another (generally the same complaint, such as 'everyone here is fake'). Largely because I don't want someone in my life who will sit and whine again and again about things not going their way. I want someone who will say 'that sucked, what can I do differently in the future?' If you've been here three years and made the same whine every month, why are you still here and not doing something else?

I also pretty much roll my eyes at the word 'fake' because it's so meaningless on sites like this. So many profiles say they can't find anyone because everyone here is fake. So therefore fake must just mean 'not what I am looking for'.

A long diatribe full of swearing and ALL CAPS SO YOU KNOW THEY'RE SERIOUS!!!! goes a bit beyond just expressing annoyance in my eyes. I figure if you can't control yourself or rise above it here, where you're hoping someone will see your profile and be interested, you probably lose your temper easily or get mad about trivialities in real life. Online you can type something out, read it, and then decide whether to post it - you get an extra opportunity to filter your thoughts and think about how you come across compared to talking to someone directly. If you're not able to do that then you either have chronically low self control or you're unable to think about how others perceive you. Either way, we're not going to be friends.

I also think a journal full of whines shows a bit of naivety about the internet. Have you had a really charmed life that it surprises you that sometimes people are mean on the internet? Do you think that saying 'no time wasters and scammers' will make the scammers think 'I'll pass this person by, they don't want my services'?

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Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: Why the anger? - 12/31/2012 2:38:24 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

quote:

Negativity is as off-putting as green teeth or the stench of desperation.


And your post isn't any of that?



No, not a rant. Not desperate. Just pointing out that the perspective can be horrible for both genders if you choose to view it like that.

I chose not to.

I met probably about a dozen people I chatted with from cm. A couple turned out to be good, long-term friends. Most I thanked politely and that was that. One turned out to be something special.

I think at one point I viewed this site solely as a means of finding a partner. I allowed myself to get negative when it didn't happen quickly (within a couple of years). I was also somewhat active in the local scene, so I wasn't only looking online.

However I had a good think about it and readjusted my attitude. I got more involved in local activities, refused to get invested in people I hadn't met in r/l...and within 6 months I'd found the one I wanted.

One of the things Master said to me was that he was attracted by my positivity, my refusal to take rejection seriously and my light-hearted, fun profile. That really made me think - we get back what we project. I now project happy, and that's what I get back

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RE: Why the anger? - 12/31/2012 3:34:34 AM   
plesto


Posts: 49
Joined: 7/2/2012
Status: offline 		It depends how the anger or rant comes across. If the rant is able to make me let out a small laugh then the negativity is taken away from it. A journal full of negativity though is not good and will turn away the people you don't want to turn away from your profile, which will leave you with the very people you are probably ranting about in the first place. A bit of a self fulfilling prophecy.

quote:

Sorry, but femdommes do get the worst of the pickings around here. I hate to put down malesubs but ya know....have you seen what's around? It's not too optimistic.


Some would describe the situation as dire. I would hate to think how much longer my list of hidden profiles would have to be if I was a female and a domme on this site.

< Message edited by plesto -- 12/31/2012 3:35:42 AM >

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