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RE: Contract for sub mandatory? - 1/2/2013 5:03:41 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

Mandatory according to what governing body? No one has ever come to check whether we have one.

The Super Secret Organization of Bdsm.

You didn't register with them? If you don't you will be kicked out and banned from all functions. When you register with them you must send them a certified copy of your contract.

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RE: Contract for sub mandatory? - 1/2/2013 5:20:31 PM

Kana

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

I'll rephrase...

When you first start with a Sub or slave, is it mandatory to write down the rules together and make the limits clear on paper, or do most people do it verbally.

C

quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Please don't flatter yourself too much by thinking others get emotional over your presence.
I answered your question honestly. Should I have done so while simultaneously spinning on my head and reciting the alphabet in reverse?

I'm not a contracts guy.
Why:
1-Her word is her bond. Why would I be with someone I don't trust?
2-My rules are simple, serve, please, obey. No need to write em down. Other than that, I'm pretty clear on what I like/don't.
3-Contracts are restrictive. Worse, they're binding. Those strictures that seem so smart at first can become confining, limiting the relationship, the interaction, where it can go, and most importantly of all, my fun.
4-Contracts can, and will, be held against you in a court of her mind. Oh fuck yes, they will be. And there ain't no hanging judge like a subbie on a rampage. :-p

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Post #: 42

RE: Contract for sub mandatory? - 1/3/2013 12:49:38 AM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ccc3333

I'll rephrase...
When you first start with a Sub or slave, is it mandatory to write down the rules together and make the limits clear on paper, or do most people do it verbally.

C

I think what the others are getting at is if on this post & others you remove the words:"always, manditory, real, fake, true, other people & the way its done" your questions will be easy to figure out on your own.

From that point on the discoveries that relationship to relationship & person to person "the rules" depend on THAT PAIRING. My poly relationship I constantly back-talked, pushed limits & discussed everything, my pony was protocol for getting ready & presenting for inspection before service, B was boy friend in public "normal" in private & slowly trained to kink in the bedroom.
Looking back while on paper I'm the common thread, I'm also not the same person I was in those different relationships. Now I would hope I could handle things better than telling a man I deeply love to scoot back from his desk for a BJ so I can pull the dead bug out of his ass or step outside so the tow truck can more easily remove his head from his rectum...especially when the source of the stress was just needing to hear he's loved & wanted even when he has a 90 hour week.

Every sub is different, every relationship is different & what you "should do" is going to be different for every sub. Myself a BDSM checklist is always the common starting point...the rest after that is detail specific to that person.

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Post #: 43

RE: Contract for sub mandatory? - 1/3/2013 12:59:28 AM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
It's also mandatory that the Dom wear leather chaps with his ass hanging out, that she be on her knees and naked 24/7 and you both must be registered with the Super Secret Bdsm Organization.

And if you don't do any of this you will be banned from all the bdsm clubs and organizations. You will be shunned and ignored.

No that's just if you snark KOM while claiming to be just like him.

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Post #: 44

RE: Contract for sub mandatory? - 1/3/2013 5:33:34 AM

searching4mysir

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FR

Master and I never wrote a contract together, maybe because we were looking for a relationship and not just play. It was about compatibility. It was just as much about (a lack of) watersports as it was about eating habits. It was just as much about spankings as it was about values. I knew what I was looking for as far (control, not pain) and I knew that from a morals/values standpoint that we were compatible long before he ever spanked me.

< Message edited by searching4mysir -- 1/3/2013 5:35:48 AM >

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RE: Contract for sub mandatory? - 1/3/2013 10:17:10 AM

JeffBC

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
I keep seeing limits referenced in terms of contracts, and if you have TPE you don't need a contract, and I'm kind of scratching my head, because neither are prevalent in our document over here.

I stand corrected. I had been thinking in terms of "she will do x" and "she won't do y" stuff which is almost universally what I had seen. Of COURSE, however, there might be other things worth a bit of "hammering out" and some enterprising couple would use a contract to do that.

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Post #: 46

RE: Contract for sub mandatory? - 1/3/2013 11:42:13 AM

NuevaVida

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Hey how 'bout that - we're enterprising! :)

I honestly hadn't really considered a contract in that regard, and I woukd agree that wouldn't make a whole lot of sense to us. I guess that's why we call it a commitment document, as it simply documents certain important commitments we made to each other.

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RE: Contract for sub mandatory? - 1/3/2013 4:26:59 PM

kalikshama

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I've been enjoying submission since 1997 and never had a contract. I verbally discuss limits, which is a different kettle of fish from a contract.

Have you seen BDSM checklists? You might find them helpful. There was a thread on that recently...

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RE: Contract for sub mandatory? - 1/3/2013 5:24:05 PM

littlewonder

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I was watching Sister Wives the other night where they met another couple just like them and the other couple explained to them that when they all got together they wrote a mission statement to define their relationship and what they were seeking to get out of it and such. I thought it was an interesting idea but not something that would work for Master and I for the reasons he stated. But I could see it being helpful especially in poly relationships.

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RE: Contract for sub mandatory? - 1/3/2013 8:07:57 PM

ccc3333

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I for sure will be using the checklist and keeping a journal . :) all of your inputs was great.

C

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RE: Contract for sub mandatory? - 1/4/2013 9:03:44 AM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I was watching Sister Wives the other night where they met another couple just like them and the other couple explained to them that when they all got together they wrote a mission statement to define their relationship and what they were seeking to get out of it and such. I thought it was an interesting idea but not something that would work for Master and I for the reasons he stated. But I could see it being helpful especially in poly relationships.

I know several people in "vanilla" relationships who have a mission statement in place in their marriages. The Family Law office I recently hired offers "relationship contracts/cohabitation agreements" in which couples can outline terms of their relationships in a formal fashion. Their website has an article about the Mark Zuckerberg cohabitation agreement, in fact (found here), in which Priscilla Chan apparently included commitments to date nights and spending time together.

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