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ORIGINAL: Moonhead

Don't you get that sort of imbalance in a few gay couples? It's not inconceivable that a twink may end up getting the shit beat out of him during a break up, or just a bear partner turning nasty drunk on him...

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

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ORIGINAL: Moonhead

Don't you get that sort of imbalance in a few gay couples? It's not inconceivable that a twink may end up getting the shit beat out of him during a break up, or just a bear partner turning nasty drunk on him...

Another thought: one woman beating up her partner in the park?

Me, I think I'd have a kneejerk reaction to intervene, whatever their respective sizes.

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ORIGINAL: Aylee
You are 3/4s of a foot taller than I am.  And you out-weigh me by 50 pounds.  I can see where you would have less personal safety concerns.  (you also are unlikely to have children with you.)

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

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ORIGINAL: Aylee
You are 3/4s of a foot taller than I am.  And you out-weigh me by 50 pounds.  I can see where you would have less personal safety concerns.  (you also are unlikely to have children with you.)

Quite true. I certainly wouldn't blame you for not intervening.

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ORIGINAL: Aylee

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

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ORIGINAL: Aylee
You are 3/4s of a foot taller than I am.  And you out-weigh me by 50 pounds.  I can see where you would have less personal safety concerns.  (you also are unlikely to have children with you.)

Quite true. I certainly wouldn't blame you for not intervening.

LOL.  I did not watch the video, but I was rather surprised at the posters disbelief that women did not get into the middle of a fight.  Don't get me wrong, there are circumstances that I would step in (and they would be the ones that are 100x as dangerous).  But pushing and yelling are not one of them. 

I will also note that for a year the renters next door threw parties quite often.  There was more than one female that I went up to and asked if they were okay or wanted to take a walk.  More than one were appreciative of this interference.

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ORIGINAL: Hillwilliam

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

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ORIGINAL: Chesterfield91

Okay. If you and your friends would call the police no matter the sex of the victim then fair enough, but the attitudes of that cop and that woman in the video PeonForHer linked are the kinds of attitudes most people have. It's the assumption of the man always being guilty of something that pisses me off, and it's the result of this bullshit idea that men are always the violent abusers when really it's closer to 50/50, and the fact that a lot of people like to think of women as being morally superior to men.

I get your points and have some sympathy. However, together, they only make up part of the story. Another part, brought up in the video but not commented on, was the disparity in the likelihoods of damage occurring to the man (as the abused party) versus the woman.

Can you imagine a similar video being made, but this time involving a small, frail man and much larger and stronger man? (Recalling that men are, on average, a third bigger than woman and their weight is made up of proportionately more muscle).

I agree that men hit harder and do more damage, that's obvious. However women can still do damage when their little slaps turn into picking things up to throw at a guy or to hit him with, I've seen it. And neither of those guys ever layed a finger on their wives.

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl


Since the video was made in NJ, if the police had been called, there would have been an arrest.

The laws are in place. Just like with the Connecticut case I cited earlier, they have to be pushed.

You are assuming, of course, that the police always do what they are supposed to do.

I think we can both agree that isn't necessarily true.

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ORIGINAL: Aylee

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ORIGINAL: Chesterfield91

Okay. If you and your friends would call the police no matter the sex of the victim then fair enough, but the attitudes of that cop and that woman in the video PeonForHer linked are the kinds of attitudes most people have. It's the assumption of the man always being guilty of something that pisses me off, and it's the result of this bullshit idea that men are always the violent abusers when really it's closer to 50/50, and the fact that a lot of people like to think of women as being morally superior to men.

I am five two and around 115 pounds.  Do you really think that I would feel safe enough to get in between two people fighting?  Oh hell no.  I too, would have walked on by. 

To be honest, I would think that all the rape prevention stuff that females are taught and told about is what would piss you off.  Not the idea that by and large men are bigger and stronger and can do far more damage than women. 

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

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ORIGINAL: Chesterfield91

Okay. If you and your friends would call the police no matter the sex of the victim then fair enough, but the attitudes of that cop and that woman in the video PeonForHer linked are the kinds of attitudes most people have. It's the assumption of the man always being guilty of something that pisses me off, and it's the result of this bullshit idea that men are always the violent abusers when really it's closer to 50/50, and the fact that a lot of people like to think of women as being morally superior to men.

I get your points and have some sympathy. However, together, they only make up part of the story. Another part, brought up in the video but not commented on, was the disparity in the likelihoods of damage occurring to the man (as the abused party) versus the woman.

Can you imagine a similar video being made, but this time involving a small, frail man and much larger and stronger man? (Recalling that men are, on average, a third bigger than woman and their weight is made up of proportionately more muscle).

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Of course men are generally bigger and stronger so when they hit they tend to cause more damage, however a woman can still do damage when she decides to pick something up to throw/hit the man with. I've seen this happen, and neither of these guys would lay a finger on their wives.

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So, we are back to my original point... men are their own solutions.

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
So, we are back to my original point... men are their own solutions. Any DV victim should leave... in any way they can. For a woman, its a much harder task sometimes. For many men, its simply getting up and walking out the door.

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

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Of course men are generally bigger and stronger so when they hit they tend to cause more damage, however a woman can still do damage when she decides to pick something up to throw/hit the man with. I've seen this happen, and neither of these guys would lay a finger on their wives.

I will point out something else.. and this wont make you happy. When the guy was abusing the woman in that video, he was physically restraining her.

That man who was being abused just sat there... he didnt try to leave, from what was shown on the video. And at 1:40, for example, he is still trying to hold her.

At 4:50, someone did call a cop. In fact, a cop spoke and gave a very sexist remark.

My point in bringing all this up is simple.... its much easier for a man to get up and leave than a woman. If the man I live with and I got into a punching match, I would end up at the bitter end of that fight. If he decided to leave me, I couldnt stop him.

And I think, for many of us, this is a big point. Men CAN control some of the abuse they accept... and trust me... that guy in the video was accepting it. The girl at the beginning was being picked up and tossed around. I couldnt have done that with any of my partners.

So, we are back to my original point... men are their own solutions. Any DV victim should leave... in any way they can. For a woman, its a much harder task sometimes. For many men, its simply getting up and walking out the door.

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
So, we are back to my original point... men are their own solutions. Any DV victim should leave... in any way they can. For a woman, its a much harder task sometimes. For many men, its simply getting up and walking out the door.

Any DV victim *should* leave, but plenty don't, and not just because of the more obvious physical or material reasons (they might get beaten up further, or will have no money). They'll stay because they've become so demoralised. They 'deserve the punishment' because they're 'so bad' and 'so useless'. I think that's the real pits, for me, if I see signs of that on a someone's partner's face.

That kind of abuse, and that kind of result, would cut very easily across gender lines, I'd imagine. Whether the man in the video acted that part well, though, is difficult to for me to say.

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Tazzy, the women in that video could have just left too. They didn't seem trapped or cornered.

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You need to watch that video again.

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ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

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ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
So, we are back to my original point... men are their own solutions. Any DV victim should leave... in any way they can. For a woman, its a much harder task sometimes. For many men, its simply getting up and walking out the door.

Any DV victim *should* leave, but plenty don't, and not just because of the more obvious physical or material reasons (they might get beaten up further, or will have no money). They'll stay because they've become so demoralised. They 'deserve the punishment' because they're 'so bad' and 'so useless'. I think that's the real pits, for me, if I see signs of that on a someone's partner's face.

That kind of abuse, and that kind of result, would cut very easily across gender lines, I'd imagine. Whether the man in the video acted that part well, though, is difficult to for me to say.

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ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

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You need to watch that video again.

I don't see any difference between the men abusing the women and the women abusing the men. It just seems that you are just trying to make excuses for why everything is always the man's fault.

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ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

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You need to watch that video again.

I don't see any difference between the men abusing the women and the women abusing the men. It just seems that you are just trying to make excuses for why everything is always the man's fault.

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This is why I feel so strongly about it. One of those guys I talked about is a family member, and that's exactly the way he is.