Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/4/2013 11:57:49 PM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		For those people who have had reward/denial
in their D/s in some way.

Have you had something that was previously
taken for granted like say, sleeping in the bed
and had it become a privilege that can be
taken away?

Or say having a bath (if you like baths) as being
conditional on behaviour?
I imagine having to take showers when you like
baths and there's a perfectly good bath there
would get pretty annoying.

Could be anything, the thing I'm curious about
was what have you experienced along those
lines of "taken for granted" being turned into
a privilege?

And in what were your thoughts about it, how
was it used, how effective or ineffective is it to
you?

I'm not fishing for ideas, just wondering
about peoples thoughts/experiences.
I know some D/s couples here don't have any
punishment/reward aspect and are more like...
Obedience are the rules, you either play by the
rules or you don't play.
But I prefer having a discipline structure, I
don't do sado/maso stuff really so maybe
holding a partner to a standard using reward
and denial is how I spice things up...
Maybe it's mental bondage (whatever that is).

What are peoples experiences with this sort
of thing?

I was wondering more about the mundane day
to day type of stuff like being allowed chocolate
as a reward rather than the romantic dinner at
their fave restaurant type of thing.

I remember reading someone on here has their
coffee intake controled, that's along the lines of
the taken for granted being subject to control,
but I have a feeling in that case it's more limit
on consumption, rather than a privilege to be
taken away.

-Aries


< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 1/4/2013 11:59:51 PM >

_____________________________

530 DAYS
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 1:39:37 AM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline 		When I was a dominant in a previous life I used some similar tools. The problem was that the medicine was too strong. Admittedly my submissive was more sensitive than the average bear, but when the removed privilege related to me, it hit her very hard.

There was a small moment where she was taking a few of my kindnesses for granted. So to make a point I told her she'll be getting her own car door for the rest of the evening. That seemed so small to me, but she was in tears by the end of the night.

But she was no softy. When it came to her collar and submission being displayed, or all manner of intense kinks, she was fine. She had no problem putting her nude nips to the cold winter glass window, but was devastated by not being allowed to shower with me.

So my warning is make sure the funishment/rewards are not too personal. My submissive would be corrected, but not hurt if she got carrots instead of chocolate. But as mentioned above, I could shatter her heart with a carefully poked pin.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 2:09:58 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Master will occasionally remove privileges if I've annoyed him in some minor way. Usually it's something like no alcohol for a week, or I'll have to increase the amount of exercise I do every day (but not to silly levels), or I have to miss a favourite tv programme.

For major infractions the punishment is more severe, but that's fodder for another thread.

We don't do 'funishment' as neither of us really sees the point. We don't do role play or any of that stuff, and any rough stuff is part of our lovely S&M dynamic

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to BambiBoi)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 6:47:02 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		There are quite a few things that I took for granted before our 24/7 dynamic that are no longer up to me, e.g. getting to decide what I watch on TV, to use myotherself's example. But that kind of thing is usually not about reward or punishment, but control. The only privileges he really uses in a carrot/stick way very much are sexual in nature.

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 6:52:26 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		Inspired by Grace's post and as a follow-on to my earlier post, Master and I plan to move in together later this year. He has already made it clear that there are some tv programmes that I like that won't be allowed in the house while he's there. Not a punishment thing, just a control thing I guess.

I suppose I'll have to invest in a TiVo box and watch it while he's out

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to graceadieu)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 7:21:06 AM   
graceadieu


Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

Inspired by Grace's post and as a follow-on to my earlier post, Master and I plan to move in together later this year. He has already made it clear that there are some tv programmes that I like that won't be allowed in the house while he's there. Not a punishment thing, just a control thing I guess.

I suppose I'll have to invest in a TiVo box and watch it while he's out


Yeah, I usually only get to choose if he's sleeping or not home. I definitely Netflix some stuff, lol.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 7:57:27 AM   
autumnember


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/30/2012
Status: offline 		I was in a relationship where i lost the privilege of sleeping in his bed and i had to sleep on the floor at the foot of his bed. It was very effective for me because i felt miserable but when he patted his bed and told me to come up .. well i can tell you that it was the best feeling i have likely ever had. I also got a bit too uppity and was no longer allowed to sit on the furniture for awhile. That was uncomfortable and again wonderful when i was invited back up.

(in reply to graceadieu)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 9:07:49 AM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline 		I have never lost the right to sleep in bed. The times we moved and we arrived before our furniture and we both slept on the floor were enough for me! But back when I smoked he would take my cigarettes. One time he took all my pop with him to work and I had to suffer with water all day But that was back when I was young. He does not take things away anymore. Not sure if we have been married long enough I can get everything right or not though.

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken


(in reply to autumnember)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 10:58:02 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If I had to sleep on the floor, I'd get no sleep and be of no use the next day.

But I never had control of the remote. He views that as a gender division thing, men own the remote and weekends are devoted to football.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 11:12:45 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		haha...everything in my life with Master has become a privilege and not a right lol, from not being allowed to use furniture without his permission to not being allowed to drink coffee without his permission from using the bathroom and just about everything else in my life.

Yeah there were times I was pissed off....especially with the coffee lol, but most things I just accepted as me being his slave and he has that right to do as he wishes, not I. I don't think I ever take anything for granted with him anymore, even his staying with me. I know at anytime I could royally piss him off for something that would make him say he no longer wanted to be with me. I know it would take a lot to piss him off that bad and it's highly unlikely to ever happen but I don't take even that for granted. I love him too much for that.

My taking him for granted is actually something that is always always on my mind. I try to keep it in the forefront of my mind so that we never get stuck in that rut like I hear a lot of couples who have been together for 10 years or more. I never want to get like that where we just shrug our shoulders and just basically become like two people like passing ships in the night. This is something extremely important to me in a relationship. Yeah, ok, there are times when life catches up with us but it's not a permanent thing. Sometimes life just happens. I think it's sad when I see so many couples where they just assume things with each other and they lose sight of each other.


ETA: haha ...the remote control...control lol. Yeah, I never have control of it when he's here. He likes his baseball and when the Ravens are playing at home and certain movies that I find boring or watching something that he knows I hate just to watch me cringe or roll my eyes hehe. But there are times, especially when there's nothing on tv except maybe something he knows I like, where he will turn it on for me to watch.

He's so cute.


< Message edited by littlewonder -- 1/5/2013 11:16:47 AM >

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 11:35:21 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

He's so cute.




With Master and I, a statement like that would provoke an immediate loss of privileges

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 11:39:00 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

He's so cute.




With Master and I, a statement like that would provoke an immediate loss of privileges



haha...he'd just say "I'll show you cute".

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 11:49:46 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

If I had to sleep on the floor, I'd get no sleep and be of no use the next day.


Me too. Plus he'd be more miserable than I would because he loves to snuggle.

I lost control of the remote the moment we moved in together. I record what I want to watch and watch when he's not home or asleep.

He always drives.

And I have to ask permission to consume alcohol because he wants to know if I'm going to be impaired.

It's all for control, not as reward/punishment.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 12:02:27 PM   
anaturalsubmiss


Posts: 49
Joined: 12/26/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
I lost control of the remote the moment we moved in together.


Now that's power exchange!

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 12:10:04 PM   
metamorfosis


Posts: 1132
Status: offline 		Cool topic. Unfortunately, I don't have much else to contribute.

Pam

_____________________________

Pam (aka gungadin09)

Forum Freak

(in reply to ARIES83)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 12:57:48 PM   
ClassAct2006


Posts: 318
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline 		I never really saw the point of being cruel (and I don't have my sleep interfered with) but of course things can be controlled as that's at the heart of it all.

(in reply to metamorfosis)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 1:13:49 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ClassAct2006

I never really saw the point of being cruel (and I don't have my sleep interfered with) but of course things can be controlled as that's at the heart of it all.


It's called sadism. Some of us get off on it.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to ClassAct2006)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 4:13:08 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

haha...everything in my life with Master has become a privilege and not a right lol, from not being allowed to use furniture without his permission to not being allowed to drink coffee without his permission from using the bathroom and just about everything else in my life.

Yeah there were times I was pissed off....especially with the coffee lol, but most things I just accepted as me being his slave and he has that right to do as he wishes, not I. I don't think I ever take anything for granted with him anymore, even his staying with me. I know at anytime I could royally piss him off for something that would make him say he no longer wanted to be with me. I know it would take a lot to piss him off that bad and it's highly unlikely to ever happen but I don't take even that for granted. I love him too much for that.

My taking him for granted is actually something that is always always on my mind. I try to keep it in the forefront of my mind so that we never get stuck in that rut like I hear a lot of couples who have been together for 10 years or more. I never want to get like that where we just shrug our shoulders and just basically become like two people like passing ships in the night. This is something extremely important to me in a relationship. Yeah, ok, there are times when life catches up with us but it's not a permanent thing. Sometimes life just happens. I think it's sad when I see so many couples where they just assume things with each other and they lose sight of each other.


ETA: haha ...the remote control...control lol. Yeah, I never have control of it when he's here. He likes his baseball and when the Ravens are playing at home and certain movies that I find boring or watching something that he knows I hate just to watch me cringe or roll my eyes hehe. But there are times, especially when there's nothing on tv except maybe something he knows I like, where he will turn it on for me to watch.

He's so cute.




No coffee???!!!!!??? gasp!! Oh the horror. I would die! LOL When I was in the first trimester and too much caffeine can cause a miscarriage I got Folgers decaf, it was close enough to the real thing. Now that I am seven and a half months I have a cup of regular.

I am pretty sure the remote control issue is a guy thing. Mine will be snoring and I will ever so carefully lift it off of his lap and it never fails, his eyes pop open. He does not watch sports but that top gear and military shows.

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 4:15:45 PM   
Moonlightmaddnes


Posts: 958
Joined: 6/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

He's so cute.




With Master and I, a statement like that would provoke an immediate loss of privileges



haha...he'd just say "I'll show you cute".



I got smacked for suggesting we go to the mall. I do not know why that was such a terrible suggestion, I mean really the Saturday before Christmas who would spend their last saturday before Christmas at the mall besides us??? LOL

_____________________________

Submission is a gift that must be earned. It can be given, but never taken


(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? - 1/5/2013 4:37:06 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		haha

Yeah...I was addicted to coffee because of my former job, having to wake up early and it was just a friggin long day at a place I hated. But it was also affecting my sleep, thinking and everything else. So once I quit my job and I moved here, he basically cut it out. I'm still allowed it when I ask him for permission. It's usually still no except when we go out for breakfast or something like that. Most nights I still don't sleep well but I'm still getting to bed a little earlier than before except lately. I'm going through another episode of insomia.

As for the mall, I used to absolutely love going shopping but once the economy went downhill and I became sticker shocked and no I go and just wonder what the hell I'm doing there lol. Master and I will go together when there's something he really needs or something I need to get with his help but otherwise, yeah you're not getting him to one lol. When I suggest it he just says "have fun!"

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Moonlightmaddnes)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Reward/Denial by turning rights into privileges? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.092