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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 5:31:19 PM   
LadyPact


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Yes, this will make for interesting discussion. If you were looking for a definitive answer, I doubt you'll find it. As with many other things, the interpretation is going to be on a scale of severity.

This is not the most intelligent answer, but it's where My head is right now. I'm all for consent/non consent. I do, however, want someone to maintain the ability to cross the threshold. I want that person to have bent to My will in just the right proportion. I don't want them to be unable to leave if they feel abused. While in service to Me, I want that person to be fulfilled in the fact that I am fulfilled, and My satisfaction brings them joy and happiness.


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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 5:54:59 PM   
Missokyst


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I find that my ability to withdraw consent is based not so much on my partner as it is on myself. If I had made the choice to give someone power over me that is not just sexually based, then "I" have removed that barrier permanantly. I view it as my personality defect. It is what keeps me attached long after the relationship has gone. It is this defect that keeps me from attaching to anyone until I am fairly certain they mean me no harm.
If it is brainwashing then it is something that happened to me at a very young age. The only saving grace is that I am incapable of giving that kind of power to just anyone. The bad thing about it is that I don't love often.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

In many dynamics there are things that the dominant/controlling personality does to influence the submissive type personality. At what point is their ability to make a free choice inhibited? Some use catch phrases like consensual non-consent, owner/property, internal enslavement, etc.

Some call it brainwashing, conditioning, and/or psychological abuse as it erodes a person's ability to exert their will to various degrees.




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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 6:06:08 PM   
tj444


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf
There was an incident where she got extremely emotional, packed her things, and stood at the door crying. She then turned around and said she couldn't leave because she did not have permission to.

I dont know.. I dont really have much experience with D/s and the experience i do have has made me back away from ever giving up control again.. certainly not to that degree anyway..

I was with a Dom in CA and he would paddle my poor lil butt till it was black and blue and make me crawl on his hard tile floor for long periods of time.. one time i was crawling and it was without any padding on my knees, so after doing that the pain of each "step" forward is extremely painfull.. I started crying and he told me if i continued to cry and not crawl that i should leave.. so i packed my things and left to find a phonebooth a few blocks away to call a cab.. he didnt stop me but then he drove up after i called the cab, i had to wait for it at his place cuz that was the only address i knew to give to the cab company... He never asked me to stay, he only argued with me and then when the cab came he let me leave..

I did what he told me to do, I left.. but then after that he blamed me for leaving, it was all my fault somehow.. He was a difficult person cuz he seemed to expect me to read his mind.. it was frustrating.. If any guy i am with wants me to do something then he dam well better tell me cuz mindreading isnt in my repertoire...

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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 6:37:48 PM   
ForeverGaia


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Orion -

Each decision I make is geared to attempt to be pleasing to my Owner. I wouldn't say that it's an extremely conscious impulse, as there are many times I offer service to my Owner without hashing out the nuances of what service I am providing, but his happiness is at the forefront of my mind constantly.

I am not sure if my motivation to serve my Owner in any capacity has solely been programmed by my Owner or whether my willingness to serve in any capacity to please him is also part of my nature.

Other than being programmed to orgasm on command, I can't think of anything that my Owner has programmed.

My consent isn't reaffirmed each time I obey, but rather that I am aware that my conscious decision to stay enables my Owners control and my submission to him.

I'm not sure how to measure the control my Owner has over me, I liken that to how long is a piece of string.

I am familiar with Lily's essays on IE. It was what sparked my post on psychological reactance.

Gaia.

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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 7:05:49 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf


In many dynamics there are things that the dominant/controlling personality does to influence the submissive type personality. At what point is their ability to make a free choice inhibited?

I can only refer to my last relationship for this question, since I'm still able to make free choices in my current one. But I don't know if I can tell you when that turning point was for me, then. I do recall making a decision in my own mind that I was going to totally and completely give myself over to him...no matter what that entailed. It was after that, that the evolution of my internal enslavement to him developed to a point where I could not and would not say no, and even when the relationship had become so unhealthy I had no business being in it, there was no way I felt I could end it. Some very close friends at the time - one in particular - would talk to me at great length about the situation, basically saying if you starve a dog it's going to go look for food. Yet I could not bring myself to "go look for food." I was tethered to him, although not physically.

The choices I made for myself - when not in his company (for example, I took a trip back east on my own) were entirely influenced by him, because he had influenced my thinking so much. I don't know what you consider a "free choice" though - maybe I'm taking this too literally. A choice for an isle or window seat when traveling alone? Yes, I still made that, and I doubt his influence carried into that choice. A choice to leave the relationship, or to disobey him even if obeying was harmful to me? That choice was gone, in my mind.

Oh sure the capability was in me, but that capability was sooooo far removed from where my mind felt I could go that I wouldn't have recognized it, or even known how to grasp it. If the capability were not in me, I'd never have discovered my capability to make choices for myself once the relationship was over.

quote:


Can they actually give consent at this point?


I'm not sure I understand. I had already given him complete consent so everything after that no longer felt like a "consent or don't consent" issue. He said do, and I did. There wasn't really a thought process around it anymore. Even if I vehemently did not want to do it, it got to a point where I just did it anyway, because he said so. And some of those things were indeed harmful to me.

quote:


Where is the line in your opinion?


Now that I'm in a much different relationship, I suppose I could say his line is where he feels something might be unhealthy for either one of us, or to the relationship as a whole. I don't see this as an actual straight line, though - life isn't that cut & dried for us. He is the best "he" he can be and I am the best "I" I can be, and we meld. That said, coming on 4 years now, we're still a work in progress, and we have been very (and I mean verrrrryyyy) slowly evolving in his mastery over me and my enslavement to him. I do still occasionally say no. I don't automatically do XYZ simply because he says so. I have, in the past, said there's no way I can do what you say you're requiring of me (it was emotional, not physical) and so if you're adamant about that I must leave the relationship. I also know that now, knowing what I know about myself, it's very likely I will never get to where I went before - obeying even if very harmful to me. I don't think he'd take me there, but because it's happened to me in the past, I know I'm capable of going there again, so I am very mindful that I don't.

quote:


Should that line apply to all?

I'm not a huge fan of applying universal rules (or in this case, lines) to all people/relationships. Sure, we can say a generic "the line should encompass what is healthy for all parties within a relationship" but we can't say what that is, necessarily.

I had a little trouble digesting the questions for some reason, so I hope my answers were on the right track.



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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 7:09:05 PM   
OrionTheWolf


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~FR~

If someone's consent is impaired by the influence of the dominant personality in a relationship, at what point is there no longer any active consent?

A few have mentioned giving control, but if you are the one actively controlling the on/off of that, then who is really in control?

At what point, if any, is the dominance and submission just an illusion for either someone acting as if they are controlled, while retaining the ability to take it back or the severity when a weaker personality is completely dominated by a stronger one to the extent of co-dependence (can't think of a better word at the moment)?

If the words above bother anyone, then just substitute them with others to try and get the idea of what is being asked.



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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 7:18:07 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:



A few have mentioned giving control, but if you are the one actively controlling the on/off of that, then who is really in control?


quote:


At what point, if any, is the dominance and submission just an illusion for either someone acting as if they are controlled, while retaining the ability to take it back or the severity when a weaker personality is completely dominated by a stronger one to the extent of co-dependence (can't think of a better word at the moment)?




I think this touches on the two questions I quoted above.

In my current relationship I wouldn't say I've "given" control, we've just been evolving to where his control is encompassing more and more of me. That said, because I've had to take ownership of myself back in the past, I know I am capable of doing that again. I wouldn't say this necessarily means we're living in an illusion of D/s, though, we're doing what comes naturally to us. But what comes naturally to me, in addition to submitting to him, is to take care of myself if I find myself in harm. I know there are some submissives/slaves who continue to feel submission toward their dom/master even after a relationship ends; I don't. I actively step up and take care of *me*. So yes, I have the ability to take my submission back - I know this because I've had to do it. But while I'm in a healthy, loving relationship, it doesn't even cross my mind to want to.


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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 7:41:26 PM   
slaveluci


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

There was an incident where she got extremely emotional, packed her things, and stood at the door crying. She then turned around and said she couldn't leave because she did not have permission to.



But she could leave. Maybe she didn't feel like she really wanted to, maybe she lacked the confidence to do so, maybe she just really didn't want to disappoint you, etc. There's many maybe's. But there's no maybe as to whether or not she COULD step out that door. She very well could have but, for whatever reasons, she chose not to. Internal enslavement or otherwise, she still had the ability to leave. I was in one of the most unhealthy, codependent marriages that ever existed and things got really bad on occasion. Sometimes I'd leave temporarily and then go back. I was so in love despite the bad times that I couldn't imagine living without him. I still sometimes left and then I went back. Those were my choices. Then, finally, after much agonizing and pain, I left for good. There's no way your partner loves you more than I loved my ex husband, whatever name you put on it. If she ever decides it's right for her to go, I think you'll be shocked and how possible it is. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, I'm just saying that, unless she's physically restrained, she can always go.

luci

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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 8:25:12 PM   
Duskypearls


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quote:

ORIGINAL: areallivehuman

A lot depends on just how much influence you have over that person. And how forcefully you're pushing whatever change (personality or behavior ?)

I don't believe that a breathing person ever loses the capability of making a free choice.


Have you ever encountered a situation where a person with PTSD might be so frightened and disassociated they are mentally, emotionally and physically frozen and cannot make a safe and free choice? They can be so shut down it can happen.

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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 8:48:32 PM   
tazzygirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci


quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

There was an incident where she got extremely emotional, packed her things, and stood at the door crying. She then turned around and said she couldn't leave because she did not have permission to.



But she could leave. Maybe she didn't feel like she really wanted to, maybe she lacked the confidence to do so, maybe she just really didn't want to disappoint you, etc. There's many maybe's. But there's no maybe as to whether or not she COULD step out that door. She very well could have but, for whatever reasons, she chose not to. Internal enslavement or otherwise, she still had the ability to leave. I was in one of the most unhealthy, codependent marriages that ever existed and things got really bad on occasion. Sometimes I'd leave temporarily and then go back. I was so in love despite the bad times that I couldn't imagine living without him. I still sometimes left and then I went back. Those were my choices. Then, finally, after much agonizing and pain, I left for good. There's no way your partner loves you more than I loved my ex husband, whatever name you put on it. If she ever decides it's right for her to go, I think you'll be shocked and how possible it is. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, I'm just saying that, unless she's physically restrained, she can always go.

luci


You are correct, and I was the same as you. But, that conscious knowledge that I could didnt do anything to help me out that door permanently.

To me, there is a vast difference between submitting... and being mastered. The first... something I do consciously of my own free will. The second... wow.

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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 9:05:07 PM   
littlewonder


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I guess I don't quite really understand that question.

Can I leave at anytime? Yes and no. It's not an easy yes or no answer. I can TRY to leave but because we love one another and we know we don't want any of this to end, if I tried to walk away he stops me so we can talk about it, what happened, why I want to leave, etc....and it always comes down to the same thing...we love each other too much for this to end and we don't take walking away lightly. The relationship is more important than me or him as individuals. For us it's a we thing.

Anytime I have thoughts in my head of only me, I remind myself that the thoughts I think are not going to be about just me but about us, about my family, about the world, etc...it's never just about me.

Everything we do and say affects everyone else.


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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 9:22:53 PM   
sexyred1


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I think there are very strong people who submit and very weak people who submit.

And then some in between.

For me, I always know I can leave a situation; it is purely my choice no matter how difficult. I can be influenced, manipulated, sweet talked into staying (all of which has happened), but it is still MY choice, no matter who the Dominant is. I don't believe someone can actually give or forbid consent to leave.

I do not believe that someone is unable to make a choice, unless they have been abused so badly, lack the self confidence, self-awareness, lack the clarity of their actual situation or they believe they need to stay in the relationship above having their needs, safety, happiness, met. They choose to stay in a situation they believe will either get better or they choose to just deal with it.

In the end, for me only, there is no one stronger than my own self preservation, even though I have stayed way too long in a situation. I never blame only the other person, I blame myself equally for letting whatever situation that prompts me to even think of leaving, to keep happening.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/9/2013 9:25:26 PM >

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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 9:48:42 PM   
NuevaVida


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

In the end, for me only, there is no one stronger than my own self preservation, even though I have stayed way too long in a situation. I never blame only the other person, I blame myself equally for letting whatever situation that prompts me to even think of leaving, to keep happening.

This gave me goosebumps, since I've been there....twice. I wish I could respond further, but I have no words. This. Totally.

And thank you.

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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 10:32:32 PM   
Aswad


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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

But she could leave. Maybe she didn't feel like she really wanted to, maybe she lacked the confidence to do so, maybe she just really didn't want to disappoint you, etc. There's many maybe's. But there's no maybe as to whether or not she COULD step out that door. She very well could have but, for whatever reasons, she chose not to.


People, or at least some people, I would like to think a small minority (the alternative, that it's free choice, implies things of human nature and human moral fiber I find quite unpalatable to contemplate and an insult to humanity to suggest without evidence to support it), can act in spite of having a gun to their head, too, as evidenced by people like Sophie Scholl. Yet, for the most part, we don't expect them to, and indeed frequently call that "having no choice", even if it's blatantly obvious they can choose the bullet.

Such a situation, most of us would consider to be beyond the line.

But it does serve to illustrate a point:

If the perceived cost of an action sufficiently outweighs the perceived gain, a majority act as if they have no free choice at all. The cost might be a treasured relationship, the perception of which may be made to seem far greater than the average person would see an average relationship, for instance. Value assessments are subjective, after all. The gain might be freedom or safety, the perception of which may be made to seem infinitely small, sometimes even without necessarily diminishing the person in question. Again, a value assessment. Both these assessments can be changed through appropriate techniques and/or collaborative effort by the people involved.

At the point where the perceived cost is on par with the gun to the head scenario, or where the perceived gain is negligible, can we say there is free choice, without also admitting the presence of an equally valid choice in situations such as that faced by Sophie Scholl and, by extension, damning the bulk of the human race as weak and immoral with history as evidence, rather than just recognizing that some are going to have no real, rubber to the road, practical free choice in life whether we ascribe it to them or not?

And if we do admit a free choice, how do we then rationalize interventions, or persecution of one or more of the involved parties to what then necessarily must rest on the shoulders of all with a choice in the situation? Do we abolish such notions and let each fend for his or her own self, permit people to be as free as they choose to be and no freer? I'm not trying to spin rhetoric against it, but rather to ask a simple question. I don't think the bulk of Western civilization is currently ready to elevate freedom to that level, to take off the training wheels and not forcibly install them on everyone.

And, to muddy the waters, we sometimes hear the term "informed" consent, the limitations of which should be obvious to anyone with the capacity for it, and otherwise well illustrated by children, the mentally impaired (of any stripe, including temporary impairment due to the use of drugs such as alcohol) and the nature of a journey with no defined destination. In the "total" part of TPE, we find implicit that this is something that potentially encompasses more than what the person to give informed consent can be truly informed about, as people and relationships evolve and change in different ways over time. Informed consent generalizes to informed free choice. Do we hold people in impoverished parts of the world accountable for choices made without the benefit of sufficient education to realize that their choices are self destructive in the long term? Probably not.

To a great extent, it's a choice of paradigms.

Playing off what JeffBC, Orion and tazzy have said, I would note the Gorean paradigm falls squarely on the side of the idea that some people are not equipped to be free when you strip them of the presence of an external authority that forces them to be, and that many people are not equipped to be free when you strip them of an environment that encourages and enables it, and that most people can be raised or otherwise influenced to surrender their free choice without ever reclaiming it (societal or cultural collective mastery), while a few feel- in the words of Henrik Ibsen, a Danish-Norwegian playwright and poet- that «He who possesses liberty otherwise than as an aspiration possesses it soulless, dead. One of the qualities of liberty is that, as long as it is being striven after, it goes on expanding. Therefore, the man who stands still in the midst of the struggle and says, "I have it," merely shows by so doing that he has just lost it.» and feel so in their very soul, such that they always aspire to it unless broken to the point where they are worse than dead.

The more prevailing paradigm in the West appears to be that everyone is equal, and that accordingly all have this capacity for free choice that is often purported to be inalienable and backed by rights that cannot be surrendered, from which we can only draw the conclusion that most every German that lived during the Holocaust, most every Turk that lived during the Armenian Final Solution, most every US citizen around before the Civil Rights movement or during the Second Gulf War, can be held accountable for their failure to act resolutely and forcefully to put a stop to such injustices at whatever cost to themselves, and thus must be seen as morally corrupt and weak at the very best, with according implications for every human that currently lives in the presence of something against which they should stand but do not.

I find the former view more flattering of humanity in all its diversity, but this isn't necessarily a dichotomy.

As such, my support for the idea of animal rights as a collective minimum standard of tolerable behavior extends to supporting the idea that a slave should be treated no worse than that standard allows, unless having consented otherwise up front or- possibly, and here is part of what I'm ambivalent about in this matter- consented otherwise along the way. I suppose I should note I don't support the notion of a society backing slavery as an institution, though I don't mind a society recognizing it; indeed, a society should recognize anything that's real, and to my mind slavery appears to be real when you take it past mere suspense of disbelief.

An interesting thread, to be sure, and the most promising in a long while.

The usual caveats about uncaffeinated 7am insomnia posts apply.

IWYW,
— Aswad.


_____________________________

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From then on I knew: God doesn't make the world this way.
We do.
" -- Rorschack, Watchmen.


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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 10:54:47 PM   
OrionTheWolf


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Could she leave? She was physically able to leave, but did she have the willpower to leave and decided not to? Was it that she could not garner the willpower to do something she had been conditioned not to do, in the absence of something life threatening? You say there is no maybe, but how can you say that about someone else and their mental state?

Yes someone has the option to leave, but does that always been they can make that choice? Are you sure for others, or just yourself? Pavlov's dog maybe?


quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci


quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

There was an incident where she got extremely emotional, packed her things, and stood at the door crying. She then turned around and said she couldn't leave because she did not have permission to.



But she could leave. Maybe she didn't feel like she really wanted to, maybe she lacked the confidence to do so, maybe she just really didn't want to disappoint you, etc. There's many maybe's. But there's no maybe as to whether or not she COULD step out that door. She very well could have but, for whatever reasons, she chose not to. Internal enslavement or otherwise, she still had the ability to leave. I was in one of the most unhealthy, codependent marriages that ever existed and things got really bad on occasion. Sometimes I'd leave temporarily and then go back. I was so in love despite the bad times that I couldn't imagine living without him. I still sometimes left and then I went back. Those were my choices. Then, finally, after much agonizing and pain, I left for good. There's no way your partner loves you more than I loved my ex husband, whatever name you put on it. If she ever decides it's right for her to go, I think you'll be shocked and how possible it is. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, I'm just saying that, unless she's physically restrained, she can always go.

luci



_____________________________

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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/9/2013 11:11:59 PM   
seekingreality


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quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

I will give an example: In my relationship, amira has agreed to an ongoing process of internal enslavement techniques. This training has made it extremely difficult to oppose my will, and to date she has not openly defied me. There was an incident where she got extremely emotional, packed her things, and stood at the door crying. She then turned around and said she couldn't leave because she did not have permission to. .


It's also possible that she really didn't want to leave, and the "I don't have permission" thing was merely her justification for doing what she wanted to do anyway. The fact that this was just a dramatic hissy fit makes that possibility seem not unlikely to me. It would be an altogether different thing if she was acting cooly and deliberately, and then stopped short in her tracks at the door.

< Message edited by seekingreality -- 1/9/2013 11:12:42 PM >

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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/10/2013 12:15:57 AM   
OrionTheWolf


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That is a possibility.

My girl is honest to a fault in everything else. She is honest with others, to the point when pressured she gives them an honest opinion that has hurt them. She has admitted in the past to doing things that were pretty bad. She has always answered truthful in all other circumstances. Trust is vital and demanded in any relationsho with me. There is no degrees of breaking my trust, it is either broken or not. You either lie or tell the truth. Yes it is a possibility, but why would she use justification in this instance, when it was not needed? She has admitted to much worse things, without trying to justify them, why now?

I have spoken with others that have had extensive conditioning and they recount the same thing in similar situations. Kind of like any type of training that is designed to have you act a certain way, without thinking.

Why is it easier for people to believe in deception, than in human conditioning and the possibilities that someone can be so heavily influenced?


quote:

ORIGINAL: seekingreality

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

I will give an example: In my relationship, amira has agreed to an ongoing process of internal enslavement techniques. This training has made it extremely difficult to oppose my will, and to date she has not openly defied me. There was an incident where she got extremely emotional, packed her things, and stood at the door crying. She then turned around and said she couldn't leave because she did not have permission to. .


It's also possible that she really didn't want to leave, and the "I don't have permission" thing was merely her justification for doing what she wanted to do anyway. The fact that this was just a dramatic hissy fit makes that possibility seem not unlikely to me. It would be an altogether different thing if she was acting cooly and deliberately, and then stopped short in her tracks at the door.



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RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/10/2013 12:24:52 AM   
OrionTheWolf


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Joined: 10/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I do not believe that someone is unable to make a choice, unless they have been abused so badly, lack the self confidence, self-awareness, lack the clarity of their actual situation or they believe they need to stay in the relationship above having their needs, safety, happiness, met. They choose to stay in a situation they believe will either get better or they choose to just deal with it.



Then a question comes to mind based upon what you say above. If someone is trained and conditioned so that they cannot make the choice, their ability to give consent is removed, is that then abuse in your opinion?

quote:


In the end, for me only, there is no one stronger than my own self preservation, even though I have stayed way too long in a situation. I never blame only the other person, I blame myself equally for letting whatever situation that prompts me to even think of leaving, to keep happening.


Self preservation is often one of the things that almost all psychological and emotional conditioning cannot overcome, almost all. It depends on how extensive and the strength of the wills involved, I have seen. Repeated tripping of self preservation can and often leads to an eroding of the conditioning.

Now take it down a notch, to choices and situations that are not one's that trigger self preservation. What about those?

_____________________________

When speaking of slaves people always tend to ignore this definition "One who is abjectly subservient to a specified person or influence."

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/10/2013 2:53:18 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


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fast reply

I just wanted to say this is an interesting discussion. I have been mulling it over for the last few hours and I still don't feel that I'm ready to formulate any kind of coherent response. And perhaps I am not the right person to respond to this, because I am what Jeff concisely calls 'D/s by agreement'. Every time I submit I make a conscious choice to do so, I am not 'internally enslaved' and I made the decision to submit to him as a rational choice (as rational as is possible when two people are falling in love). My decisions are influenced by him in that he is someone I love and respect and so want to make decisions that bring him happiness, but I've never felt that his will effectively takes my choice away from me.

This topic makes me uncomfortable because I keep going back to my experience working on domestic violence cases. Consent, though not the only indicator, is still one of the first and simplest distinctions between an abusive relationship and a successful, positive D/s or BDSM relationship. And yet there are people here that I respect and that clearly have fulfilling working relationships where it is clear that consent is not a relevant question (I'm looking at you Jeff, not talking about 'I consented to be in the relationship so my consent is no longer needed'). I feel uneasy trying to wrestle with this and figure out in my own head how this works, but I think it's a good kind of uneasy, that prompts mental and emotional growth.

So thanks for starting this thread, I will be watching with interest even though I can't usefully contribute.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to OrionTheWolf)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Influence of someone's choice and consent - 1/10/2013 3:41:51 AM   
ForeverGaia


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A very promising discussion, I agree with Aswad. As with this particular quote "In the "total" part of TPE, we find implicit that this is something that potentially encompasses more than what the person to give informed consent can be truly informed about" - which both my Owner and I spoke of not ten minutes ago.

Orion -

If someone's consent is impaired by the influence of the dominant personality in a relationship, at what point is there no longer any active consent? I think at the end of the day, if you are still there and participating in the relationship, you are still actively consenting.

A few have mentioned giving control, but if you are the one actively controlling the on/off of that, then who is really in control? Who really is in control? Both parties are - at the end of the day they can each decide that it's not working for whatever reason and call it quits. Even though it's slavery, it's still a relationship. A relationship can fade/break over time. I don't think you can apply absolutes on this kind of thing.

At what point, if any, is the dominance and submission just an illusion for either someone acting as if they are controlled, while retaining the ability to take it back or the severity when a weaker personality is completely dominated by a stronger one to the extent of co-dependence (can't think of a better word at the moment)? I think it depends on the dynamic, what I may consider being controlled may not be viewed by other's as such. Each relationship and it's dynamics are variable, what is an illusion to one may not be to another.

Gaia.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 40
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