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An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 4:45:36 AM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		I know that in today's culture, some people take the marriage vows with as much consideration as they do about stepping on a bug.

However, judging from the way that the majority of posters on these boards present their opinions, I want to ask.

Is it ethical for a sub or slave to look for play partners or as one lady put it, "something more." while their husband knows nothing of her activities?

And as a master or dom, would you want to get involved with a sub/slave who is being dishonest in her marriage?

Just curious, since it seems to me that most on these boards have an ethical and moral code they fallow.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI
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RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 5:28:04 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		No and no.

You're hitting on the exact thing that differentiates polyamory from cheating. It's the honesty of all parties being aware of the multiple relationships that is the key factor. From My observations, the majority of poly folks will not involve themselves with cheaters because it goes against what we try so hard to maintain. Some of us who have poly dynamics also tend to be the most outspoken about our distaste of cheating.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to jlf1961)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 6:17:12 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		I play with my subs wife, I see her for extended periods of time when I visit them. We are very good close friends and talk most days.
My husband has met my sub three times, no four times, and has a definite say in my visiting times, and will meet my subs wife when they come up to visit in the summer.
Hubby is totally vanilla, my subs wife is not, she plays with others.
Hasnt always been so cut n dry its taken a decade to get where it is, but, I would not ever exclude my husband from the truth and value his opinion and feelings
We have been together almost 30 years, and Ive been with my sub in a LDR for almost 14

_____________________________

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<) )╯SUCH
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\(•_•)
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(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
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Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

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RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 9:05:34 AM   
muhly22222


Posts: 463
Joined: 3/25/2010
Status: offline 		The answer for me is "no" to both questions, as well, although I can get there solely from a practical standpoint without having to touch the moral/ethical question.

Since I'm looking for one woman to share a lifetime with, it doesn't make a lot of sense for me to be considering women who are attached in some way. I don't even consider people who are truly poly, since I'm not particularly interested in that sort of dynamic.

However, when I see profiles where the woman talks about "needing to be discreet" or is more upfront and just says she's going behind her husband's/fiancee's/significant other's back, I can only shake my head. And hide the profile, naturally. Even if they do end their current relationship, I'm not going to be interested in somebody who I know has that sort of character.

(in reply to Lucylastic)
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RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 11:55:33 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: muhly22222

Even if they do end their current relationship, I'm not going to be interested in somebody who I know has that sort of character.


No and no. Re the above: If they'll fool around with you, they'll fool around on you.

(in reply to muhly22222)
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RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 12:28:00 PM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I know that in today's culture, some people take the marriage vows with as much consideration as they do about stepping on a bug.

However, judging from the way that the majority of posters on these boards present their opinions, I want to ask.

Is it ethical for a sub or slave to look for play partners or as one lady put it, "something more." while their husband knows nothing of her activities?

And as a master or dom, would you want to get involved with a sub/slave who is being dishonest in her marriage?

Just curious, since it seems to me that most on these boards have an ethical and moral code they fallow.



Just an aside......... Are you suggesting this doesnt happen just as much in reverse......... The dominant also wants the submissive to be the bit on the side as well ?

Personally the basic question is the same in vanilla life....... would you get involved with someone who was married, and whose partner didnt know ?

I have in the distant past but wouldnt again. Probably because I had unrealistic ideas of how it would end up.

(in reply to jlf1961)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 12:39:10 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53


quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I know that in today's culture, some people take the marriage vows with as much consideration as they do about stepping on a bug.

However, judging from the way that the majority of posters on these boards present their opinions, I want to ask.

Is it ethical for a sub or slave to look for play partners or as one lady put it, "something more." while their husband knows nothing of her activities?

And as a master or dom, would you want to get involved with a sub/slave who is being dishonest in her marriage?

Just curious, since it seems to me that most on these boards have an ethical and moral code they fallow.



Just an aside......... Are you suggesting this doesnt happen just as much in reverse......... The dominant also wants the submissive to be the bit on the side as well ?

Personally the basic question is the same in vanilla life....... would you get involved with someone who was married, and whose partner didnt know ?

I have in the distant past but wouldnt again. Probably because I had unrealistic ideas of how it would end up.



It seems that many involved in the life style have some problems with the "sneaking around" aspect of an illicit relationship. Also many seem to be looking for a long term relationship.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to Politesub53)
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RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 12:53:09 PM   
subrob1967


Posts: 4591
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline 		No and no... If the "other" is on an open marriage, and their significant other is informed of your interaction, there is no ethical question.

_____________________________

http://www.extra-life.org/

(in reply to jlf1961)
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RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 12:55:23 PM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subrob1967

No and no... If the "other" is on an open marriage, and their significant other is informed of your interaction, there is no ethical question.



What I was referring to were the profiles that made it clear the spouse was not informed of the activities of the profile owner.

_____________________________

Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don't you think?

You cannot control who comes into your life, but you can control which airlock you throw them out of.

Paranoid Paramilitary Gun Loving Conspiracy Theorist AND EQUAL OPPORTUNI

(in reply to subrob1967)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 1:05:30 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961
Is it ethical for a sub or slave to look for play partners or as one lady put it, "something more." while their husband knows nothing of her activities?

Indeed, in our non-circumcising culture it is the holy prerogative of the female to infrequently have an extramarital affair. The husband on the other hand has the holy duty to be faithful to his wife.

This is why our populations are the most advanced and civilized and blessed populations on Earth.

_____________________________

"I tend to pay attention when Rule speaks" - Aswad

"You are sweet, kind, and ever so smart, Rule. You ALWAYS stretch my mind and make me think further than I might have on my own" - Duskypearls

Si vis pacem, para bellum.

(in reply to jlf1961)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 2:39:24 PM   
calamitysandra


Posts: 1682
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		To me this has nothing to do with wiitwd.

I do not cheat and I will not be accessory to cheating. That is my moral code, kinky or not.

_____________________________

"Whenever people are laughing, they are generally not killing one another"
Alan Alda


(in reply to Rule)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 2:50:24 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		This has nothing to do with D/s BDSM. It's lying no matter what the context and personally (from the submissive point of view), I don't know how you're supposed to literally trust someone with your life when you know they're willing to do harm to the most important person in their life.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 5:09:25 PM   
subrob1967


Posts: 4591
Joined: 9/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961


quote:

ORIGINAL: subrob1967

No and no... If the "other" is on an open marriage, and their significant other is informed of your interaction, there is no ethical question.



What I was referring to were the profiles that made it clear the spouse was not informed of the activities of the profile owner.


Then IMO it's unethical and wrong for you to pursue any type of sexual relationship with her.


_____________________________

http://www.extra-life.org/

(in reply to jlf1961)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 5:27:38 PM   
Aylee


Posts: 24103
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I know that in today's culture, some people take the marriage vows with as much consideration as they do about stepping on a bug.

However, judging from the way that the majority of posters on these boards present their opinions, I want to ask.

Is it ethical for a sub or slave to look for play partners or as one lady put it, "something more." while their husband knows nothing of her activities?

And as a master or dom, would you want to get involved with a sub/slave who is being dishonest in her marriage?

Just curious, since it seems to me that most on these boards have an ethical and moral code they fallow.


Honestly, I try not to concern myself with what others may choose to do. 

_____________________________

Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam

I don’t always wgah’nagl fhtagn. But when I do, I ph’nglui mglw’nafh R’lyeh.

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 5:30:16 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Not interested in anyone who is cheating, or wants to share me or themselves. I know that is frowned upon, but I only want one man who wants only me. Shocking, I know.

(in reply to Aylee)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 5:54:04 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		Hello you delicious red headed sexy lady, nope I dont think its shocking, I never thought for a million years I would be in the relationship I am now... I had strict rules for myself.
Were I to be single again, I would NOT look for a poly relationship. I wouldnt "look for more than one"

_____________________________

(•_•)
<) )╯SUCH
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> A NASTY
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> WOMAN
/ \

Duchess Of Dissent
Dont Hate Love

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 6:04:04 PM   
ServosCor


Posts: 267
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline 		Lying to one's life partner is never ethical no matter how you sugar coat it or what flavor syrup you pour over it OR what you call it.  And, as my mother used to say re: cheaters.............If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you.        ( works just as well for females)

                Damn... the longer I live, the more often my mother WAS right!

(in reply to Lucylastic)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 6:09:43 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Not interested in anyone who is cheating, or wants to share me or themselves. I know that is frowned upon, but I only want one man who wants only me. Shocking, I know.
With the OP's indulgence, I'd like to comment on this.

I completely understand why someone who is monogamous would get the impression that it's frowned upon being on a site like this. Some poly people are G** d*** pushy about 'converting' (yes, I hate that word) those who seek monogamy into a poly mindset. We're not all like that. Some of us actually respect those who don't want multiple relationships or be involved with somebody who is involved in multiple relationships. I put the pushy ones into the same category as casual players that try to convince those who only play in committed relationship that they should engage in casual play.

Like a lot of other things on this site, the pushy folks tend to stand out more than those of us who aren't.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 11:12:40 PM   
BamaD


Posts: 20687
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jlf1961

I know that in today's culture, some people take the marriage vows with as much consideration as they do about stepping on a bug.

However, judging from the way that the majority of posters on these boards present their opinions, I want to ask.

Is it ethical for a sub or slave to look for play partners or as one lady put it, "something more." while their husband knows nothing of her activities?

And as a master or dom, would you want to get involved with a sub/slave who is being dishonest in her marriage?

Just curious, since it seems to me that most on these boards have an ethical and moral code they fallow.

Of course not

(in reply to jlf1961)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: An ethical/moral question. - 1/12/2013 11:49:30 PM   
TenderTorment


Posts: 304
Joined: 12/30/2012
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		For me it's a no, no and thrice no (just for effect)

Dishonesty is only a foundation for future ruins

(in reply to jlf1961)
Profile   Post #: 20
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